How do I say
Jesus Christ you've changed
without seeming like I don't like who you've become
because I miss the old you
I miss the jokes the old you told
I miss the way you didn't hold my hand unless I held yours first
I miss the nights when you were honest
I miss you always knowing when something was wrong
but lately you only make jokes at other people's expense
you grab my waist too hard
it always seems like you're trying to cover something up
you never ask me if I'm upset
which I'm almost happy about because you're normally the reason
you never come see me anymore and I'm wondering why that is
because I'm not sure if you remember when you said you loved me but I do
and I'm not sure if you still do but I thought I did for a while
until you disappeared and I think you left the old you in rehab
you've started drinking again
do you remember when you said it made you sad when I drank because I do
that's the reason I stopped
but now that you've picked up the bottle so have I
and our fingers are almost meeting in the middle
I'm scared to let you know how close I am to you
because I think you might rip it out of my hands and let it shatter at my feet
then leave me to pick up the pieces.

You're going to miss me when I'm gone
and the way our fingers
traced each lie on skin

I have a pocket full of regrets
and an empty heart
so where shall I begin?

your beauty left me wanting more
but you're the flower
I should've never picked

Some things are better off admired from afar,
causing thorns to lose their power, but your pain
made me a willing addict

I tried to pick up all your pieces
and assemble them
the best I could

but in the end, beneath the pressure, you crumbled
you were more fragile
than I truly understood

I remember when I was just a kid,
playing video games and dancing rock n' roll.
I remember all the happiness I had,
doing the stuff I used to like.

But one day everything became dark,
****** thoughts and sadness all night.
My mom asked me why I was sad,
I didn't know what to reply.

I have the urge to see blood,
running through my arms.
The pain I feel is inexplicable,
I don't even think you would understand.

But that's just me being alive,
I guess I am just alive outside.
I am dealing with this pain all night,
because I am just dead inside.

(m.v.a)

I need some medicine
Maybe a pill to take

It's night time again
I still remain awake

So many thoughts
Run across my head

Too much thinking
Will I ever go to bed?

I wish to shut my eyes
Will I ever get some rest?

I probably won't sleep
Insomnia is at it's best

You.
You are the sunlight that filters through the leaves on the trees, leaving a golden warmth in patterns on the ground.
You are the smell of the earth after rain, rich with the musty aroma that brought memories back like rivers, or floods, or waterfalls.
You are the deepest part of the night. You are the silence. You are the soft sound of breathing in the moonlight.
You are the whispers like peppermint kisses on my tongue.
You are the stars, the velvet sky at night, the fiery sunrises, the clouds that drift like smoke.
You are the sand between my toes, you are the snow crunching under my feet.
And you are so beautiful. And you are gone.

you are cigarette sticks just lit,
you are a fresh wound on an old stitch.
a disorder spun out of control,
watching as madness takes hold - clutch
breaks - what happens next - your
life begins to unfold. creases form like
scars that never quite leave, mistakes
we break, we drown and we bleed.
i can't live without them is the greatest
lie: love kills you from the inside out,
toxic chemicals rampage fire through
your veins: hooked, hooked, hooked
lined and sunk; funny how we continue
to live with it only because we die with it.