4 out of 5 become different.
But the one will change the world.
So why not me?

I've got the plans but no action.
Seems I'm no different than the 4 and 3.
Except I'm not dependent on chlorine or finding the right thing to make me happy.

1 and 2 just remind me that we can all fall into the ability of finding ways of not being so panicky.
Though hold your breath deep and hope these things will stay for a while.
So why not me...
Chlorine and the Right Thing seem so easy and the thing that keeps them from being shakey helps them.
So why not me?
I've already found my thing but the sad truth is there's no way out.

Counseling is a way
Sure talk about why it seems so wrong.
Even though I caught you looking at them the way I do, you still lecture me as if you're not doing it.
Hypocrite...

I admit I'm an addict
But could you blame me as they blame themselves.
Excuse this excuse that.
So why not me....

Hollow names
Clogging veins
Rotten brains
Locked in chains
Shocking pains
Blocking drains
plotting change
"I'll stop I'll change"
"I'll stop I'll change"
"I'll stop I'll change"

I was a *** addict,
starting at seven,
no I didn't have *** then,
but the stage was set
and developing.

Disconnected at home,
parents speaking Chinese,
with no language for love,
I found it elsewhere,
in a stash of sleeze.

Magazines,
make-out scenes,
lingerie ads,
**** scrambed on tv,

my young eyes transfixed
on what I thought was love,
on an illusion,
a fake,
a counterfeit,
hooked on intensity,
longing for intimacy,
a boy devoured by sexuality,
a boy yearning for so much more.

I woke up with my head full of rocks and my stomach a butterfly museum

With several trying to escape up the back of my throat

Pain racks the rest of my body in waves

My brain is stripped of all that happened in the last 24 hours

Regret washes over me- only softly because...

At least for a moment I felt nothing

For a moment I was not reminded of this dull empty ache between my ribs

For a moment my head was in the clouds and my body was up there with it

The clouds were more like vapor I suppose

Surrounding my head in swirling patterns

Blocking every ugly view

Including my own reflection and the intentions behind it

The people around the mirror were only fuzzy thoughts

Only in the back of my mind do those people exist

And with every swallow they become further and further muddied in the darkness

Not one possible consequence riddles my thoughts

Only when the sun rises and I peel open my dry eyes do I think for a moment

And even full of regret I will do it again tonight.

So much pain in the bottom of a seally bag
And it reminds me of the life I could of really had
For every scar on my arm it never made me stay clam
Left my head ringing like alarm
The itch always burning like its ******
A need that I just couldn't run away from
And when I look around today and wonder where the hell have all my mates gone
Shackled up in chains I can't see they will ever break from
An this is only take one
But there's no take two
Thousand hits of Dimitri
still couldn't break through
So I'll have to make do
Knowing there's a part of me that loves and a part that really hates you
I never meant to hate you
I never meant to hate you