I see you in class
Yeah you
With the brown hair
It was the 3rd grade
And I was speechless

In class I would dream
That I would share my PB and J with you.
You passed me a note in math class
Asking me if you could meet me at the flag pole
You wanted to give me a surprise.

A surprise?
A surprise!
What could it possibly be?
A kiss?
A PB and J?

I had to find out,
So after math class
I skipped across the halls
My eyes were glued to the flag pole

Where is she?
My breaths were taken away from the thought of you.
Tall 5th graders' shadows started to walk towards me
They have the eyes that told me to run.
I dropped my lunch box and ran
Into a 5th grader.
More started to come out of the evening shadows
These boys were out for blood tonight.
They started to push me around
Like the words that were being thrown around
Punches and dirt thrown in my face
Reminded me that I fell for a girl
I didn't even know
I wish I could have told you how I really felt.

These boys held me down,
Stripped everything that kept me sane
And crucified me on the flag pole.
The place I thought would change my 8 year old life.

Is this what Jesus felt like?
The feeling that I'm going to heaven
Were my corps would decay on the flagpole
This flagpole

After what felt like forever
These boys left me to the hounds called the night time
I want to barge out of my shackles
And scream "why, god!"
I start to cry away,
Away from here.

It's 2am
I'm staring in my bedroom mirror
I pray to the mirror
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Why have you made me mute after all?
The mirror just sits there in horror
Reflecting the mess I have become.

I start to look at my face
I see my red demonic eyes
Caused by the concoction of tears and dirt being kicked
I feel the cuts that burn from the lies
I told myself

I look at my frail hands
And see my ****** nails from fighting back.
I noticed my wrists were ****** from the crucifixion
I wonder to myself why didn't they **** me?
Just finish me off and let my prayers be answered.

Then I look at my chest
I see cuts and bruises
Scattering around me like the feeling of loneliness

I press ******* my cuts
I want to feel something
My soul was extracted
By boys who lost it
From a closed fist from a angry father.

I look at the mirror and realized
I am ashamed of who I am.

My book is running out of chapters,
So I keep going back
To the chapter
Where my last goodbyes were said to my childhood.

People say things seem to change
Yet the addresses
Of were your tombstone lives on stays the same.
Your house is draped over the clouds
That hover over the playgrounds.

They say it's cloudy
With a chance of the murky addiction
Crawling up your arm
Like the pin needles you used
To sew up my favorite blanket.

Now my blanket is in purgatory
After I saw you bleeding out on the couch
Wondering where did she go.
The chapters in my book
Doesn't recognize the mother
Who flirts with suicide on her gravestone,
Yet she kisses my wounds
And hold me tightly through stormy nights.

My childhood walked into the room
Witnessing the crime of saving her life
By wrapping this familiar stranger's ****** arms up.

"Where is she?"
"Where is my momma?"
I whipe the tears'
" Momma doesnt live here anymore."

Moonshine on your eyes
My watch tells me lies
Laying down on this truck bed
There is no way it is 4am
Because I feel so refreshed
Like a new day
Another time to see you.

The moonshine drips off my tears
When you tell me that you are not going anywhere
You see, I've hidden what makes me,me
I believed in the make believe
My dreams become reality.
Fairy tales do exist.

The moonshine reflects your soul
You see, it's a little bruised for the skeletons
These ******* skeletons left the fruit flies and the beetles
Caressing your wounded heart.
Your wounded heart stumbles through battle
The dead bodies are the lies
Disney princesses taught you
I want to stop ask
Do you want to come live in my arms?

The moonshine drips out my thoughts
I love you so **** much
Oh **** I didn't mean to do that
Yet you silenced me with the kisses, kisses
That fit with my lips in an ironic way.

The moonshine at 4am feels so new
I can't take my eyes off of you
Your dimples pop up when I tell you
Your response feels like harps playing this songs
A song that makes the cold melt
The moonshine is telling me something.
It's telling me what your lips and your dimples are saying.
I love you.

As I see you
Laying next to me
As the ghost
That never seemed to fade
Away from the
Destroyed shine of you
In my ajar mind
I was spooked
Like a child
I ran away
From what you spoke of,
Words I thought
You would never produce
Out of your vocabulary
I remeber words
Tripping out of your mouth
And into the treadmill
Of my mind.
Still running
Cutting deep,

Packing my bags
Was the hardest part
Of living with you.
Not the scratch marks
Left on my cage
It was the idea
That no matter how many bags I packed
I couldnt slow down those words.

You see,
You are my past.
Standing as the brick wall
In my future.
No matter how black and white I am,
You, my past
Will find the murky gray spots
On the crack of my skull
And keep running on this treadmill

I spy with my weatherd eyes
A broken clock that shows me better times from my past life.
As these spiteful tides have turned me
Into a grumpy soul.

This desecrated ship of doubt
It's slowly peeling me away like a potato peeler
I need to grab my papers and maps
To find the breath that I was once searching for.
These scramblings of ramblings
So nonsensical
As they lead me to the fact
That you hate that I bite my nails

Like a hangnail you chew me apart,
Gifting me these splinters from this shovel
That I used as a kid to build mountains of possibilities
Which now leaves me a hole,
To bury my soul with.
Each stone I turn I see these regrets
That look like texts I that shouldn't have sent.

The heavens from above
Have blocked their facebooks
Casting her curses in cursive
Leaving me with my grave,
My shovel,
Memories of you.

The anchors gave up
Its wicked grasp
From the beasts belly
My shackles seem to levitate
Off my gaping tunnel.
That surrounds where my spirit
Used to live.

I advise you my kind sir
To not explore
What lies ahead,
The scent of perfume
Made this island angry
With rage through the night
And now it breathes
A little lighter.
The weight of her touch
Holds the pressure
From these rolling hills
Which feel like prison cells
on the inside.
Not knowing what lies ahead
Is the worst
Goblet of poison to drink from.

You ask me how I got here,
And you see,
I was looking
Through the puddles
On the highway,
Searching for the answers
On how I can get the poison
From my eyes,

You see,
It seemed to blind me
From the future,
I kept searching far and wide
Through my broken mind
Till my sail stopped pushing me
To pointless corners of my mind
And smuggled on to this island,
Up in this skies
Separated by juniper and bark
That kept me up at night.

