maddy: Poems

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maddy Sep 2018

?

im so confused and it makes me sad

said it there ^

#sad #confused

a dream

maddy Oct 2018

a dream

bathing in honey
surrounded by sweet
dreaming of vast fields
flowers under my feet

beauty in the scent
that swims through the air
feeling so free
hands in his hair

staring at stars
that cover the sky
he holds my hand
and i feel as though i could fly

although im on the ground
and its silent, not a sound
i feel it start to happen
my heart begins to pound

so much joy overcomes me
as i lay in the flowers
as i look to my right
i know i could be with him for hours

so much love and content
nature kissing me so
i appreciate his presence
and smile to let him know

i love him

#love #relationship #boyfriend #girlfriend #partner

alone in my own abyss

maddy Feb 2020

alone in my own abyss

Never to be loved in the same way
always unrequited
oh how it feels so cold
alone in my own personal abyss

Somehow it feels like it never ends
im always falling by myself
no one around to catch me
or to hold me

Clutching myself for something, anything
no one to come bring me back to earth
no one to wrap their arms around me
and to haul me to the ground

Alone and floating
isolated and so tired
never enough to be whole
always enough to recognize it

Won’t someone come
come and bring me home
remove me from the icy grasp
and melt me once again

I am literally stuck in a friends with benefits but exclusive relationship and I feel so alone and whenever I try to leave he doesnt let me. I really wish someone (or he) would love me that would be nice.

#sad #love #lonely

am I crazy or do you treat me wrong?

maddy Apr 2018

am I crazy or do you treat me wrong?

lies and deceit
pool at my feet

you deny and deny
and you lie and you lie

can’t you see i’m in pain
shattered like a window pane

your games, they’re unfair
cause me to dwell in despair

but i’m wrapped around your finger
and I still seem to linger

because I love you so
I won’t let go

and I’ll stick around
you know that I will

because I know that you’ll change
I just have to stop acting deranged

this is taken from really old emotions from last year, but still worth the poem!!

#relationship #love #sad #lies

blind

maddy Jan 2019

blind

where am I
I can't see anything around me
engulfed by a storm of blankness
so mind-blowingly numb
not bitter nor happy
no feelings within me
blind to the good of life

why am I sad again

#sad #depressed #numb

broke

maddy Feb 2019

broke

and as you broke my heart
the piece that was yours fell
and got lost

#love #heartbreak #relationship

cause I love me

maddy Mar 2019

cause I love me

readjusting to things I know
coming to love things I don't

on a self love and self care high
don't need drugs when I've already reached the sky

finding I love the little weird flaws
only patting my back
not scratching with claws

and loving me so has helped me love you
for if I didn't love me
I wouldn't see the things you do

I can open my heart
and believe all you say
because look at me now, it's a new day

chris can you see
that I'm loving me?

cause I'm loving you too
and im always loving we

I have finally gotten to a new path:)

#love #self #happy

Chris

maddy Jan 2019

Chris

as I stare into you and you stare into me
I know, I know, we were meant to be

you make me smile more than I have ever
smiles being just one reason I am so happy we're together

home is where I am, whenever Im with you
whenever we're together, theres nothing id rather do

love is like me; complicated, but always trying to be there
and just like love, I always want to be in your life because I care

I know that you're for me, and I know that I'm for you
and regardless of all my ups and downs, I think you know this too

I'm sorry that I can be so much, and so constrictive like a glove
but because theres so much to me, theres so much more to love

I have so much love for you, and as you know it makes me cry
its just so hard to comprehend, and I really wish I knew why

all I know is that being with you is a blessing, one we share together
and Chris I know you hear me say it, but I want to be with you forever

so thank you for being my love, and for being so much more
because if it weren't for you, id be missing part of my core

I love you so much

cold front

maddy Apr 2019

cold front

slowly beginning to feel warm
while cold stealthily creeps its way up your back
crawling into your head
freezing all warmth
and freeing the path for negativity to sink in

:)

#sad #love #happy

dont you just love when they like you back?

maddy Apr 2018

dont you just love when they like you back?

