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mark soltero Dec 2020
precision to
envision what i need
my wants
are very difficult to place
ritalin though
helps me
but i can’t imagine the continuation of what feels like a sin
wording is everything
i’ve only tried it ten times
******* pornographic depictions of your ******* fixations
fuel my motivation for more
to give you and i the world
and continue to love you my little *****
i shouldn’t say these things
but the nasty ways
we profess our love
are the most raw and beautiful displays
of human nature
mark soltero Dec 2020
second choice boys
and last choice girls
live in the realm of abandonment
they scream into the void
unrequited love and its sorrowing embrace
feel like a swan dive
the butterflies soon rot away in you
as if they regress back to caterpillars
and feast upon your insides
they grow just to consume you
to eat away at your everything
the sad truth to the friendly hugs that feel empty and cold
they will never love you
it’s best i tell you first
before you’re too old
mark soltero Dec 2020
intrusive thoughts help me sell my soul
i want the love of all
can prayers to the unholy one
who resides in my head
help me achieve my desire
for opulence and adoration
or will it feast on my insecurity
until i have nothing left to offer
mark soltero Dec 2020
each doubt in my mind
feels like a break in the atmosphere
inexplicable apologies flood my already clouded mind
there’s a lot in this life i want
you’re more than each to me
sad eyes
****** walls
and overwhelming feelings that control me
when the night falls
new moon clearing the air
of what’s unsaid
telling you all the ways I want me dead
i want to know what eats you
the cardinal tragedies that keep us apart
all day i silently search for blueprints to your heart
too afraid to ask
i have to face my fears if i want you
mark soltero Dec 2020
nothing worth something is easy
but is this learned or a lie
because past my pupils
exists myself
exposed and cold
i just want to be pure and gold
longing for warmth
seeking purity through garbage
mark soltero Dec 2020
pressure gives way to explosion
to tell myself that I’ve gotten better
doesn’t seem to make sense
scarlet hues and melted flesh fill the air
it’s all I know
to be beautiful through suffering
to appreciate life through misery
to expect nothing in order to have something
the tides turn as i crash into the ocean
the air ******* life from my insides
the fish welcome me into their toxic waste
falling deeper into the abyss
as i disappear
so do the traces of my presence
regret is only experienced outside the norm
an avoidable anomaly
something that’s been hard to distance myself from
mark soltero Nov 2020
i lay here hollow
for you to fill the spaces between my temperaments
im so sorry i have enough anguish for the both of us
and that it may feel you can’t stand the burden of your own around me
But the lovely things between each switch
bring me unimaginable hope
That one day you can feel the same
i will repent every misery laid onto you
because im undeserving of your heart
im undeserving of your embrace
feelings i fight that say I’m undeserving of you
may one day i can awake
feeling that I deserve you as my only faith
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