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978 · Jan 2014
Wasteland
I tasted the air this afternoon
I tasted dry snowflakes and pollution
Another day in this ohio wasteland
Many things come to mind with that word
Wasteland
Is it me that's wasting away?
Or is it my enviornment ?
Woodlands rapidly giving way to back alleys
And second rate apartment complexes
Or is it me
My true inner being
My real self slowly giving way to society's mandates
Like a tree falling lonesome with his sound unheard
And with no lumberjack to yell timber,
Does the deadfall go to remain unnoticed?
978 · Nov 2014
Cheyenne
Dear Cheyenne
I love you more than I could ever express
You make me feel like a million bucks,
When I felt like 2 million less
You brought me up from my darkest hour,
Your lips make my mouth taste sweet
When it was once sour
I want to take you to the top
Of the Eifel Tower
And kiss you again
So you feel the power
Of the change you wrought in me

I want to wrap my arms around you
And never ever let go
I don't know what force could've allowed you
To love someone, so broken, so alone,
but you still did

You took the pieces of my shattered heart
And sewed them back together
You're a masterpiece of modern art,
That I can appreciate forever
And you push me to be my best,
In all of my endeavors
My greatest treasure

In ten days, it will have been 9 months
Since you stole my soul away
And kept it in your safe harbor
I know that I'm no charmer,
But,
I hope you think this is cute
And you hang it on your wall
Just like all the others
So I figured, if you had some wall space,
I'd write you another
My dearest Lover. <3
941 · Mar 2016
Noise.
I think Vincent Van Gogh sliced off his ear to drown out the noise.
Life is so **** loud all the time with its crashing and banging
And sounds of screeching halts in action.
Keyboard clicks and the voices of Charlie Browns teachers.
I feel lost in this soundscape and not in a good way.
Tires and church bells the sounds of the drooling mob drive me mad.
I can't hear myself think anymore,
My soliloquy swallowed by the utterances of curses and cries of crows.
If the world would silence itself for just a moment,
I could sigh in relief.
941 · Feb 2014
Kaleidoscopes
In the morning fog my breath collects
Always leaving me to wonder what's next
My life became black and grey poetry
Colors just appear when you notice me
Your eyes a shade of grey and icey blue
Kaleidoscopes of emotions and hues
Dance inside your ever changing iris
It's a gamble, it's my heart I risk
The possibility of hurting me
Could lead to lasting love, eternally
To take my hand and go through the fire
For flames cannot touch stars that burn brighter
938 · Jul 2013
Liar
My dishonest nature pushes people away
I'm so immature, but I'd beg you to stay
But I guess, I'll leave, and head for the come what may
With nothing but old photographs and memories of yesterday
Today I feel very bland
I am that nasty tan color of the walls in school
I am that odor of stale cigarette smoke that fills your nostrils
I feel so plain I make chicken stock look extravagant
No drive or real motivation
Just moving through the paces
Like I figured out humanities hidden robotic algorithms

Someone please inspire me
926 · Feb 2015
Colorless World
Words you say,
Have a tendency to reach under my skin,
Like an infected I.V I cant pull out
Phrases and insults burning on your tongue
Shoot sparks and burn those that don't deserve
The treatment you're giving them

You can't hide your true colors anymore
I truly know your heart is black
And you live in a colorless world
While mine remains
Full of hues
And views of places
Far away
913 · Jul 2013
Positive Disposition
Early morning lights peeks through my window
The rise of smoke painted gold as I let my problems go
Positive vibes, as I **** upon the indo
Where this day will take me I'm afraid I do not know

But I will not fear destiny, I will accept things as they come
Negativity tries to get the best of me, but theirs songs to be sung
There's no harming me, I have my inner harmony
My positive disposition is guarding me

I can't let myself be beaten by hate and anger
Keep my head up, find faith, help a stranger
Got a great woman, she helps my find my center
She's my baby, and she's beautiful I couldn't live without her

I'll look into her eyes, and sit with the rising sun
Think of days gone by, you and me together in every one
911 · Feb 2014
Homicidal Amnesia
I'm blinded by illusions
But blessed with sight
I feel the confusion
Late at night
And I don't remember where I go
I ask myself and I don't know
But I smell like blood and cologne
If only I had known
Last night would end up like this
With a fatal kiss and a knife
Creeping up to take your life
In the dead of night
Underneath a full moon
Hiding in your bedroom
I think I love you
Too soon?
No, I just love the violence
And the sadness that follows
Your post Mortem silence
And so prevalent is the eloquence
Of skin, pail benevolence
And my conscience tries to  bleed through
The only thing that bleeds is you,
I smother it, I cover it
In the blackest manifested sin
I am not a human being ,
I have become the devils kin
904 · Jan 2016
The Festivities
Another year in this land.
Another beer in my hand.
I can hear the sounds of the bands,
And the hands, being held, in the street.
I'd love to be, a part of all the festivities.

There are lights in the clouds,
Women swinging around
The waists of the men that they love.

