The world tells their young
That abstinence is old fashion, that innocence is over and done.
That to make something of themselves
They must give this much
to someone else
That *** paves the road to success.
What standards should I view best?
Am I a woman now?
Look at me.
trying to understand my insecurity
Wallowing in pathetic purity
They tell me I'll never find love for more than a day
If I can't even let him get to second base.
That I should give my innocence to him,
I should join him in a ****** rhythm.
That I should have fun and forget what the bible has to say,
To find temporary bliss for a night and misery the following day.
Maybe I should fall into the mainstream,
Because popularity should fix my self esteem..
Am I a woman now?
I've tried so hard to lock myself away,
To keep myself pure in the light of day,
But night comes around and leads my thoughts astray,
Maybe *** is just a game we play.
Perhaps I'll test the waters but on the ground my feet with stay
I'll try things out but not go "all the way"
Am I a woman now?
God, I need you here right now.
I went too far and broke every single vow
Of innocence that I pledged to you.
And asking for forgiveness is all I know to do.
Am I a woman now?
Being broken by the worlds expectation,
Being deceived in my contemplation.
Don't ever lose yourself,
Not to birth control or the ****** on the shelf.
Not to boys or to loneliness in the middle of the week,
Be strong, be as much of yourself that you can possibly bear to be.
Because the negativity and hatred of the earth,
Will try to **** your spirit and tell you what your worth.
We're no better than the world and *** is a natural inclination,
But if we are the body of Christ we have a God-given obligation
I'm scared, have I done what I'm supposed to do?
Did I do what's right according to God or you?
Am I a woman now?
That's all I wanted, to be beautiful or gorgeous in someone else's eyes,
But I think I've only accomplished that by the words that humans make into deadly lies.
They looked so appealing and delicious,
But I'd advise you to avoid something so malicious,
Because there's remorse and expensive emotional debt,
When we conform to the world and allow ourselves to forget,
That God made *** a spiritual experience to share as a couple,
Only with each other,
It's a passionate emotion that should be known solely by a significant other,
The two bound by marriage, in spirit, and with rings
So that the world can see  they
Can show the world what each spirit brings
To a relationship in Christ alone
In whom my unwavering worth is known.
Am I a woman now?
--Emily Rutledge

Plastered to the atmosphere
Breathing in my almost fear
Of being lost or being here
Or being the cry I've begun to hear
When I've become dust in the stratosphere
When the sun expands and burns away
A million cells of human display.
Like the H from two O
All my senses begin to go.
I'm the afraid and lost
That comes with the daunting cost
Of my life unraveled
Like a galaxy untraveled.
I've fallen into space.
I've finally found my place.
I'm nothing in a galaxy of existential being
Not worth hearing. Not worth seeing.
Just a little star dust
Cast out from the sun
But life broke my trust
And the universe won.
--Emily Rutledge

In a room full of people I thought I'd met,
But fell in love because I lost a bet.
All these people, so many strangers,
Amazing that my family could be so many different dangers.
At least I have a soul to rely upon,
How can all the others be so far gone?
--Emily Rutledge

They were constant company
But I took them like they were something free.
I never need the ground beneath my feet when I'm flying
And I never need the air I breath until I'm dying.
But something about reaching for the moon in the height of the night,
Or inhaling the wind when my timing seems right
Always leads to a lonely life and broken soul
And just when I see my dream, I feel gravity pull
Me back to earth, back to who I have now,
Away from the love this hell won't allow.
All I want is to see beyond the sky
To reach up and embrace the stars before I die.
But I'm stuck alone
In a house I can't call my own.
Unhappy with the people around me.
Routine crept through the dirt and found me.
All I want Is someone new
But no other star stands out like you.
It's a **** shame I'm bound to an earth like this,
When you're of another world, in a fantasy of bliss.
So I'll stay home and fake some kind of joy.
While the people all around me misread an unhappy boy,
Because they're too tangible and real,
But it's the supernatural love I long to feel.
For now I'll look ahead and hope with all I've got,
That god will grant me blessing for all the hell I've fought,
Maybe tomorrow when the sun rises alone,
It will bring with it a new reality
I'll finally deem my own.
--Emily Rutledge

