you
       *deserve
                     better

than what you've been accepting.
than all that you have chased.
than every.single.tear
                                       that has fallen out of
place

when you realize that every lie,
was never worth your time
you can sell your watches
                                                         ­                       you have too many, anyways

one day, you will look into the sky
it won't be dark,
you will walk outside
the light you see-- will not be from the moon,
the shadows that surround you-- will not be those of demons
pulling you to down to Hades:
your blanket will not be misery
                              but
you won't simply wake up, alleviated by fate
you will have to fight
wars against yourself-- the worst kind imaginable
         you
are up against the odds of giants
not even a troll-- would attempt to cross the bridges that you must build
                     but you can do it
you must learn to live with a shield in your hand
                                                            ­         and a bow on your back
                          and  eventually
one day,
you will look into the sky
it will be white and pure
you will walk outside
the light you see-- will be that of the sun's glow
the shadows of the tress will dance in your presence
persuading you to climb their swaying branches
lifting you towards the high heavens
flowers will float into your hair
                          yet slowly           someone     will approach
carrying a diamond-laced, gold ring, inside a crafted, red-silk box
in awe, you will notice his glowing amber eyes
                                                            ­                       then his face
you will see, is painted with delicate metallics             alluring metallics
but you won't be swayed, for there is fire in his eyes
slowly you will reach towards the box
                                                             ­      you've spotted the disguise
with the shield you have gathered; bow is in hand
untamed-- you are savage
unfazed by the lures of man
ferocious-- savage
he is not what you desire, rather lust
          but you will walk across the bridge you've built--
                                                                ­                based upon trust
away you will go, from all that harms
as you come to see the light
not a soul will tempt you away
for
       you  
                  are
                              **s­avage

It is quiet,
secret seconds
seeking distractions
from overthinking,
and reacting.

Obsessive behavior
becomes
redundant checking,
and occasionally
checking again
unnecessarily.

It is observing
emotional signals
and decoding them
to the best of
one’s ability,
consciously,
and unconsciously.
Till, their anxiety,
anger, and sadness
is distorted
and reflected
in your feelings.

It is only alleviated
in engaging with
informative
and educational information,
fitness and exercise,
entertainment,
or sleeping.

I miss my cargo green canvas backpack

Shredded with the mass of three
science textbooks: biology,
classical history, chemistry.

Not like backpack was meant for
several colossal three hundred page
hardcover books.

When it was empty,
it was light,
barely anything, tugging
on my shoulders;
but I insisted the friend come with me.

But I used backpack
for study,
drudgery,
play.
The linen wore
with every use.

It was my safety blanket,
under loose cloth
that contained
sacarine
orange glucose
tablets that I hoped
to never need

Inside the main large pocket,
there was a secret
zipper, within held
a pack of cigarettes,
an excuse,
to pardon myself into a realm of aloneness-
with little questions asked

There were strings that adjusted
its position on my back that
I would pull down,
using tension to fling myself
terminal to terminal

More than fifteen times, I lost
count, of my partner traversing
across oceans, gently cradling my laptop and phone-
my trusted links
with the outside world

Nervousness alleviated by the tassels
in my mouth, I bite and chew
on the cloth, but it holds steadfast
as I ponder how to approach
what's next,
the bittersweet coffee they fell into
rehydrates with my salivating mouth,
hungry for adventure
but a stomach empty
knots itself
anxious
for what's to come

My backpack weighs
on my shoulders, empty or full,
but it's trained my body
to carry the load thoughts in my
head bring upon me

But it yielded to what was to come,
the seams at the bottom gave out.
Backpack let me know: I needed to
learn to carry on
without reliance.

In haste,
I took the first woman like a whiskey shot--
every ounce of her scarred my throat
kept me silent, kept me staggering under the weight.
When the bottom shelf love went beyond full bloom,
I vomited her up, leaving me with a headache.

In good conscious,
I took the second woman like an aspirin pill--
every milligram of her alleviated the pain
kept me similar to content, kept me tame.
When the effects wore off and I pined for another drink,
I put her in the cabinet, leaving me rambling nomadic.

