his laugh is my favorite movie. I play the scenes over and over again in my head the way he smiles the way he looks at me  the way my hand fit into his. The million words that were said and his laugh that I lost. I lost the original so now I'm left with the movie playing in my head and knowing I will never have the feeling that I did when I got to watch it first hand. when I got to love him for the first time.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am no love Messiah. I cannot read your mind if you do not respond to my questions. I know I acted too soon. I just thought you were different. I thought you would understand. But I forget that even though you both have problems doesn't mean they are the same and I'm sorry. I'm sorry but i will not say sorry until you tell me where I stand. For if you love me I will try but if you don't I will walk out of your life as if I was never there because I don't have it in me to worry about someone doesn't want to be with me in the first place. my love will never be perfect I will make mistakes I am human. I am good though. Normally I do play my cards right but this one time I messed up.but I don't know how to move on I don't know where to go from I can't read you. Please just speak to me. it hurts.

I didn't mean to lose you. But the only thing I'm good at is pushing people who love me away.

I love your taste in music. It's  strange and something I would never find myself listening to by myself but with you it seems like second nature. It feels like something I've been meaning to do my whole life. I love when you hold my hand. How you  twittle our fingers. Our thumbs rubbing against each other a reminder that maybe you actually cared. I love the way you looked at me. It made me forget all the other looks I've been given by anyone. Its not the same with you. Your looks have me dying inside because you won't look my way now. The glimmer of something in your eyes as you check over your shoulder as you drive to see if I'm still paying attention. I was never one to fall asleep in the car but with you I just might. I just might because I would love to give you the opportunity to look over and see my sleeping face but now you won't look my way. I love the way that I still love you and I never said I love you and I never felt like I "loved"  you this is how I know I loved you. Because it never felt like falling. because it felt like  drifting asleep as you looked at me and in the car with your music blaring and our hands intertwined I never didn't trust you. Not until you didn't call. Afraid of my own insecurities and that I would never get to feel that feeling of drifting again I push you away and now I can't see past the walls that I put up. I can't tell if you're still standing there waiting for me or left. I love your smile and your blue eyes and the smell of the sweatshirt you here nearly every day. I like you more then I thought and I know I let you in quicker than I have let anyone else in but that's because I'm so tired..and drifting was just so easy.

You've  never felt more self pity
and embarrassment in school until
You've walked down the halls
Eyes brimmed with tears you
fight to hold in all day and the
Inability to tell anyone what's
going on because you know what
Has made you feel this way but
It all is just too much and putting
It in word would force the breath
Out of your lungs and the water out
of your eyes.

I am cold. I watch them pass me by and never care to look...nearly as if they are too afraid. I scream and cry but no one cares. There used to be scares yet now there are none...just empty nothingness. I must be finally dead.

If you say I'm your girlfriend..
You can pick me up after work or I'll drive to yours and lock you lips with mine and tell you I'm sorry because to make it work I'll swallow my pride. I'll entwine my fingers with yours and remind you I am a tornado and the closer you get the more you'll get hurt but I will love you.
If you say we are just...friends...
I will wait until you get over this and always be there  because I will love you from the shadows. I will be by your side because I know not every one you love will love you back the same.
If you say we are nothing...
That you never want to see my face again...
I will leave and cry myself to sleep for endless nights but I promise I will never bother you again. We will be the ones who let eachother walk away but I will go.

Just please for the sake of my sanity....
Let me know