Nakasisilaw* sa Kapitolyo
Sa sentro ng siyudad
Tatak ng probinsyang pabo.

Sari't sari ang trayanggulong baligtad
Nasa ere silang kumukumpas
At tila ba may spotlight sa norte paroon
"City of the Living God,"
Inukit sa tabla ng di kilalang manlililok.

Minsan ding naging "City in the Forest,"
Sabi pa sa balita'y "Safest place in the Philippines"
Bagkus ang pagmimina'y tuloy pa rin
Lalo na sa Rio Tuba na ramdam ang Climate Change.

Dagdagan pa ng pamimihasa ng PALECO
Hihiramin nang saglit ang kakaunting ilaw at hangin
Nang di maglao'y mapa-"OO" ang lahat
Sa mungkahi nilang planta ng pagbabago.

Bulag sila't barado ang isip
Kikitilin ang hanapbuhay ng mga residente
Walang kamalay-malay ang iilan
Ito'y mitsa na pala ng pagdarahop.

Hahalayin ang tigang na lupa
Bubungkalin raw ang kinabukasan
Bagkus ang pawis ay sa atin
Tayo'y alila ng karatig-bansa
Dayuhan sa sariling bayan.

Titirik sila sa espasyo
Bisig ng tabing-dagat na buhangi'y sutla
Inosente nga sa Salvage Zone
Paano pa kaya pag naimplementa na?

Likido ang bawat anino sa semento
Tumatakbo't tumatagpo sa iba't ibang direksyon
Hindi makapuswit ang mga sasakyan
Maging ang simpleng harurot
Ng munting bisekleta ni Juan.

Doon ko nasilayan ang magigiting na pulis
Taas-noong suot ang uniporme
At iilang traffic enforcer
Na wala sa linyang puti.

Tila bawat uri ng katauha'y nasa parada
Kung hindi man,
Sa iilang personang lumalabas-pasok sa eksena
Kukuha ng larawan, akala mo eksperto
Hindi naman pala
Ayos, selfie pala ang gusto
Dekorasyon ang mga artistang Netibo.

Bawat munisipyo'y may nagsisilbing pambato
Makukulay ang mga sasakya't pudpod ng disenyo
Na sa kahit sa palamuti'y maitaas ang munisipyo
Buhat sa pagkabiktima ng gobyernong manloloko.

Highlight nga ang Street Dancing
Aba't ang layo ng kanilang lakarin
At sa bawat kanto'y sasabay
Sa saliw ng Remix na musikang inihain.

Nalugmok ang puso ko
Bagamat ito'y nararapat na saya ang dulot
Ito'y nagsisilbing maskara na lamang
Nakasanayan, naging tradisyon
Ang kulturang laging may bahid ng eleksyon.

Nakaririmarim ang iilang nasa trono
Pinalibutan ng berdeng hardin ang sentro
Bulong ng Supplier doble pala ang presyo
Aba't sige nga, saan nila ibubulsa?
Kung ang kanila'y umaapaw pa.

Bagamat ang lahat ay nasa bilog
Paikut-ikot tayo sa animong sitwasyon
Tanging takbuhan nati'y ang Maykapal
Na hanggang sa huli'y magwawasto ng bawat kamalian.

Sa probinsyang kinalalagyan
Ito'y nag-aalab na espada ng lipunan
Bawat isa'y responsable't may pananagutan
Tamang dedikasyon sa sandigang bayan.

Walang masama sa pagiging alarma
Maging aktibo ka, kabataan
Ikaw ang pag-asa ng Perlas ng Silanganan
Abutin mo yaong pangarap at manindigan
Hindi pansarili, bagkus pag sa tuktok na'y
Gawin ang tanging tama
Na naaayon sa batas ng higit na Nakatataas.

(6/29/14 @xirlleelang)

My Second Letter to Allen Ginsberg
Dear Allen,
Almost five years ago, I wrote you a letter, and in
That letter, I purged my drunkenly woeful cries
That seem so first-world now and naïve –
The things I grimed over with luxuries I didn’t
Realize that rubbed against my plump limbs
Like millions of felines poised at the
Tombs of pharaohs.

Oh, Allen, I’m so tired –
These politics, and poly ticks, so many ticks that
Annoy my tics. Allen! I smear your name so liberally
Against this paper like primer because the easiest way
To coerce someone into listening to you like
A mother
or predator
tugging or nibbling on your ear –
Swatches of velvet scalped from a ****’s coat
Are you and I talking to ourselves again?
Candid insanity : Smoky hesitance.