And as the clocks ticking down,
I'll be wrapped, in the shroud
Of the joy in the hearts of men.

What a wonderful time to be alive.
900 · Mar 2014
In Rememberance of Aimee
Arranged elegantly, decorated with babies breath
Is the face of a girl that joined the ranks of death
Every where, she wore a smile
To help a friend would walk a mile
She’d connect with how you feel,
Always down to keep it real
She’d give you her last meal
Before she let you starve

I knew her since I was about eleven,
Now she stands at the gates of Heaven
And I can only imagine the look on Gods face
When she stepped into His grace
Redefining “Angel face”
For those she left behind
In the wake of suicide
Always on our minds
Since came her time..
I had a friend commit suicide about a week ago and its really been bothering me. She was my first friend in this town, she meant a lot to me...
897 · Aug 2015
She Makes Me Who I Am
She holds me while I rest uncomfortably
She grabs my hand when I'm lost in dark places.
Her fiery spirit reignites the embers in my cold soul.
With a kiss on the cheek she gives me the wings
That I'll leave this dreadful mortal space with.
She makes smooth the splinters in my conscience.
When I kissed her again
The bed of nails I was doomed to fall on
Was transformed into a field of her favorite flowers.
She takes away my itch for the volatile substances I crave so badly.
She changed me.
She makes me who I am.
897 · Nov 2014
Love notes
I watched you write me love notes,
Appreciating the way you loop your y's
And the cursive that looks like graphite smoke
On an untouched canvas

The way you hold your hand is elegant,
Every movement fine, performed with grace
And you mutter what you're writing
Just to make sure it sounds perfect.

Sometimes, you scribe little poems outside the margin
Sweetness dripping like honey off tongues,
Enraptured by your words, spellbound
I'll fall into you
893 · May 2014
You're My Everything
I know you're out with your friends
And you won't see this for a while
But I'm at my wits end my dear
Longing to see your smile

I hope these verses still give you
Butterflies like they used to
Right now I feel so blind
Because I can't picture life
Without you
And the color blue that
Your eyes radiate
That Belongs on every artists canvas

I need you dear
Don't you soon forget
With you I can face my fears
Live life with no regret

I figured I'd write you this
Because I know things are rough
I'll leave you poems and a gentle kiss
To fill the hole back up

You're my world baby doll
Wouldn't trade you for anything
If you ever feel alone
Just remember
You're my everything.

I love you. <3
Wrote this for my girl while she's out having fun. I miss her dearly.
Inhale all the pain,
Exhale a story of strength,
and poetic growth.
889 · Apr 2016
Pneumonia Cough
I've got a lot on my mind and no space to write it all.
I've got dirt on my face, but no strength to wipe it off.
Going over the edge, I think I'm gonna fall.
I've got a stomach in knots, and a pneumonia cough.
872 · Jun 2015
Craving.
Kinda craving drugs,
Kinda craving ***,
Kinda craving food,
Just kinda craving.
865 · Nov 2014
Keep Me Safe From This Sea
When she smiles,
It's like a baptism
Freeing me from all the worst things in life
Her happiness floods over me like God reforming the world
And I'm adrift on the arc of her love
The only thing keeping me afloat
Above this sea of melancholy and despair

Though sea monsters reach from the bottom,
Trying desperately to sink a claw in my throat
I feel protected by your omnipresence
As if your hand could smite any foe
From a thousand miles away

You are the lighthouse,
That guides me to the safety of your shores
And when I port, I'll step out
And kiss the ground you've laid before me
In eternal gratitude for your safe harbor

I'll always find safety in you
It's a metaphor, yo
863 · Nov 2014
A Kiss... Universal
In the beginning, I was the universe
Formless, without shape or reason
Everything I felt floating around inside me
In no order, like stardust
Stumbling its way through life, arbitrarily

Then, you came...

And suddenly, I found myself
Floating in the most beautiful ellipse
In perfect order, indefectible
With your breathtaking soul at the center

I felt you pulling me into shape
My awkward human form molding to your perfection
Your gravity grasps me by the back of my hair
and pulls me in for a long kiss
And at that moment I felt a 10 millennium old star
Shatter into a supernova at the force of our love
While we stand in front of it's glow,
And smile together
854 · Feb 2016
Gypsy Blood.
The sun calls to me in a sultry voice.
The horizon inviting me sweetly to explore it's territory.
There's gypsy blood boiling inside my veins
And I hear a message on the wind
That cannot go unanswered.
851 · Dec 2015
Old Friend.
Keep me awake,
Keep me alive,
Stifle it all
back down inside
Old Friend.

Make the nights never end
as the moon shines brighter than the sun.
You make my vibration strong again.
You make me happy,
yet I know if you hang around,
You'll eat out my insides.

