Before the evening came,
The dusk spoke up to my spirit
'bout the redemption it brought to beautiful lives,
I got sunk into the ocean, in a minute
& the memory of my heart walked out into the ashes... to darkling nights

The ashes of my heart flattered across the street
I smoked for a while
& a glass of wine stole the breeze
My eyes glared at the pages written by me late-night
I tried so hard to arrange but every note got flamed up into the pieces of my life.

This body depriving me within 
Tints of sorrows conjured up-
In stains of abstinence of pure hollow
I couldn't breathe last night
My blood clogged up by my sins
Impasse on notions of my denial 

These paths lead me to dusk
At dawn I break just to fall again
I tried my best only to be drowned- 
Repetitively in this weir of waste
These eyes have not seen the world
Only norms that understood my roots of pain

I hid in places that no one knew 
Its host brought me to this ecstasy of elation
Only to realized it’s a transient rapture 
Only to torment & torture my desires
I saw my reflection inside these glinting bubbles
Scars of contempt & disgust
Filled my heart with pure dejection

**Is this what I’m left with?
Will tonight be my time?
Will I be free incessantly?

The mind has its boundaries
Taking every life to its pasture
You often deny your existence is valid
Drained to flout all the people-
That tried to alleviate your worst outcome
You can’t foresee what’s imminent
Yet your past hinders you to move forward

Motions of the night sky
Appeases you within
The stars glinting like they know you exist
Taking every setback that you had
Full of misery & regret
You fathom what if you didn't live
It doesn't make any difference
To be conceived into eminence or filth

The fear of disappointment escalates
Disappointing your loved ones resents you
You concealed every skin of-
Impetus that espoused
Knowing you could be
Abundantly stronger than this
Yet fluctuation compels you
To cower in distress  

'Why can't I be normal?'
You questioned this in your head everyday
Fragments that made you elated dissipates-
Every time you tried to defeat yourself
Falling again & again

You’re afraid of losing your conscience-
Into the abyss that kept drawing you in
You conjure up notions of ingenuity
Just to rupture it repetitively

*Is this who you really are?
Is this what you really wanted?
To infinitely hate yourself?

It’s not easy when I was five
It’s not easy to grasp everything
Learning these new ‘signs’
So others would empathize
Demoralized only to be scrutinized
Wondering why they always laughed
I never knew how it sounds like
But it hurts me deep inside

It’s not easy when I was ten
They wrote on the board
How I always pretend
I keep smiling despite everything
I did pretend
Pretending tomorrow
Everything will end

It’s not easy when I was fifteen
Almost everyone doesn't comprehend
These hands I use to eat & speak
I can read their lips saying,
"FREAK, FREAK, FREAK!!!"
But this time I didn't pretend
Mama always told me before she left
"Your voice is louder than the rest!"

It’s easier now that I’m twenty
It actually gets better if I believe
I found true friends along the way
They get furious if I get played
Diminishing negative thoughts to dust
I know now life has its eminence
There are more others like me

What my mama meant before she left
Help those who are in need
Especially to those who are-
*Special like me.

This much I know now
My heart's been crying forever.
It stopped, when
It
heard
your
heart
beating to the 
same rhythm.

Translucent yet transparent 
Simplicity in its eminence 
Fragile yet fervid to uphold
Reflections sometimes blur to unfold
In any shape or size, manifold
Don't get blinded by the blinding lights
Beauty in its elegance, be mesmerized
Refracting spectrum of rainbows
Emmiting colors of alluring ardor
Rays of sun burning stains of tallowed sorrows
With H2O and soap, impurities gone

Akin to your heart 
That could break anytime
Fragile in its name, 
Maimed, stained with pain
Pumping but barely breathing
**Only you can choose 
To fill it full or to drink it all
To die or live again.