ah how kindly
he strokes your peach fuzz covered cheeks

he stares into your deep brown eyes
and you feel him looking into your soul

you connect as his hand
reaches for yours, interlocking

finger woven through finger
blazing heat lingers between your palms

your mind melts
your heart tightens

you can't think of anything
except for how you feel

heart is pounding
can he tell?

hands are shaky
surely he knows.

breath is stiff
don't pass out.

so kind and comforting
are thoughts of him

your gaze slowly drifts back to his face
and you stare with intent

you melt and re-melt
everytime he blinks

each second you hold your stare
his presence becomes warmer

he is so beautiful
you think to yourself

your faces grow closer
nose touching nose

your heart stops racing
you've grown calm

yay

thinking of really happy recent memories usually brings on this type of poetry.

#love #relationship #heart

feelings, feel so good/so bad

maddy Jun 2019

feelings, feel so good/so bad

feelings pierce me
gut me
grasp me
**** me

and each and everytime they force me down
they then pick me back up
patch up my wounds
and wait again to pierce my healing scars

this actually is about love but interpret as you will

#feelings #love

finally fine

maddy Sep 2018

finally fine

finally starting
to feel better
baby I just
burned your sweater

memories gone
but thats okay
I didn't need you
anyways

the sky was dark
but now it's day
it's become clear
I had no say

I'm glad youre gone
cause with you here
anxiety beckoned
beside my ear

a constant worry
that swarmed my face
has been blown away
to outer space

I'm safe on my own
but in not confined
by your chains and restraints
I'm finally fine

cheers to feeling better

#sad #relationship #breakup #better #love

fleeing feelings, return

maddy Dec 2018

fleeing feelings, return

darling don't you love me
like I love you

scared of the strength in my feelings
and nowhere to run to

thinking of you with intensity
a strength that I can't understand

as I fear for my feelings
you readily take my hand

you jump with me so far
down into this void

a void that seems empty
but is really filled with joy

maybe it's less of a void
and more of a pit

but because I jumped with you
I hope I never get out of it

<3

#love #boyfriend #relationship

flora and fauna

maddy Oct 2018

flora and fauna

captivating stare
eyes deep blue
shimmer and glints
they care for you

soft cheeks
kindest smile
talk for years
walk for miles

hands intertwined
warm embace
nervous laughter
grinning face

graceful movement
cloud-like lips
id be happy stranded in the ocean
if you were the ship

not strung along
same spot together
feelings for you
like sunny weather

i smile with you here
i smile with you gone
if my smiles were a garden
they'd fill up a whole lawn

there'd be fauna, there'd be flora
flowers blooming like its spring
this garden of mine is full
and cant wait to see what it brings

colour bursting out of petals
not a thorny stem in sight
each time we pick a flower
the day grows to be more bright

youre the sun and the moon and the stars
youre the clouds and the sky and the sun
youre the day and the night and between
thank god for the washing machine

<3 <3 <3 <3 :) :) :) :)

#love #relationship #girlfriend #boyfriend #partner

forgotten not lost

maddy Feb 2019

forgotten not lost

sometimes I forget the things I care about
but I don't leave them behind

sometimes they sit in the back of my brain for months
but they're still around

sometimes I reach in into the depths of my mind
because God knows ill go searching for them again

sometimes I feel like I'm a bad person for forgetting
but forgetting is normal, abandoning is not

you'll never catch me abandoning the things I care for
because they're only ever forgotten, never lost

this is about hobbies not people

#love #life

front door

maddy Feb 2020

front door

forget that i wasted 17 months
sitting alone in my bed is painful enough
hate myself for waiting around for you
even though i knew you werent there
you couldnt even put one foot through the door

but here i was
not even just one foot through the door
but i already entered the house
somehow ready to throw away my own home
for a ****** one with you

lost myself for a while in there
and there are still bits and pieces lying around
tucked away in little corners
waiting for me to find them
so i can leave that shoddy house whole again

trying to put my foot back out that door
but youre pulling me back inside
and i cant even go breathe fresh air anymore
all cramped up in this shack together
but you tell me its ok

but you see, its not okay
and i wont be locked here much longer
when i find the moment where i feel strong
im bolting out the front door
and i am NEVER looking back