But I was so glad to see you.
Saw an old friend today. She looked just as sharp as I remember her. Her crystal eyes pierced me again.
She calls to me, an object of attention,
Yearning for affection,
Wanting to see perfection in her reflection
Endlessly punished by introspection
Only tasting the sting of rejection
Her heart became filled with malice,
As if by intravenous injection
With no protection, her mind swelled with insurrection
She tried to hide how she feels,
But she's an open wound, a caesarean section
So I guess it's up to me to make the correction
To show her what it is to love,
And lead her in the right direction
To bring back the light in her eyes,
A shining stars resurrection
Hearing sharp words
Of those around me
Love is absent
Lust omnipresent
Out of sympathy
We become hollow beings

Sweet lies fill the ears
Only tasting of resentment
Under strain
Loveless we remain,
Simply self consumed

We became so material
Imperialistic
So agonizingly emotionless
Hollow souls cherish possessions

For possessions take the place of emotions
Only lavish fabrics or precious metals
Really fill the void in people anymore

Love, outweighs possessions
Outweighs them by a thousand
Vicariousness the victor,
Endlessly
846 · Jan 2015
Funky music
Gimme a funky bassline
Slap that thing like it stole your money
Bring in the sax just right
Get on the floor and bring a honey
Cause we got

Music flowin'
******* blowin,
Everybodies vibin
With the love they're showin

Take your hats off to the band
and give them the respect to dance
When you hear that funky music
Cause It might be your last chance

So get up, down,
round and round
Make a noise complaint out of this town
So get up, down
round and round,
got kick drums by the pound,
So get up, down,
Round and round
Rock this place, to the ground!
Oh, let me give it to ya

Guitars soundin' real real clean,
Good God almighty, it's a party scene
I couldn't find this in my dreams
Let's rip this house down at the seams!

So get up, down,
round and round
Make a noise complaint out of this town
So get up, down
round and round,
got kick drums by the pound,
So get up, down,
Round and round
Rock this place, to the ground!
Oh, let me give it to ya
842 · Jan 2016
With the Help of a Blue Jay
I had my own little circle of Hell.
Demons prodded me with needles.
****** souls invited me to their homes
filled with smoke and treason.

I was sitting in a burning throne of lies and addiction.
With piles of broken glass pieces and hypodermic syringes as a foot rest.
Then one day a hole opened in the sky above
and a single blue jay flew down
and rested upon my boot tip.

He said "Why do you choose to live here, so washed out and broken?"
"Because it is the only place I feel at home, Blue Jay" I replied.
"There is sunshine just beyond your fingertips!" He countered.
"The only light that beckons me is the hellfire surrounding us, bird" I retorted.

"Come with me" he sighed.
Suddenly the blue jay grew ten times his size and sprouted incredible wings.
He made me climb upon his back and soar out of the pit I had become so accustomed to.
"Look at what the sun has to offer," said the blue jay.
there were green fields and rushing rivers,
Playing children I had forgotten existed.

In my place, my personal hell,
I had forgotten about the sun.
the skies were smudged black
And the painted clouds rolled down in grey
Like oil on canvas.

When you're in hell, it's so easy to forget
About the world above.
Seeing past yourself and into the setting sun
Becomes an impossibility.


" Do you see?" said the bird.
"I do see, but what is it I am looking past?" Said I.
"The little things." blue jay replied.
"The little things that used to please you, before you became a monster."
"The rivers used to make you feel whole as you skipped stones across their uneven expanse.
The children reminded you of your innocence before you became what you are. The fields were your home, where you would catch sun and ponder things before you became this."

Suddenly all my cravings vanished.
The black cloud that hung over me stopped pouring rain
And started beaming light.
The portal from whence we came had closed.
I had come home.

The blue jay flew to the ground and let me off his back.
"Now you see," he said, "You see what you had been missing."
He shrank, and flew away into the trees
Leaving me at home,
in my fields,
again.
this poem is about me climbing out of the pit of addiction. The blue jay symbolizes my pure uncorrupted self, and I was speaking from the perspective of my addict self. The nature of good will carried me through hell and back onto the surface of normalcy.
836 · Feb 2015
What EDM does to me
These synthesized notes and drum loops
Have me travelling through space
Phasing in and out of reality
Passing through a unicorn shaped nebula
Into the face of the sun
Where I gather energy
And explode into a radiant burst of light
Illuminating all the galaxy with a force
That is clear and white
And shining true onto all beings
Savior of the universe
836 · Aug 2013
A Vampires Hunt
an feeling ever darkly creeps over me,
It spills out onto the city streets,
As the night draws down upon the suns lovely glow
The familiar feeling, quick to come and quick to go
Paranoia and madness quickly begin to show,

One with the moon, dash through the night
So quick to move, always out of sight
I awaken, under the shadow of darkness
The teeth shoot from my gums,
I begin to hunt, It's soon over,
Though the games have just begun

I find myself staring through a window,
A lovely woman sits alone,
Quietly humble, stiller than the oldest stones,
Her eyes fixed upon the screen, her favorite show
Our eyes met, just for an instant,
A moment in time of no relevance,
But played into the hands of her fate a great deal

