How come overtime I feel like things are getting better,
It just goes back and
grabs
my ankle,
yanking me back down
into that deep black pit of pure
nothing.
But why is this hole in my home?
and why is it in my bedroom?
at the foot of my bed.
What lies in it?
the monster?
the monster that grabs you when you try to cool?
is it hot lava you swore you wouldn't touch,
by jumping chair to chair?
Why is this hole that
consistently
brings you down,
living in the place you love most?
why does it keep you stuck in your bed
as it it slowly develops the floor around you,
so you can't get up?
and when it does finally find a way to just
pull you back in,
why is that the time you
think
that you've found a way to get out of it?
a way to get up and out of bed
and over the lava
and across that monster.
why is it strongest
when you are at your strongest?
and when you think you've risen above it
it grows two times your size,
and steps right on your back,
paralyzing you of any control or mobility
over the life you felt you could build.
when you've finally chosen to Stand up,
it stands up with you and gets right in your way.
stop thinking you've got it in your control,
when its clearly so far out o your hands
you can't even see it.
stop trying to take what is not even tangible.
you haven't got it.
its not yours and it never was.
if it takes you that much time to get up
and out of bed,
and across that hole and over that lava,
its really not worth trying.
it would come so much easier if it was meant to be,
it would come to you.
whats the point in continuously trying
when you fall right back into that same hole
time and time again?
except somehow each time you fall,
you go deeper than before.
stop trying.
if you stay there
how much deeper can the hole really get?
wallow in that hole,
as you watch the world around you move
right in front of your glossed eyes.
yet its all outside the pit.
you are meant to stay there.
in that pit.
in the hole.
stop trying to climb out
if you've already tried endless times.
If you haven't gotten out by now,
are you really supposed to?
What good are you if you just sit
and watch a world around you.
you can't move,
yet everyone else can pursue
goals,
dreams,
achieve great things,
and all you do is watch.
and try to get out.
but mostly watch.
so stop watching and waiting,
its pointless.
it is time that you withered away,
slowly fading into nothing.
stop it all now.
I just noticed I go from talking about myself to talking to myself. its weird.sorry this is so sad, bad days do this kind of thing