he was always misunderstood
no one tried to be with him for good
if you’d ask him what he likes
look at his eyes, notice the sparkling lights.

don’t leave when he says he wants to be alone
hear his voice, its sound, the tone
he was always misunderstood
hold his arms, hug him tight, i wish you could
because if i were you, i would.

darling, you may not understand,
but it's more heartbreaking to leave
than to be left behind.

we are the visible boundaries
between our hearts.

A lift from the ground
by the hands of the Father
from far above.
With so little faith,
in every crumble I stand back up.
I say,
Thank you, my Maker!
I fail,
but I have You who are truly The Greatest.

mayhap the reason I feel heavy during downpours
is because I left uncovered the hole in my heart where you dug.

ten twenty-five of the clock,
in the evening of September,
there were still gentle drizzles
but the heavy rain, the foggy sight
had vanished from the view
of my broken jalousie window

ten twenty-five o'clock,
in the morning of May,
i could hear the birds chirping,
singing, perhaps, their favorite song.
i gazed upon my sliding window
and saw the mesmerizing swirling
and falling of leaves,
dancing gracefully, beautifully.

ten twenty-five o'clock,
i fell but it wasn't a sight to look at,
i crashed and so do my sliding window...

spring season isn't near enough,
my jalousie window still has some of its part
but maybe in the morning of May,
i will be gazing again to see the dancing leaves
through my altogether broken jalousie window.

I don't know what is worse:
Happy moments that can't be experienced again, or
The tragic memories we can't forget.

Words became lethal, hearts became cold
Those who once dug at your soul
Are now the ones who you loathe.
Everyone thought that nothing would change,
Yet in a single blink of an eye,
The chapter was turned into the last page.
And the book that was your favorite
is left at the dark side of the so-called lonely world,
abandoned and cold.

I once knew a kid
who smiles at little things,
who cries for stolen candies.

I once knew a kid
who cheers for fallen flowers
who jumps for random kindness of strangers.

I once knew a kid
who fights for everyone's right
who stands for people's freedom.

I once knew a kid
who would make others feel happy
who would comfort their solitude before herself.

I once knew a kid
who is afraid to die
who doesn't want to permanently close her eye.

Now, I know this kid
who screams for God's name
begging to keep her away from her mind
and to stop the burning flame.

Sa maliit na awang na mayroon ang bintana
Tila ba naging labada ang puting kurtina
Kanina’y hinahangin pa ito nang bahagya
Ngunit nang dahil sa ulan, bahagi ng tela’y nabasa

Ampiyas lang naman kung tutuusin
Madaling matuyo, isampay lang sa mahabang salamin
Pagkatapos pagpagan maisasabit din
Balik pangharang sa malamig na hangin

Malapit na rin pala ang paglubog ng araw
Kanina lamang ang langit ay kulay bughaw
Repleksyon sa munting bintana’y nakasisilaw
Mayumi sa paningin, kay gandang matanaw

Kasabay ng pagbuhos ng ulan ay ang paglalim ng gabi
Gayunpama’y nanatili ang awang ng bintanang katabi
Tubig ulan sa dalawang kamay ay dumadampi
Marahang sinasalo ng ilang sandali

Lumipas ang oras at ang ulan ay tumila na
Ganoon din ang pag-asang matunghayan ka
Aking bituin, nagkamali ako ng hiniling—
Hanggang sa huli, ampiyas lang ang sa’kin.

Sa t’wing sasapit ang sariwang umaga
Ang himig mo ang aming ninanais marinig
Hinihintay ang hagkan sa umaalpas na luha
Nagsusumamong mahaplos pagod na tinig

Inang Bayan, paumanhin sa aming sinapit
Bagamat nakatakas noon sa pagkakatali
Panibagong gapos ang mahigpit na pumilipit
Ngayon nga’y ang lahat ay muling nahahati

Kaya sa iyong kaarawan, maaari bang ika’y humiling?
Kaayusan ng bayan, nawa’y makamtan namin
Daop-palad, kami’y paglapitin at pagbatiin
Gulo sa bawat puso’t isipan, sana’y pawiin

Katulad ng kahapon, ang dilim ay matatapos
Bukang-liwayway ay muling masisilayan
Ganoon din sana, ang tunay na kalayaan—
Muling masisilayan.

That writer doesn’t tell the truth
from every pain blooms abundance
and with joy it withers words

Yet that writer has all the honesty
breathing in air of emotions
sinking deep into genuineness.

i never knew silence that much
until that very afternoon
when i tried so much
to hold my teardrops
and hide the sobs
that were exploding inside
my weary body
and my wrecked soul

i wonder,
if i was found dead that day,
would they think 'twas suicide
or would the police say,
"she was slain by the silence
that was enclasped within her solitude"?