Through the roof I enter the dank apartment complex
Mildew and alcohol soked into the panels,
I hear staticy programs on various channels,
The smell of blood and hopelessness reeks from the floors and walls
Coursing through the veins of those whose will to live continues to fall
I can feel the sorrow of the places inhabitants
So mundane and drab..
She won't be missed at all,

I track the smell of my lovely prey,
I knock upon her chamber door,
She says "Enter, if you may"
She appeared to be a sickly *****,
Who hadn't seen the sun in days
Who are you and why are you here"
she says in a dry, crackly voice
I don't mean to scare you, there's no need to fear
I respond, careful of my word choice
There's no need to fear, for your end is near,
And when I'm done, draining your blood,
I'll then soon disappear

She's fallen under my influence,
Drunk on the pressure of the souls,
Of a thousand nameless victims,

I give her my best smile,
As I bear down upon her neck,
I'll make this worth while,
Find some meaning in her death

I carry the burden of so many souls
gone, forever from the world,
By my hand, and teeth,
I can never justify the souls that I eat...
829 · Jun 2015
My Mona Lisa
You had a way of captivating me
Like an artist is struck by something beautiful
You made me feel inspired,
Like there were possibilities
Beyond this emptiness.

You were the axis my world spun on.
The pulse in my wrist
My Mona Lisa,
If I could id hang you in a gallery
With all of the other great works of man,
But I'm selfish,
And I want you all to myself.
825 · Sep 2015
Spread the love, man.
I want to be a travelling teacher.
I want my life to be a lesson.
Spread a psalm of love to those who remain ignorant
In the dark corners of the world.

I want to hug every decrepit old person
And kiss the forehead of every baby.
I want to relieve the stress of the working class
And show mothers that I understand their struggle.

It is only through love that we can change this place.
Compassion be the sword that cuts through bigotry.
Let us heal our wounded spirits.
Let us feed our young.
Let us forget, even for a moment, the law of the land
To reenact the basic laws of man.

Be gentle, and kind.
We only get one life.
Use it wisely, and maybe,
Our children will grow as the lotus,
And bloom above these murky waters
Of selfishness and ambition.

Come together.
Is this how it's supposed to be?
What am I  supposed to see?
The world revolving in conflict. and violence.
I'm told to sit, and revel in global silence
While everyone won't accept my guidance
Or learn to treat each other with love and kindness
A veil of violence, causing global blindness

I'm a gentle man in a violent world
I do what I can, then maybe a little more
Everyone is so fixated on settling scores
If only we could find the kindness in humanities core
And before we fight, we think about what we're fighting for
Then we won't have to face karmas vengeful scorn
822 · Aug 2013
A Quick Poem About My Cat.
This is a poem, about a character I know,
Moving so silently, as if air were her toes
An orange flash in the corner of my eye,
Hear the bash of something falling,
In the middle of the night

She stalks the bugs that float past my waist
Jumping through the air, killing,
Leaving nothing to be traced
A little satisfaction, before she washes her face
But before she takes her nap, there's flies to be chased

I hold this girl close to my heart,
She keeps my company, when I write my poems
Sitting on my lap, in the darkest of the dark
If you havent figured out, who this poem is about,
The honor goes out, to my feline friend
The one, who sits at my feet, and calls again
819 · Jan 2014
I look in the mirror
I look in the mirror and I see a man,
Standing, looking down at the blood upon his hands
He shudders at himself, struggles to stand
This wasn't meant to be,
This wasn't part of the plan,

I look in the mirror, and I see a boy
Crying over spilt milk and broken toys
Over his favorite hot wheel being crushed by daddies van,
This wasn't meant to be, this wasn't part of the plan

I look in the mirror, and I see a monster,
A red blooded sociopath who looks like his father
Remembering a sermon of empty words
The deepest cuts bleed but dont hurt
But the ones on my wrist do,
This wasn't meant to be,
This wasn't a part of the plan
818 · Oct 2014
Samahdi
Blank tranquility
silence,
The weight of my consciousness
Lifted
The chatter of endless thoughts
Now a low hum
I fill my chest with air
And exhale knowledge
The third eye crusted shut
With years of flouride and impurity
Now beginning to see again
though I am not worthy
Of the majesty it will eventually
Bestow upon me
I will find bodha,
I want to experience
The absolute truth
Sitting with Gautama beneath his Pipal tree
Bathing in his wisdom
For he knows my suffering,
And the long path I have traveled
To understand it
And become a higher being
Rasasvada is my only escape now,
Until I become truely enlightened
Sanskrit translations
Rasasvada - Feeling of bliss in the absence of thoughts, happiness in meditation
Bodha - Truth, enlightenment
samadhi - advanced state of meditation; absorption in the Self; Oneness; the mind becoming identified with the object of meditation
814 · Sep 2014
The Tiger
The tiger creeps up
To the bank where fishes sleep
And catches his meal

