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Kara Subido Dec 2015
For someone who grew up loving the idea of growing up,
I came to the point of hating it; I hated goodbye's.
I hated confrontations.
I hated how good things must come to an end.

I hate how I just met someone whom;
Let's say is somewhat a complete stranger
The type wherein you instantly connect
With this being but failed to notify yourself
That this ''stranger'' is about to leave the country.

I hate how as you enjoy a perfectly good bottle of beer,
There goes all these people who once left you feeling
All these emotions you never even signed up for.

Do you still remember the day you felt
The weight of the world upon your shoulder?
And as much as you want to vividly capture
That moment you won't do that.

I hate how you meet people who are driven;
The type that makes you want to feel alive.
Whose passions are engraved in their skin.
But then, you noticed how these people progress
And are off to venture in a different path without
Even having you in the picture.

I hate how I discovered a place to free,
This chaotic mind;
To dig through every parts of myself
And leave it all behind in this place
I'd like to call ''home.''

I hate how this place felt like home to us
That we are safe from our misery;
We've built friendships.
And maybe, met the person you
Fall for every single day.
Whether it'd be good or bad,
Keep it.

Let's keep the love alive.
Kara Subido Dec 2015
You know what the minute you told me that
I had the chance to be with you,
I took that opportunity even if
It means I have to shrink myself
So i could fit into your chaotic world.

You know what everyone knows that
I fought for you;
I tried to keep the fire alive,
But it felt like you were being suffocated.
You needed air so badly that you
Left without even pouring water in me.

You know what it ***** how you played
The game fair and square but it seems like
It's not enough and that you're not enough
To satisfy the empty spaces between you
And that person.

You know what I spent half a year,
Caught up with you;
Caught with your lies,
Caught with all your petty drama.

Maybe  I will never be what you need.
Maybe we don't really know what we want.
Maybe we don't want something that will last.
Maybe we only want someone there temporarily.
Maybe out all of the ''maybe's'' we're not made for each other.

If it took me a year to find you,
I can sure find someone who'd
Fall for me.
Fall for all my insecurities,
Fall for the things you once took for granted.

Maybe then you'll see how foolish you are
For letting someone who gave everything
For you out of your life.

So remind yourself every single day that
You're still lucky;
Still lucky to be alive.
Maybe somewhere beneath this sadness
Someone is waiting for you.
Kara Subido Nov 2015
Ilang oras na ba ang iyong ginugugol para sa kaniya?
Hindi man lang niya nagawang kamustahin ka.
Alam mo kahit simpleng ''Anong ganap sa'yo, Okss ka lang''
Tatanggapin ko kahit ano man yon basta galing sa'yo.

Ilang panahon na ba ang aking naubos para sa'yo?
Nasugatan pero eto ako pilit lumalaban.
Umaasa na matatauhan ka din.
Na isang panaginip lang ang lahat nang 'to.
Dahil sa huli tayo pa din.

Dahil kahit ilang beses man akong mabigo,
Ako'y handang masaktan
Masaktan ng isang katulad mo.
Kara Subido Nov 2015
I remember spending ever waking moment,
Re-calling every word you left me.
I remember how it actually felt to have someone
You can talk about anything.

I remember how you could easily make everything
Better by just a snap of your fingers.
I remember how easy it was to reveal every inch
Of myself to you.

Absence feels like light years but I haven't
Seen you in months and I wonder if you
Believe in a parallel universe where
Things worked out for us.

I've carried all these memories in me,
For what?
For my attempt to find true love?
Find something that would make feel alive?

You had me stucked on to you like gravity,
Made me wonder if you had feelings for me,
Wonder if this love I had was real.

You've destroyed any potential lover for me.
No one compares to you and the universe that you are.
I guess, the bitter irony of it all is that even if
I've convinced myself I'm over you,
I'd let you back in if you ever came back.

I have nothing else to hold on too,
So instead I twitter stalk you every once in a while
Trying to reassure myself that you are somehow still alive.
I have checked every tweets thinking maybe just maybe
He'd knock some sense into my head.

But there goes the urge to follow you,
To tell you all these bottled up emotions
I cannot seem to handle but there's this
Voice in my head telling me that
''For weeks of being stuck in sadville, you're better than before.''
I would rather risk losing you than to lose my own sanity.

I'm done playing whatever game you call this,
I'm done catching you when you'd never do the same.
I'm done re-visiting the haunted house that was you.

Thank you for teaching me a valuable lesson,
I should've loved myself and guarded my heart
but sometimes it doesn't happen like that nothing
happens the way we want to.

I will wake up every single day filling the spaces,
You've left while slowly learning to love every
Inch of the soul that you've once wrecked.
Kara Subido Nov 2015
I'm seeking for a greater good within,
something I don't always comprehend.

Peace within a place of chaos,
Beauty within a city of despair,
Inner purpose with a heart that
feels worthless.

Forgiveness to those who hurt us,
Healing to a heart who feels nothing but pain,
And happiness to a soul who only knows suffering.

I seek a truth so great that the eyes will only,
Be filled with tears to find meaning with a
disturbing past.

I can see my dreams fading
The bright hues gradually becoming dull.

