Dis oras na ng gabi ngunit ikaw pa din
Ang bukod tanging laman ng aking isipan
Patawad na kung puro siya na lang lagi ang alam
Ng aking mga kwento.
Hindi ko kasi mapigilan mag buhos ng aking hinaing
Dahil alam mo hanggang ngayon kasi tandang-tanda ko pa din
Ang araw at oras kung kailan mo ako iniwan.

Anong gagawin ko sa mga salitang iniwan mo
Isa nga lang ba akong pangalan sa buhay mo?
Ano ba ang naging parte ko sa'yo?
Iba’t ibang tanong ang bumabagabag sa akin
Pero kung alam ko lang na sa ganito tayo hahantong;
Matagal ko nang pinatay ang natitirang posibilidad
Sa akin isipan na may mundo para lang sa ating dalawa.

Alam mo ba gabi gabi kong binabalikan ang
Matatamis nating alaala pero pilit ko din
Pinapaalala sa aking sarili na
‘’Itigil mo na ‘to’’
''Tama na 'to''
Gumising kana sa totoong estado ng buhay mo.
Maawa ka naman sa sarili mo.
Ikaw ang naging punot dulot nang gabi gabi kong
Pag-pupuyat hindi mo ma-itatanong pero walang araw
Na lumipas na hindi ako nagiging tambay sa'yong mga
Social media accounts.
Nagmamasid sa bawat post at update mo at tinatanong
Sa aking sarili ''Bakit nga ba ang manhid mo?''

Dahil hanggang ngayon
May kumakatok pa din sa puso ko umaasa na
Pwede pa.
Pwede pang ipiglaban.
Kahit matagal man ang abutin natin.
Ako'y handang maghintay.
Kahit mag muka na tayong gurang.
Okay lang.
Handa akong tiisin.

Pero alam mo ba nakakapagod din palang
Makipaglaro sa taong ayaw magpaawat
Handa na akong sumuko kahit noon pa naman
Alam kong malabo na maging tayo;
Malabo mapasa-akin ang puso mo.

Ayoko ng makipagsiksikan sa Evacuation Center
Pilit ka magbubuwis ng buhay mo para sa taong ‘yon
Panahon na para lisanin ang delubyo na ito
Hindi na ako dapat mag tagal baka
Pati ang aking sarili ay iwanan din ako.

As I search for you,
I slowly forgotten every inch
Of what made me as whole.

As I search for you,
I have to fight the urge of
Being with you and having
The freedom to myself.

As I search for your name,
I cannot seem to grasp the idea
That what ''you and i'' once had
Is nothing but a sheer memory.

As I search for your name through every accounts,
I still get butterflies in my stomach
I still smile and hoping that there's a slight chance
For us to become as one again.

As I search for peace within this chaotic world,
I still carry you with me.

Mulat na naman ang aking mga mata,
Kakaisip sa mga iniwan ****
Alaala sa akin.

Mulat naman ako kung anong estado natin,
Alam ko naman na hindi na dapat ako
Umasa dahil siya pa din naman pipiliin mo.
Iba kasi siya. Wala akong laban.

Mulat na ako kahit noon pa man,
Na hanggang tingin na lamang ako.
Na tapos na ang lahat.

Mulat na ako na kahit anong gawin ko,
Wala nang salitang ''tayo''
Kailangan kong matutunan
Tanggapin.

Mulat ako na ang lahat nang
Ito ay isang bangungot lamang.

Kailangan kong gumising.

Tulungan mo ko.

Ayan na naman ang araw,
ngunit heto ako gising na
gising.

Ayan na naman ang araw,
sinasabing itigil ko na itong
kahibangan ko para sa'yo.

Ayan na naman ang araw,
nagsisilbing gabay na wala
kana sa akin.

I have been treated like a game and people ask me why.
I just want to sit on the sidelines.
Do you know what it’s like to be looked at as a number,
As flesh, as something that can fulfill someone’s temporary
Needs when all you want is so to be wanted as a person?

