Sounds
Of a familiar
Song

A tune
To follow
The bridge
To remind us
Of past love

The new
Unexplainable
Sensation

Of an
Old song
Taking
New roots

When casual
Blurs to comfort

I run.

Scared to hurt you
Scared to commit

Afraid of kindness
and
Caring
and
Compassion.

In search of
love.

You say
I have

K i n d. E y e s.

I say
"Wait till you
Get me to

C l o s e. T h e m."

Come home to me
I beg of you
My love.

You want flowers?
I'll grow them for you.
Food?
I'll learn to cook.

You'd like some music?
I'll create it.
A special song?
I'll sing for you.

All my riches?
Take my wallet.
A brighter sky?
I'll paint it blue.

Anything you ask
I will provide for you
My love.
Come home to me,
I swear that I'll be
True.

You're

gone

and
I
can't

breathe.

So I'm
Addicted to
Trying
And
Failing

                            So what

Sorry
Comes across my lips
So frequently
It's as though
I'm not apologizing for
My actions
But rather
My existence.

And as I take you in
With one deep breathe

This exhale screams of

help

Milk
is weird right?
Like why
How did we even
Anyway.
That's not important
I actually love you
HAH
Like.
A lot.
But really milk?
Just hop on under that cow and
How do you always smell so nice GOD it's infuriating
And your eyes make me want to
And then we drink it?! Like what come on
That's just ridiculous.
Can you imagine the guy who was the first one to even TRY
to hold your hand. God I'd love to. But I can't. Because
It had to weird out some people honestly this can't just be me who's out here thinking about when on earth did we start just drinking cow's milk. Was someone just like "Well when I was younger my mother
And then you smile.
Oh my god I can't breathe and you ask me something.
****.
**** what did you say.
I was watching your mouth move and you said something now your eyes your eyes they're looking at me and I don't know what you said so I just say
***** milk I guess whatever though.

I was only meant to be here for a season.

Some call me Summer.
The way I light up a room.
Bright and warm and full of laughter.

He called me Autumn.
Because he fell for me.
Cozy nights by the fire.
Color and brisk walks and smiles.

She told me I remind her of the Spring.
New beginnings and hopeful futures.
Spashing in puddles and planting flowers.

But you know that I'm
Winter.
Cold.
A brisk walk to a cold car.
A shiver down your spine.
Ice and shut windows closed doors and frostbite.
You catch a glimpse of my snowflakes and claim beauty before my snow storm blizzard white-out black ice on zero viability roads in your cold cold car takes their place.
I'm cold.
Unforgiving.
Ice.
Cold.

How is it
I always find myself
In this sort of
Sorry place.

Surprise I've
Messed up again.
Are we in shock?
Are we in awe?
The crowd goes wild with
'I told you so's.

I'll just keep this up.
And then one day
I'll be gone.

I'm just
so
tired.

Some thing
Never change
Old tricks
New dog

Switch-up

I am not at fault.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Why am I being treated as though I did?

Stop it with the pity and the shame.
I am not ashamed. I don't need pity.
Especially not yours.

Life is messed up, but I am not.

One in five. one in five. ONE IN FIVE
One in five LGBTQ+ people have been mistreated because of their ****** orientation. It's not that hard to find these statistics. Look it up. Look up anything about LGBTQ+ people and I'm sure you'll find mistreatment.
I'm sure you'll find harm.
I'm sure you'll find that they harm themselves.
Because they feel at fault.
It's not their fault that they feel a common emotion towards another person you, selfish, close-minded..
mmm.

No.
Four in five. four in five. FOUR IN FIVE
Don't talk about it.
The way they were mistreated.
If you don't really get that
If you can't  really fathom that
Almost all of them
Almost every single one of these people that have been mistreated don't even talk about it they don't reach out they don't tell
anyone

NEARLY HALF
of LGBTQ+ people in school are bullied
Are mistreated
Are hurt
Are mocked
Are called names
***
******
***.
In school.
Yeah, bullying happens all the time over stupid ****. All the time. Wearing glasses, looking different, being gay.
I get it.
It happens.
Whatever.
Nearly half.

"72 countries criminalise same-*** relationships ...
The death penalty is either ‘allowed’, or evidence of its existence occurs, in 8 countries
In more than half the world, LGBT people may not be protected from discrimination by workplace law
Most governments deny trans people the right to legally change their name and gender from those that were assigned to them at birth
Between 2008 and 2014, there were 1,612 trans people were murdered across 62 countries - equivalent to a killing every two days
A quarter of the world’s population believes that being LGBT should be a crime"

Oh hey, just some statistics. Isn't that interesting. Isn't it cool to take a step back and check that out. That's pretty crazy huh? Pretty outrageous. But, you know, maybe if you weren't such a
***.

I did nothing
wrong.
I tried to stop it.
I tried.
But how can you stop
Doing
What
Is
Natural.

People are hurting
People are dying
People are being killed
People are killing themselves

Stop it with the pity and the shame.

We are not to blame.

I'm just not feeling
Anything
Lately

I'm not okay.
I can't speak.
It's hard to breathe.
My body is restless
But it can't leave the bed.
I'm crying without reason.