I survived
But my innocence
Was stripped and scalped
By the blade
That the beast hangs up
On her ceiling as a chandelier.

Now kind sir,
Let us seek asylum
From the dank air
That shivers my bones,
The beast seems to have
Got what it wanted.
I feel like this mystic place
Has taught me all that I need
And now I need to struggle
To see the future.

The sun its farewell to the skies
As it cranks out this unexplainable color
That Painters can’t make on their color pallets

The Wind creates this unexplainable noise
The wind gives you reasons to keep dreaming towards the sky
It is something that city slickers can't hear in the rowdy subways

At this time the sun bids me farewell
But don't worry, It will return
When it pokes its head out
On the east

These pillars that we call skyscrapers
Stretch to the skies looking for the gods that rest upon these clouds
Yet all I see are these prisons bars hiding the mountains.
This concrete jungle is trying to persuade me that
Only my dreams could touch the sky
Not my oily fingers that paint the pollution in the skies.

I need to escape,
LA lied to me
They told me that beauty is within the actors and artist
They are the stereotypes that run this city

I need to move east
Move to the Rockies
The mountains that cut deep within these clouds.
There will be the place that I flirt with immortality

Airline ticket in hand, I knew I was not going to come back
I knew when I smelt the Colorado air.
This air that is so new
Untouched by man
And unseen by the models from LA

I tracked towards the mountains on a trail
This trail is the golden compass that many men traveled on
As old ruins of ghost towns sit intertwined with mother nature
Teaching us that man will die and mother nature will go on.

I reached a lake
12,000 Feet above the city slickers and the cameras
Painted with the strokes that no artist can brush
I can't brush off the unexplainable feeling
Of not hearing a single person.
Although this wooden sign says that that I am at Nolan Lake
I still believe that I am in heaven.
Clouds roll over the Mountains to greet me.
Tears roll off of my cheeks
And create this waterfall
That crashes onto the base of the valley
Surrounded by the Titans called Mountains

My heart is clean
My mind is calm
My hands are moist by gods tears of joy.
I am happy

I want to be a father, that is strange coming from a 19 year old college student.
No not just to get laid or get the girl.
I want to teach my son the world.

I want to teach him that Laughter is the best medicine
I want him to prescribe a large dosage to all of the people who are down in the dumps,

I want him to call all of the girls pretty
Because it doesn't matter how much war paint they paint on their face.
No matter how many guys told her she is ugly,
She is still that princess that is sitting on that ivory tower and
She needs that prince charming to sweep her off her feet.
And when he finds the love of his life I want him to say,
”come on down you are the only contestant in my price is right.”

I want to teach him that Chivalry isn't dead
I want to teach him that politeness isn’t dead like Elvis
dead like retro disco and that one guy from Clue
I want him to know that nice guys don’t finish last
I want him to open all of the doors and always say please and thank you because politeness is the bandage over our gaping emotional wounds left by the people who lost their insecurities in their own dusty attics.

I want to teach him that imagination is the best tool
No no wait it is the ONLY tool
I want him to know that Calvin and  Hobbes does exist
I want him to know that when he is not around,
His toys become alive and have a thriving hidden city underneath his bed.
I want him to fight the monsters in his closet while reciting Beowulf .
I want him to know that its okay to be scared
I want him to explore the dark caves in the basement and to defeat that evil dragon that rest there.
Many of you call it a furnace, but is a dragon alright?
I want to read him bedtime stories so we can fly off to our imagination fighting epic thunder storms trying to find that perfect catch.

I want to teach him the good stuff,not math or science
but ethics, politics, history, and literature
I want him to know that its okay to be fearful of the unknown
and that Ignorance is the poison to our minds

I want to make recite Hamlet or Twelfth Night, so when people are all talking trash he can say “don't make me go Shakespeare on your ***.” and for those people who stand in his way.
I must warn them that his bruises will fade and his cuts will  heal but he tells you next will never leave your heart and will haunt you for the rest of his life. So go ahead call him names, see what happens.

I want to teach him to be passionate
I want to teach him that if anyone comes up to him and tells him that he can't do what he wants. I want him to bite his thumb and say listen buddy just wait before you know it I'll be the one who will be writing  my name on the wall of glory.

Now I know I am far from perfect, and I know he will be too, but I want to teach him that this world can be perfect, if you open up your mind and heart.

When I saw you walking around,
I really wanted to say something,
Something that would make you turn around
So I can see your intruded red face
Jack frost seemed to be only thing
Touching your lips tonight
As I say something
Something
So I can hear you say something
Yet you wanted to hear nothing
Said nothing
So now I feel like Nothing
As you turn around
Kick up the dust
Inviting the hounds
Of this parking lot
To swallow me whole
Yet I wont think of anyone else
But you

I search my scattered brain
To find the devil
That crawls inside of me,
Each time I see your eyes
This creature of my habits
Wraps itself around my eyes,
Laving me blinder than any of these three mice
That scavenge for food
In the humid swamps of self esteem.

I scare myself.
Why do i keeping seeing this walls
With thick black oils,
Making everything feel colder,
wrapping around my future,
I couldn't see through it
Until I forced my hand
And set my world on fire.

All of the ashes have been swept way
Leaving this frost around the amusement park
Of my sad sad heart
Wishing that the only smile
To shine through the crowds
Would not pass me by.

Yet the light draws itself away,
Leaving me with an empty view.
Watching life pass me by

This game is hard
It makes men's hair go gray
And gives women crows feet
That follow them into their thoughts
Staying up late at night
Victims of the game called life

No not the board game
The one that cost you one life
Death plays with the coin
As you step on Legos
Pay taxes
Or even, a Colinoscopy

We become all victims
Of living by the rules
By people
Who have played this game before.
33 pecent of life is sorted to sleep
18 percent for prison,
I mean school and work.
The stuff that people told you to do.

The idea that my life
Was a puzzle
With missing pieces
Sacred me.
But of course
That was before I meet you
You skipped over the mess
I made in the living room
Called my mind.
All of the domino's feel out of place
And the houses of cards
I made fell a part.

