There is nothing  so stupid
As arguing with the stupid
An eye for an eye
One mustn't kickback an ***!

It wasn't quite a party.
More of a kickback
just ten or twelve friends
drinking and smoking from a huge glass ****
all of them huddled around the computer
watching funny videos on YouTube
of people getting hurt and ****.
The guy at the controls
went to a website
ratemyboobs.com or ratemytits.com
something like that
and the four girls there
all moaned and groaned
saying they didn't want to see **** like that.
The guys all laughed
and continued rating the pictures of *****
as they came up one by one
when all of the sudden
a picture of a guy holding his ****
came up on the screen.
The girls finally had a reason to laugh
the guys were all grossed out
but one guy more than anyone else
he freaked out.
"What the ****, bro?! I don't wanna see guy's *****! I'm not gay!"
"Relax man...no one said that you were. Chill out."
He looked like he was hyperventilating and about to
break out in ******* hives.
"But that's gay ****, bro! I'm not gay, so I don't wanna see that ****! ****!"
He stomped off to the backyard
lighting a cigarette
you could still hear him out there
shouting over and over
"I'm not gay. I'm not ******* gay!"
he yelled, pacing back & forth.
Everyone around the computer
didn't know what to say
so they just chuckled quietly
and then someone said it.
What every person there was thinking,
"Wow. That's sad. He's totally gay."
one of the girls said.
"Yup. Totally gay..." the guy at the computer said cracking up.
He rated the **** picture
ten out of ten
and moved on
to more ****.

Being with you it's all smiles and giggles
There's no twist turns rhymes or riddles
We are what people may call lovie dovie
Every second spent being silly and happy
I don't ever want it to stop being this way
So let's stay in the honeymoon phase forever
Long sweet good morning text
A simple time nothing Rolex
But gee let's watch if time slows
Let's take this phase where time goes
So let's kickback relax and chill have a drink
We ain't gotta go nowhere anytime soon
Let's stay in the honeymoon phase forever
Let's keep the whip with that new car smell
Shoes fresh out the box with all the value
Natural hair with the scent of cantu
Like telling the same joke over and over but it's still funny
Same terms of endearment bae or boo
We can do something not many can do
So let's stay in this honeymoon phase me and you

Bad as a ***** *****
Bas as a ***** *****
Flapjack rippin up tracks
Call the conductor
Oh wait that’s me
You need training
Wheel’s on the track
Traction that you stuck under
N never wonder who is coming with the blunderbuss
All up in yo face, one shot n you under us
Ain’t wonderous?
****** up a couple plastics, pause, chill, kickback
Smoke a couple blunts
M to the A G, N to the Ificient
Life’s nice isn’t it?
That is, if ya got a little life light to lighten up those, like,
Way heavy dark instances.
And I don’t give a **** what you’re inference is
Psh, this ***** tryna tell me what the difference is
I thought it was obvious
I am, they are not the ****.
Now we all got a nervous system
But that don’t explain why you’re so nervous mister
I done chained two chains up by his whiskers
Gave away his dummy money needed hunny ****** his sister
It’s the
Little Rapscallion
****** up your fleet, better bring the whole battalion
And I rap stallions, you stickin to the stable
Fables of your ladies n your many medalions
****, I’m goin off in this motha *****
Tossin these ***** fuckas wall to wall
Knockin bricks out with a fist pound
So get out n stand back, take notes, watch it fall
I’m bach with *****, don’t matter what your speed
I can clock em all, No cops involved, knock knock knock knock    
Lock down drop top n ball
I’m all tweaked up n ***** you bound to stall

Do any of you feel like you can't rely on anyone but yourself? My whole life has felt like that but tonight it's really hitting me.

It all started a few weeks ago when I asked this girl I liked to formal. It was quite a stretch considering the social boundaries that were already in place. I'm a senior and she is a junior and I had no connections to any of her volleyball friends. It may not seem like it but some girls need to feel like you are socially "accepted," and I was socially unknown.

