Mirrorball - “the fabrication of our performance”

a life long struggle to accept who I am,
of course, lose, and lose again, and
the fabrication of our performance now
inherent in every excuse and mirrorball
revolving asking, no, laughing, at our
vanity, as we endeavor, enabled by the
paucity of ego, the neediness of weakness’s
to catch, keep, hold each single flickering
light spot in our open, slick palms forever

we fabricate our performance of daily living,
modifying our measurements to match output,
only a human cannot wake only to fall within
each daily tabulation without thinking, once:

I am a hero, worthy of acknowledgement, just
look at my hands! see how many spots of
light I can claim as mine! the mirrorball turns
and turns paying no mind to the worshipers
below, until some sorrowful fool confesses,
fools fail, fools fail, turning the dervish off,
the white flag of ego darkened, once more...

we are all false poets, false prophets, occasionally confessing



7:34 AM
Sat Jul 18
The Year of the Virus, Corona

A mirrorball sits deep in his chest,
Unreadable, but throwing light onto
The ceiling, making patterns and
Twisting with each step and ripple.

Bending through grey sinew and plasma,
Refractions miss neither orifice nor opening.
Unbound by skin or upstretched ligament,
Green replaces red and flickers on.

By the light you scan his bookshelf;                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    
A titular knowledge of the man himself.
Emerge, resolved to delve inside
To see reflections shine and shadows dance.

And meet your own lights,
Form new shades,
Casting secondary colours onto the white above.

~
"Leave the lights off and on,
I feel mysterious tonight,"
she says.

"Every time you look different,"
replies her careful ecstasy.

Practice makes perfect,
and from chaos comes 💋 (kissing).
She floats free from
her own body's outer reaches:
The mirrorball and the mystic circle.
The mirrorball is a light
for attracting attention.
The mystic circle
is an unsustainable trance.

"Will I dream during the process?" she asks.

"Only if you know the wild that wants you," chants the infinite unsayable yes.
~

Billowed and pasted, rollicked and wasted,
the night takes hold and Samantha, you remember her,
she's smoking again. This is her last pack though.
Drinks poured. Drinks spilled. Kate and I are talking
like people with scheduled late afternoon love affairs. There's
a car alarm going off in the distance. I love this blouse. Is it new?
No. It looks new. I love your perfume. You aren't wearing any?
Must be a natural—and the first to arrive at the party, Chris and
Evan, they're the first to leave, and we listen intently as one, or maybe both, tumble down the stairs. There should be waivers for second floor
apartment parties. Kate, you deserve so—I know. I know. You've got this light. Jesus. I'm just saying. Is it radiant? Yes, it's radiant. And they're lighting their drinks on fire now in the kitchen, some concoction of amaretto and 151 and a kickback of Coors. The flames reflect in their eyes, their cheeks a soft amber, and most of them are smiling, not sincerely, but when was the last time you could give yourself over completely to joy? There's a siren in the distance. Someone says they're coming for us. I'm going to the bathroom. Do you need help? And there's this ceiling fan with LCD Christmas bulbs strung around the blades. A myriad of claustrophobic yellows and whites and blues. Have you seen that video of the ****** having a baby? And he brings it up on his phone. Someone says, Oh my god I love this song from the bathroom. I hadn't noticed the music before now. Drink this. What is it? You'll see. And Samantha she says she's got to step outside for a second. And someone drops a hookah coal on the beige carpet. There goes the deposit. There's incense. There's a Scentsy. There's Febreeze being sprayed liberally. Can you drive? Can you? Do you want to? You know? I've ate a lot today. The songs keep getting skipped. Parquet Courts, Michael Jackson, Lionel Richie, Chvrches, Miley Cyrus—wait, wait put on some SWIFTY. We're going to fire up in my closet if you want to join. It's a walk-in. Evan's back now. He kicks a mirrorball across the kitchen tile with Chris, who's also back now. Where's Samantha? She's smoking. She shouldn't be alone. You remember last—That won't happen again. I'm just saying. Well, you can stop saying. Sirens again. Closer. We're in the walk-in. Kate tugs on my sleeve. I take a pull off the bronze pinch hitter. Do little circles with my head. ****, she says. What? It all starts fading out, the rush of dark, the rush of light. Someone says trash can. Sirens. I'm just trying to—Shut up. I'm just trying to—Shut up.

Melt me into a thousand, reflective sighs. I ache for such sweet release — hypnotic, cathartic. I want to see myself drown once — with my life flashing in a slow-spinning liquid mirrorball. Just once in such graceful, calm, permanent surrender. Just once, and for the last time.

S I D E      A
"already mine"         : us the duo
"us"                           : james bay
"broken things"        : clairity
"the night we met"   : lord huron
"delicate"                   : taylor swift
"life me up"               : mree

S I D E       B
"august"                                        : flipturn
"stupid"                                         : lizzy mcalpine
"i love you"                                   : billie eilish
"mirrorball"                                  : taylor swift
"through the dark"                      : alexi murdoch
"if you ever want to be in love"    : james bay

Smeared interpretations caught up
in inversion mirrorball bathrooms
defying those punched up dust down reassurances
from
punk rock goddesses
emerging and
cutout of vagrant tunnels
Cast out by demagogues
spinning bottles determining fates
Falling to sidewalks falling from grace
no longer saving face from
a future washed down with the last call
This is how is all goes down
This is how it dies
Standing on the edge of a forever
that is all too quick to end

In the delicate dance of love's sweet embrace,
Where two souls intertwine, a sacred space.
With a whispered kiss, a gentle sigh,
Dreams awaken as the night draws nigh.

Restless hearts find solace in your presence,
Love's depths explored, fears evanescent.
The world becomes a symphony of light,
As we unfurl our love, taking flight.

Let us ascend, love's celestial flight,
Painting the town with our hearts alight.
Melodies of passion echo through the night,
In our embrace, everything's transformed, so right.

You've sculpted my world, like an artist divine,
A masterpiece painted with love's design.
Graffiti erased, replaced by a name,
Inscribed on the stars, igniting the flame.

I sought completion, a missing piece,
But you brought wholeness, my soul's release.
No more searching, for I've found my home,
In your love, I am forever known.

The moon, our mirrorball, casts its glow,
The city's alive, as our love's seeds sow.
Sirens harmonize, violins intertwine,
Our symphony of love, a divine sign.

Every step we take, an enchanted stride,
Guided by love, our hearts open wide.
As you slumber, tranquil and deep,
Know that in your presence, our love's secrets keep.

So let us rise, my love, on wings of desire,
Embracing the stars, setting souls on fire.
Bound together, forever we'll be,
In this journey of love, eternally free.

With you, my love, the path is clear,
In your arms, I'll always find my sphere.
As we drift into dreams, hand in hand,
While we slumber, everything's changed,
While we slumber, everything's grand.