put your phone down
quit it with the selfies
i know those smiles aren't real
put that cancer bringing stick away
talk to me instead
i'll listen to what you have to say
let me be like the pillow
you whisper your dreams to
when no one else is around
let me be your friend
i only ever see you at parties
but i notice
i noticed the scars
and i noticed the bruises
and with every one out the door
when it's all finally over
i notice how you always stay behind
to help clean up
it's always my friends' parties
they aren't your friends but you help
with you trying to be nice
don't you just want
someone to be nice to you as well?
i can be that person
i will be that person
because i used to be the person you were
battered and everything much worse
but what's really got me irked
and conflicted
is how you can be nice to others
but not to yourself
is why you add trouble to your problems
rather than trying to rid of them
put the phone down
happiness isn't something you can fake
put that stick away
yes, the smoke you puff out
it's beautiful
only because it came from your lips
but remember
stress isn't something you can be free from
those sticks won't help
they could but only for a little while
never permanently
that phone and that stick is not your friend
but i can be
just look at me
talk to me

A quiet room
A million thoughts
but none makes sense
so I'll drift away
to nothingness.

You said "you need to be stronger"
So I pulled my armor on
Can't keep this up much longer
And it was my fault when you were gone
Because I wanted you too much
And I needed you, too bad
And I always said I'm sorry
But you took advantage of that
There you are months after,
You're joking that I could never win a fight
With you and it broke my heart
That you were right.
Cause I wanted you happy
I couldn't stand to see you lose
I wanted you more than everything
So I stayed, for you to use.
You were hurting and I couldn't see
That maybe there was some way
You weren't right for me.
But how could that be?
I wanted you desperately.
So you left and you took my heart
And it was never harder to be apart
I was longing for you in tears on my bed
You didn't care how many I shed
You drove home in silence
And I tried to stop crying
And I spent the next months
Trying and trying and trying
But it wasn't enough,
You called your own bluff
Said you couldn't do this
But couldn't you have figured that out
Before you found my lips to kiss?
Anyway
I found a way to survive
Fake it til you make right?
Just smile and you'll be okay in a while
Doesn't matter if you're falling apart
That's the best lesson you gave me,
Along with how to break a heart

He looked at me
But did not see me
He could not feel me
He only saw what he wanted to see.

An object, a female
As if blood did not run through my veins
As if I can not feel hurt or shame
Almost not worthy to have my own name.

You were the realist thing I ever felt.*

And after all the tears and pain I am so glad that you're gone and I don't feel a thing.

Except... Now I can't feel anything

I miss my childhood
When everything was so much easier
I wasn't scared to fall in love
I wasn't even scared to fall out of the tree
I fell of the fence enough times it felt normal
Normal to fall
But back then
I never got hurt from falling
Back then the hardest decision was what flavor ice cream i wanted at the bus depot with my dad
The worst thing that happened was my ice cream falling off the cone onto the floor
I miss the simplicity of things
The way I could play outside for hours and not get bored
When I used to play around on the street with my best friend riding our bikes til the street lamps came on and we knew to get our ***** home
I miss the old days
When life was simple
And I was oblivious to the horrors of this world
The bad things that actually happen
That there's more monsters than the imaginary ones under my bed
That I will end up falling but this time I'll probably get hurt
It wont be falling off the fence it will be falling in love
It won't be losing an ice cream
It will be losing a friend
A loved one