You start to believe it. You start to believe you can only
Be beautiful in the context of one night, one picture.
You start to believe you are as shallow as the compliments
That are copied to you and several other people.
You start to believe you have to fight for someone’s
Attention when you should never have to do that.
You start to believe that only certain clothes
make you attractive because when you’re wearing them, they notice you.
You start to believe your opinions don’t matter because
they don’t want to hear them.
You start to believe you will have to settle for an empty
day or week of flirting just so you can feel something.
You start to believe that there isn’t such a thing as love
because no one seems to be looking for it.
At least that’s what I started to believe.
I have lost sleep over people who didn’t even
consider me a loss. I have waited for texts and
phone calls that were never coming.
I have romanticized words and gestures that
were far from romantic.
I have fallen for people only to realize it was
because they pushed me. I have broken my own
heart on the behalf of other people.
I have laid right next to people who might as well
have been 100 miles away.
I have believed words that were empty.
I have let all of this happen in an attempt to find love,
and I have found the opposite.
   Maybe there are people who don’t need or want something
that lasts, something that’s real, something that you want to
share in the morning light and not hide in the night.
Maybe there are people who don’t realize the games they
play have losers. Maybe there are people need nothing
more than a night or a weekend or repeated words.
And I guess all of that is okay. But I am not like that,
and that’s okay.

I want someone that I can fall asleep next to with
a smile on my face. I want someone who doesn’t make
me wait and wonder. I want words that are spoken
just for me. I want to fall for someone with the promise
that they will catch me. I want someone who tries not to
hurt me and cares if they do. I want someone who feels like
they’re right next to me even when they are 100 miles away.
I want to feel something that even scratches
the surface of what love is.
No matter where I go or what I do, you'll always be the one person I hope I can one day come home to.

Why do you beat yourself up?
because you had the courage to love
gave all of yourself in hopes that she was the one

Why do you beat yourself up?
When it was her choice to be unfaithful
Her choice to hurt you

Why do you beat yourself up?
Knowing that you had done everything for her
supported her, comforted her,
loved her more than you loved yourself

Why after she laid down with someone else
do you still love her? and want her to love you
Why after the repeat of hurt and trust being lost
do you think that she deserves a love as pure as yours

Why do you beat yourself up?
over what you could have done better
when you know deep down there was nothing

What makes you search for answers as to why
when they will not change the past
Nor mend your broken heart

Why when a person decides to cheat do we blame ourselves?
why does it make us question every little detail about who we are
Make us think that we are not worthy of love

Why when a person cheats do we still long for them to change
Realize how wrong she was, and fall in love with us again

Why do you beat yourself up?
When you deserve more
When all that you have done is loved someone completely

Give yourself time
You will see that you are still you
Still wonderful, beautiful you

Nothing has changed except your experience in love
And your determination to share love with another.

I believe in something I call ‘superficial friends’.
What I mean is, superficial friends are
somewhat ‘friends by association’,
friends that are friends because people
just happen to group them together
and see them together.

Yes, I do have fun around you,
and I’ll even throw around the ‘i love you’
and ‘best friend’ sometimes, but I wouldn’t
really tell you my secrets or confide in you
for serious talks. You’re not really that
kind of person to me.

Lots of times, I really need somebody
to talk to. Lots of times, I really need
someone to just listen to me. to hold me.
to not even say a word but know exactly
what I want to say.

But there is nobody like that
out there for me, at least right now.
There isn’t anyone I can text and
pour my feelings out because there
is anyone I know that knows why I feel
this way.

There isn’t anyone that knows
that sometimes, I just sit down and cry.
I could be doing anything but alone,
I will bawl my eyes out for no reason,
as if all the pent up anger and sadness
and disappointment I have in me just
comes pouring out.

There isn’t anyone I know that if I
were to tell them that I feel like ****,
they would actually do something about it,
instead of just telling me feel better.

There isn’t anyone that would know
that there is something wrong just by
looking at me. There isn’t anyone I know
that would know that something they did
which to them is innocent and is no
problem but to me makes me feel like
they don’t care about me anymore and
I’m a burden.

I believe in something I call ‘superficial friends’.
Those are people who know me,
but they have no idea a thing about me.
No matter how many times you can tell me
that you’re here for me or that I can tell
you anything, and just replying with
‘it’s going to okay’, you really don’t
know me at all.

I remember spending ever waking moment,
Re-calling every word you left me.
I remember how it actually felt to have someone
You can talk about anything.

I remember how you could easily make everything
Better by just a snap of your fingers.
I remember how easy it was to reveal every inch
Of myself to you.

Absence feels like light years but I haven't
Seen you in months and I wonder if you
Believe in a parallel universe where
Things worked out for us.

I've carried all these memories in me,
For what?
For my attempt to find true love?
Find something that would make feel alive?

You had me stucked on to you like gravity,
Made me wonder if you had feelings for me,
Wonder if this love I had was real.

