​
They tell me that I'm a good poet
That I have a way with words.
They tell me that I can make the simplest things sound beautiful.
That I can make a flower bloom
Just by stringing 26 letters of the alphabet into a sentence.

They tell me that I'm complex.
That they have to read between the lines just to figure me out.
They tell me that I make the easiest things complicated
That I can turn my McDonald's order into rocket science.

They tell me this
They tell me that
They. They. They.
But you,
Oh baby, you,
You didn't tell me anything.
You never felt the need to.
You accepted me.
Flaws and all.

You accepted the way I made gardens grow all around us,
You told me you loved the way I turned the carpet into our personal meadow.
You accepted the way I ordered my mcchicken burger
Even if it took forever for them to understand my words.
You showed me that it was okay to be me,
To be unique.
To be able to turn the abc's into rocket science,
The 1,2,3's into the tip of the iceberg
To be surrounded by metaphors and little jigsaw puzzles that everyone thinks they can figure out
But when they get frustrated they leave, their mood gone south.
But you stayed.
Patient.

To this day I can't get the courage to thank you,
I've tried
God knows I have
But this,
This is my final attempt.
No metaphors,
No similes,
Just me.

So thank you baby,
My McDonald's order will forever remain encrypted
And my words,
Complicated.
But us...
We're asymptotes.
Destined to come so very close,
But never intersecting

Sugar, spice and everything nice,
She sits there with a smile on her face,
Pictures and memories cloud her mind,
All from that one boy that makes her smile.

Wearing a suit,
He stands tall,
With a diamond ring,
Sitting elegantly in his palm.

She shrieks and gasps,
With tears of joy flowing down her face.
Nodding her head,
Unable to speak.

With their head in the clouds they stand in front of the minister and their beloved friends and family.
“I do” they say before coming together forever free from their worries.

You say I'm capable of nothing,
Not success,
Not writing,
Not passion,
Nothing exciting.

You put yourself on a pedestal,
The world can only revolve around You.
It must start and end with only You.
With no one being above,
Everyone only below
You.

You hurl your words like a bayonet,
Not Caring who You hurt in the process.
But when my sharp tongue betrays me in the name of self defence,
you sulk and shout
and stab me with your own two hands.

Oh brother,
Why don't you see
Who you're meant to be to me?
A protector against all evil,
A shield to my little, fragile body.

My brother,
Why don't you see that you're the one who is hurting me?
The sharp sting of your words will forever remain etched in my little, tiny, non-existent brain.

So sick of this war,
Keeps pulling me under.
So tired of this monster
And it's brutal force
Keeps pushing me to suffer.

What ever happened to the good times?
The laughs,
The love,
The happiness?
What ever happened to support?

The demons push,
Shove,
beat, bruise, batter.
Making my world a dull one.
Filled with nothing but Crimson liquid and tears
Year after year.

Look at me,
What have I become?
Another victim,
Another pawn for their entertainment.

I’m stuck in between
A nightmare
And lost dreams.
Caught in a place
I couldn’t have even dreamed.
Stuck in a sea of my own tears,
Burnt from the lingering touch you left on my skin.
Skin etched with only your name,
The stains of blood all over my sheets.
Dreams I’ve had for years,
All shattered with 4 simple words.
“I don’t love you.”
“I never wanted you.”
“I’m with her now.”

She was waiting,
Waiting for her prince charming,
The boy on the white horse,
Waiting to hear the horses galloping,
Waiting for the loud cheer
of the commoners to alert her.

But the poor soul,
She didn't realise that there was no such things as happy endings,
No such thing as a prince charming,
No such thing as a saviour.
Because everyone runs away from darkness.
Everyone goes for angels,
No one stays for the devils.

The poor soulless girl,
Waiting for nothing but death.
A sad, tiresome, lonesome,painful
Curse.

I walk by all the places where our memories were created,
I still dream of our last kiss and that memory leaves me haunted,
Even though my friends tell me you ask about me all the time,
I still cry myself to sleep thinking about you and your eyes.

I always wish you were beside me telling me, its going to be alright
Because his touch doesn't make my skin feel alight.
I go to sleep beside him when I really want to be with you.
The words you wrote me still play in a loop inside my head,
The I Love You's you wrote are embedded in my brain

Sometimes I start to wonder if I made the right choice
I know what we had can never be a lie.

But I'm not fine at all

I remember the day I told you I was leaving,
I remember the tears pooling in your eyes,
When I walked away, you told me
"You promised you wouldn't run away"

I wish I could turn back time,
To work through all these stupid little things
I know that I don't want to forget you,
And all the happiness that you always bring.
Like the way our bodies fit perfectly,
And the memories I can never forget.

