WHEN I FEEL YOUR HEART BEAT AGAINST MINE IT SENDS SPARKS THROUGHOUT ME.
WHEN I FEEL YOUR BREATH AGAINST MY NECK I WANT TO JUST TAKE YOU AS MY OWN.
AS I KISS YOU I'D LOVE THE MOMENT TO BE CAUGHT BY AN EYE THAT CAN ONLY SEE WHAT IT CAUGHT..YOU AND ME KISSING UNDER THE STARS SHINING BRIGHT.
I WAIT UP AT NIGHT JUST TO SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME TO ME.
AS I CUDDLE YOU I PLACE LITTLE TINY HEARTS ALL OVER YOUR  BACK AS YOU SLEEP NEXT TO ME.
WHEN I SEE YOU I JUST WANNA JUMP INTO YOUR ARMS AND STAY THERE FOREVER.
AS YOU KISS ME UPON THE NECK AND PLACE THEM SLOWLY DOWN TO MY CHEST AND UP THE CURVES OF MY BODY I WONDER WHAT IT'D BE LIKE TO SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE WITH YOU MY LOVE.
YOU MAKE ME REACH MY HIGHEST POINTS AND YOU NEVER LET ME FALL.
WHEN I AM AT MY LOWEST POINTS YOU ALWAYS HAPPEN TO MAKE ME SMILE AND LAUGH.
AS WE MAKE LOVE YOU..
YOU TELL ME YOU MEAN IT WHEN YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME.
I LOVE YOU.
YOU SAY THAT I DESERVE A GOOD MAN.
AND I SAY I'VE ALREADY GOT ONE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
BABY YOU'RE MY WORLD..
MY LIFE AND BEYOND.

As she sharpens the knife she cries tears of joy that she will soon die..
feel the joy of going down where she belongs, hell.
they thought she was getting better..they were wrong,
she got worse after he left without saying goodbye.
she has no meaning anymore.
no reason to keep living hopelessly.
shes alone..
he left her for what he wanted too..
death,
he wanted death too..
she stayed for him,
why couldn't he do the same for her?
well, he's gone now..he told her not to try he wanted her to live a long strong life.
he should of thought of that before he decided to pop those pills that night.
she won't forget him..
but she’ll forget those beautiful eyes..the ones that caught her by surprise..
she cant handle to remember how his heart would beat against her own.
she will never forget how he said he loved every **** night.
never forget those salty tears running down his perfect silicone face.
she will always love him..
but hate him for making her feel this way.
she’s doing this to see him,
to feel his coldness again.
is he still there or did he actually leave her soul too.
he did he's not there she feels warmth he's not warm he’s cold usually.
he doesn't say i love you he just stands there in shock..
she sees those salty tears once more,
he asks why she tells him that he left her and that he led her to this.
he was in her now eating at her..
telling her to stop that knife now so she could live a happy life..
he told her to scream out help!
he told her to stop the knife from hurting her anymore,
he told her to stop it
the knife was cutting deeper and deeper now.
he yelled out that he loved her.
she stopped and had finally realized what she had done.
she broke him even more.
she dropped the knife as she felt the warmth of her leave that porcelain body of hers.
he said he loved her like he had done before.
she took her last breath..
and walked away with her love..
into the darkness of hell..
she cried of joy that she had him again but he was different..this time he looked at her like she was his prey..
before he had looked so soft those brown eyes are black now..
his hands don't move the same way..they grab her like he wants to throw her away..
his face looks disgusted..
was it her?
he was evil now..what happened?
he kisses her and bites her she falls and say stop he doesn't he kills her once more.
she looks away and sees him..
the one she loves she calls out that she loved him all she sees is him on the floor the night..
that he died took his life away.
he walks away and doesn't say a thing she watches as those salty tears pour out of him for the last time.
she whispers i love you through the door.
he went on and cried that night she left him to die..
why did she leave him?
how could she?
all he wanted was to love her.
as he sharpens the knife he cries out why?
he cant help but scream her name.
he sees her as he presses harder and as it gets deeper and deeper by the second he hits the floor..
and sees her..she's crying and saying something..
she is whispering i love you..
he says it back..
as they die together..
the memories of each other creep into their minds….

