I would never admit it
But I do think it
I know you will always be in my life
Because I worry
With all the pills you pop
That one day you won't talk to me
Not because I'm blocked
But because you won't be alive to talk

and I realised
everything I missed
like feeling her lips curl
into a smile or a kiss

I look into her eyes
while she stares into the abyss
her fingers uncurl just a little bit
and we fall asleep like this

The muscles in my cheeks ache,
from holding this pointless smile.
My eyes are darkened and empty,
yet I'm grinning all the while!

The crack of a coke can
Takes me back
To summer days
We woke up
You came over
I made some sandwiches
We shared the same plate

Silence, like a blanket
envelops me.
It is comfort at first,
But all too soon
I am suffocating.

God help me
whatever deity there is
i cannot continue living this way.

Hand shaking,
Ink stains blotting
White paper now corrupted
by the words of an unforgiving society

Scarlet dripping on the floor,
my breathing becomes shallow
one pill at a time

my world shakes
my vision blurs
and all i can think of

is you.

A slow and clumsy turn from disaster,
Enacted by a perverse captain with a fetish for twisted metal,
A bellwether romancer of the seas

A bitter day with better weather,
The amputation of dis-ease

I woke up
With a clear head
For the first time in two months
not hiding underneath my pillowcase
For once
I knew what I wanted
And it wasn’t you
For once
I knew I couldn’t keep doing this,
Seeing you
Promising pure intentions
And ending with you curled up naked beside me

You can not make love where there is no love

And I no longer desire you.

For the repercussions have finally pushed me over the edge

I know what I want

And it isn’t you.

i'm sleepwalking
through my youth,
touching things
that don't touch me back,
wanting people
that break my heart
long before
i can break theirs.
and i wish
i could just disappear,
wouldn't make
any difference at all,
'cause i'm wrong
in so many ways,
telling lies
to pretend i'm whole.
what's the point?
was there one that i missed?
lost the interest
halfway through,
turned to nothing
by half past noon.
i'm so sorry;
i've been sleepwalking
through my youth.