In guilt,
I turned myself into the third woman like a penitent criminal--
every liter of her blood solidified
kept me wrapped behind her bars, kept me seeking her good graces.
When the prison sentence drew to a close,
I left her behind, walking with an unwashable history.

The fourth found me frightening,
the fifth just ignored,
the sixth designated me the "other man",
and the elusive seventh only said, "You could do better."

In my mind,
the pills, prisons, and liquor melded --
the days cut short,
the nights grew long,
but I could do better
I could do better
I could do better.

I sold the pills, I poured the whiskey down the sink,
I left prison to the prisoners,
and in the mirror I became a religious practitioner.

To the Church of Better I subscribed.
Sober, lone, and free my cry.
To the darkness I whispered:
I am the resurrection,
I cannot be killed,
I am the resurrection,
the Buddha,
the Jesus,
the Krishna,
the Allah.
I am the resurrection,
born again and again and again.

I am often told that love will leave me breathless,
But I hope I never know a love so greedy as to steal the air from my chest,
For I have memories of a time when my body was oxygen starved
And my lungs unable to draw in breath,
Bogged down under soupy pneumonia that clung to my innards
With vice-like, snotty grips.
My mind is sometimes lost in the sensation of frantically
Drawing air inward,
******* it into my chest with great gasps that never alleviated the burning of my lungs
Or the way pins and needles tingled down my limbs.
My brain cells were consumed with desire to force O2 to bind with the red blood cells churning in my veins.
The air surrounding me was dense with particles that refused to aid my survival,
No matter how much effort I exerted to the contrary.
Sweat dripped off my too thin form and pallid skin
As I drowned slowly from the inside out in a room full of doctors
Until they finally placed the tube back into my throat to breathe for me.
The pain receded as oxygen raced back into my cells,
And I marveled for a moment at the fact that I could not feel myself breathing,
Couldn't feel the rise or fall of my chest.
The mark of my vitality was absent,
And yet,
I was very much alive.
I remember what it was to be truly breathless,
The blind panic that seized me before finally giving way to a wish for death.
It's because of this I hope love never empties my lungs.
I want a love that makes breathing feel safe and exciting,
A love that feels so gloriously alive that I am acutely aware of my chest rising.
Love should always make breathing feel like both a right and a privilege.
It is a privilege to love her and be in her presence.
But I hope she never leaves me breathless.

In my youthful folly, I suffered,
t'was no ones fault but mine,
I was infatuated, obsessed, and ensnared
by passions of the youthful times.

In an age where magazines speak of beauty,
looks, and all forms of apparel (or lack thereof)
where sister fights sister in attempts to catch an eye
and hopefully secure for themselves a man.

My heart was stolen, it was fractured and broken,
by a woman who knew not who she was,
or who she could be, but she is forgiven..
That does not alleviate my guilty conscience.

When on my knees and in the tempest,
I began to lose my faith and heart.
He came in humble Glory,
he came in all his unfailing love.

A display of unending grace...
where he knew all I had done,
but still wiped my slate clean,
and sat me next to his throne.

My broken heart was struck with affliction,
burdened by weights of guilt and shame,
yet, t'was Gods great grace in perfection,
alleviated me and freed me from the devils game.

I'm not perfect, I still do some shameful things,
but his grace is sufficient, and ever present.
Always washing over my soul is my Kings
unfailing love. He gave me an eternal present.

He took my place.
Delivered me grace.
Tore asunder my chains,
and alleviated my pains.

He is My king,
He is My God,
He is My brother,
He is My creator.

I love him.
I praise him.
I worship him.
Always and Forever,
Amen.

Season One

EMMA AND THE MAGICAL VALLEY
-C9fm

Once upon a time, in a small village nestled at the foot of a mighty mountain, there lived a curious young girl named Emma. Emma was known for her vivid  imagination and her love for adventure. She would spend her days exploring the surrounding forests, in search of hidden treasures and secret pathways.

One sunny afternoon, Emma stumbled upon a mysterious map, tucked away in an old chest she had discovered deep within the woods. The map depicted a path leading to a fabled land known as "The Enchanted Valley." Legends spoke of its breathtaking landscapes, magical creatures, and hidden wonders.