I can't even find the words and writing is what I love but you guys I'm losing my passion every day and I'm scared for myself.

I want to tell someone.
I want help.
But how do you tell
A stranger that
You're dying.

The look
The lips
The way
The moves
Defeat me

It seems I've let my insecurities take control of me.
It's true what they say,
that people hurt other people because they are hurt within themselves. That's really what it's all about.
Us.
We did something that we aren't proud of
and instead of accepting that and learning,
we find it in someone else and we blame them.
It's time to take charge of our faults.
It's time for me to blame myself.
It's time.

And how silly it all seems now
To have been so worried,
So concerned,
About finding the one for me.
Looking and
Searching and
Picking through people
Sort them with a mental machine.

You broke the trend.
You didn't follow the rules.
I didn't find you.

You stepped in and I was welcomed home.
You were a mess of all my future kisses and desire.
You made me stop.
Looking
Searching
Picking through people.
You broke my mental sorting machine.

And now
I am with you
And you are with me.
And I am free.

She's the gift
That every birthday
Has been leading up to.

And I don't want the months to pass
I'm not looking forward to Christmas,
No Thanksgiving or
Halloween.
No snowballs or fallen leaves.
That's less time
For you and me.
Pause today.
Live with me.
No more holidays.
No candy.
No pumpkin pie
Or Christmas tree.
Just you. Just me.
This bed. These blankets.
Your eyes. Your lips.
On mine.
*No time.

Frozen in this dance
For now or for
Forever.

we will love while we are near
we will love from afar
we will love with every sunrise
with every sunset
with every snowfall and rain storm
with every change in the weather
and with every flavor of the sky
we will love

So simple
So sweet
So secure

"Keep me safe"
I pleaded.

That even if you are having
A rough tough time in life
You are always allowed to have
A good day.

Life through the light
was lovely
and clean.
Darkness hides
a mess.
***** little things.
Such a stigma
to what lies in
shallow corners.
The desire
the need to bring it
out into the sun.
Let it be.
Let them see.
Shut your eyes.
Welcome the night.
Let it be.

moving with you
arching bodies
flowing with
your breath
heart beating

You bring about
The parts of me
That I have been dying
To meet.

water and air
and a toss of your hair

a little blue
and every thought of you

My house is a closet
And I spend my days peeking through the cracks
In the door.

Trying to get out
While you cling to the keys
And lock me inside.

I respect you.
I'll protect you.
I care about you.
Nice ***.

Have you ever smiled for days in a row?
Non stop.
Come what may.
Car trouble
People trouble
Personal trouble
Doesn't matter.
Just a smile on your face
So genuine and true.

What caused that?
Find it.
Keep it.
Pursue it for the rest of your life.

Finding someone
Who makes you feel
Everything
And
Nothing
At
All.

Such a wonderful thing
To stay up late for.
To stay awake for.
To stay trapped inside this moment
Feeding on your foundation
And living in that look on your face
For.

The middle of the night.
In plain sight.

Don't be afraid
To do what
Feels right.

There
Is nothing
Wrong with me.

I am
Who
I am.

Who is this *******
Who gave me permission
To do things like
Love
and
Kiss
and
Desire.

What kind of a person allows that?

Did they not realize
That I would crave
To act on those
Behaviors?

Of course I will love.
Of course I will kiss.
Of course I will desire.

But why would someone gift me
Things that can
Hurt me in return?

Unrequited
Unwanted
Uninterested

How cruel of the person
Who gave me permission
To try.

Alcohol
Cigarettes
And every thought of you.

You deserve every flower.

The ones that people worked to create.

And the ones that people had no part in.

And now
It is time
To get to know myself.

What a frightening
Wonderful
Thing.

And it's not that you loved me
Despite my imperfections..

It's that you never saw them to begin with.

Her lips
And your kiss.

Her eyes
And your sparkle.

Her movements
On your body.

If I could
Mix and match
Your pieces

Make you dance for me
Make you comfort me
Make you love me

This new concoction of
Mismatched parts
That don't belong together

And nothing's the
SAME ANYMORE

And I'm losing it
I'm losing touch with myself

Because I lost touch with you.

You stopped writing me.
I looked for your words of love
But they were no where to be found.

Because I asked you to stop them.
Because I asked you.
I did.

But now they're gone.
And nothing is the
Same anymore.

Who do you have to cry to
At 3 o'clock
In the
Morning

I can't escape you
In every lustful thought
You're there.

If my mind is wandering
It's headed straight into your arms.

So I can wrap my wrists around your waist.
So I can taste your mouth until I mistake it for my own.
So I can become entirely caught up in you.

I just want to
Escape you
Or
Swallow
You
Whole.

And my god it's going to be impossible
To find someone to love now.

Because before
All I had to do
Was find someone who held
A little bit of her
In them.

Her smile or
The way she glanced my way.
The toss of her hair or
The way she bit her lip.

But now
Look at me.
A mess.

It appears I must have fallen.

Because while I'm searching for her
I find myself looking for more of you.