When you came to me
You held out your controller
As you asked
If I could be your player 2,
And now my living room is tidy
You could even see the floor!
Now I knew what people ment
When they said
It all falls into place.
The domino effect looks cooler
When it involves you.

As you asked
If I could be your player 2,
I realized that this puzzle
Doesn't look too difficult anymore
Now that I can work it out with you
Your eyes stop me in my tracks
Prettier than any finished puzzle,
I felt complete
When I looked at you.

As you asked
If I could be your player 2,
I looked the numbers again
And realized that 33 pecent
Doesn't sound so bad
If I slept with you
And love, work will never feel like prison.
As long as I know
You will be there when I return.

As you asked
If I could be your player 2,
I felt like death
Gave me a sack of coins
Because the adventures
I'd go on with you,  
Never felt so right
Through valley's and cayons
Through mountains and trees
When I saw your smile
I knew that you would never leave me.

As you asked
If I could be your player 2,
The only thing I could ever say is
Of course.

You're eyes seem to hypnotize me,
Swaying back and forth
Like clock work
You always know
How to take my breath away
And store it
Where my past
Rages in its prison cell
You locked it away
Leaving my mind free
Of former tales
I made up
With ghost around campfires.
Convinced that you could never exist

But here we are
Sitting across each other
Starring at our thoughts
Thinking about how
Each time I blink,
I pray that you won't leave.
The sound we hear in this moment
Are our eyes
Opening and closing
Eyelids batting its dedicate wings
God never told me
That life could be so calm.
When I'm with you

When I'm not with you
I plan each adventure we will have
Each time is a open book test
On how to adore each other
No failure,
Just innocence
And taking silly photos
Sometimes I wish these photos
Could come alive.
Every time you make the face
The one you are making right now.
I just want to take a photo
Shake the Polaroid
And hope it comes alive
Just like what you did with my dreams

I feel like a kitchen appliance
Being used until the newest model comes in from Amazon,
So someone else can steal the Amazon prime light away from your matchstick way
Lighting up the darkest of nights
Melting my worries away
I used to be that way,
I look shiny
And irreplaceable
I never thought you could replace something irreplaceable until I don't know now?
And maybe sure,
My cable is freighted
My blue eyes have more luggage than what it first came here with
It feels like there's more instructions,
More problems
Probably
So now I see this familiar box
Amazon prime logo ready at hand
Knowing that this night is will be my last
This one has brown eyes
And it's cables aren't freighted
Like how you left me jaded
That one won't be outdated, right?
So as you pry me from my throne
I hold as hard as I can
Freighted cable holding onto the wall
With all of my might
Knowing that the only thing that is irreplaceable
Is you.

Whats worse
Saying hello the last time
Or introducing myself

Eyes glued
To the unknown parts
Of the ground
Not knowing
That you would be the reason
I write poetry.
The reason
I cant go back to sleep
In the early hours
Or the reason I fall in the woods
And no one
Hears my screams
But only in your dreams
Is where you will find them.

There they are.
Slowly drinking diet coke
Until It dies.
Way to play your part
On making me a better person,
I just wished
You could of taken it eaiser
On the low blows
And the jabs you took
Which gave my heart
3rd degree burns
Which were scrapped
On the closed roads
Of my weaknesses.

Can you please talk quieter?
I'm still trying
To find the reasons
Why I took that pill
To follow your rabbit self
Into the swiss chess
Called your logic.

Now I sit here thinking
What felt better
Saying goodbye
The first time
Or saying good riddance
The last time.

Job interviews terrify me,
Imagine a sea of black suits
And fake resumes.
Shoving reality out of the way
So they can act like robots
And smile on que.

You see I wasn't taught how to be like everyone else,
So when I sat down for my interview,
I knew I wasn't going to get the job.
So I pop my mental knuckles
And said lets do this.
Papers shift and turn all over the desk
As the man in front of me tries to decipher the codes
Written in times new roman.
Hold the phone,
He stops and notices some red on my wrist.
He ponders out loud,
"Is that a rubber band on your wrist?"
I say of course.
Confused, he asks why?

I take a deep breath
And tell him the truth,
Yes that truth
Nothing but that unchanged truth.
You see sir
I keep this with me at all times
I need to be prepared for battle
A rubber band war

You see me
And my 20 something year old friends
Run around giggling
Like they just found laughing gas
For the first time
Because we don't want this piece of rubber hitting us,
We chase through walls of books in libraries
Trying to keep ourselves quite
While the grown ups investigate
Where the giggles
And bold thumps on the carpet are coming from.

Because why?
Because this red rubber band
Holds me down to earth
Like the rest of the kids
Who star gaze to their futures,
Spreading their what ifs
And "wouldn't it be cool if's" into the sky
Grown ups call them stars.
But kids call it dreams.
Do you want to why I have this red rubber band?
It's because it's a temporary reminder
To never grow up
And become apart of this sea of black suits.

I feel like i'm restarting my heart
Everytime I see a pair of eyes
That look just like yours,


That pear tree resting where your eyes should be
Makes me think that everything is going to be okay,
Okay,
Okay.

Things are not okay,
Whenever I see your green eyes
All I am paired with
Is that fact that I won't be your pear anymore
I see nothing but sadness
What could I done differently,
Differently,
Differently,

Hang on,
I see these blue eyes
That come at me like a tidal wave
Over all of these barbie dolls we call people  
And maybe just maybe,

I feel like i'm restarting my heart everytime
I see a pair of eyes that look just like yours,
So blue and so pure,
Like the beaches we would beach on our sunday nights,
We have work the next day,
Yes but not now at 3am.
When i'm looking at nothing else but your blue eyes
Hoping that the moon will never fall,
Fall,
Fall.

Why did you watch me fall
From the tallest tower
You knew when to throw the hardest of punches
Harder than any tidal wave crashing against
There is a reason why storms are named after people
And this time that person is you.
Blowing up everything but these memories
On the beaches that have beached my mind.
My mind,
My mind,

Hang on,
I feel like i'm restarting my heart
Everytime I see a pair of eyes
That look just like yours.

I have nothing clever to say,
You got me and for that,
I say well done,

You knew what to say when your straw hair
Scared the crows of uncertainty out of me
Leaving nothing but the sound of a unsound heartbeat
Knot knowing when to untangle
And to lay my beautiful brains out on the carpet.