With a spark of excitement in her eyes, Emma decided to embark on a grand adventure. Equipped with the map, a trusty backpack, and her loyal canine companion, Luna, she set off on a journey to uncover the secrets of The Enchanted Valley.

As Emma followed the map's winding trails, she encountered various obstacles and challenges. She crossed treacherous rivers, climbed towering cliffs, and navigated dense forests. Along the way, she met peculiar creatures who offered her guidance and shared their wisdom.

After days of perseverance, Emma finally arrived at the entrance of The Enchanted Valley.

Emma was amazed as she entered the magical valley. It was like stepping into a fairytale. She saw  a beautiful meadow, filled with vibrant flowers of all colors. The grass was a vibrant green, and a gentle breeze rustled through the trees. The valley was surrounded by majestic mountains, their peaks reaching up towards the sky.

As Emma explored the valley, she noticed a sparkling river flowing through it. The water was crystal clear, and she could see small fish swimming beneath the surface. A wooden bridge crossed over the river, leading to a hidden path on the other side. It seemed to invite her to discover more of the valley's secrets.

Emma couldn't resist the temptation and decided to cross the bridge. On the other side, she entered a dense forest.  She behold tall trees with leaves in shades of gold, red, and orange. Sunlight filtered through the branches, creating a magical glow. It was a perfect place for fairies and woodland creatures to hide.

As she ventured deeper into the forest, Emma came across a small clearing. In the center stood a majestic waterfall, cascading down into a sparkling pool as water flowing gracefully, creating a soothing sound that enchanted Emma. She felt a sense of peace and tranquility wash over her. It was like a sanctuary amidst the magical valley.

Feeling refreshed, Emma continued her journey through the valley.

She came across a cave nestled at the foot of one of the mountains. The cave entrance was adorned with colorful flowers and vines, as if nature itself had claimed it as its own. Emma's curiosity piqued, and she decided to explore the cave further.

Inside the cave, Emma discovered a treasure trove of sparkling gemstones and glittering crystals. The walls seemed to shimmer with magical energy. It was a sight she had never seen such wonder and amazement as she marveled at the beauty before her.

As Emma left the cave and continued her journey, she couldn't help but feel grateful for the opportunity to experience the magic of the valley. It was a place she would cherish forever, a place where dreams truly came alive.

True to its name, the valley was a breathtaking sight to behold. Lush, vibrant meadows stretched out as far as the eye could see, adorned with colorful flowers and shimmering streams. Majestic waterfalls cascaded down towering cliffs, their soothing sounds echoing through the valley.

Emma's heart raced with excitement as she thinks of  the wonders surrounding the magical valley.

She encountered mystical beings like talking trees, mischievous fairies, and gentle giants. Each encounter filled her with awe and wonder, as she learned more about the magic that permeated The Enchanted Valley.

As the days turned into weeks, Emma immersed herself in the enchantment of the valley, forming meaningful friendships with its inhabitants. She discovered hidden caves filled with ancient artifacts and stumbled upon a magical book that contained stories of forgotten lands.

As Emma ventured deeper into the forest along the winding path, she couldn't help but feel a sense of anticipation. The image you sent me perfectly captures the enchanting atmosphere, with the tall trees creating a canopy overhead, filtering the sunlight and casting beautiful patterns on the forest floor.

As Emma walked along the path, she noticed the gentle rustling of leaves and the occasional chirping of birds. The air was filled with a crisp freshness, carrying the scent of moss and earth. The path seemed to beckon her forward, as if it held secrets waiting to be discovered.

With each step, the forest seemed to come alive. Emma could almost imagine the trees whispering to one another, sharing stories of the magical creatures that dwelled within their branches. She kept her senses sharp, eagerly seeking any signs of the valley's inhabitants.

As she continued, the path began to ***** gently downward, leading her to a small clearing bathed in soft, golden light. In the center of the clearing, there stood a majestic waterfall, its cascading waters sparkling in the sunlight. The sound of rushing water filled the air, creating a soothing melody.

Emma approached the waterfall, captivated by its beauty and the tranquility it exuded. She dipped her hand into the cool water, feeling its gentle flow against her skin. The image you shared shows the waterfall in all its glory, surrounded by vibrant wildflowers and moss-covered rocks.

