I shouldn't be upset about you not being a part of me or my life anymore, you were too toxic, but here I am sitting in the dark crying, tears stained on my cheeks, wishing you were here. It's hard to go a day without someone that's been in your life continuously for 2 years straight. No matter who you lose, it's a loss and it hurts like hell.

All these memories are drowning my mind, making it harder for me to breathe. I think about what was once the greatest time of my life, and now, tears stain my face and I'm wheezing for breath because I cannot stand the thought of my life without you, making more of those memories. My life without the one who I made the best memories with. You've held me up when my bones were frail, and weak, when I fell- more than a few times- you had patience with me. More patience than anyone has ever had. As I've heard, all good things must come to an end, and well, I suppose they have, but I will forever thank you for that short, little good thing that we endured in our life.

I used to dream in you,
swim in the sweetness dripping from your lips,
drown in its foaming effervescence.
Your heart was an open ocean in which I could drift,
cradled and fearless.
seeking adventure;
a voyager hungry for new discoveries.
Your open soul was as expansive as universes
holding all the stars and suns and milky ways and moons.. and constellations.

Your words fell as gentle as falling snow
and melted deep into the crevices
and recesses of my mind,
a light that found every corner of darkness
and illuminated it,
stretching it beyond any capacity it had ever known.

I used to dream of you
of your giving spirit,
before it became as barren as the desert floor..
offering only mirages..
teasing like merciless vultures
feeding on the carrion of my desperate heart.

You stole my dreams of you,
a highwayman riding his horse of delusion;
wearing the garb of Lancelot
and the image of Dorian Gray.
You rode in from the sunset
haloed by a crimson dust,
bearing your concealed sword..

.. a sword that pierced the dreams of you,
pierced the golden sun to its core;
its light dimming and fading until it was no more.
and the air was filled with a gray, hot wind;
an inferno bearing through,
and carrying the putrid scent of confusion.

I used to dream.

When the one that you love
is in love with another,
its like chasing the rain
while running for cover.

Like bridging the distance
between east and west,
knowing its still farther
from your head to your chest.

You run and you run
yet remain where you started;
but the sages have warned,
love is not for the faint hearted.

Love asks no permission
whether coming or going,
be it to stay or pass through,
like an ephemeral wind blowing.

Like a welcoming farewell,
the mixed message from your lover;
when the one that you love
is in love with another.

I heard his voice before he spake
clear as day, there was no mistake
He said,
“I will carry you
from the shore to the sea,
lulled in forgiving waters
as you have carried me.”

“You can only love as much
as you are willing to be hurt~
the capacity of the heart is immense;
But no one knows
from where it comes, or whence
or how much farther it goes.”

“Many pretend to be in love
because they fear being alone
but the heart cannot be fooled
and deceptions, it will not condone.”

I sat beneath that twilight sky
and reveled in its majesty,
the breeze playing with my hair
my face kissed by the sea salt scent in the air.

I closed my eyes in restful repose,
as he continued in his speaking:
“Love does not seek our permission, he said.
whether in it’s coming or it’s leaving.”

“So rejoice in its company
Let not your fears control your mind,
what is meant for you will always be yours,
what is not, will take its course~
the hands of time cannot rewind.”

The sun made its final descent for the night
and silence once again ensued
But the voice stayed with me as my guiding light
and with stillness, my soul it imbued.

He was such a sweet talker,
Met him at a real nice bar
He didn't have a ring on
I didn't know it would go so far

Yes, he is a charming *******
That sounds like his M O
Always getting drunk in a bar
Looking for his next ***

That's not how it was
He wasn't even that drunk
I see it all clearly now
His lies all stunk

The first thing I thought
as I saw you two together
Is not what a lady should say
So I think that I had better
Keep my mouth shut
And rise above the situation
Calling you a ****
Would just start a confrontation.

Listen here, "wife"
I didn't know he was married,
Thats not my type.
Throw away this hatchet you carried
I'm not the one you should be mad at,
He's been doing this behind BOTH our backs!

That is fine "mistress"
I think we can both agree
He is the one to blame and
it shouldn't be taken out on you or me
Now the hatchet that you talk of
The one that I have carried
I know what we should do
And where it should be buried

Who knows how many times
He's sweet talked an innocent girl
We could do something real nice
To rock his fantasy world
What do you say, you and me?
I think this could be destiny.....


**To Be Continued.....