Do your tears reach for the floor once they meet your gently sculpted bones,
Or do they trickle down your cheeks and follow the leader down the rustic road they call your neck?
Do they kiss your collarbones the way I one day dream to?
Do you wipe them from their origin with your weathered fingers,
Or do you wait until they are kidnapped by the clothing you've begged to keep your body warm?
Do they ever leave your eyes at all, or do they hide behind your perfect crystals
to share a space with that beautifully complicated mind of yours?
Will I ever get the chance to see you wholly,
Or get the chance to plant romance in your eyes.
Will I get to allow the tears of joy to fall with grace,
Or wipe the tears of sadness before they stain your skin?
Will lie awake until tomorrow passes away,
Or will I sleep through my hopeless romance just to see another day?
--Ourfirstfarewell

She didn't see the life left to be had,
All she saw was Darling Dear dark and sad.
She held so tightly Darling Dear, four years old
Little did she know, Darling Dear had grown up dark and cold.
Mama didn't know the strength in Darling Dear,
Befriended by the shadows, she had no remaining fears.
She loved Mama and Mama loved her back,
But nothing was as beautiful as Darling Dear gone black.
--Emily Rutledge

Always wrong
With what I thought
was just a song
All the demons fought
But I was losing all along.
Words unspoken,
Lyrics broken
Until our words pour out
telling all that life's about.
I give my life. Whole. Devout.
Passion never running out
No fear. More pain. I conquer doubt.
A child's life changing route
Altered dreams
Tearing seems
You see her changing teams
As she rejects all she knows.
Life goes on, wind still blows.
She may regret the path she chose
But at least she stepped.
The found the ledge and finally crept
Right of the cliff
No bones stiff
She was this:
No doubt in her mind
She had to be bold; be one of a kind
And now she's stuck
Straight out of luck.
Caught in a storm the sun may never fix
So she'll scream her lyrics and hope the story sticks.


A symphony
Of modern sympathy
Music sounds
And steals away simplicity.
A soul isolated
Thoughts so innovated
The idea her mind created
Was shot down.
Brought down
From the sky
A dreamer left to die
But as she looks up through her dying eyes
She sees the questions in the passers-by
As that fake curiosity took the time to wonder why
the dead bird never left the nest.
You shot her down and took away her best,
You stole the gold and made a cavern in her chest.
What's it like to be the voice that could have stood behind,
But instead you disappeared the back-side of a whisper in your mind.
So tell me, what's it like?
To know you could have been the one to drop the mic.
But instead you said nothing and hid behind your apathy,
I hope your life ends happily.
You could have been the voice to stand behind my music,
But instead you hid behind a whisper,
And became the one who killed it.

Profound, that he lost his sight.
He couldn't get the harmonies to blend quite right,
So he gave up seeing,
For music was the life and the fiber in his being.
He didn't need another soul
To change his note from half to whole,
For he had something else to hold,
And music couldn't make his spirit old.
So, he wed the chord, he played the piece,
And he dubbed musicality the worst disease.
Funny that a musical obsession
Would correspond with loneliness at life's discretion.
--Emily Rutledge

Upon the ocean rests my heart.
How unique when soul and corpse are set apart...
My body lifeless without a voice of reason
And lifeless I'll remain until that final season.
When my soul will arrive back here
And hush the voices that remind me of my fear.

Upon the ocean rests my heart.
A boy I loved before the start
This is temporary pain
But the longing in my heart is a passion to remain
In my depths until my soldier comes back home
When my empty house won't seem so alone.

Upon the ocean rests my heart.
My love for him a sacred art.
I knew he was leaving
But my heart keeps believing
That I'll some day be his wife.
He is my pride and joy; my life.
I don't know if he loved me then,
But I know when I see my soldier home again,
He'll be my Hero now and forever,
Regardless of land or sea, there's nothing like "together".

