I see my body
I lie there sleeping, frozen
Though, I'm not alone
A light cracks thru the window
Onto a near, unknown face

|s.s|

The problem thrives
as you go by
every possible solution
With words at rest
the sun sets in the west
and there's nothing but a foregone conclusion
Every eye blinks
with sudden confusion
as every tear
                      f
                        a
          ­                 l
                             l
                               s
slowly
there's no restitution
Your story
from beginning to end
has a horrible fate
that you try to avoid
but you're always too late
You feel your pulse racing
heart beating faster
you begin stumbling on every word
Lingering soul
a wanderlust mind
the concept of time does not exist
or at least that’s your wish
Then it’s over.

|s.s|

Indulging myself in the idea of you
Scrambling through my worried mind
For answers to prove if this is true
For ways to shift any doubts away from you

Anxious thoughts and quiet tears
Thoughts as ever-changing as the leaves
I allow chaos to feed on my past fears
I fabricate lies and lose sight of lost years

Words drip from your pure lips
Oh, how you pour your soul out with such ease
And dear god your persistence is hopeful
And your words are terribly intriguing

Every being alive stood still
As you instilled a burning image in every mind
All were captured by your essence
Our drunken words became utterly entwined

Street lights and late nights
I began to lose control just to feel whole
Long walks and tired limbs
You unknowingly obtained control

Scattered memories dance swiftly
Just like the smoke that surrounds me
Chains are shattered and we are free
Together washing up on the shore of an unknown sea

|s.s|

Flashbacks keep you paralyzed there
Faces that have come and gone
Places that left you with despair
Words that were said without care
The flow of memories at the break of dawn

|s.s|

As the water rushes toward the surface
it gently meets your fingertips and sends sensations all throughout your body
It feels new and exciting
Soon you find yourself completely immersed
It seemed infinitely beautiful at first glance
but now that you are under the surface it is quite the opposite of that

|s.s|

As the leaves slowly wither away and fall from their stems
You stay alive and attached to my heart
I can still hear your cheerful voice saying “Hello” and “Bye-bye”
Attempting to speak and understand as much English as possible
Because, unlike my cousins, I did not learn Spanish
You were successful, whereas, I had little success
Although we did not have a deep connection, we did have
Memorable moments that I've kept locked up in my heart
Conversations that have left imprints in my mind
Photographs that tell magnificent stories
You are only distant physically now
And I’m thankful that God allowed me to have these memories with you
Reminding me of how great of a person you were
Despite those dark days when you weren't shining as bright
Those times that made you lonely
Sad
Harsh
Taught you lessons that you kept with you for the rest of your life
You were strong
Smart
Kind
Always striving to become a better husband, dad, grandfather, friend, brother, and a better you
Though you began to become as fragile as a baby towards the end
You were still as strong as Popeye in my eyes
Now I have two guardian angels watching over me
Two angels that I will eventually meet again and rejoice with.

Abuelo, no habla mucho español, pero te amo y I miss you already. I’ll see you again, pero por ahora
Adios.

|s.s|

The sun
Its warm embrace wrapping around you like a ribbon
wraps around a little girl's pony tail.
Beauty surrounds you
swallows you whole to where it's difficult to breathe
but you want it to suffocate you
you want to drown in the beauty to leave the ugly.
You want to dance around the fire of hate
sneak away to paradise.
You want to live in beauty
To get away from the giant grey cloud
raining on any lovely, rare object passing by.
To live in the light,
in a picturesque place
is your fantasy.
Love is of the utmost importance to you.
You protect the most beautiful
and most painful thing known to man.
In hopes that it will,
above all
become prosperous.
And the world will grow to be beautiful
once again.

|s.s|

Tell me your dreams
The desires which you so
desperately crave
Tell me so I can see the burning passion
in your piercing eyes
The sparkles that shine so prominently

Tell me your fears
The nightmares where dreaded creatures lurk in the
darkness, attempting to penetrate your mind
Tell me so I can prevent those common shadows before
they befuddle and torment you
The burning fury they obtain when they engulf you
at your most vulnerable state

Tell me how your mind works
The intricate way for which those wonderful
thoughts of yours flow
Tell me how to be so magically profound about
life, time, and death
The ways of straying away from reality to catch
a glimpse of paradise