You had her
yet you asked for more
perhaps a silver diamond
or a golden stone
what was she, you scorned
'a bronze medal
you didn’t want to display'
a gem,
fragmented and astray
a treasure,
that she has always been
and later realized on her way
a prize,
who you wish stayed.

May mga oras na alam **** nasaksaktan ka
Ngunit hindi mo malaman kung bakit ba
Mga emosyong ayaw magpakita
Kahit sa mga mata'y hindi ito madama.

                             May mga araw na ang iyong puso'y nangungulila
                             Sa mga memorya ng ulan na tumila
                             Nagmumuni-muni habang nakahiga sa maliit na kama
                             Hindi malaman, bakit ba nagkaganito na?

May mga gabi na mapapaupo ka sa inyong balkonahe
Mga titig ay nasa mga tala na tila may sinasabi
Ang hiling **** kaytagal nang naisantabi
Ngayon kaya ay mangyayari?

                Oh, aking sarili!
                Minsa'y kailangan mo ring magpahinga
                Sa mga problemang dahilan ng iyong panlulumbay
                Iyong harapin ng positibo ang hiram na buhay.



*There are times that you know you're in pain
Yet you can't figure out the reason you feel lame
Hidden emotions, unclear, unseen
Even the eyes can't give the look of what you're feelin'

                               There are some days when your heart feels empty
                               Yearning for the memory of the downpour that had stopped
                               Meditating while lying on the bed that is tiny
                               Asking yourself, how did this happen, it feels so rough

There's this kind of night when you'd sit outside at the balcony
Gazing at the stars that seem to be saying something
Your wish that was set aside and buried in your mind
Would it be granted now?

                My dear self,
                Sometimes you need to stop and take a rest
                From your problems that sadden you the deepest
               And face the positivity of life; "our lives are borrowed,
                  don't let the eyebrows be furrowed."

You see me as the match,
and you’re the person
who is going to burn it.
You got me attached to you,
made me want not to sleep
just to talk to your silhouette,
and told me that it is better at night
when we can’t see the light
of something that can’t be ours.
You made me whole, turned to
being sullen so quick.
I burnt,
but it isn’t because of you.
Nothing’s about you,
it is all because of me.
I let myself be burnt,
just to be close to you.

It’s not that tragic to leave;
Books still have words for us to read
Trees still grow when they plant a seed
Humans still walk without you on the lead.

It’s not that tragic to leave;
You will be facing a new life to live
Choose the sad adult or the happy kid
Whatever your decision is, it’s up for you to feed.

It’s not that tragic to leave;
Look at the night sky and you’ll still see stars
Look at your arms, there are healing scars
Look at the journal and you'll realize how much you got far.

Sitting still with eyes that wander
The mind is sane yet lost in a wonder
"Coffee spilled from a broken mug
Though the stains remained to fog
It is now bared from a steamy hug."

Sitting still with rested eyes
The mind was unclear but now is wise
"No need for a mug, need not to hide
A coffee so precious must be spilled
To tame the wild."

my tongue is craving for alcohol;
my esophagus is getting dry from all these cryings.
my liver concurs;
don’t worry about cirrhosis, it says,
you’re already gone before it occurs.

Most things are transient
We will never know when this one ends,
Defy the rules to create memories
Forget the world, build your own wish.

Paint the walls, scream your thoughts
Dreams may not come true, at least you fought
Cover the red ink with a cloth
It’ll stain, they would know if they sought.

Don’t close your eyes until dawn
We still have time, we’ll reach it soon
Enjoy the night, dance to the tune
When it’s over, let it be known.

we are free
and that's the reason
we experience pain.

They are not the people who you can trust,
They are the demons of the past.
Day and night, they'll never leave out of your head.
Sharp objects are their favorite things to play.
Little by little, they can deeply stab you in your chest
Until you can no longer breathe,
They will stop, only for a minute.
They wouldn't **** you, they love it when you suffer.
Darling, they are the demons of the past,
Living inside the head of someone who wouldn't last.

I stare at the night sky, hoping I can catch a shooting star
Wishing it would grant my wish to hold your scars
The pain of yours I regret not touching whilst I still can
If I could only bring back the time,
I’d hold your hands much longer than the ink of a pen.

Forgive me for not telling you this for you to hear
These scribbled words are the evidence
That I care for you, had you seen it clear?
The eccentric beating of my heart,
May it reach you and God’s providence.

Your presence may not be in sight,
But the love you left us will continue to fight
We will surely win the battle of life.