Yet at the right time
you knew when to yank the carpet
From under my flat feet.
Leaving the cold walnut wood floor
For me to be my final resting ground.

You exiled me
From all the demons that pushed out of me
You knew the write thing to scribe
The masterpiece of all endings
By shutting the ****** door
Leaving me with Rime and Uncertainty
Quietly freezing Away
With No Rime or Reason

Hey mom,
I wish I could have stuck around
So you could have taught me
On how to be a better man,
Yet I ran
From the shadows
That grabbed onto my feet.
Momma you called it the past,
Yet I see it as my psychological jail sentence
For the mistakes ive made,
My ego was shattered
And dug deep into the roots
That twist along my body

Hey mom,
I wrote you this soft poem
To let you know
That I've never seen hunger
Like this ground
That dispatches of my skin,
This shollow resting ground
Is a lot smaller than my room.
I do not search for apologies or answers
To my last questions,
I found those blowing in the wind
Next to were my last breaths were sung

I spray my regrets I spit out in a flask
So I can let them out later
When I get across this Finish Line  
People tend to stare from afar.
It's okay everyone does.
They use their instruments
Trying to decipher who I am.
The only thing they know
Is that we are all on the same starting point.
On this starting line
Waiting for this race to end our racing minds
And before the warning shot starts

I see you.
You start asking me these questions,
Who are you?
What are you?
When did you cross my mind?
Where have you been all my life
Why have I not seen you before?

Oddly enough the last time someone has asked me
These types of questions
Was when someone like you asked
Who do you think you are?
What are you still doing here?
When did you get here?
Where were you?
Why couldn't you be more like him?
Him
Him  

That hymn echos in my ears
To remind me of my daily dosage of bleach
To make my insides feel clean.
So I apologize when I see your beautiful face
And your beautiful Venus flytrap eyes
That lead me into another path just like this one.

The only thing I will tell you is that,
You have to start to run,
Away.
Through these empty streets.
Away from my mind
As my corrupt thoughts
Possess you like these glass bottles
That I hide messages of dark thoughts in
To find out that you should have never said Hello to me.

So turn the other way,
Run
it's okay.
Everyone else does too.

I wish I could write about this
Yet every sentence
Seems to be a run onn,
Intertwined with the lines
On the road that my mind is drawn to

My phone keeps buzzing
And my mind is shut off
5 missed calls
4 people saying
3 words,
Don't leave us.
The bass of my brash decision
Pushes on my leg,
Reminding me to stay in my lane.
2 times I tried to pull off these vines
That drag me to this train station
Of the dark side of my mind,

I get out of my car,
Hands sweating,
The air seems heavy
As I beckon to the ticket office

I say hi
Yet the ticket clerk looked low to the ground
As she shreds the ticket
From her defunct hair
Causing the gates to limbo adjacent from her open.
I take a deep breath
And I take
1 step forward

Fake gold swirls on this desert floor.
The ashes of my care free innocence
Are running through my pessimistic hands.
It sticks under these rusty finger nails.
Like your last goodbyes,
They leave me with a cynical grin.

"Come for me I dare you!"

My brash wish was under your command,
As my hoarse throat neighed
Questing for relief,
Water,
Anything,
I beg you.
Maybe this request really wasn't mine to offer
My aged eyes roll back
To the games of dice I played as a kid,
Tossing what little worries I had away
As I became
A part of
The sand.

There is a tide
Roaring up to my toes
As I am glued
To this crummy sand
This sand was God's plan
To bread the ashes
So we can store it in Poseidon's belly
I was the leftovers
From the City Hopkins Dance
Be kind
The sob stories
Are locked up
With the " how do you do's"
And the "I'm feeling fine"

There is a tide
Roaring up to my knees
People need to stop pleading
If they noticed me
Lurking in the shadows
Tied down behind them
They were too busy
With the racket ***** on recess
Maybe I could believe in it
Every white lie
Wiped across their unconcerned faces.

There is a tide
Roaring up to my wounded heart
Yes the heart
The heart that lays in my chest
The same chest that you laid on
Strawberries
That was the last thing I remember
About you

She
She is a *****
no, no not the dog kind
but the one that makes it hard to breath when she is around

She is the reason why I don't tell people who I am
because she uses oil as lipstick
you see my secrets seem to slip out of her mouth
and land in front of people that I don't even know

“ I did not know you were a bad kisser”
Do I, know you?

She is the reason why kids are afraid of monsters in their closets
I remind them not to get close to them
Or they will **** all of the skeletons out of your closet
Show everyone who they really are.

She haunted my nights
Staring at photos that now mean Jack

Then I got this funny feeling
Whenever I see you
Smiling
Looking
Down
ON ME?

You had these eyes
They sang me a beautiful song in a strange language
Telling me that everything will be okay.

We fogged up the car one night
Not because we were having ***
But it was because we were trading music to each other
You sit with me in a book store for three hours
And never look at the time
Because time was on our side

Whenever I'm with you I see time slowing down for us
And our kisses pass stories of embarrassing moments
Religious beliefs
And the brief story of your adventures in Europe.

Every kiss taught me that You are such a keeper
We are like grade school kids
Completely innocent to the slime
That modern dating has become.

She noticed us
She didn't like You and you know what
She was sad because She couldn't pull my strings anymore.
Whenever I saw She
She would be jealous
And you know what
Good, let She!