His presence less intense
His words less electrifying
I would like to keep hoping
But my hopes are getting small
Quiet insignificant.

Among the violent wake ups
The cold brutality of the truth
The reality check.

And them...
Each of them trying to steal a piece
Of him
Of his time
Of his soul
Of his body.

And what's left for me?
Just a distant silhouette of what once was
Of us being one
His hand in mine
My heart in him
My midnight sun

I can only soar with broken wings
And no wind beneath my feet.

I can only run free with wretched,
blistered feet.

I will seek truth for those who
I have deceived and deceived me.
I will repent and let go of a haunting
past that has chained me.
I will escape from dark memories.
I will find my nirvana in times of
Hope will guide me towards truth.
Love and patience will heal me.
I am free, I am me.
Kara Subido Nov 2015
I have been treated like a game and people ask me why.
I just want to sit on the sidelines.
Do you know what it’s like to be looked at as a number,
As flesh, as something that can fulfill someone’s temporary
Needs when all you want is so to be wanted as a person?

You start to believe it. You start to believe you can only
Be beautiful in the context of one night, one picture.
You start to believe you are as shallow as the compliments
That are copied to you and several other people.
You start to believe you have to fight for someone’s
Attention when you should never have to do that.
You start to believe that only certain clothes
make you attractive because when you’re wearing them, they notice you.
You start to believe your opinions don’t matter because
they don’t want to hear them.
You start to believe you will have to settle for an empty
day or week of flirting just so you can feel something.
You start to believe that there isn’t such a thing as love
because no one seems to be looking for it.
At least that’s what I started to believe.
I have lost sleep over people who didn’t even
consider me a loss. I have waited for texts and
phone calls that were never coming.
I have romanticized words and gestures that
were far from romantic.
I have fallen for people only to realize it was
because they pushed me. I have broken my own
heart on the behalf of other people.
I have laid right next to people who might as well
have been 100 miles away.
I have believed words that were empty.
I have let all of this happen in an attempt to find love,
and I have found the opposite.
   Maybe there are people who don’t need or want something
that lasts, something that’s real, something that you want to
share in the morning light and not hide in the night.
Maybe there are people who don’t realize the games they
play have losers. Maybe there are people need nothing
more than a night or a weekend or repeated words.
And I guess all of that is okay. But I am not like that,
and that’s okay.

I want someone that I can fall asleep next to with
a smile on my face. I want someone who doesn’t make
me wait and wonder. I want words that are spoken
just for me. I want to fall for someone with the promise
that they will catch me. I want someone who tries not to
hurt me and cares if they do. I want someone who feels like
they’re right next to me even when they are 100 miles away.
I want to feel something that even scratches
the surface of what love is.
No matter where I go or what I do, you'll always be the one person I hope I can one day come home to.
Kara Subido Nov 2015
Dis oras na ng gabi ngunit ikaw pa din
Ang bukod tanging laman ng aking isipan
Patawad na kung puro siya na lang lagi ang alam
Ng aking mga kwento.
Hindi ko kasi mapigilan mag buhos ng aking hinaing
Dahil alam mo hanggang ngayon kasi tandang-tanda ko pa din
Ang araw at oras kung kailan mo ako iniwan.

Anong gagawin ko sa mga salitang iniwan mo
Isa nga lang ba akong pangalan sa buhay mo?
Ano ba ang naging parte ko sa'yo?
Iba’t ibang tanong ang bumabagabag sa akin
Pero kung alam ko lang na sa ganito tayo hahantong;
Matagal ko nang pinatay ang natitirang posibilidad
Sa akin isipan na may mundo para lang sa ating dalawa.

Alam mo ba gabi gabi kong binabalikan ang
Matatamis nating alaala pero pilit ko din
Pinapaalala sa aking sarili na
‘’Itigil mo na ‘to’’
''Tama na 'to''
Gumising kana sa totoong estado ng buhay mo.
Maawa ka naman sa sarili mo.
Ikaw ang naging punot dulot nang gabi gabi kong
Pag-pupuyat hindi mo ma-itatanong pero walang araw
Na lumipas na hindi ako nagiging tambay sa'yong mga
Social media accounts.
Nagmamasid sa bawat post at update mo at tinatanong
Sa aking sarili ''Bakit nga ba ang manhid mo?''

Dahil hanggang ngayon
May kumakatok pa din sa puso ko umaasa na
Pwede pa.
Pwede pang ipiglaban.
Kahit matagal man ang abutin natin.
Ako'y handang maghintay.
Kahit mag muka na tayong gurang.
Okay lang.
Handa akong tiisin.

Pero alam mo ba nakakapagod din palang
Makipaglaro sa taong ayaw magpaawat
Handa na akong sumuko kahit noon pa naman
Alam kong malabo na maging tayo;
Malabo mapasa-akin ang puso mo.

Ayoko ng makipagsiksikan sa Evacuation Center
Pilit ka magbubuwis ng buhay mo para sa taong ‘yon
Panahon na para lisanin ang delubyo na ito
Hindi na ako dapat mag tagal baka
Pati ang aking sarili ay iwanan din ako.
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