I don't know how to feel somedays
I feel over used and under Appreciated
Taken for granted and stepped on
I try my best to satisfy you
But I always fall just short
Maybe i should do more
But **** that.
I Try so hard
But it's never enough
I'm tired of being abused
I'm tired of your ****
For all I care you all can slit wrists
This is a letter and a *******
From an angry misfit

A lit cigarette dangles from my lips,
I don't know how, I'm hanging on to the tip
Of the fliter, reflecting on the cynical sinner
That I see in the mirror, every day and every night
Stay calm, Obey the law, live an ordinary life
I'm just an ordinary guy with an extraordinary mic
Singin' all my songs while I'm in the limelight
But after the crowd disperses and the lights go off
Then I'm just a lonely pothead with a smokers cough
I'm not rich, no, I'm worryin about the cost
When eatin my next meal is like eating from a food trough
I laugh at the fact of a casket, For the one certainty
In life is that everybodys just food for the maggots
But There's certain truths you come to understand
In the middle of turning from a boy into a man
I've learned you gotta get to the top, or go to the grave
I refuse to go down without every man knowing my name
And you gotta do what you can to follow through with your dreams
I know that everybody is just bursting at the seams
With the ideas and beleifs thay've come to uphold
Pasing it on to the young from the teachers that were old
I'm spreading mine through my music and my writing
Wanna be the best at rhythm and my rhyming
So be yourself, and do you
Don't ever let anyone tell you what you can and can't do

They look me in the eyes,
My demons,
They leave me feeling paralyzed,
I'm dreaming,
No
This is far beyond a dream,
Oh, far beyond what it seems
A place of inner reflection,
Battling all my fears,
Head on, with no protection,
Except the strength I've gained.
Throughout the years

When I look in the mirror,
I see in my own eyes that,
The monsters are growing bigger
Thrashing, crashing in my head,
Leave me hopeless, sweating,
Keeping me awake in my own bed
The monsters fill me with dread,
Thrashing, crashing, inside my head
They **** me inside, leave me thinking that I'm dead
I've listened to the words they have said
When they're thrashing, crashing, inside my head

I just want my smile back
Now it's stuck in pictures and glass jars
owned by people I no longer care for.
Every day is dimmer than the last.
You took my eyes and turned them black and grey
in a world full of colors I'm no longer able to see.
You took something very valuable from me.

I add kindle to the fire
That burns deep down inside
Everytime it is I pick up the pen
As I sit down to write
Upon the white
Pieces of paper
That send your name back to me
Reminding me of
A soul that gleams
With the beauty of
Caspian seas

I'm sorry for the pain I've caused
And the tears you've cried
With my name tattooed
In the streaks they left
Upon your pale skin
Every sob engraved into a calloused heart
That knows nothing but
Malevolence and loneliness
I'm sorry...

Misty eyes,
Aching soul,
I'm so young,
Yet feel old

I want a headstone made for myself,
And I want to hang it in my home.
An ominous admonition that I am surely doomed to die someday,
Reminding me to fill my life with joy,
Before it's hanging over my head,
And not on my wall

So much sunshine when she’s gone
Wonder if she’s gone to stay
If I looked for her would it be wrong?
No, I’ll just let her walk away

I wonder this time where she’s gone
Wonder if she’s gone to stay
Well she can stay there all night long
I aint got no time to play
I know, I know, I know
I know, I know, I know
I know I know I know
Wonder this time where she’s gone,
Hopefully she went, to stay
Hey,
There’s so much sunshine, when she’s gone
And this house a perfect home
Every time, she goes away…

I am invisible, but also transparently see-through.
You could read me like a book if only you'd open the covers.
Intolerably difficult, but I'd always stand beside you.
Open my spine, read a line and shudder.

Your blue grey eyes
Were smooth, beautiful,
So softly somniferous

My back is growing weary
Of being strong for you
I can't carry us both
I am only one man

I miss you more than I would like to admit.