Curiosity and excitement welled up within Emma. What other wonders would she find in this magical valley? With a renewed sense of adventure, she decided to continue her exploration, eager to uncover the secrets that lay hidden within the depths of the forest.



Emma embarks on an adventure through the valley, encountering talking animals, sparkling waterfalls, and an ancient forest. Along the way, she learns about friendship, bravery, and the power of imagination.

The valley itself is a breathtaking sight, with lush greenery, vibrant flowers, and towering mountains in the distance. The air is filled with a sense of wonder and magic, making it a truly captivating place.

Throughout her journey, Emma encounters various challenges and meets fascinating characters, including a wise old owl, a mischievous fairy, and a gentle giant. Each encounter brings new lessons and experiences for Emma as she discovers the secrets of the valley.






The young girl stumbled and fell rowed back to the meadow,

she noticed a narrow path leading deeper into the valley.  A winding trail, surrounded by tall trees and dappled sunlight. Intrigued by what lay ahead, she decided to follow the path and see where it would lead her.

The path meandered through a dense forest, towering trees that seemed to whisper secrets to one another. Shafts of sunlight filtered through the canopy, creating a magical ambiance. Emma could hear the gentle rustling of leaves and the melodic chirping of birds.

As she walked, Emma stumbled upon a clearing bathed in a soft, golden light. A tranquil scene—a shimmering lake shimmering in the sunlight, surrounded by a ring of vibrant wildflowers. The water of the lake was so clear that she could see the reflection of the surrounding trees and the sky above.

Drawn to the serenity of the lake, Emma sat down on the grassy bank, sitting with her feet dangling in the water, a look of contentment on her face. She watched as small fish darted beneath the surface, creating ripples that danced across the lake.

Lost in her thoughts, Emma noticed a gentle movement at the edge of the lake. She looked closer and saw a family of graceful deer approaching the water. Deer their elegant forms silhouetted against the backdrop of the lake. It was a truly enchanting sight.

The deer gracefully lowered their heads to drink from the cool waters, their presence adding to the magic of the valley. Emma felt a sense of harmony and connection with nature as she observed them. It was a moment of pure serenity and wonder.

After a while, the deer finished drinking and gracefully vanished into the forest. Emma, filled with gratitude for this enchanting encounter, continued on her journey through the magical valley.  As she walks along the path, a sense of anticipation in her steps.

The path led Emma to a hidden grove, where she discovered a circle of ancient standing stones weathered by time and adorned with moss and ivy. They emanated an aura of mystery and power, as if they held ancient secrets within their rugged surfaces.

Intrigued by the stones, Emma approached the circle and placed her hands on one of them. Suddenly, a surge of energy coursed through her veins, and she felt a deep connection to the land and its mystical past. She's standing in awe, her eyes wide with wonder and excitement.

As Emma stood in the midst of the standing stones, a gentle whisper filled her mind. It was a message from the ancient spirits of the valley, guiding her towards her true purpose and destiny. She listened intently, feeling a sense of purpose and clarity wash over her.

Filled with newfound determination, Emma bid farewell to the standing stones and continued her journey through the magical valley. She walked along a winding path, her heart filled with anticipation for the adventures that awaited her.

And so, Emma's adventure in the magical valley continued, with each step bringing her closer to the wonders and mysteries of this extraordinary realm.






Emma delved deeper into the magical valley, she began to feel a subtle change within herself.  She found herself  in a beam of ethereal light, her hands glowing with a radiant energy.

She continued her exploration, she discovered a hidden grove adorned with blooming flowers of every color imaginable. The air in the grove was thick with an otherworldly energy, and Emma felt an intense warmth emanating from her heart.

Curiosity piqued, Emma reached out towards a delicate flower, and as her fingertips brushed against its petals, a surge of energy surged through her. She felt a connection to the life force of the valley, an extraordinary power coursing through her veins.

It was in that moment that Emma realized she had been bestowed with a remarkable gift. Her touch had the ability to heal, to mend wounds, and to alleviate suffering. She became a vessel of pure, healing energy, her presence bringing comfort and renewal to all living beings she encountered.

