drowning in my own sorrows,
tender heart shattering at memories.
skin breaking open,
because isn't that what he wanted?
tear drenched face,
no hope for tomorrow.
I'm doing this for him,
he told me to do this.
he told me to end myself.
I'm following my orders.
because it's a sin
to
disrespect
your father.

why does this life resent me so much?
why does it think it is fair to
leave me alone
and crumbling away for what feels like an eternity?
because I need love too,
I thought I could have
found it
at one point,
but as my life goes:
nothing good can stay too good for long.
I had given someone my world,
while they were busy thinking of someone else's universe.
this life has cursed me
and I'm ready to give up.
because the tides are rolling in
and my soul is ready to fly.

now I realize why I smoke my cigarettes
because they taste like your mouth.
the nicotine courses through my veins
reminding me of your electric touch
making my body go numb
and my mind buzz.
these thoughts I can no longer ignore while inhaling the devil smoke into my charcoal lungs.
wishing I could forget how to inhale
because it only reminds me that
every breath is closer
to my last.

our hearts created
a symphony of
good vibes.
then all at once,
the music began to fade
and our hearts grew apart
and I was yet again
left alone on the
dark, empty
stage
where we had once fell for eachothers tune

It's 1:08  am
and i'm still sitting up in bed
thinking about you
and how our hands fit perfectly together.
Now look at me, my darling.
For you have ruined me.
My hands are dry and cracked now
for they have been so lonely lately
and they miss the warmth of your palm
pressed against mine so tight
i thought for sure you could feel my pulse
beating like a drum.

it's 4:48 am
and you're gone
and I'm alone
and i ******* miss you.

My eyes can no longer look at the picture frame you gave to me, the picture of us looking so happy and free.
And now my eyes are seeing you so happy with her.
You're hugging and kissing someone else.
I used to be the only one that would make your smile beam brighter than diamonds.
Now my bones feel weak
and I don't seem to breathe the same way i used to.
I can't get your eyes out of my mind and it's breaking me apart.
I'm not as strong as I once was with you to help lift me up,
now how are my brittle bones supposed to keep me alive?
I've lost you and now ...
I'm loosing myself..