can't shake the feeling that i'm not enough
and no-one else has anything better to say
on the subject;

she feels like being hypnotized and when i
look in her eyes i don't know if she's real
or not, i've been down this road before. is
she a pretty face i'm stealing glances of
or is she a figment? oh, what a shame.

god, she's like a glass of red wine sitting
against my lips, souring every kiss, and just
like wine i'm gonna disappoint my lover by
taking another sip.

i feel so full of wreckage and broken glass i
think tonight i'm in over my head.

You are the sigh in my heart
and the smile in my eyes,
the song in my voice...
and the reason my true love cries.
Why do I seek a beauty by choice-
a beauty I do not truly love?
You are the improperly sewn seam
in my ****** heart.

we wake the next morning
barely able to look at each other
torn between guilt and shame
replaying every decision
that led to this

i feel i need to apologise
for allowing you to jeopardise your forever
for a fleeting just-for-now moment

a moment purely born from lust
unadulterated passion
that made us forget who we are
this has truly shaken my core

my mind torn between the beautiful act
that consumed me for a few hours
and it's destructive consequences

my heart cries for the woman i betrayed
as much as the hatred i felt towards
the woman that did this to me once
when did i become her, the "other woman"

i hope you find your way back home
and the reasons why you strayed

now i need to say goodbye to you
to someone i never knew
a stranger i'll always remember

try to forget a memory
that will linger
like the bitter taste
of our unspoken secret

Whether it's
A novel,
A fist,
A bottle,
Adultery:
It's all about
Lying,
Lying,
More lying,
And more.

When the sun goes down and everything gets quiet
The slideshow begins to play
A flashbulb memory of you dancing wildly around the piles of decay
Forever tormenting me and feeding on any bit of happiness that dares to shine through
Shining a light on you kissing her, and me kissing you…
I feel so disgusting…
I feel so used…
I feel so worthless…
It feels as though all of the love I ever gave you was abused…
The light burns my eyes
I’ve been in the dark so long
It hurts even more now that I know this has been going on all along
Did I ever mean anything to you?
Did you ever really care?
Or was I just there to fill the space?
I ask these questions, but the answers I can’t bare…
So many nights spent alone, pining for your love
Looking for just a small shimmer of hope…
Or just one kind word from you to think of…
I don’t have the heart to tell you everything…
What I did while you were gone
Sitting in the dark alone…
Praying not to make it to dawn
I keep these thoughts to myself…
It would only break your heart
After all this is our chance to make it better
This is our fresh start
Still, it eats at me everyday…
Every hour, and every second
I have to wonder if what you say is true
I have to wonder if you really meant it
Are you really ready to come home?
Or was I what you settle for?
Did you come back because you wanted to?
Or did you come back because she wasn’t an option anymore?
How will you deal with temptation?
Will you do it again?
Can we put this all behind us?
Can our hearts ever mend?
Will you make it to the top?
Or is the mountain of guilt too high to climb?
Should I try to move forward with you?
Or am I just biding time?
I’m just waiting for the hurricane to swoop in…
For it to take everything I ever cared for
Leaving me alone again…
I can’t watch you walk out that door anymore…
You are always leaving…
Leaving me behind
Your words forever haunt me
They never leave my mind…
Why would you do this to me?
Why didn’t you offer me mercy before now?
I hate what happened to us…
I want to move forward, but I don’t know how…
I don’t know how to live with everything you have done
Every broken promise ever made
Every lie you have ever spun
How do you come back from that?
How do you crawl out from the debris?
How do you forgive these trespasses?
How do you forgive adultery?

THOU SHALT NOT BE MISERABLE - MAN-UP,
YOU HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH DEPRESSION,
HERE BEGINS THE LESSON - WHAT IS YOUR REASON?
WRITE DOWN YOUR GOOD THINGS - WHAT A SMILE BRINGS.

RESPECT YOURSELF, YOUR PARENTS AND FAMILY FOR ME,
DO NOT MAKE ACCUSATIONS, RATHER DECISIONS,
DO NOT DESIRE THAT WHICH YOU CAN NOT HAVE,
DO NOT COMMIT ****** AND THEFT - USE WHAT'S LEFT.

DO NOT DESIRE ANOTHER PERSONS DONKEYS, SLAVES,
CATTLE OR THEIR PARTNER - THREE OUT OF FOUR SHOUD BE OK,
I FORGOT THE HOUSE - YOU HAVE ONE OF YOUR OWN,
WHEN IT COMES TO ADULTERY - I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

TODAY IS SPRING, I WANT TO HEAR WHAT MAKES YOU SING,
MAKE ME LAUGH, IF YOU SUCCEED - THE WINE I SHALL BRING.

The Scales are out of balance
Thanks to the alias: ******
He just couldn't face the challenge
So he went out splurgin'
That B flies Flower to Flower
Forgetting the Honey at home
She prayed for the hour
That his sins he would hold
up to, and never again roam
She, disappointed in his inaction
He, saved by her contraction
... Knives would've been flown

I literally felt the pain rushing through
my body while reading your email
I'm so sorry to read
what you must have felt
that day and that moment
I can't say that
*I know how you must have felt
because I never had this happen to me,
but I sort of know how it feels since
I've been cheated on plenty of times
But getting an email like this  
Nope this hasn't ever happen to me
I know you assume
it was due to you lacking
in so many area's
Truth be told
I've not a reason
why things happen as they have
nor can I
explain why I took
away from you
what would of been your fairy tale romance
I don't know you and never planned to
I didn't even really know him
or that he was playing this silly game
I hope you will be able to forgive me
pray too you'll find a new love
and a new happy ending for yourself
because you deserve it
As I've stated I-I don't know you
and never planned to
I didn't even really know him
or  I'd of know you were
*His wife
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved