I am ashamed.
I have failed so many times.
I no longer believe.
Believe in myself,
in my world,
in my dreams.
This weight on my heart,
so deep and dark,
slowly crushing me from within.
It's so hard to escape,
to breathe.
So frustrating.
Sleepless nights,
stressing.
Second guessing everything;
Everyone.
Feelings I can't control...
or defeat.
A drop away from drowning;
Suffocating.
I need help.
So many hands extended,
but some wither; some fake.
Unsure of who to trust,
which hand to take.
Head pounding,
heart racing,
four am panic attacks.
I don't want to let my parents down,
but I already have.
They haven't said it,
but I can see it,
feel it.
No explanations needed.
It's not all in my head!
It can't be.
But what if it is?
What do I do?
I'm lost.
But not all those who wander are lost...
right?
I've been wandering for so long,
When will I be found?

I lie to your face so I can lie to my soul.
Pretending that it's you I must deceive.
When really it is myself who can't seem
to see the truth and believe.
Because if I see the truth and acknowledge it,
I will prove to myself that I'm just a fake.
Hiding behind words of fantasy
to escape my reality.

Before my time is up,
and this moment in life passes,
I want you in every fiber of my being.
So when this body withers,
and ash is dust once more,
I want my soul to be
slowly consumed by yours.

What once was,
will never be again,
but maybe that is how
it was always meant to be.

I wish you said yes.
I'm glad you said no.

And even though our moment has passed,
like a photograph stopping time for all eternity,
the sweet pain of the memory will stay with me,
always.

I am an Inspiration.
By being,
I am paving a pathway.
For some to follow,
to duplicate,
to improve.
But overtime,
pathways erode.
The cracks slowly become noticeable.
And the path, not as even as it once was,
breaks away,
piece by piece.
What was reliability,
is now uncertainty.
Do I step,
unsure of sound ground?
Questioning, yet I continue down this path.
Because I learn,
I learn everyday.
A path is imperfect.
There are no two alike.
Similarities maybe,
but an individual path,
for a single walker.
What once was,
will never be again.
Acceptance,
and learned inspiration
springs determination.
To not let an eroding path,
erode the soul that forged it.