Upon the ocean rests my heart.
And tonight I'll ask the sea
as the sky looks down on me,
Protect my soldier from every danger,
And keep my loneliness a distant stranger.
Bring him home, bring him back to me,
But for now, my delicate heart rests upon the sea.

You're so much more than me.
And all I'll ever be,
Is the shadow in your head,
And the sum of all the things you've ever said.
I'm like the past that haunts you.
I'm the dark that wants you.
You don't deserve rain on your parade,
But I'd be honored to be some mistake you made.
You don't deserve a mistake like me,
You don't deserve faith as fake as me.
All I want is you.
All I want is faith that's new.
I want you to lead me with strong hands
To lead me to peace in God's plans.
The truth is,I would hold you down,
You don't need me around.
I wish that I was worth enough
I wish I was worth your love.
But here I am. Vulnerable in my desire,
With nothing to offer but to hold you higher
Than anything else on earth.
I don't know how to tell you what you're worth..

--Emily Rutledge

I won't take back the path I took
And I can't change the ground it shook
To face the earthquake of tough decisions
And the natural disaster of life revisions.
Nothing takes the earth apart like looking to the past
To remember the different kinds of love that wouldn't last.
I'd tell you ours was different, but the rubble begs to differ,
Each night I rest in the freezing makes my bones grow stiffer.
We're a dying race.
God is showing us our place.
We aren't all we think we are,
We won't survive without a scar,
But maybe we can climb out of this abyss,
If as a species we remember this:

We respect the rain, as she falls by design,
But neglect the lightning and pretend extinction's fine.
We stand in awe as snow falls asleep on the ground,
Everything's peaceful until we're frozen like the snow all around.
Desensitized to tragedy,
Immune to life and gravity,
Death becomes the living
And apathy keeps giving.
Will we step up, get up, and prove the flesh is wrong,
Or lay down and stay down, to admit that we're not strong?
How could we let hope die in vain,
And, without a fight, return to the dust where we belong?

Life seems well composed, happy and satisfied,
Until we face the wind that blows, and scramble so much to strategize
Just to protect the house we've built,
That stands so proud until the lilies wilt
And prove that all along, there was nothing we could do
To keep the hurricane from killing the righteous few.
Myself not included, there are honest men,
Though we wonder where all our leadership has been.
Now's the time to step up and do what's right,
Our lives may flood, but we won't drown without a fight.

We respect the rain, as she falls by design,
But neglect the lightning and pretend extinction's fine.
We stand in awe as snow falls asleep on the ground,
Everything's peaceful until we're frozen like the snow all around.
Desensitized to tragedy,
Immune to life and gravity,
Death becomes the living
And apathy keeps giving.
Will we step up, get up, and prove the flesh is wrong,
Or lay down and stay down, to admit that we're not strong?
How could we let hope die in vain,
And, without a fight, return to the dust where we belong?

We fight pain and constant pressure until the top explodes,
But we won't give up until we've exhausted all the roads,
Looking for a way out, preferably the best,
But if that fails, we'll make do with any of the rest.
It's hard to see with the ash impairing our sight,
But even in darkness, through fire, we strive for what is right.
The only way to keep the magma from burning through the earth,
Is to show the nature around us what righteousness is worth.

We respect the rain, as she falls by design,
But neglect the lightning and pretend extinction's fine.
We stand in awe as snow falls asleep on the ground,
Everything's peaceful until we're frozen like the snow all around.
Desensitized to tragedy,
Immune to life and gravity,
Death becomes the living
And apathy keeps giving.
Will we step up, get up, and prove the flesh is wrong,
Or lay down and stay down, to admit that we're not strong?
How could we let hope die in vain,
And, without a fight, return to the dust where we belong?

Maybe nature is the trees and all the flowers
Or maybe it's the sum or lack there of of human powers.
You decide what you defend and what you think is true,
Because it's passion and conviction that truly define you.