the tiger lies down
In the blades of grass and reeds
His eyes are weary

The tiger wakes up,
Stretches like all felines do
Takes a silent step

The tiger hunts prey,
Stalking it so patiently
Then strikes with full force

The tiger eats now,
The days struggle is over
The sun feels so warm

The tigers happy,
Living as all tigers should
Freely and uncaged
810 · Sep 2014
A Message To Her
When I say you're the love of my life, I mean it. My literal soul mate. I'll do anything and sacrifice everything for your happiness. There's nothing I want more than to make you my wife and live the rest of our days happily. I can't wait to explain to our kids how we found each other and tell them the perfect love story about high school sweet hearts. I want them to believe in what we have.
I sent this to my girlfriend earlier, and pured my soul out. This is absolutely real, and the biggest display of emotion you'll probably ever see out of me. This is a real glimpse into my heart.
804 · Feb 2016
When Tears Don't Happen
Sometimes tears just don't happen.
Sometimes you feel your soul crack like glass
And watch the pieces fall in glittery shards
To a floor that's as unforgiving as those who made you this way.
800 · Apr 2015
Destiny is Malleable
Stop. Breathe.
Feel the earth beneath you're feet
Stay intact, stop the fracture
Everywhere you look there's greener pastures
Have a moment of laughter,
Appealing to no master
In this current moment
You know nothing else could matter
Peace will come full circle like the rings of saturn
You can pull yourself together when you find yourself scattered
You're destiny is malleable, and only you can be it's crafter
787 · May 2014
Lucy
Dance with me, Lucy
Show me kaleidoscopes of the spirit
Colors mixed and found, anew
Make the little clock
On my iPhone,
Spin in violent motion
As I stare into your eyes

Lie with me, Lucy
Tell me your stories
As I lie on my back and listen
In wonder
To the sounds caressing my soul
It's only you that brings out
This wonderful, wonferful feeling
in me

You make my mind do backflips
I lose myself in you
My conciousness expanding
The third eye peeled open
By your paper fingernails
And the taste of you,
Keeps me coming back
Wasting all my money,
Wasting all my time
But I'd lose all that only if
I can have you by my side

Why do you have to go away?
Why do you leave me drained?
Do you find solace in,
These tired eyes that remain?
I can fall into your influence
Like a perfume inviting my sweetly
To the breast of a conscience yet unexplored
Miles away, I am from me,
With you alone, the third eye sees
everything left unexplained
To me
I love you
Isn't it obvious?
787 · Oct 2013
Autmn Memories
It's a cold, windy October afternoon
Winter is grasping the necks,
Of the flowers yet to bloom

My fingers turn red,
My breath collects in the air
All of nature, becoming dead,
Feeling the wind rush past my hair

I get a cold chill,
Autmn reminds me of my belly filled
With Apple Cider and warm stew
And all the memories you,
And I, that we shared together
It's been a day and forever, but,
I can't stop seeing you in the decaying leaves
780 · Jan 2014
Just a little song I wrote.
I was walking down the street one day
And I knew that nothin was gonna be the same
And I might catch the midnight train
Cause I've got nowhere else to go

I bid you farewell I'll return some day
With a thick gold chain and a pocket full of change
With a fresh new suit and a white fedora
Exotic cigarettes and a new Toyota
And you'll question me when I say
That way back when I used to know ya

I'll tell you tales of Californian waves
And hitchhiking down on sixty eight
But god had laid it in my fate
To come back to you, like I said I would back then
Lotus position,
River running
Overturning the pebbles
Beneath the surface
Thumb and middle fingers
Pressed together
Leaves are falling
From the tree I sit beneath
Cherry blossoms fall around me
Like pink rain
Inhale, exhale,
My lungs fill and then deflate,
And I feel endorphins leave my brainstem
And spread through my body
As I repeat my mantra,

The birds are singing above my head
I see the late evening sun
Paint the sky burnt orange and pink
Through closed lids
all I can smell are flowers and dew
I taste the peace upon my breath,
And it's very sweet

I am what I am,
I am nature
I am human
I am the universe,
simply observing itself
For a while
I am beautiful,
I will witness myself
In my full, and glorious splendor

I will understand
The real nature
Of things

Inhale, exhale...
Tried to give the imagery of meditating by a river beneath a beautiful tree. I'm sure you got that, though.
778 · Oct 2014
Narcotics
I fell in love,
when I was about fourteen
with narcotics

****, pills, coke, lean
LSD and ecstasy
DMT and Ketamine

I love it all

Sobriety is a struggle
Because I don't know how to cope
If I can't get high,
I'm searching for the rope
To tie around my neck
and jump
to a short drop
With a sudden stop
Because I have to deal with everything
Or anything,
at all

I can't do that...
I'm not like you
I can't look past the rain clouds in my way
To get a little better view
The view has to be skewed
By acid or a mushroom
Or two, or three
maybe a few hits of DMT,
Then those clouds will move,
Maybe the world will gimme a little breathin room

I'm not even a addict
To one particular vice
I'm just an addict
For the vice of the night

what am I gonna smoke?
What am I gonna snort?
What will bring me back up
To where I was before?