I am the lion, you are the lamb.
You're just a follower,
Comply with the man
Who makes you taste of the apple with a sour core
Once you fall in the line, You're stuck forevermore
Nevermore, will I be stuck again down at the job core
Won't be a statistic, another cubicle tyrant
Customer service "Hi, how can I help you?"
**** that, I stand defiant

We walk around our lives, blind to the corruption
that's being taught in our schools, you can't get away from it
So I've come down to the deduction, that we need to over throw our government
Cover it, it's all they ever do
Nobody see's all the lies in the news
but I do, and I may be killed for sayin' this
But Obamas got an agenda, open your eyes and be convinced
He stays on some shady ****, hiding everything
But he's tapping our phones? Where's that birth certificate?
Oh that's right, he can't declassify
All the information that we need but just pass by
Sandy Hook was a set up, I'll carry that till the day I die
Pushing gun legislation, to further his advances
Are we so blind as a nation, we can't see all the questionable answers?
We need to take our freedom back, one day at a time
We need a newfound leader that'll stand his own and hold the line

I feel empty inside
Consumed by the lies
That you told me
You went and did it like everyone else
You cheated
You ******* cheated Cheyenne.
I tried to forgive you
I tried to push my anguish aside and look at you
In the same light that I used to before all this
Before my brain was torn into a million pieces
That all began arguing with each other violently
The sea of opinions and feelings could drown a fish
I treated you like gold babe
I wanted to give you the world
Or the little pieces of it that I could offer you
I can't stand the Idea of what you did
But its even worse picturing life without you
Such a huge impact in this two month period.
You became the light of my life
The sun to my earth
My troubled head always revolving around your center
A cosmological scale couldn't fit the potential we had together
So many unmade memories
So many moments that will never be shared
So many kisses of warm lips under a tangerine sunset
And that just unsettles me
I can't imagine the things that will never be now
Because forgiveness was never my strong suit
But we're taking time now
Because I believe in second chances
Just do this
Prove yourself to me
Because all I want to feel is your touch
And it's ghost doesn't satisfy
I miss the taste of your lips on mine
But I can only imagine yours on his
And it makes me sick.
Just show me I can trust you
I'm begging you , please,
Because the thought if losing you is petrifying.

I'm all alone, once again
Pour my heart out with this pen
Remembering all the words you ever said
Replaying over and over, inside my head
I know how it feels to love,
But I'll never love again

Let me paint you in watercolors,
I want your hues of blues and reds to drip into clear ocean waves.
Let me spatter your soul on the walls of buildings
As abandoned as that hole in your chest.
You were always psychedelic.

I want to rebuild you from paper mache
Placing all your pieces around the frame
Of what I wanted to build you into.
So I can resuscitate the times when you loved me back.

I’ll sculpt a smile into the stone
I am using to reconstruct you,
So never again can you cast an ugly word at me
And all my poetry
Will be etched in your eyes.

But I can’t get your eyebrows just right,
My paint brush hurts my wrist.
My chisel and mallet cause me carpal tunnel
And I break off your lip in pieces.
The paper mache slides in wet globs to the floor.

Part of me is glad I can’t recreate your impeccability.
Now I may be able to see beauty in something,
Or someone,
Else.

We all cry the same whiny tune
While we look up to idolized teenage figures
Well guess what?
The real worlds tough, and Holden Caulfield was a spoiled brat

Staring into the brightest moon,
Wheels turn in my brain
Where homicidal thoughts once grew
Have I gone insane?
This is a struggle known by few

My knifes luminous blade glistens
I turn it in my hands
My mind says to closely listen.
A devious plan
Remember those locks of red hair,
that you held so close?
She hangs from a rope
And I watch her as she chokes
Upon her insecurities
She's hurtin' me,
Inside remember all the lies
That I always told
Carry them with me when I'm old
And my soul is sold
To an evil that's greater than I,
And the Devil comes when it's my time,
I'll recall memories of your shortened life

I picture white doves and a romance,
As I cradle all the blood that pours into my hands
Broken glass still leaves a sting,
but it's mostly all the memories
Strewn about this house,
The laughter shared
The love that was made
And the moments that were irreplaceable
you gave up on us, and walked away
It was only right to shatter your photographs frame

My compassion and my contempt are always at war with each other.
I want to cut human kind with a blade and stitch together the wound I had created.
Sitting in Gods palm I asked him the question of why I am this way,
And he said it was because I was created in his image.

I wonder if I disappeared,
Would you come and look for me?
Would you know I was gone?
I don't want to be forgotten...