Take my hand
So I can show you my past
I was a trader
I traded people's desires
With the idea of feeling liked
My ego was stroked
Every time I would collect my clothes
I set sail to what it would feel like to love
Not have to stumble at sunrise
Looking for my shoe

The devil put his ear to the door
And I drove in.
Through the fire and ice
Gracing my face with the thought of leaving it behind
Yes you should do the trick
The way you pick your words
that lick off of my weak ability to keep a relationship
I wish she could know
She separates me with the wall she writes on her laptop
I wish she could just tell
Yet this wall separates me from the red eyes I created
The devil is looking through the keyhole

It's raining memories outside
I hope it doesn't scare you
Watch out if you don't have a coat
You will get the cold
From my cold cold heart
The bags which caresses my irises
Watch the memories run down the window
I hope she liked those flowers
I hope she can forget
The kisses that stain her from the Sinclair

Im sorry but I cannot dance with you anymore
My date would get jealous
And I have been exiled to this ballroom
The devil grabs my shoulder
We begin to dance to the mistakes echoed on the mic
The crying
The whaling
That similar tune

I slog through this museum of people living their best life.
I hold my phone tightly.
Like an emotional support animal,
Cocooned in my bed.
I dig through people's lives like someone stuck in an avalanche.
The only movement I have are my fingers, swiping.
My body groans as it realizes it will be frozen through time.
It's 1PM and I’ve been awake since 6 AM scrolling.
It's hard to breathe, I can feel the weight in this Sarcophagus I built.

I force myself to focus in my own lane.
I can see someone had their heart broken,
It stands out in a crowded room like a glow stick.
Everyone can see your pain.
Everyone knows that we have been there and they regretfully have done that.

So let me stay on my island,
Barricading my insecurities and tucking them into my vulnerabilities
Until you can't see what’s hindsight with my 20-20 vision.
I’ll pile my damaged goods till it seeps out of the storage boxes with childhood toys in my mind
You will see my mind will grow calluses that built this lighthouse on my island
To let people know that I am damaged goods.
So steer clear, find your cargo elsewhere else.

So let's hear it,
What makes you think I can trust you.

I'm starting to have trouble finding this sleep.
I'm searching for sheep
So I can count them down
To the corner of rest and relaxation street.
Yet I find something else instead.
I find these places where your name is.
Hiding under all of the demons
I battle daily by seeing you cross my mind.
I try to look elsewhere
Maybe I should look at this melting clock
That keeps laughing at my face,
Every chuckle burns deeply Into newest members
Of the darkest parts of my mind.
I'm being crucified with my own thoughts.
****** yet bounded to the fact
That I just need some ****** sleep.

I'm not alone though.
Someone,
Something just spawned In my room.
Hairy, grotesque, and I can't look away,  
It smells like rotten wood
And the cracks that poison my skull
This
Thing
Starts to ascend towards me
With each breath that I was searching for.
It crawls up my bed
And in the darkest of nights
I am on my own
And here we go

Hey you
Can you grab a glass a water for me
Something is in my throat
tickling me like when you elbow my stomach
because I was tickling you too much under the soccer fields
the ones you played on as a kid

Can you grab me a glass of water
My throat feels like my heart is coming up my mouth
Twisting and squeezing and turning to escape my organs
Because my body, my mind, and my heart isn't good enough for you

Can you grab me a glass of water
I need to breath out all of the flames you created
Twisting my arm and shoving me in the room of sorrow
It's so dark in here because this battery you gave me is broken
You see you gave me more negatives than positives
Yet I still believed it would work
Because you said it would.

Can you grab me a glass of water
I need to wash my mouth
From all of the lies you have kissed in my mouth
Take it all back and shove it to all of the guys that you ****** for one night

Can you grab me a glass of water
So I can clear out any memories of you

Cold
The fear of the nothingness
That rest between me
And this thin piece of aluminum
Grows deeper in my veins
As I'm drifting in space.
I'm not going forward,
Nor am I backwards,
Just drifting further away uncontrollably
Which is quite unfortunate
Because I’m fumbling with this cold pen
Trying to find my direction home
With my comfy bed that you hog every night.
How could I trust these thrusters to ****** me to my destination
When my mind has exiled me to question this space
That is spaced around me.
So alone, yet I'm crowded with my own thoughts.
I just want to let it out, scream so hard
That my lungs burn with frustration
Yet in space
No one can hear my screams
Including you.

"That is final!"
The last words I say
As I slowly meld all the epilogues
From my favorite stories together
The Last words I have said
To the woman to raised me from the tin cans
That rattle in my brain when I think of her.

Saying I love her
Is the beautiful struggle
I arm wrestling with every day
As I look at the ceiling
Trying to use my eyes
As a cradle for my tears.
Hold them back,
Hold them back,
I say hold them back
Just the ******* gates called shadows
That would would slam her head
Against the door
Because I wouldn't clean my room.

When people ask me about her
I hide the truth under my hoodie
Don't show the truth
Like a weapon
Of awkward conversations
And nervously say,
“Same old same old.”

Forgiveness is only used
With people who like their music on repeat.
I used to subconsciously.
Oh yes,
Played each song perfectly
“Wait I've found your stash
In the same place last month.”
Oh yes I remember that time,
When you were tripping
Over the bottles that held memories
Of when you said
That you would quit
The liquid demons this time

"This time"
The only song I'm thinking of
When I'm thinking
“Mom why are you pouting
On the floor of the market,
You’re 48?”

Her demons constantly grab at my ankles,
Whispering it won’t happen again.
Yet here I am,
Running from the missed calls on my phone,
Sitting in this vacant apartment,
Terrified that I made the wrong decision
Of starting over.

I’m not in the swing of things
And want to meet by that is
I'm not used to being blinded by these lies.
The tie me down by the terrible fact that the facts
You told my ignorant eyes were nothing but lies

You left

I stayed

I had to pick up all of the loose ends
That you cut off loosely with me.

Odd

They looked like that one time
When we froze our *** off
At that donkey concert.

I'm not in the swing of things
And what I mean by that is
I stare at my phone to wait for text messages.
Marooned on an island of my most baneful thoughts

But wait
A message!

It's just an email from the people who write emails
That don't want me to write back

Shame

I just want you to check up on me
Like a direct deposit
See how my collection of poetry is going.
I want to live in the timeless time
When we couldn't imagine being with anyone else.

I'm not in the swing of things.
And when I mean is
I hate eating alone
Forks and spoons we used for food fights with
Are now just instruments to put food in my mouth.
I feel optimistic finding crumbs in my beard.
You see when I find crumbs in my beard.
I pretend just for a moment
That you left them
So I can find my way
Back to a better place

So I’m sorry if I'm not in the swing of things
This rope that holds me together is fraying
Each strand is stripping me away and leaving
Like the leaves you trekked into this ******* house

These leaves will melt away

The rope will give out

You will let me fall

You say that i'll get back on my feet

I'm just afraid of when my feet will fail me now.