Here’s to the father
who did his best for his daughter to feel secured,
who shielded her from the bad guys in her night terrors,
who worked hard everyday,
only to get shouted at for ‘excessively' asking
about the man in her life.

Here’s to the mother
who cooked the food her son loved,
who did the laundry every Wednesday,
who guided the steps he made,
who loved without asking for anything but to love her back,
only to get shut off of his life because he says,
“You care too much. I’m a man now!”

Here’s to the lady
who cries herself to sleep
for feeling guilty of what she did.
Here’s to you
who want her father to feel loved
but timid to speak the words
and to show him the truth,
so you yelled at him instead.

Here’s to the man
who stops his car to calm himself
who thinks of coming back to his mother
and tell her, “I’m a man now, but every man needs a woman, and it’s you my mom.”

Here’s to all the parents in the world
who freed and comforted us from the fiends
of our nightmare,
of our youth,
of our life.

Here’s to the young ones (or even not)
who think they are better off alone,
who think they are old enough to be on their own.
Here’s to all of us
who have been wronged.

She wanders,
guided by her lost soul.
She spills arts,
coming from her pure heart;
She writes words no one can understand,
yet she speaks it like it was kept in her mind
for so long, just waiting for someone to find it.
She is a masterpiece of her own,
but she has a heart of stone.

the feeling of belongingness is not always found
in the things we thought would be our solace;
it’s important to bring our truest selves
so we wouldn’t be out of place.

i am afraid to be myself;
what if we turn to stones,
sans warmth and space to breathe,
how am i then to face the mirror?
what if you choose a different path
i was never made to walk on,
how am i then to fare on my own?
what if we were only meant to pass by
and not to stay with one another,
how am i then to look at myself
without seeing your reflection by my side?

i am afraid to show you my all;
what if at the end we’d only crumble into illusions,
how am i then to be myself again?

so darling, please be mine for always.

If what we write is what we say
then maybe my words could make you sway
If what we write is what we say
then maybe you would stay.

If what we write is what we say
then maybe I’d no longer think of you as I lay
If what we write is what we say
then maybe I’m no longer writing you this way.

I hope
that when our paths cross once more
you won’t notice my hands
reaching out to touch yours
I hope
you divert your gaze
and never look back,
continue your journey
without holding still the remorse
of a failed love story
I hope, sincerely,
for you to live life fully
without having once cross your mind
the thought that we were not born in this lifetime
to be one another’s burner in times of storm.

i cry out for freedom,
not from the government or
from the society or from
any other thing that holds
absurd rights of caging
one believed free spirit;
i cry out for freedom
from the only thing i
cannot escape,
from the only thing
that has all the rights
to embrace me,
i cry out for freedom from
myself—
my body, my mind, my heart.

petal of a withered flower
you dance with such grace
though the wind carried you away,
away from your roots
far from what you’ve traced.

and if i longed for a sense of belonging
i would just lie down, facing the ceiling;
i am my home
here is where i belong.

The clock keeps ticking but it remains in one place
My mind keeps running yet stays in its old phase
I'm pacing back and forth but my feet never chase
My soul never got out, yet I am out of trace.

He was not difficult to love
but hard to forget.
He would make you fall in love
with the letters
he writes using his soul,
it would tattoo on your bones
and you could never erase it,
for when you try, you’d only get hurt.
The pain of losing him
feels like he’s using your heart as his scratch
and you’d choose to feel another heartache
than to completely destroy the love he built
and be vanished for a lifetime.
You live to hear him.
He loves to write; lives to die.

catch me professing
the solitude crawling
all over my body,
insist to me
that everything will be alright,
force into me
the perception of getting by.
love,
why don’t you advise
all the lies
you have incessantly
been telling to yourself?

you can go once you heal,
or you can go now so you heal.
whichever it is,
i hope you're in the process,
and i hope you accept what comes along,
and be understanding of what leaves.

The sky knows
how much I wanted to reach you.
The stars heard
the never ending wishes I had
to hold you through.
The rain saw
the tears I poured
synchronous to its droplets
when I was thinking of us two.
Old photographs have tracked
every gaze I made
before I let go and start anew.

"If you could only hear my genuine feelings within these locutions,
If I was only good at expressing my exact emotions,
Then maybe I wouldn't be giving you these mixed signals
And maybe I wasn't left with the segmented petals."

I wonder how many times the owner tried to find this letter,
I wonder how much effort was made before he gave up
Or did he even find time to look for this? Did he even read this?
I wonder how he felt.

I wanted to tell him, "Don't give up!"
Don't we all show confused emotions?
I wanted to tell the person who wrote the letter, "Take the risk!"
Aren't we all eager to know the after-possibilities?