Dear Allen, I’m so tired –
Yes, I love wearing my ovaries on the outside like
Some Amazonian soapbox gem glistening from beneath
The iron boots of what the newspapers tell me while
I cough at them with the hurdled delicacies of alphabet soup.
Give vegetables a gender and call them onions, Allen.
Sullied scratch-hicks pinioned feet from slapping
Society’s last rung on the ladder.
Ignore the swerve of small-town eyes.
Scapulas, stirrups, pap smears, and cervical mucus – now do you know who we are?

That fingernail clipped too short, Allen. We’ve all got AIDs
And AIDs babies, haven’t you heard? Hemorrhaging from the political
****** and out – they haven’t reached the heart.  
Since when have old white men given a **** about some
13 year old’s birth control? I’m riding on the waves of the
Parachute game and I swear this abortion-issue is just a veil outside Tuskegee University
Being further shove over plaintive eyes, swollen and black.
Pay up and
shut up.

I still remember my first broken *****, Allen.
Can you tell me all about your first time?
The vasodilatation that made veins rub against skin,
Delirious brilliance : unfathomable electricity.
I made love during an LSD experience, Allen,
And I am not sorry. I see cosmic visions and
Manifest universal vibrations as if this entire world is
A dish reverberating with textiles and marbles, and
All are plundering the depths of the finished wine
Bottle roasting in the sink like Thanksgiving Turkey.
The patience is in the living. Time opens out to you.
The opening, between you and you, occupied,
zoned for an encounter,
given the histories of you and you—
And always, who is this you?
The start of you, each day,
a presence already—
Hey, you!

Ah, Allen, if you are not safe, then I am not safe.
And where is the safest place when that place
Must be someplace other than in the body?
Am I talking to myself again?
You are not sick, you are injured—
you ache for the rest of life.

Why is it that I have to explain to my students that
sometimes what I'm spouting is prescribed by a pedagogical pharmacy --
but all they want to know is "what do the symbols on the television mean?"
I am completely aghast against the ghosts of future goners --
I am legitimately licensed to speak, write, listen like some mothers --
I am constantly cajoling the complex creations blamed on burned-out educators --
I am following the flagrant, fired-up "*******"s tagging lockers --
Pay up and
shut up.

Yes, and it’s Hopeless. Allen.
Where did we get off leaping and bounding into
The dogpile for chump change jurisdiction, policing
The right and the left for inherent hypocrisies when
Poets are so frightful to turn that introspective judgment
Upon ourselves?
We didn’t see it coming and I heard the flies, Allen.
Mean crocodile tears. Flamingo mascara tracks
Up and down : up and down: bow – bow – bow – bow
Buoyant amongst the misguided ******* floating around
In the swirlpool of lackadaisical introspection.
What good is vague vocab within poetry?
Absolutely none.
Would you leave the porchlight on tonight?
Absolutely, baby.

Dear Allen, would you grow amongst the roots and dirt
At the knuckles of a slackjawed brush of Ever-Pondering Questions
Only to ask them time-and-time-and-time-and-time-again.
Or pinch your forehead with burrowed, furrowed concentration upon those
Feeble branches of progression towards something that recedes further
And further with as much promise as the loving hand
Attempts to guide a lover to the bed?

Allen, I wish to see this world feelingly through the vibrations of billions of bodies, rocking and sobbing, plotting and gnashing like the movement of a million snakes, like the curves collecting and riding the parachute-veil.

Ah, Allen! Say it ain’t so! Sanctified swerve town eyes.
And everything is melting while poets take the weather
Too personally
And all the Holden Caulfields of the world read all the
*******’s written on the walls and all the Invisible Men
Eat Yams and all the Zampanos are blind and blind
And blind and blind and blind and blind
Yet see as much as Gloucester, as much as Homer,
As much as Oedipus.

Oh, Allen, do you see this world feelingly
and wander around the desert?
Colored marbles vibrating on the curtailed parachute paradox.
Lamentation of a small town’s onion. Little do we know, Allen,
That what you cannot see, we cannot see, and we are bubbling
Over in the animal soup of the proud yet weary. I can see,
However, how the peeled back skulls of a million
Workboots and paystubs may never sully the burden
Of an existential angst in miniscule amounts.
Pay up and
shut up.  

My dearest Allen, there is always a question of how
The cigarettes became besmirched with wax to complement
What was once grass, and
What was once a garish night drenching doorknobs.
The night's yawn absorbs you as you lie down at the wrong angle
To the sun ready already to let go of your hand
As you stepped, quivering, on to
The shores of Lethe.

I was drowning.
I dont swim.
But I jumped into the sea.
As I trusted some fraud.
And I was drowning.

I found hands around me.
Trying to push me up.
But even in the middle of ocean,
Those hands were all over me.
Disgusting.

I looked around one last time.
Pleading with my eyes for life.
Not far away I saw him.
The safest looking boy on earth.
Swimming to himself.