I hear you like I'm near you,
On your soapbox full of rage
As you fill your need to shout a little more
Voices on voices upon voices
Who need to voice what they feel is right.
Filled in a sea of people who you feel are wrong.
You try to believe the good in every man.
Especially this man.

You don't have to tell me twice
I gave my nimble secrets to that talkative man
Paying my way for this one way ticket
To the next thing that will save us.
However I was left with empty hands
Nothing to show but these lessons made from fools gold
It's hard to change this march of time.

Dear America,

I will like to thank you for a couple of things
that i have noticed for a couple of years

Thanks for destroying humanity
I really want my kids to know that panda bears are from Chinese restaurants
and that Taco Bell originated from Mexico
all Asians know how to handle a Rubik's cube
like the curves on a women.

Thanks for posting these skeletons in magazines that we call models and telling everybody that this what beauty is, so girls can put your fingers down their throats
and guys can juice themselves up
because lets be honest personality doesn't matter, right?

thanks for killing creativity with your genocide
and lynching our education system
because our minds are the like the assembly lines for your standardized testing
if you don’t fill out the right bubbles that means that you are not smart like the rest of us
you see we are robots
if you don't fill out that bubble that you were not programed like rest of us
fill in out that bubble because
that bubble is going to determine if you go to a good college or not.
and remember community college means you are a failure.

Thanks for destroying our free time
Instead of stopping and smelling the roses we stop and take a photos for instagram
instead of going out and meeting new people,
we flash around our privates on the internet like it’s public property
because **** the love I want to get naked right?
because she only needs to loved for that one night?

We don’t have free time because we have to work on
Our Grades
Our Sports
Doing community service
So we can have these perfect resumes
and go to that perfect school
so you can go to that perfect job
and get married to that perfect love of our lives
and have three perfect kids
Retire and wait until your body decays into the earth
at that perfect timing

but wait life isn't perfect right?

Sincerely,
Voiceless Stranger

The world felt so small until I looked into your eyes.
It felt like you just walked in one frosty morn
Into the vision of my vacant mind.
Filling it with calming hims.
Letting me know that you didn't have to be with me,
But instead wanted to be with me.
Feeling your touch wanes away the frost
That has kept me isolated for so long,
Meeting you felt like the first sunny day after the longest winter.
I know that more storms will come
Seasons will change back to winter.
But for now at this point.
I can look into your eyes that pair well with your smile.
Knowing that I won't have to worry,
About the Burdens of Tomorrow

The rain drips off of your hair
you stare at me
As your smile spreads across your face,
I stare into your eyes
That reflect my soul
Like the puddles on the ground
Reflecting like the raindrops
Running down your pale cheeks
The longer I stare at you,
The more I realize that this is a good as it gets.
You hold me closely
As we sway back and forth.
I wasn't certain about this
Because I never knew how to dance yet.
yet we dance to the rhythms of the raindrops dripping on ground
Holy cow we are slow dancing in the rain!
you grab on to my jacket tightly
And you said don’t let me go

Yet, my arms start slipping away from you
Like to drops of the rain
Leaking from the sky
I try to grab on but it seems like it is no use
I seem to slip and now
You are stuck in the shadows called my past
Now I laying in these four walls
Looking at the ceiling
Knowing I made Mistakes
And knowing that
You won't lend out your hand to me
For one more dance.
And it feels like my world is falling apart,
Like the paint on the walls

heh its funny
I can compare my ego
to this paint,
More you peel me apart,
The more you see who I really am
When you break down my wall of insecurity,
You see how I truly am, fake, rude, selfish
Whatever you call it,
It’s hideous because it drove the only person
That really mattered away.

This Clock laughs at me
When no one is around
“ Cant get sleep can ya?”
“ Its because your conscious is eating you up”
“It is all your fault”
“ tick tock, tick tock”

You haunt my mind
When the moon shines up in cloudy sky
As this ceiling looks like it is melting off,
Like the candle wax in an old cottage

You don't just haunt me at night
The ticks from the clocks in class
Reminds me of how many seconds
You are not with me
If time flies,
I want it to fly away
And to never come back,
So I can just stare at this ceiling.

I forget what my face looks like
Because my face is always in the Facebooks,
Poking my head through other people's lives
Wishing I could be invited to.
I suffer from this curse
Of being picked last in everyone's mental gym class.
They normally pick the stronger ones,
the Foxier ones, the ones who wink at them
With quick glances across the gym.
We, my friends, are the easily forgotten ones.

“life shouldn't exist before 10 am”

I muffle this in my pillow
Like a muted microphone,
Cussing out poetry lines,
Frustrated that I have to get up for work.
My eyes crank open to the optimistic sun
In the most unoptimistic way.
Watery and red,
I glance around the room
To find someone to blame,
However all I can find
Os this alarm clock,
Flashing it's lights at me.
That says 6:15,
But I feels like it's nap time for me,
I curl up in bed.

Wait!
The needy child called my job
Is slinking around my wrist
Giving me the urge to be adult like.
Mehh whyyya
Can't I be like the nerds
We make fun of
Who live in basements
And get a home cooked meal every night.
I lift my head up to hear the excuses my head Is making.
“you got student loans remember?
That and….
Car payments
Rent
Utilities?”

Alas, the battle that arouses
Between the trenches in my skull ends,
All of the smoke leaves my head
And pours into the coffee I'll drink.
Left and right side of my brain stop fighting
As I march on to work,
Doing the same thing
Everyone else is doing on this day
And my battle of waking up ends
Before it can rest on it.

I had a moment of clarity
In my life
When I would wake up
From my night terrors
The train tracks outside my window
Wobbled louder than my sanity.
Yes you were there
Patrolling my dreams,
Sprinkling hatred
Over the innocence.
You were the fake ****
Who conducts lies
With your promises.
Your nails, nail the impression
That you practice
On voodoo dolls
Hanging in your soul.
Tearing each thread
Back to its spindle.
It cries.
Prying apart
Till frost vacates your heart
Into these dolls.

Look at you go!
Like Reptar,
You mustered the mightiest rawr
To scare everyone away.
Like reptar you are the toy,
Imagine that.

