Im just a boy
Sitting alone
Exiled to stare
At this phone
On a Saturday night
While my girlfriend
Is talking to a boy
Alone

"We were just talking"
She said

"You can trust me"
She said

I trusted her very little
By the trail of hickies
Left by the lies
She drew up on my phone

"We were just talking"
She said

"You can trust me"
She said

These messages ring
In my ear,
Echoing
Through the tears
That mask the sadness
Left behind
By her eyes
Those dam eyes
Clogging up the pillow
I cry from.

Im just a boy
Sitting alone
Exiled to stare
At this phone
On a Saturday night
Hoping that last night
Was just
A dream

It seems like it was coming to the end
Judging by your assumptions
I could tell
By the long silences
That pierced the air
The same air
That you thought
Was filled with love
When we were looking down
On the earth
Yes those days
When I thought
I ruled the world
We held the stars
By our palms
Sprinkling the innocence
Into every corner
Of the darkness,
Trying to find the light
On this earth

Yet like all stars,
Loves burns out
Into ashes
Sprinkled into the sea

I learned that
By the reaction you gave
When he held your hand
Tighter than I ever could

You were strangely less in pain
Than you were ice.
You were triumphant in your mind
Of the logic
That you hold seemed right.

Where did you go?
Thats all I ask sadly
My friends tell me
To leave my baggage behind
Yet I can't seem
To take the bags
You left on my eyes

The sleepless nights
Was the only warmth
To keep away from snow
I was buried
Homeless
I ate from the crumbs
You left from my stubbornness
My heart had no map
To find the mistakes
I made with you

Where are you now?
So I can ask why?
You launched me
Off my throne
Into the ground.
You were cold.
Like the dirt on the grown.
You never eased the blow.

Where are you now?
I cry whenever someone mentions farms
Imagining you back
Into your orchard
Of veins you crawled under.

Where are you now?
Are you haunted
By the silence
Of looking at we did

These stars are memories
To remind me
To never lend my hand out.
Because people like you
Will just drag me
In with them.

Pages of calendars have turned
Yet I hear your stories
Stories of your smile
And your frown

Laughter Flows through the room
Like the clouds slithering across this glooming sky

It’s odd
The calendar on my wall says its December
But I feel so warm right now
With all of these people
With all of the memories framed up around my house

As the night drew to a close
My friends bid me their farewells
So they can go back to their homes
All I was left with was this house

And you

Yes you

You sat there are on my couch
I could see it in your eyes that something was on your mind
And you ask me greatest question to ever pop up
On this gloomy December night.

“ I cant seem to solve you, who are you really?”
I turn confused scratching my head like a busted CD
The question kept repeating in my mind
“What is their to know about me?”
“Well…
You are funny and all but that's not what you always are?”
I sat down next to her and I said

Wanna know who I am?

I am the person everyone wants me to be
I smile big in front school pictures
I smile bigger and bigger when I am in the center of attention.
I’m emotionless when a deer is dead on the road.
I cry when celebrities die
And not when 14 citizens die from another bomber.
I vote not knowing both sides of each issue.

I do what people tell me to do
When they ask me how I’m doing
I hold a big smile and say
I’m pretty good

I’m an ******* who scares everyone
Who tries to be close to me away
Because under all of this laughter and this smile,
I’m controlling.
I’m afraid that you will be just like the others and leave me alone
Who scrape my heart with your car
So I grab and I squeeze
I don't want you to be like every other person that has stumbled into my life.

But I don't say any of that
instead I just say
“I'm just some guy”

She walks to the rhythm of the wind,
Gently gracing her presence
With her gentle blades of grass that hugged my feet
You mother nature, calm my youthful and troubling ways.
like a cool pillow,
You made me smile as I drifted asleep
To blue colors of the moon.
Yet I don't see you anymore,
This connection is broken
By the blaring horn of the locked up freeway.
My innocence being fracked till my heart becomes old and deceitful.
These machines made by other machines spew smog into these unfamiliar skies,
I look into the sky to see where your love has gone,
I just want to know
Who slayed the moon?

I used the rubble from the bridges I burned
To build my own path,
My regrets need to tighten my nikes
As I am running out of patience.
Even though I feel you next to me
In this car driving me crazy.
You see, I twiddle my thumbs
Trying to find my parking spot
To steer my eyes away from looking at yours.
I have the drive to buy a Ford Mustang
So I can start an Expedition
To find my Edge to Navigate my Escape
From this Fiesta that my heart has created
Just by looking at you.
You tear the thorns off my branches
That were left from people who don't use their blinkers.
You lead my heart on a warm highway,
Im bumper to bumper with these conflicting thoughts.
As we sit here between our next chapter
To find our next direction.

I had these anchors holding my smile down
As I smell the last time you laid your head on this pillow
I curse the sky for your poison
That induced me into a coma of despair
All I am hypnotized to do is use this pillow
To capture all of the screams
That seem to escape my slippery mouth
All I can see is a bunch of why’s floating with no answers
I seem useless like a politician
These are the whys
Why I failed to make you fall asleep happy
Every night

Why do I bother to be perfect?
it seems that the more I try to be what you believe is me
the more I peel off the the pages of *******
and spread them with the ashes
Left by this city I burned down

Why can’t I see myself in the mirror?
My shadow trumps the room with anger
All of the lights,
All of the lights,
All of the lights,
Went away when I stole your switch
But my brain snitched and broke every stitch
Left by the bits of hate thrown your way.

Why oh Why
Do I still Blast your music?
Maybe if I drown my heart with this bass
I can forget the way you carried my soul with grace
Until I slapped your hands away,
Why do my hands still hurt?

Why do I see her when I close my eyes to blink?
Why am I writing this poem?
Its not like she will hear it
Over the words I carved into her
She can't read it
I blinded her with my demons
Why?
Why did I say that?