Yet, I can't.
There are reasons behind every action.
She's perchance too hurt to give her whole soul,
He's perhaps too tired to have another heartache.

it’s the silent murmur of the breeze
and the gentle enclasp of the cold
around the frozen heart she holds.

please give me something to write about...

hayaang makawala ang emosyon
na ikinulong sa mahabang panahon
pagbigyan ang sarili
na maging totoo kahit sa sandali.

Ano bang nais **** mabasa
Ano bang nais kong maitala
Marahil ito’y tungkol sa mga bulaklak
Mahalimuyak, wari pa’y simbolo ng galak
Maaari ring tungkol sa mga ulap
Tinitingala at hangad ay mayakap
O kaya naman ay sa mga paruparo
Susundan ng tingin saan man dumapo
Ilan lang ‘yan sa mga tuwinang paksa
Mga usaping purong halaga ang tinatamasa
Kumusta kaya ang mga pangkaraniwan
Ang mga patay na dahon sa putikan
Bisikleta ng ordinaryong mamamayan
Lapis na panulat ng pangalan ng napupusuan
Iyong madaling nabubura, hindi nahahalata
Kabilang sa mga madalang bigyan ng pansin
Mga bagay na sapat na ang isang tingin

Kumusta kayo?

Kumusta tayo?

Siguro’y nangingiti lulan ng duyan
Kalmado, mahinahon, malaya
Tago sa ingay ng karangyaan
Simple, payak... nawa.

'Wag **** sabihing mahal mo ako
Kung noong mga panahong hinahanap ko ang yakap mo
Ako'y tinalikuran mo't iniwang nakalutang
Sa pag-asang ako'y iyong babalikan.

'Wag **** sabihing mahal mo ako
Kung ang pagsuyo mo ay mas malamig pa sa yelo,
Ang ulan ma'y bumubuhos
Ang damdamin ko'y nauubos.

Tama na ang paikot-ikot na laro
Wakasan na ang ugnayan na dati'y kay lago
Hiling ko lamang, nawa'y ang ating luha ay matuyo
Sa lakas ng hangin dala ng ating pagtayo.

a skeptic and a believer
in one cracked soul;
a not so lover of words
and a poet in one beating heart;
a grotesque and a beauty
in one complex mind;

it’s a person against the world
and a human against himself.

The ocean carries me as I lay my back to stay afloat
The tranquility, the emptiness, the cold embraced me
Oh dear, it was as if I am held tightly yet freely
As my hands undulate back and forth making silent noises
I heard the wind murmured to my ears, commanded me
To open my eyes and see the unbelievably majestic view
Of the clouds forming a figure akin to mine
Suddenly, the gloomy, dark ambiance magically shines
“Is this real?” It was.

Lahat naman tayo may kinakatakutan,
mula sa mga simpleng bagay
hanggang sa malalaki.
Anong gagawin mo?
Iiyakan mo na lang?
Puwede naman.
Pero sana kahit gapang lang,
naisin mo pa ring umusad.
Isang hinga, isang abante.
Dahan-dahan
hanggang matuto at bumilis ka.
Wag kang tumakbo,
lakad lang at baka may makaligtaan.
Ang hangin na
tumatama sa mukha mo
ang tutuyo sa mga luhang bumaybay
sa pisngi mo.
Kapag narating mo ang umpisa
ng panibagong kabanata,
subukan **** lumingon sa nauna,
palagay ko nama'y
may matututunan ka.
Tingin mo ba sa sunod na pahina,
mag-sisimula ka ulit sa mahina?
Hindi na,
'wag na,
hindi ka naman siguro tanga.
Kalma lang,
narating mo 'yan
dahil naging malakas ka;
bakit iisipin **** ika'y mahina?

forget me
i don’t want you to get attached
to someone like me
i leave people behind
without any words coming out from my mouth
i just act like it is our last day
and a lifetime goodbye.
don’t ask why i left
just forget everything about me,
erase the memories
and continue living life.
i might regret my decision
but you won’t regret your future.

No, it is not your heartbeat
Nor is it the tapping of your feet
It's calm yet clamorous
It’s silent yet sonorous
A rhythm complex to dance with
A melody I deliberately hid
I just could not name it
But I patently feel it
Hum me our love song—
A harmony we'll never get wrong.

I am my own hero
it’s often exhausting,
but I’d rather be exhausted
than be misunderstood
and misjudged.

An eloquence in silence I have mastered
Wet monsoon cannot compete with me
Even the passerines as they chitter get flustered
For I am fluent in speaking hushed misery.