You've destroyed any potential lover for me.
No one compares to you and the universe that you are.
I guess, the bitter irony of it all is that even if
I've convinced myself I'm over you,
I'd let you back in if you ever came back.


I have nothing else to hold on too,
So instead I twitter stalk you every once in a while
Trying to reassure myself that you are somehow still alive.
I have checked every tweets thinking maybe just maybe
He'd knock some sense into my head.

But there goes the urge to follow you,
To tell you all these bottled up emotions
I cannot seem to handle but there's this
Voice in my head telling me that
''For weeks of being stuck in sadville, you're better than before.''
I would rather risk losing you than to lose my own sanity.

I'm done playing whatever game you call this,
I'm done catching you when you'd never do the same.
I'm done re-visiting the haunted house that was you.

Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson,
I should've loved myself and guarded my heart
but sometimes it doesn't happen like that nothing
happens the way we want to.

I will wake up every single day filling the spaces,
You've left while slowly learning to love every
Inch of the soul that you've once wrecked.

You know what the minute you told me that
I had the chance to be with you,
I took that opportunity even if
It means I have to shrink myself
So i could fit into your chaotic world.

You know what everyone knows that
I fought for you;
I tried to keep the fire alive,
But it felt like you were being suffocated.
You needed air so badly that you
Left without even pouring water in me.

You know what it ***** how you played
The game fair and square but it seems like
It's not enough and that you're not enough
To satisfy the empty spaces between you
And that person.

You know what I spent half a year,
Caught up with you;
Caught with your lies,
Caught with all your petty drama.

Maybe  I will never be what you need.
Maybe we don't really know what we want.
Maybe we don't want something that will last.
Maybe we only want someone there temporarily.
Maybe out all of the ''maybe's'' we're not made for each other.

If it took me a year to find you,
I can sure find someone who'd
Fall for me.
Fall for all my insecurities,
Fall for the things you once took for granted.

Maybe then you'll see how foolish you are
For letting someone who gave everything
For you out of your life.

So remind yourself every single day that
You're still lucky;
Still lucky to be alive.
Maybe somewhere beneath this sadness
Someone is waiting for you.

As a child they warned you,
that you should never talk to
strangers for they do you no
good.

As a child they told you that,
if a boy makes fun of you
its normal even to the point that
you start questioning yourself at
such a young age.

As a child they told you that,
fat is the most insulting word
to ever exist in the dictionary.

As a child they told you that,
you should to be kind to others
but no one told you that this world
is filled with cruel people lurking around
in hopes to destroy you and your
happiness.

As a child they told you that,
if you're a girl you should only be
playing with a doll and if your
a guy you should only stick with your
race car... instilling into our young minds
who we should be and neglecting
who we really are.

As a child they told you that,
love is the greatest thing you could
ever do to yourself but no one told you
that the minute that person leaves you
for another one; your world also
cracks.

As a child they told you that,
if you do well in school and that
if you ace all those exams you'll
feel good but hey, no one told me
that i have to fight the battle with
my own mental health and future
because you always have to remind
me that grades future... grades future.
give me a break.

As a child they told you that,
if an old man compliments
you about how **** you are
and how good those jeans
looks on you, you should
feel the need to thanked them
well **** those people who
created that concept.

As a child they told you that,
monsters aren't real that they're
nothing but mere works of our
imagination but then i met you;
you destroyed me and every inch
of my veins.

Instead of always dehumanizing us
because apparently we're--
too young to question the authority
too young to speak out
too young to see the problem
too young to even live.

We cannot stay on the mountain tops.
We were never meant to live there.

We will often find ourselves in the valley,
at the bottom, unable to even see
the peak above the looming clouds.

We decide to start climbing
and fighting. It is a process  it takes time
to build up endurance to make it to the top.

We see the views as breath taking
and the big picture of our struggles is
painted so very neatly for us –
seeing how all the things we thought
went wrong actually benefited us.

We see the joy is in knowing we must descend back down so that the next mountain
can be climbed and we can grow even more.

We see that there are irreplaceable moments to be found in the valleys and on top of
the mountains. Both different.
Both crucial to making us who we are.

You are more than the words someone
strings together in an attempt to tell
you who you are.

You don't need to be more of anything.
You are worthy of love and acceptance
right here, right now.

Sure, there will be growth  that can
be so hard but you are not waiting
around for the other shoe to drop
before you are worthy enough.

It is hard to believe the best things
about ourselves and so much easier
to see them in others.

So remind someone every single day of
the incredible things you see in them.
it all starts with one voice of
encouragement.