I dreamt you wrote me letters with fire
And sent them to the sky
So I could reach up and pluck them out
Like stars in the night

no knowing
so many snowflakes
reach the ground

before long
all manner of crystal
growing

sometimes flowers
bloom
to be froze
in a latter time

slow spring
seeping

Trust,
is when you tell someone your deepest, darkest, secret, and know that they'll take it to their grave unless you give them permission to do otherwise with it.
It can be quick, it can be a split-second decision, but it's something conscious, a small act of faith.

Friendship,
is when you tell someone your deepest, darkest, secret, and they stay standing beside you.
It's built on at least some amount of trust, and it means they back you up, and you do the same for them. It means you do your best not to stab them in the back, because you care about them, and trust they'll do the same for you.

Love,
*is when you tell someone your deepest, darkest, secret, and they look you in the eye, and believe you're still a good person.
It sneaks up on you, about the exact time you don't expect it to, and changes your life, rather you want it to, or not. It's unconditional, and infinite, and beautiful, because love is when you care about someone so much, you can't imagine your life without them, and you'd do anything to protect them, your own life be ******. It doesn't matter if your blood is the same - if you're friends, or lovers, or acquaintances. Love, is an all encompassing sort of thing: it isn't picky.

i liked it better
when love was a lovely rose
not a prickly thorn
when you carried soft eyes for me
and not a heart of stone

I dedicate my life trying
To write my thoughts into letters
Forever attempting to
Make those words fathomable to you

Your silence as crashing waves
All that you do not say
In you, I've finally found
Words to write, thoughts to think

Why do you say you're tragic
If anyone took the time
They'd see you as beautiful
As the sky and stars above

Your eyes are quite something
They say so much and yet a lot hidden
Beneath those smiles of laughter and love
What pain and regrets do they conceal?

I want to know it all.

Midnight
You drop the call
And I drop the phone.
I say goodnight
And try to sleep.

I search the long-abandoned rooms in my mind
For a song to put me to sleep
And I hear a familiar tune
Waft through a room that’s forever frozen
In a cloudy, but lovely day in the middle of September, 2016.
It’s a room I abandoned so long ago.

It’s been lingering for a while
I just haven’t noticed.
Listening to the old playlists does that to you, I guess.
But the memories flood back.

The messages, the voicemails, the questions-
What’s your favourite hat? What’s your favourite bean?
Questions I’ve asked you, my love.
And I’m sorry
But I’ve asked them before.
With different answers, from a very different man.

At first it was a trickle
Nothing major, just drops.
And then the tune played
Over and over

The floodgates opened, and memories poured down upon my brain
Knives and scraps of steel and alcohol mixed with the water
His name
Over and over
A name I’ve tried so hard to forget
And then tried so hard to bludgeon when I couldn’t.

It’s 3am.
And now I recall all the names.
Everyone I’ve lost, every single name that could break me.
Every single one.
Now I know what living with regret feels like
Now I know what it feels like to be broken
Now I know what it feels like to die,
Just a little bit inside, every day.

Now I know pain.
Now I know life.

hand reaching over
the phantom scars on her leg,
eyes profoundly broken as
flickering christmas lights,
a child weeping inside
the grown woman.
she smiles, she sighs.
there is grey where there
used to be sunshine,
there are desolate trees,
where the birds used to sing,
and crane their necks
like curious strangers,
at women who sit on lone benches
cradling palms,
stirring up memories of
touch so gentle it hurt.
until people float in and out
like a lifebuoy at sea,
until a wolfish man in scruffs
whistles and waves slowly,
as though time itself has broken.
she sinks deeper into herself,
into the womb of mothers;
into all the love
and all the heartache.

"In all the celestial bodies out there whose love story is your favorite?" She asks him.

He looks at her with curiosity, urging her to continue talking.

"Mine is the earth and the moon and I think yours is the sun and the earth. I just think it's amazing for the moon to stay in the Earth's orbit despite being just an extended light. The only thing that keeps the moon holding on is the mutual gravitational attraction. And if that's gone the moon will probably fall and break. It's a one sided love not much of a love story but for the moon it is. The moon is so strong for it to stay knowing she's just a cheaper version of something, knowing she gives the earth light only when the sun is out."

"Why do I feel like the moon envies the sun?" He chuckled and as he continues to speak the facade of his face now turning more serious.

"Don't you think it's the sun who should be envious? For it's the moon who's more in control of the earth. Tides are caused by the moon and the sun, but it has always been more influenced by the moon for it is much closer. The moon has more influenced to whatever the earth feels if it's high or low, it all depends on her."

She does not know how to respond to his surprising reply but she finally says,

"But the moon just confuses the Earth."

"How could you possibly know are you "Earth"?"

"No..."

"But i know for I am the moon and I wish that mutual gravitational attraction will never be gone just so no matter how far you wander you will always end up in my arms, because I will always be here" she thought to herself but instead of saying it out loud she just smiled and pointed out the kid who just fell and suddenly it was just another day.

(K.Cross)

“Don’t let it hurt”,
(Through tears she begged)
“RELAX”!
“DON’T ****”!
“Cross your legs”,
“It only gets harder”,
“Life is not fair”,
(She pulled the brush through her hair)
“The shoes are tight”,
“JUST SIT”’
“It is do ‘able”
“You begged for that heel”
“IT HURTS TO BE BEAUTIFUL”,
“Is it important”?
“YES…….IT’S A MUST!”
“That’ how people look at us”
“Baby don’t cry….we’re gonna have cake”
“Remember your napkin, today you are eight”!
© B L Costello 2017

My body has been scarred
Beaten and left broken
Its been torn apart
By my single hand
And the heaviness of the feeling that was left behind
Weighs me down at times of blue

But there's a flicker of fire in my soul
Something that hasn't been extinguished by my ****** hand
And it speaks to me softly of how I should be
That this life I have put myself through isn't the life I deserve

And this flick of hope gives me courage
That fills me with fury
To do the things I've been told I couldn't do or couldn't be

There's also the darkness in my head
And it tells me not to hope
Or not to believe
Not while I'm still living

This spark of darkness tells me that I deserve all those scars
And all the beat and tear
It shows me that the only relief to find is
The relief of life

The problem is
That I can't decide
Which one is right