I'm not fine at all

The pictures that we took are still living on my wall...
I admit that I look at them every night before I bawl.
And all my friends keep asking why you're not around

Although it hurts to know you're happy with her and not me,
I still smile every time I see you laugh,
And I smile when you drum.
It's hard to be happy when I know that you've moved on

I wish I could tell you that I am never fine,
And that I haven't been since that night.

I'm really not fine at all.

I really wish this was a dream,
So when I wake up you'll be right next to me.
Hopefully this is just a dream ,
When I wake up I'll feel your hands wrapped around me.

Chipped nails and a bleeding heart,
She sleeps alone,
Waiting for her lover to come home.
She tears at her skin,
Hoping that maybe now he’ll walk back in.

Waist too big,
**** not tight,
Her lover got bored with the same flavour every night.
Too familiar with the small dip of her waist,
Too familiar with those same low moans,
Same generic brown eyes,
Those two ***** that just didn’t bounce right,
Too familiar with the way she wraps her legs around his waist
Too familiar with the way she tastes.

So he left…

And with him, he took her.

If I ever wrote romantic poetry, it would go something like this,

He told me he loved me,
That he saw stars in my eyes,
He told me that green was his favourite colour,
Until his eyes met mine.
He told me he’d never seen a smile
Quite as beautiful as mine;
That just looking at me could stop time.
He said that he loves me,
Loves me more and more everyday,
Tells me that I absolutely take his breath away.
he said he'd never believed in love till he laid his eyes on me,
Never thought his heart could skip a million beats.

The thing with romantic poetry is,
That none of this,
Not even he
Is real.

They come to me with problems That they can't handle. With a smile,
I drop everything to help them.

What they don't know is,
I'm facing a battle.
But they just think that
I'm a happy little helper.

The forces are joining up, Gathering everybody they can
While I stay here just trying to ignore them.

Black and white,
Dark and Light.
Go head to head
As I watch in Bardo
Waiting to be claimed.

Him,
Have you ever looked at him?
I mean, actually looked at him.

Have you ever looked at him when he smiles?
And how when he did,
His eyes would crinkle
In joy,
and how his teeth would shine,
and make my heart beat a million times faster.

Have you ever seen him angry?
How his eyebrows would meet in a sweet embrace,
and how his eyes would shoot daggers.
My heart, would dance,
In fear and admiration.

My heart still beats.

Have you ever looked at him when he's sad?
His eyes swimming in water,
Pretending to have no worries when all it wanted to do was cannonball and let everything go,
How his mouth would tremble just trying to keep it in.

His eyes glimmering with joy,
And how his dimples would show,
So prominent,
And how his nose would crinkle like a bunny.

Have you ever seen anything more majestic than him?

Alas, the poor soul now possess no emotion,
No emotion but one,
For how could anyone show emotion,
When they are six feet under the ground?

To her he shone,
Shone like the moon in the darkest night,
Like the sliver of light at the end of a tunnel,
Like the ray of hope in a pool of her own tears.

To him she was just another friend,
Just another toy for when he was bored,
Another text he had to answer,
Another face he had to put up with.

Black and white,
Light and dark,
She could never be apart
From the one who holds her still beating heart.
Unaware of the power he holds,
Every time he clenches his fist
Her pain persists.
But, to her,
None of it mattered.

She will wait,
Wait for his annoyed text
if it meant she could hear from him again.
Unaware of the agony he puts her through,
unaware of the forgiveness that she’s imparting.
Despite, the writhing pain.
She stays.
Because he’s the one who will forever have her beating heart.

It looked up at her with grey eyes of disappointment,
Of words spoken, and promises broken.
It’s skin damp with tears of anger,
It’s skin red with coloured tears of destruction.

Deteriorating on the inside,
She thought she might not live to see another day.
But with the power she held in her dainty hand,
Who knew if she would live to see another second.

She’d sit in her room for days at a time,
Wondering how she had let that tiny blade take over her life.
Contemplating ending that life forever;
But which one?
That is the question….


“Till death do us part,” she whispered.

You asked me if I believed in soul mates,
If I believed that there was someone out there
Meant for me
Who isn’t you.

I asked you if you believed in destiny,
If fate somehow brought us together,
You nodded and laughed
Mocking me for believing that fate was real.

I told you the Truth, Darling.
I didn’t believe in fate,
Neither did I in soul mates.
I didn’t believe in what I thought was
Fake.

Then I laid my eyes on you,
Saw the way your eyes crinkled
When you smiled,
Saw how my heart kept racing a million miles,
I knew I couldn’t get you out of my head,
Not even if I Tried.

