I do whatever it takes just to get me through the night
& despite all of my mistakes I'm still willing to do what's right
In my mind there is no escape
Every part of it sealed in "do not come close" yellow tape
Troubles of my own & no one is to blame
Like a black cloud over my soul that fills me up with shame
& some nights I just want to wipe myself down with tears
Listen to my heartbeat, the only reason Im still here
But I'm not really here am I
I'm somewhere else, a parallel universe
Trying to find a way out of this mess,out of this curse
& I know I'm not alone but every night it feels that way
Spend hours on the phone, that's how it is every single day
But in the end there's no way out for those who are wondering
Unless you stop being in doubt of who you are & stop squandering
We waste our youth looking for excuses to blame all else
Leaving behind all our bruises to rot on a shelf

I feel it in my lungs
suffocating me
I feel it in my bones
breaking me
I feel it in every breath I take
choking me
I feel it in every thought that comes to mind
driving me to insanity
I feel it in my sleep
slowly killing me
I feel it in my happiness
bringing me misery
I feel it when I'm with them
longing for the moment I leave
I feel it when I'm alone
wish my heart was stone
I feel it when time stops
and when time flies by
I feel my world falling apart
and there's no going back to the start
yet I stand still and feel all the pain
my soul falls into chains
and I fail once again
I feel my hands shaking
body falling to the ground aching
I wish it was a nightmare and that I'd be awakened
I keep waiting for the day
when everything will be ok
but the mistakes I've made
can't be undone
got nowhere to run
I wonder if I'll ever again get to see the sun.

I want you close but I want you far
just the thought of you sets me apart
and I just can't control my heart
loving you is too hard
but what if I can't let you go
tell me what am I supposed to do
I sit all day thinking of you
what we could be,what we could do
but your silence drives me mad
I wish it didn't feel so bad
cause I know I'm in love with you
but baby it's too hard to be true
and I know that your heart holds another
so I could be anything but your lover
I want you far but I want you near
I'm losing my mind without you here

Start over move on
words said easier than done
start over move on
everyday there's a rising sun
I know your past keeps haunting you
can't seem to let you go
but you won't let it show
start over move on
someday you'll find the one
start over move on
how long will it take for you to run
it's about time you break free
stop throwing tears into the sea
what difference does it make
the feeling must be overwhelming
it eats you up alive
how things used to be
but why don't you look for yourself and you'll see
the fireworks in the sky illuminating the world
why are you falling behind too obsessed with the darkness
when the stars aren't hard to find
stop thinking too much stop being so blind
look around you I bet there's heaven outlined
start over move on
don't wait till it's all gone.

It's been a while since words have come to me
seems like I've been lost for too long
I had nowhere to be
But it's time I set myself a track
leave all this mess I've made behind
and never go back
I don't want my dreams to exist in my sleep anymore
I want to wake up and stop feeling sore
thought I had nothing to fight for
but all along it was me closing the doors
Sleeping my way instead of fighting my wars
waiting for someone to win my battles
Only no one did and no one will
In this life,you're all alone
It's time I grow up..wake up..open the door
Here comes the armies and endless wars
But I'll be strong enough I can't run away no more
I chose this life,I chose this road
I will fight,and I will fall
But I'll get back up even If I'm aching
It doesn't matter if every bone is breaking
I'm stronger than this,I've always been
A radiating supernova from within

Wake up from this coma you put yourself in
Burning yourself from within
why are you so angry?
why are you so sad?
what is it in your life that's driving you mad?
This pain that's taking over you
I just don't understand...
If it's a broken heart
Then at least try to fix it
why waste your time on crying?
telling the world that you'd prefer dying?
never looking for a solution to your problem
always hoping for an escape
because it's easier than facing the truth
but you still feel the same way, so what's the point of running away?
If it's something you lost and can't get back
It's already gone, so just move on
What's the point in living in the past?
Is it acceptance that you seek?
Who cares about what people say?
They change their words everyday
And you were never born to obey..
You say you feel hated?
Don't you realize that you're the most beautiful creature god ever created?
Do you feel like you've failed to achieve your everlasting dream?
Well no one knows what awaits
A golden crown? who cares
You're already a queen