i need help, i need to get out of a very toxic relationship but i cant

#relationship #pain #sad #love #heartbreak #alone

hahahahahahahahahua

maddy Feb 2020

hahahahahahahahahua

good new things
bad has ended
tears linger in my eyes

not so sure
how i ended up here
but its a necessary destination

i felt stuck
now im free
but i forgot how to do it by myself

want to go back
but i know its wrong
why is this so complicated

happy years, happy tears

maddy Mar 2019

happy years, happy tears

I'm so I love with you
that every single
thing you do
makes me smile
like such a ******* fool
and I can't help
but feel the glimmer
of tear drops
over my eyes
as happy floods
every tear
forcing them to just
fall gracefully
down my cheeks and
onto my leg
as thoughts of you
circle and swim
in the tear drops
linger in my eyes
but Im always
loving you
and I'm always
smiling because of
you.

hard to admit

maddy May 2019

hard to admit

lying to myself
and lying to you
saying I don't love you
but oh boy I really do

heart strong stays strong
throughout the day
but as night crawls in
my tears come out to play

my body aches for love
but only if its yours
and waiting in this grey zone
is covering me in sores

I feel like I'm in pain
with all the feelings I clutter
but theres nothing I can say
because your heart will never flutter

#love

hate (mature words included)

maddy Feb 2019

hate (mature words included)

hate burns
hate seethes
fill up a tub
and bathe in it

soaking in hate
dripping with rage
fresh out of the tub
hate has me coated

feelings of anger
feelings of loathing
seep, sink deep
way into my skin

hate absorbs into me
fills my bloodstream
hate running
through my veins

pumping through my blood
fueling my brain
hate is powerful
it masks my pain

so i take a bath
in all the rage
and hope im unchained
from this dumb ******* cage

why am i so so angry and mad

#angry #annoyed #hate

hazard, floor is wet with used love

maddy Apr 2019

hazard, floor is wet with used love

how can you go from pouring your heart out into me
to mopping up the mess as though it never happened

#love #hearbreak #breakup

i am burning

maddy Nov 2021

i am burning

Feeling an anger that rumbles and rolls in my stomach
as it plots to ***** out fire-y words of disappointment

Trying to tame the flames that tear through my intestines and
rage deep into my heart tissue

I am so angry at you. I am so angry

So heated
I am sweating, I am crying, I am melting,
I am swimming through myself and
my personal pits of fire

I desperately want your cool water to put me out
but you’ve refilled yourself with flammable lies that fuel my wildfires to grow
so big they decimate me

I wonder why there aren’t any sirens,
why isn’t there anyone
to extinguish this feeling inferno

But you are the fireman and
you’ve quit your job
so I am left here to burn myself to the ground, I am left to become ashes and soot

Indistinguishable bits and pieces of myself cover the floor, sitting in one big ashy pile,
but the flame is extinguished.
Why did you feed me fire
if you know how much it burns?

#intense #anger #disappointment #sad #bpd #splitting #mentalhealth #fire #relationship

I am this way

maddy Dec 2018

I am this way

cant tell if I'm doing things right
its what keeps me awake during night

nervous from nerves that I feel
but are my anxieties all really real?

hoping to please my lover
never to bombard or to smother

yet I feel that this is what I do
have myself thinking inside of your shoes

I feel you think I bother and annoy
kind of like a loud kids toy

yet this is not what I strive to be
that's what I keep trying to get you to see

I just worry so much that I fail
hide my worries with a smile like a veil

I try to tell you each of the worries
but I fear I'll be too much and you'll scurry

I overanalyze more than an analyst
I'm like Holmes with a bit of twist

I can't keep my feelings in, good and bad
which terrifies me, I might add

and because of the strength of my clutch
that's why I over think you to much

but chris all I really want to do
is show you that I love you

I am the world's biggest overthinker and I can never tell if people tolerate me or are genuinely OK with it.

