Do you ever feel halfway between happy and sad and you can never feel one emotion completely? Or when you should be happy and you are happy but you can't get rid of the looming sadness that's in you and it just makes you feel worse because you're like, "There's no reason I should be sad."

Feeling a pressure on your chest.
On your heart.
As if someone is pushing in and they won't stop.
The pressure becomes more intense.
Your whole chest is hard.
It stiffens, it's tight.
The pressure deepens.
The hands that were once pressing down on you are now around your neck.
You're trying to breathe but every breath you take ***** the lightness out of you.
Breathing makes it worse.
It means you're here but just barely holding on.

Take a sip to feel the sweet release.
The push the shove
I need it
To finally be calm.
Anything to make it last.
A slave to substance.
Trying to hold onto the sweetest feeling.
Bruising too easily to just be laid out.
Here's the day I thought would never come.
I need you more than I'd like to admit.
Take my life and hold it with your hand.
I just need your touch, just want to be by your side.
Free my soul.
Because I'm drowning in an abyss, suffocating with my last breath, bleeding with every beat of my heart.
My hands hurt like wilted flowers and my legs can't hold me as fragile stems.
I have weakness in my knees as they buckle underneath me.
But these are the words unsaid
And now
My forgotten soul is lost at sea and a storm is coming.
Waves are crashing down.
I'm left with nothing but the echoes of the memories of our forgotten past.
The shadows of the sea take me under until nothing remains in sight.
I'm left feeling a heavy fog in my chest and blood on the tip of my tongue.
I try to scream but I'm dried out.
There is no escape.
Everything fades as I drift to the bottom.
The ocean floor swallows me and with each crashing wave I'm buried deeper under the sand.
I'm covered in sand and it drags me down.
I can't breathe.
I'm suffocating.
The water holds me still but has no affect on me.
The words unsaid are what I'm choking on.
As I try to gasp for my last breath I'm pulled under.
Everything spirals out of control.
And as I lay motionless and
paralyzed
I wonder,
Wonder what it would have been like if the truth was
Spoken.

If you want to talk to me about the numbness in my heart, I wont have an answer. I don't have a reason to why I am the way I am. No I haven't been through a traumatic event and No I haven't had my heart broken. But right now... I already feel like it is broken. Most nights I hardly sleep because I can't stop thinking about what it would actually feel like to feel more than just the numbness that lingers in me. I am numb but numb and fine are the same.

Dealing with depression
Feels like you're trapped
You always feel like you're in the dark
Doing everything wrong

Dealing with depression
Is like being trapped in a glass box
The world moves on around you
You see other people fall in love and achieve their life goals
But you're trapped
Unable to get out

Dealing with depression
Makes everything happy
Seem scary
You're so use to feeling low
That feeling anything else feels unnatural
But somehow
No one can understand that part

Dealing with depression
Is like constantly having a thorn in your side
Reminding you that life is terrible
And the sun with never come out

o.g.

Once I stayed up watching the darkness hearing water all around me.  Once I watched the stars fade to darkness hearing the silence fall around me.

Once I loved someone with all my heart I let my walls fall around me. Once he let me go & it hurt so bad I built walls around me.

Once I told my best friend she was weak and I let our friendship fall apart around me. Once I decided to tell my parents they didn't care & I let their love fall around me.

Once I stopped caring, that day came sooner than I thought, and I let me tear crash and burn around me...

Imagine a crowded room
Every person is talking
A pin drops to the ground
Can You Hear It?

Imagine a city bus
Full of people
A pin drops to the ground
Can You Hear It?

Imagine a green park
People stroll around leisurely
A pin drops to the ground
Can You Hear It?

Imagine an empty room
White walls, concrete floors
A pin drops to the ground
You can't hear it.