That’s when I knew,
I was always destined to be with you.

Fate isn’t my friend, my darling,
It puts me in a constant state of aching.
Because I know that you’re meant for me,
But I’m not meant for you.

A simple human emotion,
Weighs me down more than anything ever did.
The pain,
It demands to be felt both physically and emotionally.

I don’t want to say goodbye,
If only I could hide these stupid tears,
If only I could tear and scratch away my flaws.
I wish I could be your ideal, dream girl.
Maybe then you would want me to stay,
Maybe then I could finally feel loved.
The way you told me I deserved.
Maybe if I were smarter,
The way you said I was, 
i would be able to see,
                                                                    Through your beautiful fake mask.

Darling,
you were made for Me,
We are each others
Destiny.

Baby,
your soft, gentle touch
Is forever going to be
hot to my skin.
Nobody else can ever feel
your caress - it's Contrived
For no one else but
Me.

Sweetie,
you. are. mine.
Only mine.
Don’t you dare go looking
For something else.
someone else.
They can’t give you what I can

I can give you love,
Baby.
I will fulfil your every desire,

I’m going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

“Baby, What are you doing?” you screamed,
Screamed ****** ******.
Those words will never leave my head.
The crimson liquid won’t leave my hands,

Darling.
You just gotta understand.
I didn’t mean to hurt you, my sweet.
I was angry and it’s all so concrete,
So you can see why I had to treat you like a piece of raw meat.

But the thing that scared me,
Scarred me,
That wouldn’t stop bugging me…
Is that if I had a chance,
Given the circumstance…
I would do it over and over again.

Her clothes are stained red,
From the truth that she shed.
Her wrists are stained a deep purple,
From the lies that she has hidden.

So many promises were broken,
Those which were spoken and
Unspoken.
All shattered in one, swift, swipe.

The tears are now drying up,
They're being replaced with a huge
Smile.

The numbness is now taking over,
Her one true saviour.
The one she has been lusting over,
Since the razor has become her master.

Warning: Causes Cancer
Splayed across billboards,
Written in the stars,
Tattooed in brains,
Whispered in ears.

Warning: Injurious to Health,
Detrimental,
Almost like poison,
Searing through veins,
Stopping hearts,
Stealing breaths,
Melting skin.

Warning: Will make you fall,
Fall as deep as the sea,
Warning: Will make you cry,
Surround you in an ocean
Of your own tears,
Warning: Will leave you dry,
As dry as the desert
on a hot summer’s day.

Warning: Will break your heart
Into a million pieces,
Shatter it all around you,
Leaving you to mend it.

                                                   All alone.

In the dark,
With these thoughts...
On one shoulder, the light calls me,
But on the other, the Dark compels me.

One sweating while trying its best to fight,
But the other mocks its effort as it knows its winning.
Oh the poor, dim, stupid light.
Don't you know the dark has more might?

I watch in agony,
praying to be saved,
to be taken away from this Torturous Purgatory
Hoping that the light won't let me be enslaved.

My pleas being laughed at by the evil audience,
The light trying to muster up any sliver of strength it has.

But as usual....
The Dark always wipes out the light.

I've got a war in my mind,
It's making me lose time,
The more I try to get away,
The harder it hits me when I go to bed.

The impact hurts,
It's a white,
Hot
Searing
Pain.

It's hands grasping my collar
Oh so tight,
I just lost all my might.

The brown, hairy hands
Is now squeezing my throat,
And all I hear is
"oh no, darling no"

"WAKE UP!"
I hear my father scream,
And what's that?
Is that my mothers weep?
"She promised she wouldn't"
I hear my brother say
But all I see is a light as bright as day

It whispers my name,
Oh so softly
And I feel myself walking
Free from all worry.

The beautiful, green scaly skin of the devious snake
Was always prepared to rear its ugly head,
A grimacing, smirk plastered on its face
As it glided, lusting after its prey.

Eyes locked,
Scrutinising every movement,
It crawled out of its pit,
Attacking with its sharp, venomous teeth.

It ripped, shredded, and devoured
All with a menacing grin on its face,
The poison was seeping,
Taking over the body, slowly, painfully
As the snake just watched bashful and happily.

And all they could do was watch in agony, wishing that she would escape the constrictions of the cobra buried deep within her.

“Give me a reason to live” He said,
staring into the abyss that moaned his name.
“I can give you a thousand” I said
Grabbing a hold of his hand in an attempt
to ****** the satisfaction oblivion will gain.

The feel of your lips against my skin
Burning my flesh,
Lingering.
Your fingers raking through my hair,
Pulling and claiming what’s rightfully
Yours.