#love #anxiety

i dont knoe

maddy Jul 2020

i dont knoe

dont even know how to put into words
how much i hate feeling

when my heart begins to tender
i succumb to deep bitterness

i hate sharing my feelings
i hate having my feelings

i hate having them for someone
i hate you on my mind

i just want to play minecraft

maddy Nov 2018

i just want to play minecraft

here i am
so fricking irritated
i cant get on
and i just want to play
so mojang LET ME ON
let me get on some server
or create my own world
i just want to build stuff
thank you
also if you have minecraft
and no longer play
please give me your account
thank you again
this is my rant for today
i know it isnt a poem

i really want to play minecraft guys so if you have an account and wanna let me have it because you dont play anymore, please let me know:)

#sad #relatable #videogames #annoyed #frustrated

I'm on Saturn (reverse)

maddy Jan 2019

I'm on Saturn (reverse)

legs crossed

sitting silent

staring down

earth spins

axis slanted

ᴵᴹ ᴼᴺ ˢᴬᵀᵁᴿᴺ

axis slanted

earth spins

staring down

sitting silent

legs crossed

high there... by the way you can read this from top to bottom or bottom to top!

#**** #high #planets #outerspace #saturn #earth #spin #trippy

I thought you weren't gonna get high?

maddy Jan 2019

I thought you weren't gonna get high?

say I'm not gonna get high
call you to preoccupy
invite me over
think I'm staying
too busy
video games
not staying
leaving
get sad
back to room
want to cry :(
dont like feeling
now I'm gonna get high

REPEAT

a not so good cycle:)

#sad #high #depressed

its there, you know it.

maddy Apr 2018

its there, you know it.

An ever-lasting buzz
Oh you can feel it in your face

Your cheeks blazing
Red with passion

It radiates off your skin
Following you everywhere

You can never feel down
Its always consuming you

Its warm tender hands caressing your arms
Telling you its there

You know its there

Let the feelings melt into you.
Lay them out,
hot in the sun.

slowly seeping into your skin.
let them fill you with warmth.

fill you with joy

breathe in the air
as you feel it at the back of your throat
you can feel the love
as it tickles you on its way down

taste it.
feel it.
love it.

its there.
you know it is

this ones about my boyfriend. he generally makes me feel a lot better about my bad days. he's the best.

#boyfriend #love #relationship #joy

journey to loving you

maddy Mar 2019

journey to loving you

loving your self is a journey

through the deepest swamps
over the steepest mountains
under the heaviest of rocks

you must unravel yourself
from a maze of trees
that may very well blind you
from continuing on your path

but through all of the nature
that may hold you back
you learn resilience
and strength
against all elements and forces

though blindness,
exhaustion, weakness
may seem like they're against you

they truly are on your side
to build your muscle and
give you sight,
expand your lungs

so you can breathe in

breathe a new fresh air of you
a breath filled with love
that seemingly took so long
to hunt for
but the hunt is over
and nature comes to you
and hugs you so tightly
and reminds you

it is not nature in your way
of loving yourself
it is you

I recognize this poem has no structure but that's exactly why I like it:)

#selflove #love #self

like nothing else

maddy Dec 2018

like nothing else

i love you like nothing else

the smell of rain could never compare

i love you like nothing else

the sound of thunder could never compare

i love you like nothing else

the look of lightning could never compare

i love you like nothing else

the taste of humid air could never compare

i love you like nothing else

i may love a big storm, but i love you more

love love love love love

#love

little smirk

maddy Mar 2019

little smirk

one thing that makes me happy little smirk that appears on your face when I realize I've said something you like.

<3

loving you is like

maddy Jan 2019

loving you is like

loving you is like staring into the depths of the ocean
seemingly never-ending

loving you is like dancing in a rain storm
exhilarating and comforting all all at once

loving you is like being surrounded by forest
vast, calming, and serene

I love loving you

I love you

self worth (5w)

maddy Apr 2018

self worth (5w)

self worth is self hope

how much do you have?

#selfworth #feelgood

silly bean

maddy Mar 2019

silly bean

You're so silly
make me laugh
words fall out of me
laughter polluting the air

smiles for days
grinning oh so wide
happy smeared across my face
goodness melting into my lips

your humor brings me joy
a smile on my face
laughter in my mouth
thanks for being a silly bean:)