You see,
They use their imagination
To make you look like
What your faking to be.
Someone different.
You forced me
To lock you up in my dreams.
Murderous murders
Slaughtering anyone
Who mentions my name
So you can feed the meat
You store in the temple
Filled with thorns.

People say stick and stones
May break my bones
Yet your smile
Still shatters them to dust,
Stuck between your nails.
An inconvience.
That's what you would called it.

Hear ye hear ye
My apologies
For me not being clearly.
You must understand
My voice is a little drowned
By the lack of intelligence
You ponder about.
Especially when I glossed over the fact
That this is the poem
I've always want to throw down
Onto your trenches
On your forehead,
The gateway to the mind
Which conducted
The illist mistake
Thinking I'm not worth the time.

Welcome to my programmed event
Here in the stadiums
That I built under my innocence
I've working on a new test,
A new subject

That subject is called her
I've been pulling
On a few of her strings
And tested her
To the limit of no return

Remember her?
Probably not
Because
She left that smile
In the waiting room
The one you saw
When You talked her
About Canadians waiting in line
You didn't realize
That I was a ticking time bomb
For her demise

The test are done
The lab is closed
And I am presenting a hypothesis
On how to break someones heart

Lets starts with if's and then's
If you scream ****** ******
Then you execute her buckets
That hold liquid pain
If you look closer
You will see that the patient
Will quiver due to her soul
Being electrocuted
From the shock therapy
That my words
Joyfully give off.

If you you repeat stuff
Then the patient's oils
Will leak off the face
Leaving the hollow,
Evacuated soul
Searching for survivors
In the damaged hearts

If you take her for granted
Then you will be alone
No one to watch movies with you
On a Friday night
No one to make you realize
How lucky you are

If you are alone
Then the oils
Will leak off your face
Leaving the hollow,
Evacuated soul
Searching for survivors
In the damaged hearts

I slave over slabs of stone
To practice the art
Of being called an artist,
Falling behind consistently
Has taught me
That no many slabs
I slay by your bedside
And pray by every book
I will keep getting trophies
For showing up

Please, oh please!
Could I be good enough?
Yet the howls of the titans
That rest on my subconscious
Screeching on the windowsill on my cranium
That I'm not good enough

Funny
The Mating calls
These gods cry out to my fate
Reminds me of my mother.
Calmly mentioning the same phrase
When she threw my PS2
Down the hollow stair cases
That lead up to my innocence,
Teaching me that life isn't a game,
No matter how many times
I would reset it.
It would keep playing
The same thing.
Why oh Why
Do you fall short.

Why am I not good enough
To be remembered?
No matter what I scream
I seem to be stuck in this bubble of
Who?
Whats his name?
I keep forgetting
That I was targeted
As being Incredibly forgettable.
For my punishment
I shall sit there

Wait what?
How Was I going to finish this again?

What if I told you
That when the going gets tough
You don't have to give up?
No **** Sherlock!

What if I told you
That you can hold onto something you care about?
Something that makes you crack a smile.
Cracked like dried skin

But all you do is brush it off
Because that is what makes you all sealed up.
Your x's give you a reason to lock up your house.
You shut the blinds to your beautiful mind and write poetry.

Well you keep writing poetry
Because that is way hot
Hotter than my skin temperature when I asked you on a date.

I feel for you pretty hard.
Hard like the diamonds that are scatted in your irises.
They glisten in the sun with your delicate hair
Getting in my mouth?

Baby I don't wanna have my way with you.
I wanna gain your trust
We would start with trust falls
Then move up to whispering in your ear
"There is a hair on your ****"

I wanna know what peeves you off
And where you are ticklish.
I wanna laugh our lives away

I wanna hold your hips
Under the street lights that scattered  downtown and say,
"I kind of like you miss, is it just me or am I ******* crazy."
Our ability to be spontaneous makes us feel alive.

I know how easy it is to give up
But the simple act isn't so fun.
I know you are going to hate this
But I’m not going anywhere
I’m not giving up like all of the ghosts surrounding your heart.

I'm going to be that one guy
That will picket outside your house
So you can open those blinds
And come outside

Now let’s kick back, relax
And let’s find out.
How on earth did you get those diamonds in your eyes?

The starry nights,
the cities miss out on these things.
The peace, the kindness , and you
Oh hell yes you
The red stop light pierces the darkness
It cuts deep from the Loneliness of the night lights insomniacs stare at
The stars that we gazed upon were starting to melt into your irises
The red sparks to green.
Green reminds us that we need to get up and go
To shut up and drive away
Away from the harsh reality like
Just like a birds
We will fly in your truck
But occasionally we will stop at stare at the irises that makes gods jealous
God called he asked for the galaxy back
I told him you can't take her eyes
Because they show me how life works
Like the instructions in a Lego set.
I wanna build temples made with blankets
And pillows
Things that we did when we 8 and didn't discriminate.
Let's stop this car
So I can write a novel on how god fit the. Universe in your eyes.

My dad is a professor
He taught me the ins and outs
What happens when someone walks in for 20 years
And walks out with half of everything.
Having Court dates on Court dates
With court times playing this Court game.
Of who scores the most points with the kids.
He plays the game with his former half
On how many creases
You can bend in our family line
Until there is nothing left
But a sided family.

My mother is a beautiful tattoo on a drug Lord
She taught me on who I should be
And I shouldn't be
By Tearing a page
From the nearest melodrama she could find.
She holds hostage to the home movies
The ones where I splash mud all over my cats
Videos that make me forget
Of what one Thanksgiving looks like.

Yet the thing that I had to learn from them
Is that mom and dad loved to shout.
Really loud actually.
So loud that it slams counters and doors
You knocked over my brand new Lego Harry Potter set
I got from one of my Christmases.

Mom and dad say
That it's the sounds of a disagreement.
But really it's the sound
Of two people falling out of love.

I see this town from a far
sitting in the quiet car
the raindrops dripping on the window

Its been twenty weeks
Twenty weeks of procrastination, meeting new people,
and trying to forget what I used to be
I forgot why I saw on that see saw.

