i just wish i could find the right words
the perfect sentences
to explain how worthless you make me feel

and i wish you could understand
why im still unhappy

and i wish you could understand
its because of you.

The sleep is something that no longer comforts me.
Even when I find it it doesn't comfort me like it does
to most.
Instead, it taunts me with fragments of memories.
Or are they?
Is that what they call a dream?
But my imagination is not how Disney portrays it.
It is
sick
and twisted.
Awake I lie covered in a cold sweat
for I am one
who does not dream.
Nightmares are what surround me;
awake
or asleep
doesn't matter.
Not anymore.
And once again,
the nightmares
steal all the
happy,
kind,
sweet,
thoughts and I am left
cold,
broken,
and alone.

Remember how
we used to sit together
with our inside jokes;
not a care in the world
what others thought.

Remember how
we would sit in class
and make fun of the teacher
with a jean skirt covering her ***.

Remember how
people would think we were dating
and we would just send
a simple f*ck you their way.

Remember how
I
used
you
and,
you
let
me.

Remember how
you had no other way to deal with me
except by silence
and I acted like it was your fault.

Remember how
you granted me
the most beautiful gift I have ever received
and instead of being thankful;
I tried to **** myself,
simply because I didn't get what I wanted.
Simply because I didn't know who made it.

Remember how
I
broke
you
down
until
you
hated
me.

Remember how
I would apologize
just to tear you down more.
I was just addicted
to other's sorrow.

Remember how
no matter what I put you through,
you somehow would still take my
****,
good for nothing,
apologies,
and still keep the friendship going.

Remember how
I was submitted into a mental hospital.
And I opened up
and told you
what you really mean to me.

So Remember how much
you really mean to me
no matter where life takes you.

Remember how
we have been frenemies this whole year,

so that no matter

if we talk
tomorrow,

for the rest of our lives,

or
never
again,

that you have helped someone
even more than you can imagine.

Remember
how
you
saved
a
life.

That life was
MINE.

Just Remember

I am stuck on this surface
with man eating serpents
that tear down your layers
and turn you into servants
with sharp daring teeth
and disease ridden purpose  
they'll eat you for breakfast
and save your hands for dessert
it's a plan for the worst
if you think that you deserve it
if you think you're worth more
than speak profound for the wordless
don't look down when you're nervous
these words will burn through your dermis
fight for what it's worth
our souls patrol for what's important
it's your soul that has a purpose
it's your right and you deserve it
speak for what you love
for love confirms the earth's performance

Stand up for what?
To collapse back down
my ankles turn to water
whenever you're around
I can't stand up
when i don't know what i stand for
like my brain is in the clouds
but my heart is on the **** floor
or a platform
my face is in a sandstorm
and i can't form words
with my lips between your teeth
our bodies now declare war
and my throat begets a siren
that your backbones can't ignore
your shoulders hold me down
while i beg for
just
a
little
bit
more

Loveless is thy life, for they all pray to make you stay,
Lonely you must be, for just their worship you grant them their way,

If it were me I'd rather they bleed and starve,
Cause I'd love em just enough to see them learn through hardship,
It's like you never knew their pain,  misery or remorse,
It's so cats in the cradle, they grew up while you were away.

Thou Kingdom has its people, but oh what a price you have to pay,
You feed em, cloth em and give them shelter,
But from their withering souls, you must look away,

If it were her, she'd adore em all the same,
But never spoil her own children, for only their wounds she'd caress,
But she'd teach em to walk by themselves,
Only holding their hand so they won't sway.

But you, you are proud and you are vain,
They are but your Symphony, what a morose tune there you play..

If it were they themselves, Truly!!  Masters of their own lives,
Even they'd understand their loneliness, can be traded for ego and pride,
Even they would know that our lives are useless anyway,
Compassion they'd learn to help each other along the way!!

Heartless is thy nature, and so it must stay,
For we are mortal and not you, and therein lies the crux,
Six feet under we'll be buried someday,
And you bear the pain of seeing us go away..
How strong at all times you must stay..

Loveless is thy life, for they all pray to make you stay,
Lonely you must be, for just their worship you grant them their way,

(fading..)
Loveless is thy life, for they all pray to make you stay,
Lonely you must be, for just their worship you grant them their way!!

Sometimes,
The waves are so silent, only white tips are seen,
The moon is a lighthouse, and amidst the fog,
The man is alone except, yes!! Ah, there's a dog;

But..
Time, time is removed from the equation,
And space, the sense of space is just.... Just Lost!!

To even gulp down, that inexplicable omnipresence, to even breathe,
Feels like a sin, like betrayal,

And in that picturesque, she rises.. Like a piece puckered from heavens,
In your mind, her face,
Expressionless, her eyes,
Infinite,            

and there....

Like dew on a fresh leaf, leaks a drop, rolling into a mudball,
Just as they give away, and them knees hit the sand..

A memoria, a reminiscence, of her touch..
As if pixie dust brought a message, travelling through a whole universe,
Which he.. I..  I almost got, or.. almost missed!!

Choking.. Smiling at not knowing..
Reality from love, imagination from hurt.
The defiance in me, the innocence in her!!