When I asked her, she seemed really excited which made sense due to the energy and good vibes she would bring to conversations despite her extreme shyness (I seemed to do most of the talking). Then formal came around. Before we went to the dance, there was a pre-formal get-together at her friends house. We were there for about three hours before we left for the dance and it was a great opportunity for me to meet her friends and her social group. I made my date laugh many times and I truly felt like there was a deep emotional connection between us. I conveyed confidence and a sense of humor, but it was clear I was the odd man out.

As I'm driving her to the dance, we started talking and again and she gave off off many signs that she was into me. I'm usually pretty good at looking in to that kind of stuff and I felt something was there. Although when we got to the dance, things start getting pretty shady. We met up with her volleyball friends that were at the formal get-together but it became increasingly obvious at the time my date was either too shy to dance with me or she only wanted to be with her friends. After 30 minutes of awkwardly following her and her friends around without dancing with her, I decided to give her some space and proceeded to hang out with my friends for the majority of the night.

About an hour and a half after I left her, she found where I was and asked if I wanted to go to a party that was happening afterwards with her which led me to believe this was her trying to convey interest in me without putting herself out there. I agreed and we got in my car until about five minutes later when her friends insisted they couldn't go anymore, so she decided she wasn't going to go either (I can confirm that her friends weren't trying to get her out of hanging out with me and there was actually something that prevented them from going). So I dropped her off at her friend's car, still went to that same party, and called it a night.

The next morning I hit her up and told her I had a great night with her even though it was mostly *******, but I didn't want her to think I was mad for what actions took place (Ignoring me during the dance and ditching the party). Then Christmas break began and I was out of town for about a week and a half. While I was out of town, I decided the best way to get to know her and her friend group better was to throw a kickback since it became clear they rarely accepted new people into their group. Keep in mind that it's not just me and all of her girlfriends. One of my guy friends who is almost dating my formal date's best friend has gone to all of the events with me (pre-formal, the dance, the afterparty), and he was my only guy friend throughout this whole process.

Finally the day comes, I send them the address and then I get the dreadful question, "Who else is coming?" Side note: people who ask this question can honestly ******* because pretty much what they're saying is "is there anyone else coming that would make it worth going to?" Anyway, I told my date that it was just going to be my friend Nick (the guy that I mentioned earlier), her, and her other two close friends which she replied "that's it?" with no emojis. I proceeded to tell her yes and that I'm just keeping it small. I was left on open, but still assumed she and her friends were going to come.

I set the kickback to start at 8:00 PM until I get a text from her around 7:45 PM saying that she was sorry but neither her or any of her friends could make it. As for my one guy friend and the friends he was inviting, he said he was going to come but never bothered to actually show up. Fed up and frustrated, I decided to invite all of my friends that were in town to come to my house where we can all get ****** up. After anxiously waiting for an hour and a half, my friends started to show up and at the peak, around 7 people showed up which was actually pretty good considering it was Winter break and most of my friends were out of town. I snapchatted the whole thing and made it look really hype without looking like a tryhard and put it on my story to let the ******* that ditched me know that I could invite other people right on the spot and they would still manage to come through.

It was a great night and I was glad there were people that I could rely on once in my life, especially since my whole life I never found anyone I could rely on. It made me realize how cliquey high school is and how unwelcoming most people are to letting others join their friend group. No matter how good of an impression you make, certain people will still push you away if you don't meet their social standards. Anyway, I hope all of you guys have a nice rest of your day. Thank you for reading this.

Some days you have the ability,
others on a shopping spree.
Dressing clean, ultra supreme.

To live is just a dream that only you can see with binoculars.
I live in our own aura, the World and I. Where we can kickback, sleek the ruffles out of our curtains.
With blood sleeking down the glass window pane, the beginning of a crystal clear scheme
with crimson stains.
A passing by expert, I have yet to earn what removed hastes to which I should come to a slower pace.
Push you into my fool, a clown to a stalemate.
Copping everything on a shopping spree, my feet don’t touch the ground, they elevate.

Now I’m trying to jam using these hands, but one grips at fear.
I don’t have time for tainted misused feelings.

I have to make them squeal for me. Hide in the bushes, they want to be seen with me. Using correct of muscle, I hold me. Carrying all these packages, I’m the one you want.