My nightmares are your dreams, my happiness,
your screams
It's all to me, as it seems, bloodstreams and lightning beams.
A river of red rubies tears its way through my veins,
Did you really think,we'll ever be the same?
On and on we go,playing the same game,
tearing ourselves apart into shreds of pain
How could such beautiful eyes be so shattered,
When my torn up soul,never even mattered
When it was ripped to pieces on the ground, splattered
...and oh my you say, you feel flattered?
Cut me down, watch me bleed
Tell me now, was this everything you need?
Let me fall,take the lead
Drain me out,start to feed
Just to fill your loathing greed.
My misery wasn't enough,to fill a gaping hole?
Take my heart and bury it in your ******* soul.
Take it or leave it, it's burned inside out,
trust me dear..all you have is drought
So go ahead and break it and lose it all
Lose the last thing,
-your self control.
Don't be so harsh on my sanity,
you once used to worship my vanity.
Take a look inside, just don't touch me.
Cause a kiss from your lips would make me a banshee.
My screams will echo through the earth,
To let them know that my dead body has lost its worth
To let them see me rot in hell
To let them know what they can't compel
To curse them all under my spell
Those whispers on earth, they're just my rebirth.

Spread your wings and start flying
This sick world is now dying.

Trust no one
For humans only bring pain

You ask me about happiness ?
But how would I know..
We're all going through something that keeps us down
Fighting our ways through every city and every town
We've seen different faces,leaving behind their marks and traces
A memory in our hearts that never erases
It's hard to miss someone,it stings and it hurts
But missing an entire life? It simply gets worse
A new life and they expect you to adjust
As if anything before just turned to dust
Yet you let it go because there's no going back
You must leave your one true pack,and all those memories start to stack
A day after the other a thousand miles apart
You wish you could take it all back to the start
It feels like an arrow piercing through your heart

When it's all inside you in a cage
all that fills up is rage
I read ,write and turn the page
now you're a thousand miles away
I think about you everyday
I'll never be okay..
Every journey has a beginning
Every story has a start
Every memory has a special place in our heart
it's been so many years
I tried to control my fears
for every moment my heart skipped a beat
for every time I couldnt stand on my feet
The feeling is overwhelming I can barely breathe
its like everytime I see you I simply freeze
Or at least that's how it shows..
what you don't know is that
every time I see you I literally glow
Everything inside me is like a rainbow..
With no words to say I just walk away,
I guess today isn't the day
But the day never came and I just kept walking  
Now I'm a million miles away and it feels like Choking.

My fight,my battle, my war..my fearless, restless soul..

I have to find it inside me
that power, that will
to stand and fight
dig my way out of this grave
out of this cave
out of this hell

I'll admit to you I'm no angel
My sins are scars that keep me sane
But I won't let myself ever again
Cut so deep to this kind of pain

I fell in love with the idea of love. I was a fool to do so..Almost drowned in my own thoughts, they were pouring and I couldn't find coats.

I took a plane without a destination
I was trying to find home
I felt the need of compensation
For always being so alone
No more morning over the past
Because I know that nothing lasts
Now I'm trying to start over
Trying to make you understand
That every time I'm on land
My heart keeps going back to you,
Everything I ever said was true
And yes I did, I did fall for you...
And in my world we don't fall in love
And in my world our emotions are off
I'd run away if i can , oh will you please hold my hand
Because every time I think of you, you turn my hell into heaven
You're my escape , my love
I'd run to you no matter how far or how near
With you I forget my fear
I am the queen of misery
And you are my dark knight...
And together we're going to run
Until we see the light

I don't care about what the signs show
I am never letting you go
In every city and every town
I am never letting you down
'Cause whatever it is that they say
I'm never going to walk away
oh but I can't help but see
That you're the only one good enough for me.

How hard could it be for people to understand me
What is it that they see when they stand staring at me
Am I  a supernova that takes their breath away
or Am I a hurricane and they're all dead to be
Am I a garden filled with roses and daisies
or Am I desert with some sand and a bunch of maybe-s
Maybe we'll live, Maybe we'll die, Maybe a perfect storm will rise
They're all looking with their eyes
But no one looks through my heart
No one sees that masterpiece of art
No one knows me to the fullest
No one sees my scars of bullets
I am the lava of my own eruption
The mystery of my own deduction
The architect of my own destruction.

