I mean, I don't blame you
Why would you like a simple girl such as me
You told me you did but as I have mentioned your bittersweet lies caused me nothing but a shallow pain
Why would you like a girl
With cracked skin
bagged eyes that sting from my tears
and a curvy yet fat ***
I don't blame you
didn't expect you to like me
the fact was I knew you didn't yet something kept me going
Why would you like a girl
who doesn't even like herself?
who looks in the mirror an spots all her flaws rather than the beauty she cant seem to find
no confidence whatsoever but behind a tough personality she hides...
So I don't blame you for not
liking a girl like me
not even a little bit
not at all

if you wish to be a warrior prepare to be broken.
if you wish to be a explorer prepare to get lost, and if you wish to be a lover prepare to be both.
to be a lover meaning you possess a feeling, a spell or desire.
that irresistible urge to be with someone.
that heavenly union, that destiny conspires.
to be a lover takes strength like a warrior. such as loving a person, even when they gave you a thousand reasons not to. to be a lover takes some exploring. a mere attachment, or infatuation. a bond or a yearning? getting lost on what loves really means.
to be a lover we sometimes seek what it means when all its about is, the intermingling of 2 souls, come together to form a whole. we look to deeply to decipher love to code the way in which the caged creature works,
we learn, get hurt, grow love, repeat.
to ever extract its true essence is tough...
Are you ready to be a lover?

all i wanted was a simple apology
if you loved me it wouldn't be that hard
but i guess you didn't
they told me not to fall to hard but i never listen for i thought was different.
but you were exactly what they said and to my existence your malignant
but yet somehow you still are a stimulant
you set gasoline to my fire and it heats up resembling our heated arguments that end up with one of us in pain
for you were never the solution you were never my rain to exhaust my flames
your a poison and it's addictive yet my soul still survives
it hurts so much but my heart yearns for you it chimes
chimes in a irregular beat; wishing for you to care but its like i'm never there
i always end up suffering the ramifications
your my main cause of my dreary tribulations
yet, i stay
yet, i still care
yet, i'm still blamed
yet, i cant stop loving you
Where did i ever go so wrong?

the stifled sound rumbling on the tip of my tongue eager to come out.
It roars with happiness and excitement from what it seems.
But behind that exotic laugh is a soul. The laugh hides the soul keeping it hidden from outsiders.
The laugh keeps a delightful smile on someones face. Everyone wants to feel happy..even if it is for a split second.
That laugh takes your mind away from the dreadful thoughts of suicide or the painful outlook of what is called you life.
The laugh takes away the pain as if were an antidepressant.
But what happens when the laugh stops...that dreadful pain resumes to what is reality as it consumes your identity as a whole.

I cant drown my demons because they swim. Diving into my every thought creeping into my mind.
Plunging and destroying all the hope
from my fragile heart.
They seep into my soul making it cold, dry, and now withdrawn...
Withdrawn from the outside world shutting everyone out my demons come out from dawn to dark.
These demons causing all these emotional scars and they left a mark. These demons constantly putting me through pain now I'm a recluse that has been misused and abused.
So, I'll be dammed if I let anyone in. These demons forbid my mind from being happy and I shall not dare challenge it because these demons still swimming are
already killing me
Torturing my everlasting existence
When will it ever end?

Cried to many tears
and now my life is dreary
You've taken everything but you clearly don't care
Belittling everything, your smiling while I'm having nightmares
Why am I living still?
Is it just a question or just a thought?
Should I end it even with this little piece of me thats fighting to live?
Constantly being depressed and tired but ****...something has to give.
For If my road keeps spiraling I'm afraid my road will only be short.

i said "i love you"
but you keep twisting my words
plunging them until they have no meaning
im depressed, misused, abused, and above all tired.  
god i wish i was dreaming

No matter how loud i scream it
"I LOVE YOU" you cant seem to grasp the passion behind it. ******* me over constantly
Now im sitting on floors staring at pill bottles imagining the possibilities and your the reason for this ****.
Will you be the death of me or my only way of tranquility?
Will you love me like you should or still have me wondering "what would"?

I said "I love you."
3 powerful words you'll always pretend not to hear.

You fail to see I'm hurting from the looks in my eyes. If I tell you I'm fine you should know thats a lie. You clearly can't notice that I'm screaming for help and my heart is broken. So I put on a smile to disguise the pain. I cant even describe how I feel. Its more like a sound, the sound of a constant rain. It beats hard against windows thumping much like my tears. Hoping for the sun to push the clouds away and fill the sky with cheers. But that won't happen because I'm to far hurt for any repair. You fail to notice my life is in despair. Why can't you see? Im slowly dying won't you help me

Recovery

From this I'll never recover
You left a scar
Longer than any mountain range
& deeper than any ocean

May you rest in peace
Yet I cant sleep
Sleepless nights thinking of you
Our relationship was filled of lust and love.
From this I'll never recover

Trying to erase you from my mind
But we had a bond something I can't unbind.
You were unforgettable
The only who understood
This pain is like a drug
From this I'll never recover

Its astonishing how I remember
All the misery of the moment you left me
I seem to glorify the pain for it slowly washes away
Many would say Let it go
They also say the Hero Never Goes
But that was a lie
Cause you saw something in me I was too blind to see

You were my hero
My shine, my glow
My backbone
You put my on a throne
I was your everything
To me you were the same
But the day you closed you closed your eyes it was never the same
From this I'll never recover.

Lead me home
To where my heart belongs
It feels so uncomfortable and wrong

I seem to have forgotten
For you have rarely shown me any love and affection
It seems I have to leave hints to get your attention

Lead me home
To where the light shines'
Lead me to where happiness lies
I cant seem to remember
Last time we made love was a
cold night in December.

Lead Me Home
I've seen to neglect the idea
so far and out of mind.
I can't seem to find it.....
Oh Heavens sake
One night you come in late
A faint smile appears on my face

You walk over and hold me tight
I never wanted you to let go
Oh it felt so right
I felt safe, secure and satisfied
This is my home
Your embrace as your arms connect around my waist
This my home and now I'm not alone