Tell me the forbidding truth about my unfortunate path
The cold, naked, and abandoned road upon which
I have regrettably travelled
Tell me that paradise is at the bottom of a trench
And I shall allow myself to fall-my life
shall perish happily upon landing in paradise

|s.s|

Note to self:
When you see a narrow path that looks rough and a field with an infinite amount of space, do not (under any circumstance) let temptation drive you away from the well-lit path, into some dimly lit field.
When you see love standing alone in the rain, bring it inside of your home.
Take it in and make it your own.
This is how you will not fail in letting your troubles slowly glide down a well to where they can no longer be seen.
If you do not see them then you will not know them like the back of your hand any longer.
The moment you adopt the kind of love that you once thought was far too distant and incredibly somber, you will find change, hiding in a corner waiting to be found.
Do not look past this change, it will run and hide somewhere else like a child, if you choose to deny its presence.
Listen to me when I say that change can come in different forms so you must not be so set in your ways that accepting something completely out of the ordinary, clouds your thoughts and puts you in some sort of a daze where you cannot take a breath and just accept things as they come to you.
Love and change will send you on your way to happiness, but you are going to hit some pebbles every now and then. This is how you grow.

Remember to always indulge in curiosity.

Let the ideas of the world flow all around your roots as you shed and become anew. You will always continue to grow, even on the days where your sun is not shining as bright or even at all. You must not let those days fade your love and make you seem like you have lost change forever.
Storms of rage are bound to pound at your door, especially whenever love has become you. In these times, stand with truth by your side, love in your heart, and mighty strength in your fists. When the door swings, you swing back.
This is how you live whenever you think you cannot live any longer.
This is how the fury of the darkness receives some of your light in order to create a balance in your life.
Note to self: You are not made to live easy, but it is true that you are made from the stars to create a significant mark in the universe and that is far more beautiful and far more important than the tiny troubles that you allowed once to wind around your body and pull you back into the ground from which you rose from long ago.
Finally, if you see hope fleeting high above you, climb a mountain to reach it. Do not ever let it go.

One day I wandered into the night
With no clue of where I was going
Gone was the light
Gone was the pain and whatever else I felt
In other words I was numb
Any sound around me became a hum
I cried and I wallowed in my own self pity
My dramatic performance was the best in the city
People all around me clapped and screamed
It was really and most truly something to see
I ceased my actions after somebody said
No one likes a woman who is already dead.

|s.s|

Voices, wine, lips, fear, hunger
You reveal your soul as quickly as the memories flash by
Instinctively saying lights, camera, action
While your hazy dreams become as sharp as an arrowhead
That strikes me so suddenly - every hair on my body arises
Individually crawling up my spine slowly
Exposing a certain candid history
To filter out the negativity
That had faded and distorted my thoughts
My perception of time is blurred as I witness you embrace your inner predator

I move closer now, but not too close

Focus, breathe

For if I am captured, I am not certain of my return

|s.s|

There's no light anymore
Everything was a lie
I unraveled your unclear thoughts
You muddled mine

You made my black and white world seem alive again
Never knew I was but a game to you
Reality getting tangled up with fantasies
Your truth progressively breaking through

Such a simple action can make all the difference
You would know that though
Painting scenarios with your fine brush
All with the same ending and flow

A precious world like yours must be nice
When problems occur you expect sympathy
A cookie and a crown perhaps
Oh poor you, living in such infamy

Joke is we both lost
I became fragile and fell with grace
Though, I did no pretending
Whereas you have no real face

You shattered me
You refused to pick up the remnants of my soul
You pushed me aside
You don't deserve to feel whole

I'm not wishing bad luck on you
I have no intent on doing so
I'm simply stating your sad reality
In your sea of shame, there's no happiness below

I'll find my voice and lovely melody again
I can promise you this
You keep living your so-called magnificent life
While I live in complete and utter bliss

|s.s|

I thought every word that you spit from your unclean lips would make me shine
I thought they’d make daisies bloom from tragedy over time
And create a masterpiece that no one had ever seen before
Something truly sublime
But instead your words proved that every doubt of mine was surely not wrong
That the time you had with me was far too long
That the time it took to love myself again was far too long
Because of your actions
And because of my silly heart
I agreed to run along
To be strung along and torn apart
The bed I made
Where I laid my head on your legs instead of your head on mine
The blanket that split our light unevenly
As well as define the line
Line
Lines leading up to what your words defined
"*****"
But no
Wait
You didn’t mean it like that
What did you mean if you didn’t mean it like that?
What else could you have meant?
After all the time we had spent
The traces of your scent left me itching
Creating dents in my once porcelain skin
Twisting our reality
And twisting your words
And molding my thoughts into birds
So that they could fly far away
From your solid ways of pulling me back in like you were gravity
My paper weight
Holding me down while holding me back from opportunity
Becoming the grounded gate that surrounded
And swallowed me whole in the end
You are no longer the black hole
That I try to comprehend
I no longer defend you while you condescend me
Like you are the sky above the sea
Thank you for showing me that I'm strong enough
To rise above and be free
Let my battle leave mementos in your mind
To remind you of the time you tried to defeat me
But failed miserably

