I can turn you into poetry,
But I cannot make you love me.

You fool,
How dare you trust Fate,
She's not that kind.

Am I really a poet,
If all I ever write about,
Is you?

"Love is in the air"

That's probably why I'm suffocating.

"My heart still looks for you even though my eyes have given up."

"I think I'm falling in love with him,and I'm so afraid that it's going to destroy me."
"It wouldn't be love if it didn't."

Wouldn't it be neat,
If i died in my sleep.
//thoughts//

if i am to die before i reach you,
please know that my arms are weeping as they will never be able to hold you in them on a warm night.

if i am to die before i get to hold your hand in mine,
know that your voice is the only thing calming me down as i transcend to the light.
our conversations will be carved into my veins and your sweet words will be replayed in my mind.

if i am to die before my eyes meet yours,
please know that i am forever indebted to you for bringing me out of the dark,
before i met you i didn't think I'd ever get to feel happiness again; the feeling felt so distant,
but now my smile reaches my eyes and i light up every time i see you.

if i am to die before i get to kiss you,
know that I've imagined us meeting over a thousand times,
the warm feeling that spreads through my chest never gets old.

if i am to die before i reach you,
know that i would've gone to the ends of the Earth for you,
i am eternally grateful that you made me feel so special,
and you deserve so much more than you think you do.

you are the sun,
you brightened up my life and turned my dark days into ones that felt like spring.
you made flowers grow in my chest and made me want to be a better person.
i can only hope that i had some effect over your life as well.

if i am to die before i can hold you close to my chest,
please know that your life was the best part of mine.

No steps forward,
Ten steps back.
//my one-sided relationship with you has taken its toll on me//

When will I see you again?

Here I am,
Typing away on my computer screen,
The scent of vanilla filling the room.
Even though a million thoughts are running through my head,
There's one that stands out.
*It's you

A woman with her husband run through the theater doors,
taking their seats. 7:57 and the movie begins.
8.00 and her voice is louder than the rest,followed by a playful "hush" from her husband as the lights dim.
Music starts,and powerful speakers shake.
Laughter and gasps fill the room as she wonders is she'll remember this evening by the time it ends.

The childish couple race to their car and drive to the nearest diner;the same one they went on their first date.Burgers,milkshakes ans countless amount of fries and grams of saturated fat later,she wonders,
Do the calories count if I can't recall them?

The long ride home is smooth;windows down,November air pushes their hair back,and a soft buzz from the out-of-range radio hides in the background.Her husband squeezes her hand as he pulls into the drive of their ranch for two.Once the car stops,they walk to the door;smiles unable to escape their faces;those two faces that are so infatuated with each other,and had promised they would always be through sickness and in health.

But as they get ready for bed that night,she wonders why they didn't end up going to the movie theater that night.

Being anonymous means no one knows you.
No one knows your flaws,
Your secrets,
Your mistakes.
You are basically invisible.
I'd like to be invisible for a day.
So no one can judge me,
Or mock me,
Or even mistreat me.
I'd like to be anonymous for a day.
Would you?

This constant battle of tug-of-war with the universe has taught me to be cognisant,
Of how fragile I am between the few good moments,
Moments where I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be suffocated by these four walls,
The same four walls that have seen and heard every one of my downfalls.

Its funny how one word can pull the trigger to a lifetime of memories,
I’ve spent so much time isolating them but they come up just as easy,
The days I spent sitting on the cold, bathroom floor with slits on my wrist,
Never expecting to wake up the next morning or live through another night like this.

Each morning is a guessing game of which body part I hate the most;
Will my thighs, my arms or hairy legs be looked at and called “gross”?
The razor sitting in my top drawer rattles and calls out my name,
Will today be the day I carve out hateful messages and sit out in pain?

I try to block out the thoughts that are circling in my mind;
Pointing their daggers at my back and slowly killing me from the inside,
My heart feels heavy as I put on a smile and thank god that I’m alive,
We both know that i’m lying but at least I can convince myself, even if it's just for a while.

I feel you,
In my bones,

All 206 of 'em.

