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sadgirl Jun 2017
know what is gone
and what is beyond the dandelion veil

know what is just out of
reach, something you can just barely taste on the 

tip of your aching 
tongue

you're a whole-headed nightmare
some rare birdlike enigma 

flapping through the warm night
like godspeed, glory, send us away to some place we've never known

once, you told me my poetry was too sad
and if you were just there for me

maybe we wouldn't be a fire
of burning feathers

your bones
are my bones

and isn't that enough?
Another repost.
sadgirl Dec 2017
i want to make
a movie out of your
skin, the way you
move like ivy vines,

a movie-ode
to your ode-begging
face.

if i could,
i'd enter us
into a film festival
we could be a sundance
winner, a student
film phenomenon.

i bet you it would
go something
like this,
enter a blank screen,
fade into a shot of you skin,
pan out to show your face, or
body.

all skin.
all skin.


you are beautiful for
a split second,
until my voice cracks the
silence
i tell you that we could be
no one, and nothing.
and you ask me.

for what?
so we make the movie anyways.
I dunno.
sadgirl Sep 2017
the therapist asks me

do you remember the day you died?

and i say

*o, darling, do you remember the day i lived?
Another life & death poem.
sadgirl Sep 2017
the art of being female
is loving yourself
instead of a man

the art of being graceful
is touching air
and turning it to gold

the art of being depressed
is dying a hundred times
and still being alive

the art of being human
is emptying the world
of its pleasures and never apologizing
sadgirl Oct 2017
creased jeans,
she buy one,
get one free

dollar menu meal,
skin too tight,
life's too real

crack ******* and needle
tracks,
if only she could take time back

crinkled tinfoil, lighter
fire
happiness is a ******* liar

eyes blank, breath cold
her soul gone, her
love sold
After Ed Sheeran. I did this as a rhyming exercise.
sadgirl Sep 2017
the magic
is that i have no home
in this world
besides you
sadgirl Dec 2017
//

The definition of thot [that ** over there], via Urban Dictionary

A woman who pretends to be the type of valuable female commodity who rightfully earns male commitment—until the man discovers that she’s just a cheap imitation of a “good girl” who is good for nothing, and definitely not for relationships or respect.

If women are products, then thots are cheap goods. More than that, they’re knockoffs: low-quality merchandise that attempts to masquerade as luxury items.

They generally dress in cheap clothing, try to act like they're better than they really are, or think they're not ****** but high class when they're nothing close to classy. They demand respect, money, gifts, dates but do nothing to deserve any of it because they have no self-respect, no manners, low self esteem, little education and on top of all that they are thots because they have no self worth.

//

he called me a thot.
the same blood-boy nightmare who bragged about his ******* and double cup. too cheap to buy actavis generics, so he drank himself into a stupor on walgreens brand dye-free cough syrup. he acted black, said words white boys shouldn't have near their mouths. his friends were ableist at the best, and misogynist at worst.

he called other girls thots too.
but i was different. stick-and-poke told trans king who told american spirit who told blood-boy what i confided in a friend. a story that ends and begins with my tears, tears from gagging, tears from telling my mother about the worst three minutes of my life and how my knees and heart hurt afterwards.

i embodied thot.
left my family for friends, joked about the pain until it hurt even more. i found myself crying in bathroom stalls, looking down at my body in the bathtub as i learned to breathe water. the girls said i was thick, i didn't know if they meant it in a good way. the boys said worse. i wore camouflage pants, comme de garçons tops, air force ones. i jumped on trends like a wild cat stalking prey. but i could never catch anything worthwhile with my soft, clawed paws.

he smiled like he was better than me.
after blood-boy stunned summers and winters alike, burned spring and fall, and for what? to call me a thot? i knew what i was to him. but he didn’t define me anymore.

he called me a thot.
and this time i fought back with my eyes, didn’t just sit there and feel words welling up inside.
because even thots are queens.
because i used to be deciduous, but now i’m evergreen.


//
sadgirl Jul 2017
i am a tiger

who's stripes are scars

and who's fangs

are words
Power is beauty. So always let them hear you roar.
sadgirl Jun 2018
ain't no disability, i'm a superhero
- kanye west
/
who i am

is a complicated ****-show of

mental illnesses, diagnosed

and medicated to make me able.

according to the kids at school,

i will put you in a chokehold for flexing your double-

jointed finger.
/
autism is strange,

because words hurt more

than you could image.

a few words are no longer spoken

in our household.

freak is one of them.
/
have you ever feared someone

because of rumors?

if you have, then i announce you as an enemy,

so let's duel with choppy movements

and irrational fingers.

/
school is out,

and i'm thinking that

who i am

is a  delicate ****-show of

who i want to be
Is she gon' make it, TBD, huh.

— The End —