For a moment there or two, I wished it was you
For you to be the one and for this to be true
You're like this beautiful scene of a wide open ocean
Everything is so vibrant even in your simplest motion
A radiant star, that fills me up with emotions
It seems like it's all crystal clear
Yet something holds me back, There's always this fear
I take a deep breath -inhale, trying to clear my head
I let it out -exhale, why can't I just be dead
My problem is, I still live in the past
And honestly I don't know how long this will this last
Just get me a **** bomb, and let me blast
Leave this world and let it be, I'll dive into the endless sea
But then you show up again, right before my eyes
I take a glance and it hurts that I have to disguise
If only I could tear off those layers I hide under
Will I ever show you who I am? I always wonder.
Tears pouring down with grace,nothing for me to chase
I'm leaving this life
I hope it's peaceful and quiet like you pretty face.

I hope someday I'll find a way out of here
A way that would show me how to conquer my fear
I put my head on the pillow to rest
But that's the only thing I do best
They said I suffer from a brain trauma
Leading to all this emotional drama
I sit right there staring at a wall
Trying to find a way, trying to find a door
Everyone keeps thinking I'm a villain
Driven by hate into my own prison
Their problem is,they never listen
Listen to my words, read what I write
Because that is what gets me through the night
A complete freeze, I'm not in ease
I think I'm sick by my own disease
Pulsing its way through my veins
There's this force, breaking all my chains
Now i know what my brain sustains
I have reached my absolute zero
From now on I'll be my own hero

Trying to find a reason between all the sounds
A sound that tells you why on earth you're on these grounds
What is it that you do, what difference do you make
You start to wonder
Am I a gift? Or perhaps a mistake
Will I ever reach greatness while I'm still awake?
Or maybe I'm of no use, maybe I was born to lose, built to break
All those hopes and wishes, everything's at stake
All my life I've been moving wherever the winds go
'There's no place like home' they'd say, but how would I know?
All those struggles inside my soul
Trying to find who I am
Trying to take control
& I keep wondering if I'll ever reach my goal,
Or maybe I'll keep looking forever and end up with nothing at all

Put a bullet through my head
Cuz I'm alive yet I'm dead
I'm sick of everything and everyone
I see no moon, I see no sun
All I see is a gun..
So I'll take it and put it to my skull
But all I feel is null
I no more feel a thing
Not the joy of a swing
Nor the pain of a sting
So give me one reason to why I should fight
Tell me the story,  what's wrong and what's right
They said at the end of the road there will be light
But all I see is the dark black night
I'm on the edge of darkness
Some may think I'm heartless
And all I write is artless
But all I feel is blankness, and it's driving me to madness..

Never ever
Let the river
Drown you down in shiver
Never ever
Let the lover
Hurt you bad you can't recover
Never ever
Act so clever
It's no good
For a gun to be a giver
Never ever
Stand in quiver
While they slit you like a sliver
Never ever
Give the ripper
The chance to rip away your dither
Be angry be bold
Stand up
You're Gold.

When it all comes to silence
And there's nothing you could do
You feel the ground trembling
Right under you
If all the angles are down
And all the demons are on the ground
But there's nothing you could do
You can't make a sound
All the promises that were broken
All the words that were not spoken
You stand there handcuffed
There's no going back now
Weak, vulnerable, destroyed, burned
Buried alive, drowning in your tears
The heat burns , inside out
Is this hell? You wounder
Yes, there's no doubt
Soaking in your misery
Last breaths to take
But make no mistake
You put it all on stake
You live with it all
You live and thrive in ache

War, battles , struggles and pain
I just don't get it, what do we gain
It's like an ongoing chain
And we are what keeps together
Holding its rings and going on forever
We break, we bend ,we reach our end
But other go on replacing us
And we only turn into dust
This world is no place you can trust
It'll let you drown in your own lust
In all the times you were trying to adjust
To fit the rivals ,  show your *******
Showing that side of you, the real revelation
But thinking you'll never get the admiration
Showing what you are, the real temptation
But you never do and you never will
You choose to stand there silent and still
Cutting your own scars
You forget who you really are
You lose the war.
You break and bend, but the chain doesn't end.

Alone I am in the darkest days
The roads the streets all block my way
The beast inside fighting to thrive
To find my way in the ocean and dive
To save my soul though it chose to die
I am the lonely, I am the weak
I took the burden, fell off the peak
They keep coming one after the other
Shattering my soul, but it doesn't bother
I already lost what mattered the most
& nothing I do would get back what's lost
I choose to turn it all off
To fly away just like a dove
Nothing to lose , nothing to gain
I choose to let go of the pain...