Today I looked up at the sky,
I saw the twinkling stars all lit up.

I looked over to my right,
And I saw a particularly bright star,
And I thought of you.

Because you,
Are my star.
You are my light,
You were and still are,
My *everything

I can say I'm strong,
But that would be a lie.

I can say I don't cry,
When really,I weep over the slightest things.

I can say I give good advice,
But I don't even know what I don't know,

I can say that I'm happy,
When I die a little inside everyday.

I can't wait any longer,
Bring me back home
To where I really belong.

I'm gonna go back five years,
And color in all the moments I've had with you,
In every shade of the rainbow,
Make it feel like forever.

I avoided you all week long.
All week.
It was hard,but I did it.
I avoided you because I had to face the fact that in 9 months I had to live life without you in it.
Then today came.
I heard you laugh for the first time in a week.
And I just lost my ****.
I cried.
I cried because the days were going by so fast.
I cried because you make me so happy and unhappy at the same time.
I cried because I love you so much and you don't even give two *****.
I cried because I love you more than I love myself.
I cried for my love that is unable to scream out loud.
I cried because I knew that we were never meant to be and that was that.

I love to dance,
I love to blast songs into the room as I dance,
Because when I dance,
I dance with emotion.
Whether it's anger,sadness,happiness,jealousy,fear
Whatever that comes my way,
I know that it will always go away,
With every step or jump I make.

What's more deadly,
A gun or a thought?

Because a gun gives you the opportunity,
But a thought pulls the trigger.

"We are nothing but bones, ****** souls with broken hearts wishing on dead stars for our loved ones to love us back.

There's no use in the remains of what once used to contain light, but is now a mess of stardust. Wishing on it will not make him love you, it will not sew you back together, it will only make you feel emptier inside.

Why confess to the sky that every night you wake up in tears because even in your dreams you miss him? The moon already knows and weeps for you my dear, but you must know that the stars can't heal you; only time can.

Missing him won't break you,
But waiting for him to love you might."

Let's just say,
After I met you,
I like green eyes better than brown and blue ones.

Here I stand,
Watching you lean against the wall;
Your arms around her,
Holding her the way I pictured you holding me,

Here I stand,
Gazing at those beautiful eyes of yours,
And how they watch over her;
The way those eyes of yours were supposed to watch me.

And here I stand,
All alone,
Feeling my heart being ripped out of my dear soul.
For I am not as fortunate as the girl you call 'baby'

I'm surrounded by these four walls,
My thoughts bouncing off of them;
Loud and clear.

I find comfort in these four walls,
Knowing that my cries for help never leave,
That when I wail at night no one can get to me.

I also feel trapped by these four walls,
They make me feel small,
The white colour blinding me when I come up for air each time.

But these four walls know me better than anyone else here,
They know the real me.
Because when I leave these four walls every morning,
I leave as a new me.

She is fragile,
Dont let her hold on too tight,
For she will cling onto you with all her might,
She'll care for you and love you until she breaks,
She is fragile;
Don't let her break.

Oh how fragile we are,
Between the few good moments.

This world could show nothing to me,
So what good would living do me?

I now understand why people find it so hard,
To witness death.
It could be the death of your favorite celebrity,
Your favorite comedian,
Or even the death of a family member.
The aftermath is all the same.
It's as if a part of you is missing,
Gone forever
*Never coming back.

They say you don't know what you have until it's gone.
But what about the people that do know?
The people that just have to sit there waiting and watching helplessly as the only thing that's keeping them from going insane is walking away from them.
Isn't it much worse for them?

Saying goodbye kills the hope of meeting again.
And who knows?
We might meet again.

Never say goodbye.
Who knows,we may meet again someday.

It's been a week since I've seen you and it's making me want to strangle myself not knowing how you're doing.

I've finally figured you out;
Why you've been avoiding me,
Why you avoid my questions of worries,
Why I hardly ever see you around,
I finally get it;
I only have one question to ask:
Did you mean whatever you said to me?
All those gestures of kindness,
Did they mean anything to you?
My heart poured out to you,
Did you not appreciate it?
Was I not good enough?
Was she better somehow?
Because I now know,that I was not the only one you 'loved'.
And to think I ever loved you.

