People think I’m doing better
And in some ways they’re right
What I'm getting better at
Is how to conceal a fight.

Those inner demons
Still torment me,
Devouring my soul,
But on the outside,
I am happy
Deception  is my goal.

I shan't let you know
you seem so soothed
to see me performing better
To actually see and realize
My soul is getting shredded

My body is my temple
And it is filled with smoke
Dark delirious desires
I cannot stop to choke
Dysfunctional beliefs
So deep within my soul
Searching for love
To fill a pitch black hole

There are a thousand reasons
Why someone might be broken
Some of them are hard to bear,
And most remain unspoken.
If you want me to strip my guards,
Get into my world-
And maybe you’ll find a piece of truth
That can’t be sharpened or blurred –
Yet you may think It’s absurd.

When he holds me,
I feel secure
A constant in this everchanging world
That allows me to exist –
But when she holds me,
My spirit flies high,
And she gives me all the inspiration
I need to be –

And when he kisses me,
I feel  unity and tender love,
But when she kisses me,
The caterpillars in my body
Break free and form something beautiful,
something new.

And when he’s gone,
I miss the constancy of being loved
Rather than I miss him,
But when she’s gone
I miss all the overwhelming feelings we shared
More than I miss her.

And when we make love,
He makes me experience
A great lust with a great desire
But when she makes love to me-
My imagination is running wild
An exciting fantasy
And  everything in this world
Seems to be designed only for us.

*I’m drunk on her while he tries to cure me

There are marks on my body
that don’t fade with the bruises
A broken spirit can’t be healed by stitches,
And as much as I want to pull myself together
You relentlessly haunt me in my dreams
And waking up, screaming, I do realize
The pain is long gone,
But your deeds cannot be undone.

You stole my childhood,
But that’s okay, you can keep it –
All I want is for you to be gone.