Please don't apologise,
Please don't come back for me,
I have to move on now,
But I'm isolated,
You've trapped me and I'm stuck,
Why won't you let me go?
Is it because you care?
If so, you don't show it.
Hitting, slapping, ******...
That's not how to love.
That is how to abuse.

It's been over a year
Since you broke me to the core.
Took away my innocence
Because you wanted more.

Hoped I'd never see you
Or look into your eyes.
The eyes of a sadistic monster
That tore me down with lies.

Thought I'd never see those hands.
Hands that made me feel unclean.
Made me feel guilty for your sins.
The worst I've ever seen.

The memories don't go away.
Or the feel of your cold hand.
They keep me up awake at night.
A touch as rough as sand.

I asked you to stop,
You didn't.
You continued,
Purposely hurting me each time.
I wish you'd stop.
I wish you'd stopped a long time ago.
Why don't I just leave?
I should've done.
That would've been the smart thing to do.
But I can't,
Because no matter how badly I'm hurt,
I still love you.

I was a Heavy heart who couldn't carry the blame of your mistakes of becoming the man you said you wouldn't be.

      _ismahan

it would be so easy
if only i hated you

if only i despised the way you
hit me so hard

if only i was disgusted by
how you enjoy my pain

instead of craving your touch
and reaching out for that love
that i'll never find

instead of being happy
whenever you decide to
deem me worthy of being tortured

instead of forgiving
everything and anything

but that's why you're still here
cause you'll always be gold for me

you sit on the sofa
and watch tv
while i lie on the floor

and when the pain gives way
i move
on those limbs you wounded
i crawl
to your feet and look up to you

“hey, dog. come up here.”
i heave my body up
when i sit next to you
i think what i’m feeling
is definitely “happiness”

Leave the past behind you they say
You'll be much better off that way

But they really have no clue
Of the one that does pursue
If in my past he would stay
I'd celebrate that day

Because one of my mistakes
Made sure in my future he had a stake
He's the ***** donor of three of my kids
An abusive alcoholic, that still seems to have more to give

He finds me every two or three years
To see if he can rise my fears
I never wish harm upon another human
But he left my life in ruins

I was lucky enough to escape
His clutch
But he still seeks me out to keep in touch
To make sure the scars haven't healed to much

And make new ones of his choosing
He knows exactly what he's doing
I've sent him to jail many a time
But the punishment never fits the crime
And if your wonder why it is now, he's on my mind
Well,it's been three years and it's just about my birthday
And I'm sure his on his way!!!

My past is seeking me out again
The stupidity of my past ignorance and sin

We'd stay up all night and speak of places we would roam
He moved me far away from home


He moved me away from family and friends
I didn't relize my future was growing dim

I was in love, he kept his demons well hid
If I'd just known some of the things he had did


I soon was pregnant, unable to defend
That's when the beatings begin

I would of ran but there was no where to go
So far from home with a young one in tow


My illusional happy family dissolved
A happy future from me is STILL getting robed

This drunken alcoholic fool
Was particularly cruel

Daily beatings a must
Hands around my throat in disgust

Have him arrested, out the next day
"Boy, ***** will you pay"


Years go by and three children latter
Things are much worse the punishment greater

Can't leave him now, know for a fact he will **** me
He'd bury my body deep, he'd never set me free

Then he would be raising my kids, a terrifying thought
And all of my suffering would of been for naught


One drunken and now cracked up night
He told me to go and I took flight

Raised four kinds on my own
Over 17 year and every 2 or 3 years always making his presence known

He can fill my heart with fear
I seen him today he's in my town..........his near

Turn over a new leaf they say,
I laugh because they act as if change is easy,
as if leaving you is simple because you hurt me
they call me a fool for staying
but they do not understand I cannot let go