You are allowed to be angry.

You are allowed to be angry that you missed out on childhood.

That the sound of a slamming door terrifies you.

That the slightest touch of a hand makes you flinch.

You are allowed to be angry that it took you years to be able to look at yourself in the mirror.

You are allowed to be angry at the way you were treated.

You are allowed to be angry at people who hurt you.

You are allowed to be angry.

After ten years, she knocks on my door again.

I try to speak.
I want to say something,
anything,
but I cannot seem to find the words.
I didn't think I would,
or that I could,
feel this much.
All I can do is stare at this apparition of my childhood companion,
who now holds her own child in her arms.


With eyes wide and mouth agape, I finally manage to splutter out
"Welcome back."

If not to touch the earth
and know your sun kissed skin,
if not to chase your shadow
through every place you've been.

If not to stand on mountains,
howling from the peaks,
if not to lie in fields
as melodic whispers weep.

If not to dance in forests
where tangled roots take hold,
if not to bathe in oceans
while eternities unfold.

If not to touch the earth,
upon me you would shine
and for that fleeting moment
I could call you mine.

the only time
i have ever felt calm
is in the presence of pain.

it laps at my brain
and takes over my body
as i cannot feel anymore

there are times that i adore
the excuse to tuck myself away
as i am washed into a darkness

the world never sits on the same axis
when my soul tries to stitch itself back together
after it splits under too much pressure

i used to imagine that u could breathe under water
as i could make up for when i felt so much weaker
in the atmosphere that waited above me

all my effort strengthened my need to be carefree
but i knew my work would always lead
to my visits to my mind’s coroner

i allow my whole self to wander
finding pseudo relief in jumping to conclusions and off cliffs in my mind
only to find real solace just when my thoughts stop

i have memorized the reactions of when my face drops
and a quiet captures my mind
because it scares me, too

my calmness it different to you
i’ve seen this my whole life
as when i hurt, at first, no one seemed to see

but later, i saw how different pain was for the mind and body
for everyone else it was so separate
but i felt them as if they were alive inside me

migraines that felt like a caged animal trying to break free
my skull shattered as my body overheated
mind and body desperately trying to reject something unknown

it was at these times that i would lay prone
pondered at the ceiling with thoughts
that were so irrational they became logical

there was were my self would dull
my soul turns inside out and i relish
in the nothingness that is sure to come

my body wakes with a rejuvenated thrum
and i start the story all over again
and i stare through once calm waters to see myself for what feels like the first time.

plagiarism is
the sincerest compliment
in literature

Living the
R
   O
     L
       L
         E
           R
C
O
A
S
T
E
R
Of life events
Starts with a slow ride of growing up inside of your mother
As it reaches the end of your warm and cozy environment safe inside
The ****** reaches the top of the hill
Racing into the world at full speed as the coaster plunged down the big drop
You are now thrown into this crazy world
Filled with twists
      Turns
Highs
       Lows
Slow and steady
        Fast and furious
Your journey may start off wild and crazy
                                 Or
Could be calming and take an unexpected turn

Sometimes the track of the ride will just stop and need to be evacuated
                     Or
Can just break down while your waiting in line
This represents all who have had miscarriages
                  Or
Premature pregnancy, still born, that ended too soon

You may try again later in life to restart the ride
Hopefully to enjoy the journey of so many others did waiting in line in front of you

Those who made it through the roller coaster of life
Will enjoy the ride of a lifetime
Buckled and strapped into your wild and crazy ride that we call
                LIFE

My grandmother has a pillow
on her couch that says
"God couldn't be everywhere
so he created grandmothers"
My grandma may have a slight hobble,
veiny, knobby hands, and
smile lines and wrinkles of every kind
but she most certainly is
an angel from God

She may have the marks
of a long life on her face
but she has the kindest blue eyes
like delicate robin's eggs

She may not have a model's skin
or figure anymore, but
she wears elegant, clean suits,
shimmering brooches  
on her collars,
and glittering little earrings

She may not have a voice
like smooth velvet anymore, but
upon hearing my slightest achievement
she raises it in ecstatic praise

Sometimes she looks at me in such a way
that I can feel her heart rise with hope and pride
for me and
for what she somehow knows
I am going to accomplish
she smiles a warm little smile and calls me
"the lady with the almond eyes"
pronouncing every consonant
as if each one is a delicate teacup
she is trying so hard not to break

I don't know how she knows
that I am going to make the world proud
but when she calls me
"the lady with the almond eyes"
somehow
I know too

As time passes by
I keep falling for you harder
like the rain falling to the ground on monsoon
pouring its love all around
As I frantically try to reach back for a parachute
to slow down my fall
I realize that I don't have one,
And that I cannot stop falling for you.
- ©M