Sometimes it's hard to grasp what's real
To tell the difference between lush grass and steel
I'm dying to see to taste and to feel
Anything that can seem just a little bit real
Some thing or anything
Of some sort of relevance
Something or anything 
Please make yourself prevalent 
Present the placent evidence 
Something that takes presidence 
And gives me meaning and acceptance
Rid me of this affliction of indecision
Go in my brain make a well placed incision 
Give me the lyrical precision 
To shape reality out of my visions

Let's get an old bus
And go cross-country
Let's count all the broken yellow lines
And the drops of drugs to the eyes
That we take a long the way

We've got Electric Kool-Aid in the fridge
And we're ready to roll
Literally and metaphorically
I want to vibrate physically
As I do spiritually
I want to spread love and peace
And good times to everybody

Take a drink of magic juice
and share the experience with me
Altered consciousness
a state of chemical well-being
That puts me at ease
All the colors and sounds
colliding
In my head in fantastic images
Of sacred geometry
The Flower of Life blooms
In my dilated pupils
And I smile

This is a poem written,
Well under the influence,
Of a man made chemical
But it makes me feel good
The walls continue to breathe
Breathe..
in, and out, inhale, exhale
The energy in my lungs,
Could move a thousand mountains
The energy of my being
Could move a thousand universes

Morning sun peeks through my shades
It's golden light bathing all in its path
Illumination that lights all nations,
We're all the same in it's astronomical wisdom

My life was a black and grey scene,
Until you slipped on the ice and ran right into me
That day was the first of many,
Where you colored my world
So many things passed under my nose, unseen,
Because I hadn't had you to open my eyes,
To the color that is life,
A koleidoscope of vivid emotions and hues only came,
The day you slipped on the ice, and ran right into me

Today, my greatest love left me
She uttered simple words
That sent my complicated world
Crashing through space

She said she needed space
But how am I supposed to give you space
When my only thoughts are of your face
And the memories we made within this place
Between these wretched walls I live within

I hear your laugh on the wind
And I catch your name
Sizzling on my tongue like hot grease
And when I call it out to the night
It's only the echoes that return my cries
And I'm reminded of the bitterness of being alone

I gave up my time,
I gave up my peace of mind
I treated you right
And everybody will testify
That I did

It's your loss babe
You won't find anybody better
When you come back, I'll be here
Observing the distant weather

When you're gone,
And I'm far away,
I hear the silence,
and the slow decay,
Of faith, and the way I see
And the things I believe
Rear their heads and gnash their teeth
At me, and I wanna scream
And run away to a better place
Where the sunshine hits your face
For me to appreciate
your grace

And I'm filled with these images
Of a happy life and care-free innocence
I can almost taste the vividness
Where life would pass without incidence
Sun up, sun down, synchronous
Rid the plague of ambivalence,

Let me fly away

Poetry speaks to me
Over ashes of scattered thoughts
Embracing my soul and mind
Tracing it's fingers
Round my brow
Yearning for my expression

My heart is headed in all of the wrong directions,
Delving in multiple women to satisfy my craving of affection
Looking into my reflection, I can see that the tension
Is still there.
How, why, what is the deal?
I have all of the partners
that wanna be lovers
But none of them are making me feel.
None of it's real.
Speaking irrelevance over our meals,
They speak about nothing,
Just constantly blubbering
a grinding and sputtering wheel.

I need more than empty shell.
I need one to whom secrets I can tell
Who will admire stars and throw coins in wishing wells.
Someone who will flee this place with me on a whim
In hopes that all will be well.

She'll have an aquatic soul,
Headbang to rock and roll
She'll lay back and count the holes
In the night sky, through which pure light pours.

She'll find her way to me,
Cause I believe
We're drawn together, magnetically
Blessed to surely meet.

Staring into field of emotion and tall grasses of affection
Glistening wet with the dew of sadness some days
But I see the sun still shining on brightly
Through the mists of hopelessness
I see all these things,
In your iris,
Leaving me to wonder, what you see
In these tired brown irises of mine

I can smell the dishonesty
In your veins, running...
Putrid.

Tick, tock, goes the clock,
Racking at my ******* brain
Tick, tock, goes the clock,
Waiting for the break of day

I'm being driven to madness,
By the tick, tock, of the clock
Diving downward into sadness,
Listen tick, tock, of the clock

The buzzing of my ceiling fan,
The hum of my computer
This is the mind of the ******
Insomnia, never came sooner

Just another day in the life of me,
Wondering about the life-to-be
getting high and writing whatever
I'm just here for the good times together
Optomism, is surely underrated
Don't fret about the future,
Not everything needs calculated
I'm just trying to relax,
go on, try it and kick back

I will find a very special place,
Where the sun lands gently on your face
And it's engraved into my heart
You know, you're a work of art

I'll run my fingers through your hair, love
We can go here, or there, or anywhere
That you ever wanted to go,
Just as long as you know
That I love you more than anything
There are so many songs that are left to sing
We can watch all the movies,
That I actually remembered to bring.

Moonlight to the Earth
Is a down feather to the flesh
A gentle caress, A way to bless
The surface with something soothing
And cool

Being alone is strangely freeing.
Now that you're gone, I have no one to answer to.
No one texting me constantly to see what I'm doing
And where I am and who I'm with.