I can't handle sober
It's just not in my genes
I rely on all these drugs
To make me feel like me

But you wouldn't understand
Your probably 30 years old with a 10 year plan
you're a family man, got a wife and two sons
Reading this saying "I hope they don't end up like this one"
Cause you know what?

I really don't either
I failed chemistry
But I can turn brake fluid
Into Ether

And that should tell you something
When I started this, I didn't know
About the bad world coming

Now I'm stuck so deep in this hole
I can't climb out, cause there's no hand-hold
I don't think there's a long enough pole
To reach down to the bottom and touch my soul

Now I just keep digging my self deeper
I found my love, and I know she's a keeper
But what's to keep her from leaving me?
I'm going nowhere fast and it's plain to see
Sometimes I just wanna die,
Hope a car jumps out in front of me
then I can die peacefully
Like I've always wanted,
I've put a gun to my head,
But can't pull the trigger
I'm just to cowardly...

I want to die
I want to die right now
With a rag over my face
Inhaling all the toxic chemicals
Kids found out about on Myspace
In my place,
Just my, my self, and I
Layin all up on my counter space

and I slip away
778 · Oct 2013
A Facade of Friendship
I get a little to close for her
She wants me to keep my distance
I'm just trying to be a little closer to her,
I can't keep on keeping up this resistance
But I've got a little surprise for her,
It won't be that easy to break my persistence

I can't stay away from those,
Bright blue eyes that shone,
In the darkest of Autumn nights
When we were alone and I held you tight
You held me close and I bared my soul
When I'm with you I just feel whole
I'll open my chest so you can see the heart that you stole

But you don't seem as open as I do
Wouldn't accept a public hug or kiss every time I tried to
When we're alone , we know we'll last forever
But when we're with our friends, we're not even together

Is that how it's supposed to be?
Is that what they're supposed to see?
Laughing and talking as friends when they're in the room
But when we're alone things are getting heated in my bedroom
and you're always in the mood
772 · Feb 2015
A Palace Made Of Fools Gold
A man was sitting in a barren landscape
Only cracks in the orange clay
And scorpions for company
And it was very dry

One day the man was sitting in meditation,
And felt himself to be hot,
So he breathed
And when he released this breath,
Trees sprang from the ground
And a pool opened at his feet
He opened his eyes, and he said
"This is not enough"

The next day, the man sat in meditation once more
And he held out his hand and said
"By my divine energy I will there to be a palace for me!"
And from his hand leapt 10,000 bricks
That formed themselves into a castle
Greater than the Taj Mahal
And he sat upon his new throne
And was happy

One day, again, he sat in meditation in his palace
And he thought "I need servants to tend to my whims!"
And he regurgitated 4 servant girls
who would see to his needs as he saw them

Many months later, after much lavish living and unhealthy eating,
He found himself with all of his riches,
all of his silks, and his exotic animal skins and servants,
Still unsatisfied, he went to meditate in his great hall,
He asked himself "Why can't I be truly satisfied? Give me a vision.
Give me a sign that I've made the right decisions"

The man found himself in the place he was truly happy
But he was confused, as he had been here before
He was seeing himself sitting on the orange clay,
At play with a scorpion,
Searching for his water for the day

"But I've had my fill" he tells himself
"I drink so much water a day I could drown a fish.
I wear such nice silks I counted down to the ten thousandth stitch
How can I be unhappy if I'm so lavishly rich?"

And that's when he realized,
that happiness isn't measured in the gold of a ring,
Or being acknowledged as some sort of king,
Happiness is having just the right amount of water from the spring,
Not the precious metals and fabric to which we cling,
And as his palace of fools gold crumbled down,
He sprang and danced and looked all around
And felt so happy he started to sing
Yeah
771 · Sep 2014
The Cellar, Part I
PART I
Sam had been eagerly awaiting this move. The new house was spectacular. An old, colonial home in rural Pennsylvania, with a wraparound veranda and a bay window in what appeared to be a castle spire on the far North side. The roof was made out of red clay, pieces of it broken, yet undisturbed. The front yard was turning brown in the July sun, and the front door had a crack in it the size of Texas. But with a little elbow grease, Sam and his family were going to make this ****-hole a home.

