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Icarus Fray Nov 2018
How do you say "I tried to **** myself" to people around you?

How would you say it to your professors
Would it be better to just hint that you need mental help in general
Or to blatantly say you held yourself at knife point when you were home alone.
"Can I drop half of my classes?
Cause they stressed me out to the point where I almost killed myself."

How would you say it to your friends
Would you rather it be somewhat casual
And bring it up when you're talking
Or would it be better to say "I have something to say.
It's kind of personal and serious and you're close to me so I thought maybe you need to know."

How would you say it to your older sister
Would it be better to just blurt it out in one go, out of the blue
Or is it better to build up in the topic before dropping a bomb out like that
"I tried to **** myself when you were away. I hope you dont blame yourself cause I love you."

How would you say it to your father
Would it be better to add some blame to it
Or just say it out front so he'd get the message?
"I tried to **** myself last Sunday cause I dont like the life you chose for me.
My original plan was to graduate and then **** myself, cause at least then I can give you the diploma I never wanted."

And I honestly dont know how to say that I tried to **** myself to myself.
Because I want to do a lot more and to be a lot more
But everything is coming at me fast and I have no one I can hold on to
I tried to be my own anchor but it's just sinking me in the depths of my mind
It's making me feel isolated and completely alone and I dont know what to do.

So tell me how do I say that I tried to **** myself to anyone
If the reason behind it was that I just wanted to breathe.
That I tried to **** myself because I just want to read more books and to sing more songs.
That I tried to **** myself because I want to see the world, and to try more food.
How do i say that i tried to **** myself to anyone if the reason is that i just to live.
I've been in a really bad state because of a lot of stress and this just came out of me when I tried to tell my dad what I almost did.
But I didnt know how to....
  Sep 2018 Icarus Fray
Apollo watched as Icarus fell into Poseidon's waves,
some say they even saw Apollo kiss Icarus's wings
with his sun-soaked lips before he fell.
A boy fell in love with the sun not knowing
how bad it burns.


Don't fall for the golden boy,
He looks so sweet but tastes like fire.


He had the breath of a thousand stars in
his lungs;
But you can't reach the sun at the bottom
of the sea.
  Aug 2018 Icarus Fray
galaxy of myths
I no longer look up
to you like a sunrise;
I've always loved the
moon anyway.

Icarus Fray Aug 2018
Icarus was alive, he's breathing and walking
But it's such a lie to say that he's living
He wonders about restlessly and seems to be walking towards nowhere
As he walks with the sun above his head and sleeps when the stars are hung in the air

And one day he passes a tree
A fruit bearing one, that made him shout for glee
But alas, his joy was short lived
As he sees he fruits on top, he started to leave

He stomped and kicked at his feet
As his stomach growls louder than his defeat
"If I had my wings I could've gotten one,
But it seems it's the tree, now, that has won."

But that got him thinking of the first time he had tasted it
Remembered it long ago, at times where all he had was his hands and feet
A time where having wings never even crossed his mind
So who is he now to leave that tree behind?

He turned around and ran with all his might
He ran so fast he could almost taste his long lost flight
But he stopped at the trunk and began to ascend
With his feet balancing his weight and his hand gripping to no end

He reached the top and grinned
He beamed at the fruit in front of his face and his back being hit by the wind
"I never had wings before my great fall
So why did it felt like losing them was losing my all?"

He wondered, as he sits at a branch and began eating
His hunger answered but his thoughts left bothered and unanswered
"I am Icarus who never had wings
So why did losing them felt like losing all." He pondered.
A little self realization always hurt
Icarus Fray Aug 2018
the icarus you know
the icarus you knew
the icarus who has fallen
the one who is an icarus anew
has loved a star that is brighter than usual
but a star that shines just like every other star
nothing new

but a star can blind you when it gets too close
when YOU get too close
but icarus didnt mind
because you wouldnt know how blind you are
until the light's suddenly off

The star had fallen
Much like icarus himself
But he has fallen gracefully and at will
Unlike icarus who was ripped of his wings and had fallen ill
But together they stayed
And together they grew
Icarus and his star had started anew

But what icarus didn't know
Or rather, what he decided to ignore
Was that the sun was a star
And a star has to prioritize light over love

It happened once when his sun chose to shine, still
Even though it knew that it would melt off icarus's wings
And it happened again with his star
As his star starts to lose his light

"I have to go home and see to it that my light doesn't go off"
The star said as he prepares himself
"You're leaving me" icarus said
Blinded by his needs and his selfishness
"It's not like that my love. I would never want to lose you but I cannot lose myself for you" the star had said through his tears
He saw icarus was not hearing him
Was not understnding him
So he did what he swore not to do
He broke his own heart and left only with half of a whole

That was the last that icarus heard of his star
Now he wears his heart in his sleeves and his stars heart around his neck
And now the icarus you know
the icarus you knew
the icarus who has fallen
the one who is an icarus anew
has loved a star that is brighter than usual
And loves him still, but on a brighter point of view
Icarus Fray Jul 2018
my father has never been my dad
he was too busy making a living for us
that it almost felt like he wasnt living with us

hed work all day long and hed rest up all night
he gave us money and he gives us glances
he even taught me how to cook so i can dependent less

i never knew he loved me
and i thought that was somehow my fault
i was alwas a closed book, an abrupt pause, a halt

but earlier he said something that caught me off gaurd
something so mundane yet sounded so new
he asked me if charles dickens an author i knew

from where im from, i have to scavenge for books of old
id be lucky as hell if i found a book of classics, like austen
and i really have bad luck in finding them often

but here is my father, who i never knew was my dad
holding the tale of two cities like it wasnt a piece of my soul
like it didnt burn him like it did to me, like embers of coal

i was speechless and thankful and flustered all the same
i told him i loved him but it came out as thanks dad
he smiled and nodded as if this book wasnt his affection i never had
me getting emotional bec i never knew my dad listens to my rants to my sisters about the books i wanted and i honestly felt like crying when he handed me a worn out and probably preowned book. but it felt better than getting a brand new one. it felt better than getting twelve brand new ones.
i felt like coming home for the first time.
Icarus Fray Jul 2018
in a room full of strangers
id still know my place is at the back
ill keep my head down
and look for the confidence i lack

my days are filled with emptiness
its been days of deafening silence
and days with satisfying pain
its been driving me insane regardless of a license

but my nights are different
theyre dull but blue
theyre peaceful in a way
but still my heart is filled with people i can talk to

cause my heart is filled with strangers ive loved
and its filled with strangers ive lost
and now that i wanna talk about my ****** day
i know that talking to them would come with a cost

break your heart for me
said the one i loved too much
he doesnt smile nor does he frown
he looks like we just plainly lost touch

sing me a song you know i love
said the love ive had that i had not taken care of
she seems genuinely surprised when i told her i cant
because i cant remember her favorite songs, the keys are all off

lets be alone together
said the one who thought i loved too little
he cant look me in my eyes but hes holding onto my heart
i held onto his hands and crushed my own heart, a things so fickle

tell me the truth, not your truth
said the love i never knew i could have
shes strong and caring but i cant begin to understand her request
i told her my truth is all i know and the truth is a thing i cant grab

tell me a story, a good and happy one
said the one i cant ever love truly
my reflection stood in front of me, firm, unwavering
unlike my faltering soul that begand crumbling fully

and just like that im also a stranger on my own heart
lost and fazed, confused and frustratingly hopeless
cause my heart is filled with strangers i have loved
and now its filled with acquaintances that will never love me back
im sorry
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