With a gentle touch, Emma could soothe ailments, mend broken hearts, and restore balance to the natural world. She extends her hands towards a wounded bird, its feathers shimmering with newfound vitality as it begins to flutter its wings once more.

Word of Emma's extraordinary abilities spread throughout the magical valley. Creatures from all corners sought her out, seeking solace and healing. Emma dedicated herself to the service of others, using her powers to bring comfort and health to those in need.

As she traveled through the valley, Emma encountered beings of all shapes and sizes, each with their own unique ailments. She healed animals with injuries, plants suffering from blight, and even helped to restore harmony among the valley's inhabitants.

Emma's presence became a beacon of hope and healing in the magical valley. Her selfless actions touched the hearts of all who crossed her path, and her power continued to grow and evolve as she embraced her role as a healer.

And so, Emma's journey in the magical valley transformed her into an extraordinary human, blessed with the ability to bring healing and restoration to all she encountered. Her empathy, compassion, and the healing touch she possessed became a force for good, spreading joy and well-being throughout the enchanted realm.


Emma ventured further into the magical valley, she came across a picturesque meadow filled with vibrant flowers, blossoms in various shades of pink, purple, and yellow. The air was perfumed with a delicate floral fragrance, and butterflies fluttered gracefully from one flower to another.

Enchanted by the beauty surrounding her, Emma found herself drawn towards a serene pond located in the center of the meadow. Lily pads floated gently on the water's surface, and dragonflies hovered nearby.

Curiosity piqued, Emma approached the edge of the pond and noticed a small rowboat tied to a nearby dock.  she found a boat, painted in shades of blue and adorned with intricate carvings. It seemed to beckon her for a peaceful journey across the calm waters.

Without hesitation, Emma climbed into the rowboat and set off on her adventure. As she rowed along, she marveled at the serene beauty of her surroundings. The towering mountains framed the valley, their peaks reaching towards the heavens. She really can't imagine the grandeur of the mountains, their majestic presence adding to the enchantment of the valley.

As Emma continued her tranquil voyage, she spotted a graceful swan gliding effortlessly through the water. She saw a flock of swan, its pure white feathers glistening in the sunlight. Mesmerized by its elegance, she followed the swan's lead, steering the rowboat towards a hidden inlet.

The inlet opened up to a secluded waterfall cascading down from a cliff face. She couldn't imagine what her eyes captured, the beauty and power of the waterfall, with water plunging into a crystal-clear pool below. The sound of rushing water filled the air, creating a soothing melody that resonated deep within Emma's soul.

Drawn to the allure of the waterfall, Emma docked her boat and stepped onto the shore. She approached the base of the waterfall, feeling the mist kissing her cheeks. As she stands at the foot of the waterfall, a sense of awe and wonder evident in her eyes.

As Emma stood there, a shimmering rainbow appeared in the mist. It arched over the waterfall, creating a breathtaking sight. Astonishing vibrant colors of the rainbow, stretching across the sky, and reflecting in the sparkling pool below.

Captivated by the magical display, Emma couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude and joy. Starring in the sky and smiling, her heart filled with wonder and appreciation for the beauty she had witnessed.

With a heart full of cherished memories, Emma reluctantly left the waterfall behind and returned to her rowboat. As she rowed back towards the meadow, she couldn't help but feel a deep sense of gratitude for the magical experiences she had encountered in the valley.

And so, Emma's journey in the magical valley continued, with more enchanting discoveries and wondrous sights awaiting her.


As Emma's reputation as a powerful healer grew, people from far and wide began to seek her out for assistance. The image you sent me shows a diverse group of individuals, each with a different ailment or affliction, gathering around Emma in the heart of the magical valley.

Word of Emma's extraordinary abilities had reached neighboring villages and even distant lands. People traveled great distances, overcoming obstacles and hardships, driven by the hope of finding solace in Emma's healing touch.

As Emma connected with each person, she listened attentively to their stories, empathizing with their pain and suffering. With a gentle and compassionate demeanor, she offered her healing energy, allowing it to flow through her fingertips and into the bodies and souls of those in need.

Emma's healing abilities extended beyond just physical ailments. She had an innate understanding of the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit, and she used her gift to bring harmony and balance to all aspects of a person's well-being.