Uhh..
(baby come through, & come chill wit me..3)..yeah..baby come chill wit me..(come through5)..come chill wit me, Ayee, ( girl what you tryna do,Yeah2)..come chill wit me,Yeah..(what you tryna do girl2)..come chill wit me baby what you tryna do..(come through3)..Yeah baby come (chill wit me5)..baby yeah.. (come through3)..& (come chill wit me3)..come through,..

Babygirl yeah what's good , I know dat you are really in to me & I'm feeling you too,..Babygirl Yeah I see you & you looking cute, your so beautiful, Oooo, boo you got my heart jumping outta my chest beating so fast like I just took 50 pulls from a ****..Ohh, Babygirl you be boosting up my high like a newport, girl your love is so strong, baby your love got me strunged,..Babygirl what you tryna do,..Babygirl come through, kickback wit me Yeah..relax wit me, let's **** & smoke some good ****..I know that's what you tryna do girl..girl (Yeah..what you tryna do 2)...wit me..come through & then  baby we can see.. yeah (come through3)..

Aye, girl what you tryna do..stop playing games & chasing after these **** boys..You need to spray some raid to keep them lames away from ya, because you mines, Yeah girl you my boo, girl I know exactly what you need & want you need a King, Uhh you want a real man to help flourish yo dreams, baby let me plant my seed in you, & I really mean that boo, let's start our own kingdom, & family BabyGirl so come through & hang wit me baby..I'll teach you how to live freer girl,..You that type of woman I'll let sit on my face, Babygirl yeah, I wanna drink you, like tea..,&
I ain't even tryna be a player no I ain't just ryhming game to ya, I really mean what I say, Yeah everything that is written is true..,Yeah boo, for sure..Uhh, so..

(Come through4)..Yeah..Yeah..(girl what you tryna do2)..Uhh,..(come through4)..(Yeah2)..come through & come chill wit me,Yeah..chill wit me,girl
I'll show you how a real man suppose to do you so come chill wit me Yeah..(baby come through2)..(come through2)..Aye

Babygirl bring yo **** *** over, & let me undress ya, I wanna hit it from the front, I wanna hit from the side, & I wanna get the back to..**** I'm feeling really freaky girl, I wanna caress you girl I really care for you..Yeah
, I might just lick yo *******, Imma ******* so good, Imma put you in a coma,,no ruthies,Uhh..Imma blow that good kush up in yo nose in the morning, & I bet you'll wake up from it, girl I know yo back hurting, & legs so sore to ****, I got you have spasming,baby just let the good smoke relax ya,Aye..Uhh..

Yeah that's what Imma do to you when you come over, boo, baby so come through..Oooo, I wanna *** you up girl, Yeah that's what Imma do..to you..Uhh, Imma ******* so good, Yeah girl, Imma ******* so good..Oooo,yeah I wanna please you so baby..(come through3)..Yeah come through..(girl what you tryna do2)..Yeah what you tryna do,..(come through, Yeah3)..(come through....3)..Ooo,

Aye baby, Imma call you , to come through & when you get to me girl, don't be shy at all Noo, baby I wanna see what you all about, yeah girl, show me  what that mouth can do Ooo,..Uhh, baby let me be that *****, I said let me be yo *****, yeah let me be yo best friend, no friends wit benefits, I want you to be my wifey,..Yeah I want you forever & ever baby..
Yeah girl let me be yo man, babygirl..tease me, Yeah dance & strip for a real *****, yeah show me what you all about, Yeah I wanna see what you about, Yeah..so baby..(come through11)..Ooo
Yeah girl what you tryna do, girl what you been up to..baby..(come through3)...

