my skin & my flesh
all through my veins.
they tell me, let it out
so i do, but i can't
and i hide it
so no one sees
everybody knows
but nobody really knows
so i cover it up.
no swimming
never swimming
always drowning,
drowning in these
thoughts

Embarrassment soars through me
Since last night and all this lonely day
I don't wanna make you feel worse
But it's your fault,
Just cause you didn't have the nerve to say
The Truth
Yet, that's all I've ever said to you
Open and honest, straight to my core
I'm not sure I've felt this betrayed before
A best friend if there ever was,
But they say those you love can hurt you worse
Than any enemy or anyone you hate
I think I loved you first
But it don't matter now, isn't that great?

And still...

"No matter what you say or what you do, when I'm alone I'd rather be with you. **** these other ******, I'll be right by your side, till 3005."

Whether in love or simply friendship
I could never leave your side
It's crazy how much you mean to me
I'm still hurt and so very angry
I understand why you did what you've done
Doesn't mean that I think it's okay
But I'll still love and care about you
Until my dying day

Because...

"No matter what you say or what you do, when I'm alone I'd rather be with you. **** these other ******, I'll be right by your side, till 3005."

I can't hate you, even though you think you deserve it
And I can't deny that's true
But whether you like it or not
You're stuck in my heart with super glue
But seriously...
Don't ever ******* lie to me
Or keep secrets from me
I don't deserve it
Silence is better than *******...

in a matter of days the stars aligned
acknowledging the void, I was bathed in light

may we free ourselves through the sharing of pain
find peace in light snow,
in each other's embrace

spot every red door and bench and half-moon
unravel self told lies
accept the unknown

give up on the chase and on finding a home.

no longer a stranger ****** into a strange land
it comes in waves but I'm beginning
to feel less alone

now pull up the shades of your heart & let shine:
the blinding soul light
your stardust eyes

I go contantly in circles,
the past and the future addled together
making a bow,
my hands shake so desperately,
i don't know which way to go.
What awaits me in the end,
i can't help but to fear,
deeper in hell i descend,
with every falling tear.
Which way to select,
so my heart won't ache ,
i can't help but to suspect,
the past makes me fly into a rage.
No back ,no forth,
when i said to myself "i'm fine", i've lied,
my compass shows no south or north.
                   Can't you see that i am terrified?

With dusty wings
and awkward flight
Your tiny buffalo body
bounces on the
delicate glass surface.
An exaggerated shadow
announces your plight.
Is it the beauty of
the butterfly
that spurs you.
Why so frustrated;
so persistent?
Do you know of emotion?
Maybe you do,
and it is your own
dark turmoil
that draws you to the
glass skirted flame.

I imagine her to be laying in a bed of sun flowers
Or walking gracefully through a field of tall grass
While the Suns setting
She's sitting under a willow tree
Smiling at me
her hazel green eyes glisten with the Suns reflection
I imagine her in this place
A happy place
So that this does not strike the match in my heart
And reignite the pain