Sam walked inside the front door and was greeted with one of those large staircases that splits into two directions at the top. There was a portrait of someone at the top of the stairs, but his face had been ripped out of the painting. Peculiar. He then walked across the squeaky floor into the kitchen where he decided to run the sink for a drink of water. Rust. The water ran brown and he was wondering what he would drink since the fridge was still in the back of the U-Haul. While the rest of his family was still unloading, curious Sam decided to tour the house, since this was the first time he’d actually been in it.
He went upstairs and hung a left. The wallpaper here was hideous. A mix of Posies and Lavender painted the walls with a yellow smoke-stained backsplash. Upstairs smelled weird. Ammonia and cigars. Classy cigars. Not a 75 cent Black & Mild you buy at the drive thru when you can’t afford a real pack of smokes. I follow the smell back to a bedroom. This bedroom was the master room. Sam opened the door that was slightly ajar, only to find the room was completely barren, short of an old timey rocking chair. Maybe the old occupants left it?
Walking about this room Sam feels a cool chill on the air. Like a September breeze gently brushing the back of your neck. Looking around he felt nothing but the empty space. No weird vibe, but not a comfortable one either. He felt like an iceberg standing in the ocean all alone, waiting for the Titanic to come along. The Titanic in this case, being something of any interest or excitement. Time to move on.
He moved out of the room, past the stairs and into another, smaller room, past the strange portrait. Once again, there was an empty, barren space where his feet hit the floor. This room had carpet. Old carpet, maybe **** from the seventies. But he really didn’t care. It just appeared as a fire hazard to him. Hardwood has always been Sams’ favorite. He wandered about this room the same as the last, feeling nothing but the coolness and how awfully the room was decorated. Obviously a childs room. The walls were covered in Zebras, leapords, tigers, and lions. There was coloring on the walls. He didn’t notice what it said until he really looked. “YOU’RE GOING TO DIE HERE” was inscribed on the wall in red Crayola marker. He binked, and rubbed his eyes. Looking up again, it was gone. How strange. I’m not imagining this, he thought to himself. I have 20/20 vision, I don’t mistake anything. Oh well. His inner monologue had ended.
After a minute of contemplation, he decided to go help the rest of his family. On his way out the door to grab a box, he was greeted by his eccentric mother. “Aren’t you excited, Sammy?!” She exclaimed as he came outside. “This house is so old. I love the history.” She said enthusiastically. She was a young mother, having Sam at the age of 19. She was a nurse. Taking care of people was her specialty, and another was not giving any regard to herself. Being 31 now, she’s having a sort of mid-life I-Need-To-Feel-Youthful-again crisis. That’s why she bought this house. She figured a new house could mean a new her, and she could live how she’d always wanted too. She was a small framed woman, about 5’3 with a petite figure and a bright red pixie cut. As she was carrying boxes of China into the kitchen to place on the counter, she had to stop and breathe in the places aroma. Inhaling deeply, she sighed “Wow, sam. This is spectacular. Don’t you think so?”

“Kinda weird.” Sam replied, making his way up the veranda steps with another box. Placing it down, he commented about the hideous wallpaper. “This place is pretty **** ugly to me.” Sam said distastefully. “Samuel Smith, watch your mouth!” Mother said. Being a single mom and not having a father figure to help raise Sam, she’d done the best she could. Always teaching him to use his manners, watch his language and chew with his mouth closed. She’s the picture perfect mom, only missing the mini-van that comes with mom-hood. “I think we’ll make it work just fine, baby.” She added as she came up to him, wrapped her hands around his cheeks and kissed his forhead. “I love you, pumpkin.” She whispered. Sam replied, wiping her hands from his face. “Mom, come on. I’m to old for that stuff now.”

She pulled away, minding her boundaries. “You’re never too old to be my baby, Sammy.” Now go wash up, I called in for take-out earlier since we don’t have a stove yet, and you know you’re not allowed to be ***** at dinner time.” Sam sighed deeply. “Ugh, fine.” He stomped his way to the bathroom to see the new shower. Everything in the bathroom was very nice, except for a crack across the mirror. He took in his surroundings as he ran the water. To his surprise, the water in the shower wasn’t burnt orange and filled with rust. It ran clear, as it should. Sam stripped down and showered, singing Motely Crue to himself while washing.

After stepping out of the shower, he went and ate dinner with his mother. He’d gotten his usual order of General Taos chicken on a bed of white rice, extra sauce. Mother ate the egg rolls and dipped them in soy sauce. She wasn’t a big fan of meat, anymore.
After a few more hours of moving and assistance from hired help, sam went to his room and laid down on his brand new mattress. Covered in plastic, he struggled to find a comfortable spot where he wouldn’t slide off. He found it in the middle, and slept.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
“What the hell?!” Sam jumped out of his bed and almost out of his ****** Doo themed pajamas. BANG! BANG! BANG! “Mom?!” he yelled. He ran down the stairs and into the kitchen, and flipped the light. He found his mother in the kitchen, slamming cabinet doors shut with all of her might. “What are you doing, mom?” Sam yelled. She turned to face him. There was something different about her, but he couldn’t quite point it out. She curled her lips into a smile and said “Go back to bed, Sammy. Mommies just having fun.”
“Um… okay. Goodnight then, I guess.” “Goodnight, Samuel” she muttered. That was NOT mothers voice. “Are you okay? You seem weird.” “Mommies fine, Samuel. Go back to bed.” He went without questioning It anymore. This had frightened Sam out of his wits. His mother doesn’t bang cabinet doors shut at 3:35 A.M, or ever, for that matter. He tried to disregard it and went to sleep again, using his pillow to drown out the banging.
I'm getting more into writing stories. I'll post the other parts soon. Might be three, might be four. Depends on how much I like where this is going.
766 · Oct 2014
1, 2, 3, 4
The party tonight should be good
I wonder if you'll be there
No, probably not
What's this fly doing in here?
I wonder what purpose a fly serves.
Does he know he'll die in 24 hours?
I hope so.
The sound of this washing machine is rhythmic
1, 2, 3, 4,
1, 2, 3, 4,
See, dirt, no, more,
Fresh, clean, for, me
1, 2, 3, 4...
Where's the five?
A five should be here
why is there no ******* five?
Oh well, back to the poem...
1, 2, 3, 4...
Are you thinking of me?
Do you miss me as much as I miss you?
I wonder if you'll just appear under the strobe lights
So I can make your face out
Through the screen of hallucination
Tonight
1, 2, 3, 4
This fly is still here
I hope he tries jousting with the ceiling fan
1, 2, 3, 4,
My, heart, is, torn,
Walk, through, my, door,
1, 2, 3, 4
I, am, so, high,
Lo-sing, my, mind
1, 2, 3, 4...
762 · May 2014
A Cocaine Overdose
I feel a pressure on my chest,
Feel myself rise like a waves white crest
I feel it leaving, my last breath
I never thought I'd come face to face,
with death

