Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Parker Jun 2018
The oddest thing about depression is you can't exactly say you're dying of it.
Cancer? Pneumonia? Sure. You could tell people those are the things that are killing you.
But you can't exactly say you're dying of depression.
The fatality of this abnormality of an illness is severe.
You struggle day in, day out, trying to find your way out of this dark, numbing tunnel without light.
You don't get to say you're dying of depression, even if it feels like it. Because you have to have hope.
Unlike a Stage 4 Cancer patient who's coughing up blood in their hospital bed, you still have the chance to make it.
Yet you feel like the guy in the other room currently having the end of his life signaled by one long beep and a matching horizontal line, except...
You.. Aren't dead.
The numbness and lack of energy caused by a chemical imbalance in your head are just the symptoms of your slow decline into the same nothingness that becomes of the old man with a heart failure that they couldn't revive, bring back to life, no matter how hard they tried.
And your fake smiles are just as broken hearted as the little girl with leukemia's who's trying to reassure her parents they'll be fine without her.
And those days you will yourself out of bed...
Those good days you don't let the thoughts in your head control you... Are just as important as the days the man with the new prosthetic leg tries to walk, despite not knowing how as an amputee.
You... Are strong.
And those days where you can't get up, where you can't eat, where it's doesn't feel like you're strong... Those days are okay to have. Those are the days the mother with breast cancer breaks down and cries for herself instead of just her kids. It's okay to not be okay sometimes.
But
You're strong
Even on your worst days, you're strong.
Because you're still here and you haven't given up.
Stay Strong, Beautiful.
You can do this.
Parker Jun 2018
Tomorrow I turn eighteen.
I’ve been living my whole life hating the fact that I was born
And I could’ve sworn that I wasn’t gonna make it this far
I’ve done my fair share of harm
I’ve popped bars and I’ve let loose
I’ve downed my weight in ***** and juice
I feel as though I have tried it all,
I don’t have very far left to fall
I’m tired of the world making me feel so **** small
I think this might be my final call
Eighteen years have come and gone,
In a hell that went on for far too long
I don’t think this is where I belong,
And I don’t think I’ll be around to hear my birthday song
Parker Jun 2018
We grew up learning valuable life lessons from the people around us
We learned, for instance, to always use our manners, our please and thank you’s
We learned to look both ways before crossing the street for any cars surrounding us
We learned that even if the adults are wrong we bite our tongues and respect our elders
As young ladies, we learned that we’re to scream ‘fire” if we’re being attacked
This taught us that a burning house was more important than society having our backs
We learned that if a man catcalls you, or gropes you on the bus
You’re to politely excuse yourself to take a phone call
After all, we’re to be seen as respectable young ladies, even if respect is never what we receive
As a culture, young men are taught that it is weak to cry
To show emotions at any time, no matter what
They’re always supposed to keep their mouths shut
We never knew any different than these lessons we learned
Our hearts are scarred where the lessons are burned
Our childhoods tainted with these teachings…
So how do you expect to change as a society…when we can’t even change ourselves?
  Apr 2018 Parker
fm
him
hungry eyes
vacant stares
sunday morning
monday dares

tired feet
clumsy legs
silent whimpers
and yet he begs

my hands are covered
in blood that is not mine.
he reaches into my chest
for a heart he can't find.

let him know it's not him.
let him know it's not love.
it's a temporary feeling
that i no longer dream of.
being unable to love *****
Parker Apr 2018
i am just
so
**** tired                                                  
   of being
                                                          mental­ly sick

P.A.P 4/25/18
Parker Apr 2018
Our names identify us
Last names connect families
Names can mean leaving a legacy
Some names are fun and bubbly
Some names leave our lips fumbling
Names can spark harsh memories
Or the best moments of our lives
Names can give us a sense of belonging
Or leave us with some feeling of longing
Names are versatile
Easily changed or worn for a while
They are gifts given to every newborn child
Names are kept on each and every file
They give you your particular style
So whether you've changed your name
Or kept the one from birth
You're always just you
And your name was who you were first
Finally legally changing my name to Parker in the next few weeks so I've been thinking a lot about identity.
Next page