I thought I knew him.
A friend of a friend.
I grabbed him and clung to him.
Clung for my not so dear life.
I was afraid to die.

He must have been perplexed.
I just hung to him and blabbered.
I wanted him to save me.
Take me to shore, to family.
I just cried in his ears.

He just started swimming.
Swimming with all his might.
Really mighty  he was.
To grab a fighting me and swim.
Without ever letting go.

I gasped,cried and struggled.
I complained,wailed and raged.
I was hysterical and shocked.
He just continued to swim.
Never giving in to my tantrums.

Many a times I pulled him down.
Kicked him as I was trying to breath.
I pulled his hair and scratched his body.
I  pushed his head down and gasped.
He just kept on saying "Not far now"

He did take me to shore.
He gave me his breath.
He made me throw up the sea water.
He made sure am dry and warm.
He smiled at me and I felt safe.

Then only I noticed he is so grown up.
Not so much of a kid as I thought.
He extended his hand and told his name.
I sat there bewildered as I was wrong.
He was not my friend's friend.

He looked at me mused and smiled.
May be he thought I didnt follow.
He turned and walked away slowly.
I sat there watching and grieving.
Then I sprang up and followed.

As he is the safest friend on earth.

My skin is frying, I can't stop crying, I feel like I'm dying.
Your touch soothes my fever, your arms hold me together, your bed is my grave.
...
  This flame of desire inside me burning so bright,
only you can save me on this night.
...
Here I lay dripping with desire,
for your arrival to calm my fire.
  Fill me, tempt me, push me to the limit,
with your burning, chilling touch of Frostbite,
Please save me this night!
...
Call me your "Good Girl", pet me, Play,
withdraw your heat and watch me sway,
Please Sir, don't take this blissful feeling away.
...
I wait on my knees by your side,
Not because I am expected to,
but because it is where I feel safest.
...
**** me roughly, love me tenderly
Strip me bare till there's nothing left, build me up and tear me apart
In your calloused hands, I place my tender heart.
...

Neither there's a place i am willing to visit
Nor there's a world i would love to be in.
Honestly, I have found a mother's womb
The safest place to be live in.

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<”Its your choice to have or not have the happiness in your life”>

One.
When my mom found us asleep in my bed at 4am and screamed at you to 'Get the **** OUT of her house,' you texted me the very next morning and asked to see me as though it never even happened.

Two.
When my family went out of town without me for Thanksgiving, we stayed the whole day at your place and watched foreign movies and ate pasta.

Three.
On our first date, we sat in your car until 3am just... talking.

Four.
When my sister really wanted that new Pokemon game and my local Walmart sold out, you voluntarily drove almost 5 towns over just so she could get it because you knew I couldn't for her.

Five.
The first time we had ***, I cried. I still don't know why. You held me the whole time.

Six.
You woke me up with tickets to one of my favorite musicians of all time, for a tour I didn't even know about.

Seven.
When my dogs died, you stayed up with my the whole night as I cried. Both times.

Eight.
The first time you kissed me was at a gas pump at 10pm after I changed out of my blouse and into my hoodie.

Nine.
You took me to Buffalo Wild Wings even though you're a vegetarian. You even put up with my singing each 2008 Billboard Top 100 song as it played. I could tell you were embarrassed for me, but you laughed and kissed me anyway.

Ten.
When I told you I hadn't been to the art museum, you took me. When I told you I'd never been to Chipotle, you took me. When I told you I hadn't felt safe in years, you made me feel the safest I ever have.

Eleven.
After you kissed me the first time, you admitted the thing that "made" you kiss me was my purple-stained lips after I ate Superman ice cream while belting out songs terribly and sitting in the passenger seat of your car.

Twelve.
When I told you that you were a terrible tipper and I was a waitress, you immediately stopped tipping terribly.

Thirteen.
You left me a voicemail telling me you appreciated me, that you felt lucky to have me, and you claimed you didn't deserve me. While I disagree, I felt it. That was the first time I heard you say "I love you" before you had actually said the words "I love you."

For the first time in my life I'm writing to my friends. Or maybe it's for my friends.
Because I never thought things would end like this. I never thought things would even end.

They've been here for years and they'll be here for more, I thought.
But all that was lost when they saw my life as a battle to be fought.

I've never been good with spoken words but I've never been silent with my writings.
So I'm speaking and shouting and yelling about how I never knew things were ending.

Tell me things. Anything. Please. I'm so lost at what to do. Specially here and now that I don't have any one of you.

I know it's not good, you could say unhealthy, even. But I've grown so used to all of you, you were my safest haven.

But I know I lost it. And I know that you see it.
But help me out and tell me why you saw my friendship and decided to drop and leave it.

So this is my sorry. And my thank you. And my fare well.
I know you are all better without me but i won't be better without you, and I hope you can never tell.