Maddy Van Buren

Maddy Van Buren Dec 2015

they can't all be winners I suppose
that's why
I've withdrawn myself from the running
take it upon me for your frustrations
I've never told a lie
you sons of ******* are all winners
because of me

Maddy Van Buren Dec 2015

a God

I'm a ******* God
I'm trying to bring dead boys back to life
I'm trying to make them forget their plans
I'm trying to give them something to believe
I'm trying to change all of their ways
I'm a ******* mess

#love #hell #god #dead #romance #boys #mess

Maddy Van Buren Dec 2015

breaking the mirror

and you want something so bad
until you become a martyr for it
and the new year rings itself in
with yourself soon behind
and the weather becomes different
just like that boy you knew
you thought you knew
and your heart drops
and your stomach sinks
and you look in the mirror
after all these years
and you forgot what you looked like
a color kind of emerald jaded now
and it's like talking to a stranger
all over again
and you wish that you spared yourself the visit
and you wish you looked happier
and you wish you looked kinder
and you wish you looked cleaner
and you wish you looked like all the years
rolled by gracefully
but instead you look darker
and your heart beats slower
and you have to keep quieter
because you're talking to a mirror
even though it wont hear you
and you wish you could strangle that stranger
and make it all over
and in the end you just wish
you broke the ******* mirror

#love #trust #broken #hate #loss #faith #boy #romance #mirror #sexuality

Maddy Van Buren Nov 2015

all i ever hear

white people, white people, white people
I chase my drink
It won't come back
white people, white people, white people
here is something metaphorical
allegorical
white people, white people, white people
I heard someone spends thousands
to look like pennies
white people, white people, white people
**** your poetry in the bed
you tell cheap lies in
white people, white people, white people
my god
it's all so wrong

#love #poetry #cheap #stupid #art #wrong #white #**** #dumb

Maddy Van Buren Nov 2015

advice

you can be pretty and you can be smart
but that won't make them like you
that won't make the monsters go away
it won't make you happy
all of the beauty and the knowledge,
what you need to be
is dumb
because if you're dumb
it'll make you happy
and if you're dumb enough
they will like you
and you won't ever recognize the monsters
God-willing

#love #heartbreak #friends #god #dumb #advice #monsters #smart #pretty #fools

Maddy Van Buren Oct 2015

the headache, the heart attack revisited

you are the headache
and the heart attack
the one I wrote about long ago
back then
I didn't really think
all I felt
it flooded every document
every letter a feeling
now
the hurricane is over
the pain doused
and I'm left wondering
how were all those things
the good memories
left out about you?
I didn't think I'd need
or crave, even
another pain in my brain
and shock to my heart

#love #pain #memories #happiness #romance #nostalgia #feeling #emotions #emotional

Maddy Van Buren Oct 2015

**** good worker

but I'm a **** good worker
at being so unhappy
it takes a lot
to be this naive
I've had to turn my back
on so, so many
**** red flags
and paint the frown
and fill the cup
and empty my mouth
like I empty my stomach
all at once
and walk home alone
and tell my mom it's fine
when I sound bad on the phone
because it's getting bad and I'm alone
and I've had to do so much
to keep my blind optimism
as visionless as ever
I've had to smell my shirt
since it had your scent
pretend you're there
for more than my framework
for more than that
turn my head
when I know you aren't
when I know you're not
when I walk home alone
after we've touched
and I just feel
that I deserve this
to be recognized
as the most hopeless
neurotic,
unconscious
**** good worker

#love #depression #sadness #hope #happiness #cheating #*** #optimism #work