We respect the rain, as she falls by design,
But neglect the lightning and pretend extinction's fine.
Death becomes the living
And apathy keeps giving.
Will we step up, get up, and prove the flesh is wrong,
Lay down and stay down, to admit that we're not strong?
Or will we, so soon, return to the dust where we belong?



--Emily Rutledge

The sun woke up
and followed its destined direction.
Light covered the lake
like a layer of protection
and danced with its droplets
like love ever after.
But when night came,
she silenced their laughter
and the two spoke softly,
water and light.
They grew in their love
as they danced through the night
and when the  next morning came
and asked for her hand,
she knew there would never be light like his
to cover the land.
--Emily Rutledge

you were home and I was the traveler.
And I moved from continent to continent as the world was spinning faster
We held hands and rearranged the mountains,
We swam in each abyss below the waterfalls, the world's greatest fountains.
And we were never stayed in one place,
But danced with discovery at a romantic pace
Because I was in love with my home
And you fell in love with the unknown.
There was so much more to life
Than paying bills and being a wife,
And there was so much more to passion than a monotonous job and everything old fashioned.
We made everyday something new,
And if anything led me to believe in blessings it was you.
So tomorrow we'll cross the ocean,
We'll be brave and in love as we conquer the motion
Of an ever changing life, and ever changing existence,
All I'd ever love in life was home and your gentle resistance
To all that the world told us to be.
Because now.
I'm happy with you and you are happy with me.
--Emily Rutledge

Dear broken one,
We hear your cry,
I understand the hurt, I won't ask you why.
We are the ones who know your story,
There are one who walked that road before me.
Now I'm with them and we're here to be your safety.
We're just trying to get you home safely.
We're all still hurting, and we live with burning scars.
We're the ones that look up and know that heavens gained some special stars.
We're the ones that made it through the night,
The ones that the difference between "said" and "done".
So we'll walk you through to see the morning light.
There's nothing we can say to hold up your walls
But we can be the protection as each one falls.
We've seen that ocean of insanity
And cried out to humanity
For a saving grace,
But the "strong ones" turn their face
And neglect the fragmented mirror on our hearts,
They sweep the pieces beneath the rug as our reflection falls apart.
We've felt your resentment, we used to feel alone too.
But we realized there's an army of fighters that feel the way we do.
The world will never feel the ambiguous pain eating through the bottom of your heart.
They'll try to heal you but they won't know where to start.
This ship is unfixable, we all feel like we're sinking anyways.
The truth is, we'll patch each others weakness and float on for brighter days.
We've been where you are.
The top of that cliff used to seem so far
From the bottom of the abyss, now all you can see is this.
Darkness rising
Pain still paralyzing
A deep we can't explain
An unforgivable stain
A darkened heart
A fear of knowing what it's like to completely fall apart.
That laundry list
Of brokenness
Feels like it's grown to be a string
Wrapped around our throats overwhelming us with everything.
You can look out into that abyss
And lose your sense of direction.
You can look into the void and lose your soul's inflection.
But Angel, we know what it's like to fall.
None of us want that for you at all.
You look into darkness and feel alone,
But the congregation behind you has grown.
We're an army, facing this battle together,
We have to recognize that things can't **** forever.
We're all standing with you at the top of the cliff, looking down.
Please try to see the million people all around
Who feel you crying.
We're not trying
To tell you tomorrow will be alright,
Because not a single soul heals quickly over night.
It's a long way to recovery,
But when I realized even strangers love me
The burden was no longer my own,
The weight of the world was no longer made of stone,
And we all carried together,
That fear of failure, and the fear of forever.
If we needed to be taken, we'd be dead by now,
So we have to keep moving, taking the next step somehow.
I believe in you. I have faith in your existence.
We're all here to back you up, and fight with against life's resistance.
The worlds big and scary, dark and unforgiving,
But take it step by step and together we'll see the strength and joy of truly living.