depression.
is like drowning but, you can see everyone else breathing.
you have thoughts, maybe even dreams about going into a black hole and never returning.
you have no faith,hope,belief in yourself.
you're tired of living so, you try and attempt suicide but, then comes along your demons who want you to be alive so they can terrorize you, **** you slowly,painfully.
you will die eventually,if not survive but thats very rare for someone to recover without relapsing and running to their demons once again.
we learn how to deal with them speaking to them so they won't get lonely and decide to make you do something crazy. they take over your entire mind and body.
you don't think like you do.
you don't speak like you.
you don't make decisions like you used to.
they control you and theres no refusing to do what they want you to.
Depression is like a sickness that you cannot cure no medicine..yes there is medicine that makes you feel like ****,and makes you happy but thats truly justs drugging you.
there is no cure to depression you want to die and some how you'll find a way.
A painful way.
suicide.
now thats the worst most powerful side effect of depression.
suicide.
a wish to die.
it doesn't matter how just that you want to die over and over again to feel the pain that lets you know you're still breathing, and alive.
it drives you insane.
you try and fight through but theres no choice but to go along with it.
youre tired of looking at happy people.laugh it off like nothings happening.
tired of hearing peoples sob stories about how their cat died yesterday and not realizing you're slowly dying in front of there dim wit face.
tired of looking at things and thinking of how you'd like to do that but you just can't because you are demanded not to by the voices so instead you sit there with a wish to die in your head.
tired of listening to people give you fake *** compliments about how your so pretty,how your just so beautiful.
you know they're lying so instead you just walk away.
with the wish to die.

Dear diary,
I miss myself.. the one who likes to smile and bring bright colors wherever she goes,
im not me anymore.
thats the sad thing for many  people they say they miss my big smile or my wonderful laugh.
i just nod and agree with them they say i still have it..the joy,hope the old me.
i know thats not true.
im not me.
im the one who became shattered,broken into bits because of them the ones who are suppose to love me,the ones who are suppose to bring and make memories with me.
the ones who are supposed to teach me how to trust,
the ones who are supposed to be trusted by me.

                 the ones who are suppose to be loved by me,    

the ones who have to be loved by me,
the ones who are loved by me but very little,
the ones who are suppose to help me when everything is falling apart!
i need them but, they're not here
i need them but they're not there.
for me.
it hurts to see them destroying each other..
including themselves..
they're bringing me with them,
im going down into the deep dark hole they call hell.
they're destroying me with them..
they don't even care!
how could they?
hello?
im alone now theyre dead.
help..
please someone..
they're not coming back .thats a lot like them to do that.
they're my parents,
family..
they matter to me,
i guess i dont matter to them..
i still love them though,
just like their innocent..
thats a lot like me to still love them.

Dead.
Gone.
Trapped.
Slowly dying
No pain.
I can't breathe
I'm suffocating
No,I can't control it
My emotions,
Thoughts,
Attempts.
I want to die and,
That's it.
That's why I attempted suicide
So I would die
But, no you have to come along ruin my whole ******* plain you stupid ****
You talk to me in my head saying
"Oh sweety no you're worth it you have your life ahead of you,you beautiful child just go to sleep you'll feel better soon"
No!!!
I will never feel better or great ever
That's impossible
I'm depressed
I want to die
But you keep interfering with my plain to die, suffocate
Just let me go drown
It will be our little secret
Okay?
Please.
I'm begging you
If you interrupt me again I'll have to **** you my dear
I love you but,dying is my first priority.
I know this will hurt you but I will accomplish this time...
Don't grieve over me you'll just waist your time.
Don't cry,you'll be better without me it's not like you really gave a **** in the first place,you just ignored me before do it now
Don't go trying to **** yourself it won't work darling
You're already dead I killed you many times before
Don't go running and telling everyone that your heart got broken because it didn't you don't have a heart and you never did
Don't say that you loved me because if you did you would of never killed me in the first place
You would of let me live but
You had to destroy me like all the others
Well it's time for me to go
Goodbye.

Leave me alone.


Leave me alone.
I dont want your questions or statements
Id rather not hear your fake *** complements that insist on still melting my heart even though you’re not telling the truth
Id beg for mercy so you wouldn't have to show me your perfect body compared to my fractured one.
Leave me alone.
before I let my demons crawl out of me and **** you.
you little innocent doll
you're a ****** to the world.
you don't know anything
including me.
your a perfect doll
i’m a rag doll.

you're allowed to be a little selfish,
she tells herself
you're allowed to feel,
she repeats
as she pushes the blade,
manages to gulp down a sob
as she stares
stares stares stares
at the opened skin
and the dripping blood
you don't deserve this,
is what she doesn't say
or admit
even to herself

after bowing, clapping is heard
i stop trying to distinguish
the ones out of bitterness and pride

i take it all in
and smile at those who made
all this possible