I pull up to a vacant house
the house that I once called a home
yet the monsters have scared my family away
I uncertainly opened the door
as I ponder about the idea that I may have went to the wrong house
“I swear I opened out my christmas presents here”
“I swear that these were the stairs that I trekked every school day”
The thunder the constant reminder that I am not dreaming
and this is my house
I start to switch up the lights to see the damage that the monsters have caused

I see my mother was ripped off of these flaky walls
and the wind blew her away
yet you can still see of her love hiding in the light
I see my brother and sister as been torn by this monster
there is a brick wall that separates them apart
you see they are divided
yet their souls are poking through the cracks trying see them again

I found my mom today
she is filling my gears up with her gossip
she tells me stories of the monsters eating people up

When I went to the grocery store to get food on tuesday
I saw one of my friends checking out
he told me he dropped out because
the college life was not for me
but all i see is that change scares him shitless
because if he changes then he has to deal with this town
this ******* town
He says he wants to go to France but he can't find the time
but all I hear are his comfort zone shrinking away to a pebble on the ground

When I was walking home I saw that one girl
whatshername
That one girl who kicked my shins and give me that letter
where did that letter go, I never got the chance to open it
She was that one girl I say picking petals of of that sunflower
but She looks different
the town tore her apart
she live in the past as I keep climbing into the future.

Now I climb into this car
to go back to my new home
yet I will never Photoshop the scares off of my past with this town
I live in this town
this town that has become a monster

I live in this town
This town that holds my childhood memories
Like you holding my clueless hand at the City Hopkins dance.
You seemed to never let go
Like the grass that stains my Blue, Sky Jeans.

I live in this town
This town that hosted many little league baseball games,
Hosted many right fielders prancing around the blue skies
Picking dandelions off of the ground.
These right fielders are looking at the jet streams in the clear skies
Imagining the streams are people are launching into space.

That’s funny
Its crazier than their dreams
Which are sealed up in their own imaginations
Like the fairytales they read about.
Yet their dreams hold opportunities
Holding like my mom dragging me to the bus on the first day of school.

Heh School
A place where reality slowly kicks in
Notes are passed around with pencils being thrown at the ceiling like darts
The girl I've known since pre K gave me a note today
We used to swing on that tire swing near the golf course
But now she kicks my skins and accuses me of “cootieness”

Meanwhile she is sitting on the front porch
Picking petals off of a sunflower
Does he like me?
Does he like me not?
Does he like me?

I live in this Town
This town that holds many monsters in the closet
Although on the outside of the story shows tinker bell shedding her pixie dust
If you flip through the pages
You will fall down the rabbit hole.

I live in this Town
This ******* Town
I walk at night making these street lights my northern star
You see, the lights are point to the gas station near the high school
Because this is where my friends are

My friends welcome me with open arms
Because the see what I see
They hear what I hear
They think what I think

They see this town turning
They see that this town is no longer filled with opportunity
The tire swing is no longer there
It melted away like the rest of our dreams
The blue skies have gone away
All my friends see are the street lights loitering the gloomy roads.

My friends hear useless rumors
Rumbling in their rusty gears called boredom
School has imprisoned our creativity
And forced us to become a number in the standardization of this world
School told us that we can't all be astronauts.

I want to leave
This town is slowly putting chains on me.
I can see it in my older friends
They smoke cigarettes at the park were they used to swing their lives away.
Thank god I have college to swoop me up
and put me under her wings

But now before I fly away,
I see that girl who was kicking my shins in Elementary
School covered in the slums called darkness,
You see the Town took her spirit away
And now I can the monsters crawling out of the closets and roaming the streets

Hello

Sorry for this mess
Shuffled papers turn into seas
Useless ideas and missed apologies
Spread like sour butter
Upon this sea of papers
My madness has grown from the seeds
Scattered on this island,
Each seed is a singularity of our innocence

Watch your feet!
Don't walk in front of the light

These fly traps have not trapped
My ideas buzzing in my hand,
Glued to the pen
Not being able to let it go
Use these bottle of apologizes
As cursed hand writing
Drools across this tombstone
Of my darkest thoughts ,
Wishing them to be killed till dead
By the fan spinning on the ceiling
I'm scared of this burial ground
When I look away
I hear the roars of the song
Use to summon memories
Of sun dresses in the cold
Of my winter heart

Come closer
And come study
About this mess I've made

Come with me
On a quest to the end
Of this chapter of my book.
Each page is ripped and wrinkled
Because sadness
Doesn't come with tissues.

The issues
Swirl around
In this snow storm.
You can hear it
When you're hair is my mouth
And your head
Lays on my heartbeat.
Can you feel it through the tissue?
My bones pop like fireworks
Dancing under the hope
That filled my lungs.
Hope couldn't float
On the ice crystals
That left this barricade
As I trek
Through this snow storm,

I wish this coffin
Would have room for one more
No not one more person,
Just the memories
That peer around
Every dream I am tortured with.

You see,
My mind is trying to find out
Why I took the plunge
And let you use my notes
On the test
On how to break my heart.

My eyes are dressed
In a nightmare black
So no one can see through them.
No one can see what you could.
The blinds are shut
And nobody is home
As I keep creaking around
This snow storm.

I turn through these photos of you
Like searching
For a lost number
In a phone book.
I try to seek
Every small thing
In the photo that makes you shine,

Another reason
Another reason to add
To the enormous list
Of small things you do
That make me crazy for you
Crazy for the one dimple being bigger than the other one
Crazy enough to tell you how I feel
While you're wrapped around me
In the ice cream shop
I keep pinching myself thinking
“I don't want this day to end”

Now ironically I want to speed up time
Force the minute hand to spiral
Into the abyss called my mind
Counting each day
Till I get to hold your hand
So don't slip on the ice that has separated us
These skype calls feel so different
The pixels from your smile
Makes it seem
Like distance is taking your beauty away
Every night I pray to this dreamcatcher by my bedside
Hoping for my dreams of being with you again can happen
Now.
Not soon
Not next month
I don't want to see another pixel
Hide those eyes looking at me
I’ll find a way to see you
No matter how many times
I look at my vacant wallet
I will still feel so rich with all of the love we share
I mean can your kisses buy me a train ticket
To your head on my chest
I swim through the rivers
Dance through the Highways
And hop each train track
If it lead to your heart once more