I thought if drugs would **** me,
They'd have done it by now
I didn't think they'd **** me,
Sweat drips from my brow

I wake up in a cold shower
My friend smacking my face
The pressure is gone now,
I couldn't let that breath escape

Now when I see *******, I feel strange
I feel wisdom that comes with pain or age
Stay away from that ****, and keep your nose clean
Trust me, please,
Sometimes, my nostrils still bleed
And I can hear my mothers screams
in the back of my head
When I was thought to be dead,
And that cold water hit me,
And I saved that breath
758 · Nov 2013
End The Competition ( rap)
Whack rappers don't **** with the best
Creep up in your house with a black backpack
And a TAC vest, plant two knives in your chest
Leave you bleeding and unconscious, like the rest
My bars explode like hand grenades
Words more bitter than no-sugar Kool-Aid
These listeners press play, and it's end game
No money you could pay could bring you this fame
By the end of this verse, nobody will know your name
Another little faceless wannabe
go back to rappin with the Aint-Never-gonna-Be's
This for a fact I know,
that when I see you next, you'll be ringing me up at Cotsco
Or you could try and contend with me
Have you hangin' in a musty room,
Getting beaten with a broken broom
I won't tell you what your future entails
Short of it involving lots of blood spatter and entrails
Wrap you in a blanket, blacker than a flag a pirate sails
Send your family severed fingers in the mail
Take forever and a day to find you
Desecrated and punctured with a thousand nails
Buckets of your blood, fillin' up a hundred pails
Cut you into pieces, fit you in a babies cradle
Serve your brains as an entree, get the ladle
As you can see, I'm eliminating the competition
If you wish you could keep up with me, ****...
Better keep wishin'.
752 · Nov 2013
Eternal Rain
I still feel you,
You're tattooed in my soul
I'd still bleed for you,
Pull me up from this hole

Your touch lies just beyond my fingers
I till walk the rooms, where your scent doth linger
Remnants of a time that's gone away
The wildflowers have withered at the doorstep of decay

The photographs are driving me insane
Tears catch in my throat as the frame,
Shatters,
Under my fist, the blood on my knuckles
Brings me laughter
You, the master crafter of my lifes biggest disaster
You were the love of my life,
Burned down to nothing but ashes to scatter
I still hold you in my dreams, but in deaths eyes my pain
Does not matter..

I'll be with you soon, and we can dance,
Out to the moon in a dead lovers wonderland
As this razor glides across my veins
I'll pass through those blackened gates
And hold you in eternal rain
I'm coming back love, today's the day
I feel the rain, disolve the pain,
The pain, the pain,
The pain has gone away
This anger flows through my veins,
It's blackened hands reaching for my throat,
Trying to bring me down,
Only memories of you can hurt me like this
the way we were,
So young and naive that it hurts
But I've come to realize that,
Yet to come is the worst
A double edges sword of love and hate,
Pierces my soul and mind,
Inner peace is something I'm to far gone to find,
I'm binded, blinded,
Yet you still run underneath my tightly shut eye lids

Years come to pass, before I open my eyes again
Silent sins plaguing me for many a day and night
Never to plague no more
As they wither we hither the steel swung
no shield for defense, immense broad my blade shall be
Love for eternity with the clash of the sword meant to heal..
Follow through with no urgency, blinded like a master
Flow severs only hate; and with the cut comes a rose
others hope to raise the broadblade we've raised within ourselves
but to no avail, weve made it far
serenity for infinity
Pulled from the stone, cut into positivity

No.
I won't do this anymore
I won't have my heart, bleeding, and feeling
And falling on the floor
Shake me to the core, I'm signing
I'll never love again!
But if I do, I'll die, just make sure that I go down swinging
Pitting, me against myself
That's all feelings have ever done
I always get my hopes up,
A never blooming rose bud
Yet the sword strikes me,
I begin pouring blood
Yet the feelings that I feel,
Will never be enough
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