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Jillian McLean Jan 2018
I have a prisoner tongue,  
I can't say things I want
The songs I write remain unsung.

and it's not because my mouth is glued shut
it's not because it feels "somewhat"

it's because my emotions are trapped
the voice i once used had been kidnapped
not by you or some stranger on the street
but from anxiety messing with my thoughts from the backseat

the backseat of the car I drive,
the car I own
the one I fuel up when I am alone
I am the car, I own my road
but with anxiety being my unwanted passenger,
my heads gonna explode.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
I wish I could give you medicine to cure
the feeling you get when you don't feel so pure

I wish I could wave my wand and make it stop
or ease the real pain with a coughdrop

I wish I could say,
it will be okay.

But the truth is,
we won't know what life gives.
I can't say if you will win the lottery one day
I can't tell you if  your friends will come through...

But what I can promise, what I musn't forget to say,
is that everything is temporary, the bad won't stay.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
I changed the colour of my hair from brunette to blonde
not for me but for you
maybe then you might respond

I got rid of my natural nails and replaced them with longer more colourful gel ones with lots of details.
not for me but for you

I stopped wearing sweats or comfortable pants and shirts, I now wore dresses and short skirts
not for me but for you

I  tossed my sneakers and flats, started wearing high heels which are all lined at my doormats
not for me but for you

I spoke softer, more high pitched just like every woman "should"
you make it a part of womanhood.
not for me but for you.

Is there anything you would like me to change?
Is there anything more you want me to rearrange?
Of course it's not gonna be for me, it would be for you.
Afterall, it's a game you play, it's the thing you do.
Not for me but for you.
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
The heart and the brain are the most powerful organs.
The heart feels the most,
causes the pain and the love that everyone goes through.

But the brain,
it's a dangerous place
It contains all our memories, all our knowledge,
everything that happens to us,
is in our brain

But if infects our heart,
our thoughts mess with our feeling.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
Do not call me pretty,
for I am more than it looks

I would rather be ugly ,
with the beauty inside

I don't want to be those girls
in magazines and books.

Don't just use me for my body,
without a confide.

Don't call me pretty,
look inside.
J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
She was abused,
you were the abuser

You were amused
But all you did was use her.

J.M
Jillian McLean Jan 2018
"What's the worst feeling?"
"When you feel like you're running
a marathon, but everyone else
simply sees
a 50 meter sprint."
C.M
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