black satin sheets
warmed with our body heat
jazz music with deep beats
under a high ceiling

were fantasy and reality meet
Luna's glow peeks in for a greet
through the glass above
ten times two feet

the moon reflects
from ovals so exotic
that your glitter and shine
force time to be static

diligent and still, Luna and I
await your surrender
like addicts to their narcotics
so come! allow me to inject you
with pleasures of the ******!

she was the type of woman
that would float him
to conversations with angels
in one delicious word

and he, well...he was the type of man
that would sensually massage
her strawberry lips
with his thumb and index
to an absolute silence

so that he would not elevate
with her candy filled words
above her pedestal of worship

dawn breaking the black sky
I opened my heavy weepers
expecting her under blue satin sheets
all smiles or laying still, sleeping
my keeper keeping

the orange ball peeks out the barren hill tops
and in the walls of my sweaty, red skull I drove deeper
there, I searched the darkness for my keeper
in lue of her emerald greens
I see reaping the reaper

the yellow tentacles of the morning star now slash
so, I threw my stare wide onto the bedroom
sweeping for her, the female that keeps
for many a times, she'd play hide and seek
but no game, I felt death wound me inside

mercury rising reaches its peak with the summer star
from gentle kisses 'til noon to zoomed the reaper
the reaping it was in the huge cavity of my room
where the crossbones and skull spelled out d.o.o.m.
no longer my keeper, but the finest of reapers

but what if
I hate that I love her!?

what if you knew
not only the poet
but also the monster?

would you like me enough
to keep reading?

could you please look in your purse?
you see, I gave you all my love
and left none for me

I'm sure I gave you plenty
and I so desperately need some now
please, could you return
a bit of that love I filled you with?

because I still have none for me
as you throw it all away to an abyss
could you please look in your purse?
I'm sure my love is spilling from it!

I morph the blue flames dancing
on every inch of your soft skin
and the only flow that mends the burns
from all pores - like ice!

employ my rhythmic tongue to heal you
work my soft, warm index
and caress the throbbing
my back for tense nails to sink into

the castle, the walls and the sword
you command, the servant and kingdom
the air in my lungs, the high tides
of Luna razored - I breathe for you

let the hues of my thick brush color life
and with glee paint the contours
leading to your tight turns
up to where your towering legs meet

one fair Sunday, air will flow beneath me
I'll fly above palm trees and the blue sea
so when sunrise dethrones the fireflies
I'll be the eagle surfing sapphire skies

but send an angel to teach me blasphemy
as I'm mortal without the chemistry
to soar up and touch heaven’s canopy
God decrees 'humans aren't feathery'

so, rise defiant and grow my wings through
to glide as a jet, one man crew and say ‘I flew’
but when God gets a clue to what we do
he will fire you and strike me through

but not before that fair wind lifts my wings
to see beyond the things fit just for kings

a hate as hungry as this
consumes me whole

it keeps feeding on what remains
of the empty void you carved out
in my chest with the blade of betrayal

but, I knew what to do
to keep my lungs moving
after your departure

and ever since, I've hated you
as strong as I ever loved you...

for that is the only emotion
that allows me to live
(for my children)

in your stead

and so, my darling,
you have to know that...

I FCKN HATE YOU!

I'm waiting for the crescent to glow
the sun flowing to our moon below
my tranquility when darkness falls

for Luna razored will save us all
the edge of bliss where It's bearable
there in the still I will lay at will

wait to have my destiny fulfilled
then be instilled with no god's goodwill
burn for loved ones I ruined using pills

alive, three forevers I'll be grilled
in the valley of the fallen angels
and there be killed, then have my blood spilled                                          
                                          justified
when the wet night ascends to the skies
I descend as demon with no disguise

wide open porcelain eyes
dull blue skies
black hole of lies

wear no disguise for me
come clear to the open
or let me die

my arms open, don't you see?
lips of sugar don't fight
I long for you here tonight

snow melts and shines
on your diamond shrine
you're so blind, as you wine and dine

you owe none, to pay me mind
in his car, lit, skittles brand meds
smoke apackareds

your eyes will find
that I'm arms wide, empty
let me die

every night babe
I fade there in the past
cuts fast the razor blade

shamed alone into forgotten
lost inside a maze
thoughts slip into a daze

eyes wide, I wait in the open
no disguise for me
let us be or set me free!

note:
I wrote this about a decade ago and things are very different now.  This was published, but I had to write this note prior to the poem:

______

I’m a divorced parent that is currently having hardships in seeing my children. Because I see them so seldom, I frequently reminisce about them and although it’s sweet remembering them, it hurts my soul as I’m very close to them. This is my representation of the pain that comes with their faces as reminisce. If you’ve ever missed your children, I guarantee you will relate.

SEE YOU IN FIVE

It’s another sleepless night and I reminisce. The window to misery starts to creak open, slowly widening… the window promises my disintegration with torturous flashes of their faces… flashes that lash at me from the past.

A slave to my own mind, the slash comes, far reaching spiked tentacles smash against my back as I see their faces. I am a slave. I must obey. Make another mark upon my back, front and do as you will. I am your slave and I obey.  There is nothing I can do except to die as I disintegrate into their essence. The window wider yet, my tormentor at his full glory stands in front and I obey. I am a slave to my mind and I obey.

Who is it today? It’s my Son and I am a slave to his love. I miss you soo much Mijo. Hit me your hardest! Take that strap as I am yours. Take it both hands, it’s easy….I’ll show you Mijo. Yes, there…that’s how you whip daddy.  I am your slave and I want the sweet torture. You’re good!
Yes! I remember that day at the park…I held you in my arms… you were so small, bright blues radiating with your love. Oh!! That was a good whip! It grounded me…there, I’m dissolving into you. I am your slave. Yes I’ll always give you my best smile! Keep at it… I’m disintegrating now…that’s my boy! Soo strong with your love! You smiled at me that day in the park and it was the best present any Dad could have. Yes, it’s bleeding but it’s nothing. No.  It doesn’t hurt. I wanna see your face again. Please, torture me with your whip. Use all your might! Swing that arm back…swing hard! Thank you. I’ll always be here ready to be your slave…you own me even if I may have nothing but misery, I am yours to do as you wish.

Every night I am your slave and I’ll be here ready for that arm! Thank you for visiting. Of course I love you too! Say hi to Mom and Maddie. See you tomorrow…..wait… I’ll be up the next 4 days, so I’ll see you in five…