Being alone is a cage with no bars.
I have all the time in the world and no one to share it with.
I'll watch a beautiful sunset, and try to pass my cigarette
To the outline of a woman that isn't there anymore.
Though your shadow still casts next to mine on my roof.

Being alone is enlightening.
With no idle chit chat to fill the air
My thoughts can now smoke out a room.
Every situation is either dreadfully awful or benevolently warm.
There is certainly a struggle for balance.

Being alone is stupefying.
I become so engrossed in myself I forget the world around me exists.
My cell phone sits in my pocket, a fossil of wires and plastic.
I find it now just to be an over sized paperweight.
Most time now spent in isolated contemplation.
There's always sunshine behind my tag-a-long rain cloud.

There is strength to be gained from solitude.
I now fully bare the weight of my unobstructed conscience.
My once feeble legs carry on like the hooves of the ox.
Once cold, I am now warm and inviting.
I greet each day with open arms and humble spirit.

Life is okay.
Even if I have to experience it alone,
Sometimes, it's not a bad thing.
I feel the warmth.

Woe, is me
He who cares not for himself
And not much for others
Woe, is me
I haven't left my bed in days
I'm safe under these covers
Woe, is me
Part of me wants to get up,
The other wants to smother,
Woe, is me
Woe, is me
Woe, is me...

You want a rough guy,
Well that's just not me, baby
You want a man that'll waste your time
Instead of worry about your safety

I'm gentle, but I'm a wreck
You're always on my mind
I cant seem to satisfy
**** this poem, I'm to mad to even write
Thinking I'm gonna try and be someone I'm not for you.
LOL nope.

The world would be a perfect place,
if it weren't a place where one needs
nearly boundless energy to succeed.

I'll throw a penny
Softly to the wishing well
Waiting for release

Once again I'm up all night.
But tonight is different.
There's not any tossing and turning
Or thrashing about.
Just the stillness of being by myself.
The air is chilly and unbroken by the sound of silence.
Cigarette smoke wafts straight up with no  change in pace.
I wonder if it's linear motion is predetermined or coincidental.
How peculiar.

There will come a time when
I have to choose a path
And I know it will be the one
That leads away from you....

You're dead to me.
You'll regret leaving me.
I assure you.
But I wont be awaiting the return
Of someone who treats me like you did

Ungrateful *****.

I can't seem to write anymore,
The words don't come like before,
I'd like to see what I have in store,
For the future,

Writers block plagues me,
Trying to write, end up in a daydream
I almost wish I'd not written at all,
I feel I'll never break down,
these mental walls,
Of no creativity,
Poems once clean cut and well written
Now laced with obscenity
I thought I could write for infinity,
But it seems writing is no longer fit for me

Your eyes are far away nebulas
distant, yet your light still shines true
the blackest voids of space or negativity
Could not smother the twinkle,
That I fell in love with

When you're angry, solar flares arise
giving way to explosions of emotion and time
When you're sad,
Waves of endless gas and winds of cold conversation

But, it's that twinkle of stars, I love
The one that could outshine the sun
It's your eyes, those eyes,
those eyes that drop tears of ice
Colder than frozen nitrous gas,
Those eyes that ignite, when we touch
Mine and yours connect, yin and yang,
I revel in their colors and stories left untold,
No matter how many times I want to leave,
I can never resist,
Those eyes, those eyes, those eyes that ignite
When we touch...

Here I am,
the boy with the heart made of lead
And the feet made of brass
Always wondering why I feel so weighed down.

I tried to distance myself,
My hearts a cold and darkened cell
Right now I'm going through Hell
And you're the only one that helps

Some things you can't deny
These feelings that I feel inside
Their hands reaching for my throat
Won't you save me?
You're my only hope

You're my guiding light,
I can se through the night,
With you by my side
We can paint brilliant colors,
Of lovers,
Of goodbyes, and cigarettes,
You pull me under..

I saw a woman today,
She was mysterious,
The Lavish red lipstick
accenting her
black-lined blue eyes
the air of perfume
Mystique,
Unknown to me the taste
Of breath,and lavender
I fall forward into her aura
This pale skinned beauty
Shook me to my bones
And her scarlet dress
sent the waft
Of affluence and European vacations
I'd never get to have
and it made me shiver

She raised a cigarette
With a gloved hand
to her lips and took a drag
This grace,
This angel of a sinner
Looked at me and cocked a perfect eyebrow
Peered round the rest of the party
and asked if I was going to keep staring
Or buy her a drink

I bought her a drink