|s.s|

The vast beauty pulled you in
Without warning you fell
Trees
Rivers
Fields
Different lives
Wondrous sites
You stepped into another universe
And loved the way it felt
The excitement and curiosity
Formed into the ultimate feeling*

Everyone should step out of their normal lives
If at least for a day
Normal is captivity
Be spontaneous
Leave your cage and enter the jungle
Let those dreams become reality
Allow yourself to submerge
Into this divine world
Even if you cannot see
Feel
Touch
Smell
Even hear the sweet sound of adventure
Inhale that rush of life
Take a hold of that feeling
And keep it forever
Remember how young you felt
In that moment in time
How every bad memory faded away
And how you savored every good one from past to present
How you began to discover yourself
In more ways than you thought possible

Don't forget those feelings
Don't forget those lessons
And don't forget that time when

|s.s|

Our first date you took me to eat gumbo
At a seafood place
And I threw up.

Maybe it was a warning
Maybe it was food poisoning
Either way, I stayed
Because loving you was not rocket science
But it wasn't easy either.

Our second date you took me to the zoo
And as I glanced at the black and white stripes
That wrapped around every zebra, I thought
Hey. Sometimes you're only black or white
Always seeing
Always being one way or another
And never in between
It wasn't fair to me.

Maybe I should have left right then and there.
In the end, I stayed
Why did I stay?
Because loving you was not rocket science
But hell, it wasn't easy either.

Our third date you took me to the moon.
Metaphorically of course
Not literally
Because.. how could we?
Anyway, you took me to the moon and back
And baby, it was a blast.
Fires raging
Speeds changing
My heart racing as quickly as one possibly could.

The fourth date proved that loving you
Was more like rocket science than it was easy.

By the fifth and final date
Our flames had faded away.
All that was left was black smoke
And a bright, white light that I walked into
Because I knew that it was my time to leave you.

To the boy who took the time to piece me back together
before I slipped out of your hands
thank you and I'm sorry
it was such a rough journey to take
With our paths running every which way
I would feel found one moment and be lost in another
For that - I'm sorry
I saw commitment grinding its teeth and licking its lips
in a corner with a grin as precise as an eclipse
and I ran as fast as I could
as far as I could
not to it, but from it
because upon first glance
it looked as tough as confinement
For that - I'm so-
The distance is unfair, you say
as vines come whipping down the wall we built together
attempting to create a bridge
but my heart is heavy treasure
I should have traveled with it anyway
taken the risk with a side of adventure
You were willing to give it your all
but deep down I knew I could never come close to standing as tall
You were the giver
The giving tree
and I - a leaf
falling ever so soundlessly
Neither of us saw this point drawing
closer and closer
inch by inch
but by the time we realized it was there
we were already bleeding
yellow and gold and every happy color that exists
Our bodies, becoming hollow shells in a deep abyss
The morning beams trickling in through the trees
was beautiful still
You were beautiful lying on the ground
with sunlit eyes showing another land free to explore
but fear got the best of me
For that – I’m sorry
I may have slipped from your hands but you’ve yet to slip from mine
It is true that time goes on but with you, time crept on
like your fingers going up and down my spine
You were the giver
The giving tree
As hollow as you may be now
your roots are still alive and growing
and I wish I could say more
than anything
but alas, it is time to close this door
For that – I’m sorry

You said to trust in you.
As the walls shifted and doors cracked,
as the gasoline dripped and you attacked,
as the ashes piled behind our backs,
you said to trust in you.
You said we'll be okay.
Days, months, years passed by,
my worries transitioned into war cries,
your stern actions became civil in my eyes,
you said we'll be okay.
You said please don't go.
My feeble body couldn't withstand your hold,
your reoccurring apologies soon became foretold,
as the beast inside of you came out and controlled,
you said please don't go.
You said I love you.
Those powerful words meticulously said,
pierced me - all at once there was red,
your pastel lips gently glided onto my forehead,
You said I loved you.

|s.s|