People ask me,
"Why do you write?" or
"What inspires you to write?"
My answer is fairly simple.
I say, "Myself".
I don't mean it in a bragging way,but in more of a selfless way.
I write about what I am not,what I wish to be,
I write about what I wish to say to the world,andwhat I wish to scream out loud.
My words paint a pretty picture.
Where I can play a part I've created,a perfect soul.

Sometimes,
Its okay if the only thing you did today was breathe.

There is one thing that I've learned about so far in life.
It's to never sacrifice your happiness,
For the one you love.
Because in the end,
*It's just not ******* worth it.

I am writing this letter to you up above,
To tell you how much I miss you,
I still don't know the reason why you had to leave,
It just wasn't fair.

I am now left with this sorrow,
Along with so many others who love you just as much as I do,
Oh how I wish to see you,
To touch your face,
To laugh with you and your jokes
One Last Time.

Everyday I hear you whisper in my thoughts,
I feel you around me,
I feel your presence every minute of the day,
But I know you live on,from those lives you have touched.

I know someday I'll see you again,
But for now,I'll keep you close to my heart,
Keep you safe

Until then..
Always remember that,
You were and still always be loved.

(01/01/2015)

There once was a girl,
Who was young and free,
Never cared about what she looked like,
Never cared about what people thought of her,
Never really gave a **** about anything.

But that was in the past.

Now, everything seems to be important to her,
Critiques,looks,feelings,
She cares about it all.
That girl before was long gone,
Away with the rest of them.

That girl is *me

I'm drowning in the memories of you,
Memories that I will forever keep.

I'm drowning in the memories of you,
Oh, how they're making me weep.

I look at the days I have left with you,
There isn't much to go by,

I'm watching the hands of the clock in my living room,
I'm watching them go by.

Cringy love poems and sleepless nights,
Spending every waking moment wishing you were by my side.

You are there,
Never here,
Never near.

I am here,
Never there,
Never aware.

The both of us,
We're moving dots;
Always crossing paths,
But never actually meeting in the middle.

"New Year","New Page","New Story","New Beginnings",They'd say
Huh,I wish I'd think.

I thought I was over you,
Then I looked into your eyes,
And wasn't so sure anymore.

We had our first conversation after 2 years today,
It wasn't anything special.
I don't remember what we were saying and how we ended up talking about The Breakfast Club,
But in those 10 minutes we shared,
I remembered exactly why I fell hopelessly in love with you;
I remembered what it felt like to get lost in your green eyes.
I remembered what it felt like to have my cheeks warm up at the sound of your laugh,
I remembered what it felt like to feel light-headed when you laughed at one of my jokes.
Even though tomorrow we'll go back to being complete strangers,
I'll know that choosing to wake up today was worth it.
So thank you,
Thank you for making today worth living.

My days with you are numbered.
I do not sleep with slumber,
I still manage to fumble,
The world around me starts to crumble,
As I begin to mumble;
"My days with you are numbered".

The tears in my eyes start to form,
Every day with you feels like a thunderstorm;
Lightning flashing,
Thunder clapping.

My love,
No number of words can express,
The love I have for you at best,
I try hard not to fret,
But my darling,
My days with you are numbered.

She's not getting drunk for the hell of it,

She's getting drunk to numb the hell out of it.

Trees of auburn and gold,
Where time is irrelevant and love is bold,
Waves gently stroke the shore,
You are mine and I am yours.

Hues of red and pink flood the sky,
Buildings are covered with neon signs,
Dozens of petals decorate the floor,
Suddenly you’re not that far away anymore.

Sunlight dances off the leaves;
Glistening and sparkling in all shades of green,
I wonder if you still feel the same way after,
I look into your eyes and I’ve found my answer.

The pitter-patter of rain against the window,
I turn and I see you drooling on your pillow,
I let out a chuckle and gaze at you in awe,
For you are mine and I am yours.