The way my fingers fit
So Perfectly in between yours.
The way our hands move,
Creating a Play with mere shadows.
Our moans
Groans,
Shouts,
Screams…
The way they are mere instruments
In creating a beautiful, sweaty symphony.

Darling, if not for me,
Or our memories,
Live for yourself,
Live to create new memories,
New favourites.
Live to be something,
Someone,
Forget thousands of reasons,
Baby,
You just need one.

“i’m fine..”
She whispered,
Ignoring the blood seeping from her wrists,
Trying oh so desperately to hide it,
From prying eyes.

She knows nobody will care,
She knows she doesn’t matter,
Not anymore,
Not since they threw her out,
Like an old toy that they got bored of.

They watch as she hurts herself,
Doing nothing except taking pictures.
Hashtag, We miss you. Hashtag, Why didn’t anyone help her.

Nobody ever helps..They just watch as we cry out in horror and pain.

It looked up at me with grey eyes of disappointment
Of words spoken, and promises broken.
It's skin damp with tears of anger.  
It's skin red with coloured tears of destruction.

Deteriorating on the inside,
She thought she might not live to see another day,
But with the power she held in her dainty hand,
Who knew if she would live to see another second.

She'd sit in her room for days at a time,
Wondering how she had let that tiny blade take over her life.
Contemplating ending that life forever;
But which one. That is the question.

Days like this
I want to drive away
Lock myself up
And will the pain away.

Bottle it up,
Push it down,
Into the vault
That is buried deep within me.

That pain will fade..
But the memory will remain.
I guess that is the price I'll pay,
For pretending to be okay.

But you don't know about the pain, the suffering or the robot that I have become.
If you knew even half of it, you would have been long gone…

I thought I was making you happy,
But as the days went by,
I realised it was the other way around.
I was your burden,
One that just added more and more pounds.

I was wallowing,
Drowning in a sea of my own sorrow.
The sea made of my tears
The only thing getting my through
Was the thought of you.

Then you left...

You were pushed away by my
Black forcefield.
The force of the push,
I thought would break you in pieces.
Oh my poor, poor, naive thoughts.
The force of the push,
Shattered me instead.
You were as whole as I was deluded.

I'm just glad they didn't envelope you as they did me.

"Goodbye," She said
And with one swift swipe,
Slowly, she bled.

She waited, for the pain to surge,
For hand to bleed,
For her to scream,
For her body to writhe.
But she felt nothing.

All her pain was coming from inside.

She stared there and watch her arm bleed,
While her eyes just stared with greed,
She gazed as the blood starting seeping out,
Watching as her life slipped from her palm...

She knew her whole world was coming down
But she wouldn't even let a single year slip out
She took in a deep breath from her nose

And slowly... she let everything go

You know his favourite smell,
The colour of his eyes when he’s happy,
The curve of his lips with each emotion he feels.
You know him on the inside and out.

He only knows you in the dark.
He knows only the shadow of your bones
The dip of your waist,
The curve of your legs wrapped around his.
He’s mapped out his favourite places to caress,
He’s marked it as his.
His.
His.
Only. His.

You know him.
You know his breath on your neck,
You know his words in your ears,
You know his short breath on your stomach ,
And the feel of his hair.

But you don’t know his gentle touch…
Only his bruising fingers...
You know nothing of his sweet words,
Only the profanity's and curses
You know the purple on your skin,
But you've never felt his burning, lingering touch.

You've always been an escape ;
A Fantasy.
Darling,
you know you deserve to be a reality.

No matter how much she tried,
She couldn’t defeat the Darkness,
Pushing and pulling
Her and throwing her all around.

No matter how hard the light tried,
It couldn’t even pierce the black wall
That had been built all around her.

Her world was black and white,
Completely drained of colour.
No rainbows appeared,
Neither did the sun.

Alas, she grew more and more terrified,
Unable to stop the terrors of the Dark.

She finally let go and let the Blackness engulf her…

Buried in Wonderland
I picture you here with me,
Us,
Together once again.
Forever.
I still remember me begging you
“B-baby, please save me,”
But you didnt.
You never did,
So why?
Tell me, Darling,
Explain why I’m still pining for you
Still dreaming,
Still fantasising us together,
Maybe on a picnic while you caress my face,
And tell me how I’m the most beautiful person you’ve ever laid your eyes on.
But for that to happen,
I have to wait
And for you baby,
I'll wait forever.
I'm comfy here sweetie,
I'm warm
In Our Bed
Waiting in your Favourite coloured dress.
Longing,
Only for you.