Oooo,what you tryna do Yeah..girl what you tryna do yeah..what you been up to..BabyGirl.. (Come through4)..Yeah girl, what you tryna do, let's make a move now,..
Yeah let's make our own movie baby..just..(come through3)..Babygirl..Yeah..(come through8)..baby Yeah..(come through3)..Yeah come through.. Girl, what you been up to, baby what you tryna do..,
(girl Yeah, what you tryna do3)..
Just (come through..3)
Ooo..Yeah..(come through..*3)

Some people say Im mad I just blame the L-RAD
Attacked by services syndicate post grad
Breaking the code of conduct that's sad
Criminal cause nullify's the collaborative ad
All privileged storm troopers got more than I have
Is the conscience alive while watching that sat-nav?
As a key worker your care is what we have
But straying for a kickback is a dent & bad
The mental health stigma is the foot soldiers weapon
Labelling us mentally ill with the DSM con
Exclaiming we're mental while the victim is alone
Stigma comes from the compound hear us groan
Hearing me everywhere have traits of a stalker
Attacking innocents with energy weapons lawbreaker
Violating human rights piggy back hijacker
The conspiracy hypothesis is the startler
Whats the biological molecular structure
Of a mental health disorder
A caucus of people of who can shout louder
Followed by misrepresentation from a reporter

Unload your vetted earnings
    in the collection baskets,
small price to pay 
    for holy water's kickback,
God thundered an indignant snort
    'pon gold filled prospered coffers      
within corporate excesses                 
   of enriched gaudy churches
wondering when HIS word
  had begotten misconstrued
     in clergy's interpretations
      of powers' self-aggrandizement
       and pontificating gratification;

whilst the huddled masses
    were starving midst the pews

Billowed and pasted, rollicked and wasted,
the night takes hold and Samantha, you remember her,
she's smoking again. This is her last pack though.
Drinks poured. Drinks spilled. Kate and I are talking
like people with scheduled late afternoon love affairs. There's
a car alarm going off in the distance. I love this blouse. Is it new?
No. It looks new. I love your perfume. You aren't wearing any?
Must be a natural—and the first to arrive at the party, Chris and
Evan, they're the first to leave, and we listen intently as one, or maybe both, tumble down the stairs. There should be waivers for second floor
apartment parties. Kate, you deserve so—I know. I know. You've got this light. Jesus. I'm just saying. Is it radiant? Yes, it's radiant. And they're lighting their drinks on fire now in the kitchen, some concoction of amaretto and 151 and a kickback of Coors. The flames reflect in their eyes, their cheeks a soft amber, and most of them are smiling, not sincerely, but when was the last time you could give yourself over completely to joy? There's a siren in the distance. Someone says they're coming for us. I'm going to the bathroom. Do you need help? And there's this ceiling fan with LCD Christmas bulbs strung around the blades. A myriad of claustrophobic yellows and whites and blues. Have you seen that video of the ****** having a baby? And he brings it up on his phone. Someone says, Oh my god I love this song from the bathroom. I hadn't noticed the music before now. Drink this. What is it? You'll see. And Samantha she says she's got to step outside for a second. And someone drops a hookah coal on the beige carpet. There goes the deposit. There's incense. There's a Scentsy. There's Febreeze being sprayed liberally. Can you drive? Can you? Do you want to? You know? I've ate a lot today. The songs keep getting skipped. Parquet Courts, Michael Jackson, Lionel Richie, Chvrches, Miley Cyrus—wait, wait put on some SWIFTY. We're going to fire up in my closet if you want to join. It's a walk-in. Evan's back now. He kicks a mirrorball across the kitchen tile with Chris, who's also back now. Where's Samantha? She's smoking. She shouldn't be alone. You remember last—That won't happen again. I'm just saying. Well, you can stop saying. Sirens again. Closer. We're in the walk-in. Kate tugs on my sleeve. I take a pull off the bronze pinch hitter. Do little circles with my head. ****, she says. What? It all starts fading out, the rush of dark, the rush of light. Someone says trash can. Sirens. I'm just trying to—Shut up. I'm just trying to—Shut up.

He made a gun out of his finger and thumb, and ****** his hand back as if representing the kickback of a pistol.
If it was just his hand then why did my white shoes become speckled red, and why did the light fleet from his eyes?
It's etched into my memory, the day it became more than a joke, the day it wasn't laughs that followed, but instead smoke.
The sick part is, I still have those shoes, they're sitting by my front door stained brown from dry blood.
I'm not sure why I kept them, maybe it's because that's all I have left of my brother.