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traumamind Sep 2016
i will *****
your love out

like sweet acid
it lies at the bottom of my stomach
and comes up
triggered by memories
by fleeting moments

the salty love of countless men
lying at the pit for ages
the taste of bitter tears
mixing into
a most cruel of cocktails

i will *****
my sins out
  May 2016 traumamind
Sedoo Ashivor
Love spat in my face
Stomped me under his foot
Put me in my place
Stole away my youth

Love wore an angry mask
Laughed me to scorn
Took me to task
Kept me forlorn

Love robbed my innocence
Made my fire quench
Crushed my very essence
Made me a stench

Then, I really met Love
Who was good and true
He wore no masks
And didn't look like you

Then I knew!

It wasn't Love
Who hurt me bad
It wasn't Love
Who made me sad
**It wasn't Love
It was you.
  Apr 2016 traumamind
vea vents
I have this voice inside of me which drives me to despair;
Even after every effort made — it still berates beyond repair.

I have this voice inside of me, it screams, it kicks, it yells;
Even as I lay in perfect silence, it commands from tortured hells.

I have this voice inside of me, it has multiplied beyond belief;
I see it lies in all I’ve met — proceeds in everyone — without relief.

I have this voice inside of me, one which came from you;
All the lies you ever told me — they grew, they grew, they grew...

I have a mind inside of me, it haunts me through and through;
If I should ever die by my own hand, it spoke to me, through you.


I know of parts inside of me, at first I couldn’t distinguish the two;
One from me and one from you, one was false and another, true.


Another part inside of me, seeks to end your reign;
Perhaps by then, I will be governed by silence, perhaps by then, it won’t have to be feigned.

Another part inside of me, pleads for a higher path,
It pleads for me to surface, all in the wake of your aftermath.


I feel a beating within me, which yearns to live and grow,
*Even in the screams and contractions, a substance beneath me flows.
Head and Heart

"Buddha says that unless you **** your parents you will never become free. Killing the parents means killing the voice of the parent inside you, killing the conscience inside you, dropping these nonsense ideas and starting to live your own life according to your own consciousness. Remember, consciousness has to be more and conscience has to be less. By and by, conscience has to disappear completely and pure consciousness has to be lived. Consciousness is the law – let consciousness be the only law. Then whatsoever you feel, it is your life. You have to decide. It is nobody else’s life; nobody else has any right to decide."
-- Osho
traumamind Apr 2016
it would be so easy
if only i hated you

if only i despised the way you
hit me so hard

if only i was disgusted by
how you enjoy my pain

instead of craving your touch
and reaching out for that love
that i'll never find

instead of being happy
whenever you decide to
deem me worthy of being tortured

instead of forgiving
everything and anything

but that's why you're still here
cause you'll always be gold for me
and i hope you never leave
traumamind Apr 2016
sometimes when i do my hair
hairspray in hand
i think about how easy it would be
to flick a lighter
and set myself on fire
passively suicidal
  Apr 2016 traumamind
I believed every word and emotion,
you must of used a potion,
I don't believe anyone!
But somehow you won,
I was played like an instrument, inanimate and serving you.

You just said the word and I was a slave,
I thought it was for love and I was brave,
I thought it would be something I crave,
even if at the start I saw you give me a goodbye wave.
*It's all fine now that I'm numb and dumb forever...
  Apr 2016 traumamind
On my pale white skin
Resides the colors black and blue
Those are the colors of your feelings
They're telling me, *I love you
In anime terms, M stands for *******, and S for sadist.
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