People marveled at the transformative power of Emma's healing touch. Chronic illnesses were alleviated, emotional wounds were mended, and spiritual blocks were dissolved. Her power healed every individuals, even imbeciles and all manner of problems experiencing profound healing and a renewed sense of vitality.

Emma's presence in the magical valley became a beacon of hope, not only for those seeking physical healing but also for those in need of emotional and spiritual support. She offered guidance, comfort, and a listening ear, providing a holistic approach to well-being.

As time went on, Emma's healing abilities continued to evolve. She delved deeper into the mysteries of the magical valley, seeking ancient wisdom and learning from the mystical creatures that resided there. Her understanding of the healing arts expanded, allowing her to delve into more complex and intricate cases.

She delight in reading ancient stories as she  scrolls, engrossed in study and deep contemplation. She sought to refine her skills, to better understand the intricate workings of the human body and spirit. Through her dedication and thirst for knowledge, she became an even more formidable force in the realm of healing.

And so, Emma's journey as a powerful extraordinary human continued in the magical valley. Her healing touch brought relief and transformation to countless lives, leaving a lasting impact on all who were fortunate enough to encounter her.


But as with any adventure, Emma knew her time in The Enchanted Valley had to come to an end. With a heavy heart, she bid farewell to her newfound friends and began her journey back home, carrying with her memories that would last a lifetime.

Upon returning to her village, Emma realized that the true magic of The Enchanted Valley lay not only in its enchanting landscapes but also in the lessons she had learned along the way. She discovered the importance of bravery, perseverance, and the power of imagination.

From that day forward, Emma became known as the village's own adventurer, and the greatest physician of the land. captivating everyone with her tales of The Enchanted Valley. And as she shared her stories, she inspired others to embark on their own journeys, reminding them that magic can be found in the most unexpected places, if only they dare to seek it.

A story by Cloudnine Fairmane C9fm EMMA AND THE MAGICAL VALLEY

My dear, it rained last night
And I remember
The alleviated rise into
Lush sobs and lavish emotions
The way your dilatation relieves
Every worry and anxiety
But sometimes when we speak
A violent lie radiates
And last night you were naught
But an alienated virile sot
A view unholy I omit
I remember the tin roses on the tiles
Devastated, shattered.

Sometimes you hum
Your hands delicately miming secret memos
And I can see it in your eyes
Irises shining like teal devils
And the music carries you
White with adrenaline, pupils likes violists
Headwaiters lie, strumming tin violins
Their  alienated visions wilted with passion

I see the way she cleverly conceals
Lies as vows to you
A veil called "us" she puts on "me"
And I call for mutiny
But youth is vim, vim is now, and now is lies
Every hug from you is just a violet whim
In noisy rooms
My vision is misty
My aura dies little,

Oh if only you could realize your reign
You’re the master, the ringleader
But you’re lazy; you work without zeal, you’re idle and lazy
Eyes glazed, agile hands getting greedier

Have you ever seen
A dearer lion?
He roared, the lonesome rider
Alone, an alien.
Well sometimes you lie
And I dare to become
An oral denier
My radar detects one lie,
Then two...
You become red
Redder than a ****** lion's ear

Adieu, you say, with a gently undefined lilt
My tears speak more reality than your words

I'm kind of embarrassed to relate
how utterly stupid my tendency
Something about myself I so hate
To give in to the selfish dependency
Of those who will take me for granted
Like a hamster in my wheel
Falling for charming words that are chanted
While ulterior motives are concealed.

Yes I confess I did it again
I caved to his needy whims
I unblocked the calls & gave in
But still only the surface this skims

It's all about the Benjamins, baby
to make him a happy man
or so I thought but it seems maybe
4 or 5 "Large" seems even more 'grand'

And yet I give without compulsion
no need to whimper or beseech
then immediately after i have that gut repulsion
that I'm being ****** like a leech

How do I put an end to this vicious cycle?
When will I learn that 'no' is an option too?
Can I reject the request without being spiteful?
Or do I just have to totally ignore you?

Any advice or counsel that can be offered
would be very welcome and appreciated
All suggestions shared will be proffered
If you can help me to have this problem alleviated.