What are you up to these days?
I hope you finally got your head out of the maze,
I wonder if you’ve patched things up with your parents,
You know they only want what’s best for you, nothing less.

I noticed that you’ve finally fixed your sleep schedule,
I hope college hasn’t been too much of a hassle,
I’m glad that you’re able to occupy your mind,
It’s better than having to deal with your demons most of the time.

I wonder if you think about me while you lie awake at night,
Once the sky’s finally lost it’s light,
Do you think about all the things we left behind,
Or am I the last thing that’s on your mind?

Do you catch yourself reaching out to talk to me,
Only for pride to step in and seize the opportunity?
Are you waiting for me to step in and be friendly,
Or have you already cast me out as another one of your nobody’s?

Does it hurt to know,
That you'll never get to hold him close?
Does it hurt to wonder,
If he ever loved you like a lover?
Does it hurt to realise,
That you've been feeding yourself with lies?
Does it hurt to understand,
Why he never really cared?

I remember how my grandmother tried to explain our world to me;
She told me a story,
She said the ground and the sky;They love each other.
But they don't have arms
So rain,that's just how they hold one another.

There are many reasons why I love you;
The way you slouch your back when you walk,
The way your dimple shows when you smile,
The way your nose crinckles when you laugh really hard,
The way your eyes shine whenever she's around.
These are the reasons why I love you,
The very reasons that are keeping me sane.
But I am holding onto you,
While you pull away.

If loving you was wrong,  

Then I sure as hell don't want to be *right

Silence,
Can be both good and bad.

The good kind of silence,
Is the comfortable,
Calm silence,
Where nothing really matters,
As you float through your own world of happiness.

The bad kind of silence,
Is every woman's nightmare
Why nightmare you ask?
Well,when a woman is silent,
A billion things are flashing through her mind,
Doubts,Insecurities,but most of all.
hurt.

As they say,
*Silence is the most powerful scream

I'm sorry,
For ruining our happy days,
I'm sorry,
For making the only thing I ever loved be hurt.

I'm sorry,
For all the wrongs I've wronged,
I'm sorry,
For all those mistakes in the past.

For everything I've done,
I'm just
Truly,
Madly,
Deeply,
*Sorry

Stay*,
I whispered,
As the door shut behind me.

Isn't it strange,
How the people who keep you alive;
The people who make life worth living,
Are the very same people who will drive you to the edge?

//I used to think loving you was a distraction from the anxiety and the sadness,
But I guess loving you was the very source from where that sadness and anxiety came from.//

Just a cut,
Just a scratch.
It wouldn't hurt,
It wouldn't last;

It would fade,
Fade into blue;
The colour of sadness,
The colour of you.

It's been a month.
I step outside where the breeze hits my face like a splash of cold water.
I look to the ground,the soil still a little damp from the rainfall the night before.
I start to walk around.
Nearby I see a lake.
I ignore the feeling of my heart pounding and walk closer to it.  
The water looks inviting.
I stare at my reflection in the water;my eyes look tired.
I tear my gaze away and stare at the sky.
I close my eyes,breathing in the air and living in the moment.
I step into the lake,the water getting soaked into the shoes that mom got me last week for my birthday.
I keep walking further into the lake and stop at a halt,the water already up to my chest.
I turn around and watch as my mom gives my dad a kiss on the cheek upon his arrival from work.
A little smile finds its way onto my face as I let myself fall into the lake,erasing my existence from the world,hoping to find myself in the darkness.

I was naive enough to believe that we’d be the exception,
The ones to beat the odds put up against them,
Instead I’ve realised that I was merely a stop in your journey,
A lesson to learn along the way when you got lonely.

You held my hand in the dark,
I gave you a thousand reasons to not let me go,
It was my fault for basing my love on pure affection,
I thought I was giving your life direction.

Negative opinions on us would scare me sometimes,
But the future I saw in your eyes told me otherwise,
Now I spend every second of each day all alone,
Wondering if I’ll ever hear you stop by to say ’Hello’.

After everything that has gone down,
I’d understand if you couldn’t face me now,
I wouldn’t hesitate to walk away if you asked me to,
Even if it meant that I’d be losing the one good thing that I once knew.

It's funny how people can change overnight,
But it takes what seems like forever to change them back.

These days,
I feel many feelings all at once,
It all just gets mixed up in the end,
And it leaves me in a tiny ball,
Curled up in the corner,
Bawling my eyes out.
And I hate myself for it.

I sometimes wonder when it'll end,
I wonder when all the mixed feelings will disappear,
I wonder when that day will come,
The day that the only feeling I'll be feeling is
*Happiness

I am yours.
You aren't mine.
At times,
Being away from you,
Is how I keep you
By my side.

Most of the time I'm not usually bothered by the fact that my love for you will forever be unrequited. But on some nights,the thought of not being able to know what it feels like to hold your hand,to not know what your lips taste of,to never know how fast your heart beats when our eyes meet,to never know what it feels like to have my hand on your chest as we watch some corny movie, these thoughts keep me up at night. And it breaks my heart to bits.

I hate being judged.
Just the feeling of it makes me anxious.
I can't stand in big crowds without feeling suffocated,
I constantly have to lie whenever I'm asked to go out because I don't like the feeling of people staring at me when im walking down the streets,
I hate talking to strangers.
Its not that I don't like people,I just constantly have this small voice in my head saying that people will judge me.
It burns me.
It burns and it hurts.
It hurts that I'm unable to do things that I love.
It hurts that I get to see people enjoying their life while I'm sitting at home trying to deal with yet another panic attack,
It hurts that I can't turn to anybody who will understand what I'm feeling.
I want it to go away.
I don't want to deal with anxiety anymore.
I just want to love myself.
I want to look at myself in the mirror and be able to reassure myself,
To tell myself,
That everything is going to be okay.

Your eyes were too innocent,
For me to see,
That you were planning on
Bringing me to my breaking point,
I wasn't prepared for your little show,
Deafened by your smile,

For back then,
I couldn't see the hell in your hello.

Where were you,
When I needed someone to cheer me up?

Where were you,
When I needed someone by my side?

Where were you,
When I needed a shoulder to cry on?

Where were you,
When I felt like the world was crashing right in front of me?

Tell me,
Where the hell were you,
When I needed you the most?

I wish you were,
Still just a human to me.

I don't want to look at you,
And see poetry.

The clock is ticking,
Bon Iver playing in the background,
Every note dragging her in deeper.

She's sitting on the sofa;
Shoulders hunched,
Tugging at the sleeves of her jumper,
Wine glass in one hand,
The other wiping away her tears as they fall.  

She wonders if she'll ever get over this;
This feeling of hopelessness ripping her to shreds,
She wonders if she'll ever make it out alive,
Without you by her side.

In this space its just you and I,
Among the fields of green and blue,
The sun is setting and the wind is brisk,
My body feels light as I close my eyes.

The sun feels nice on my skin,
Its soft rays make me feel warm and tingly,
Kiss my tears away and say that you love me,
Tell me you'll stay and will never leave me.

Can we stay like this for a little while longer?
Im not ready to let go of you just yet,
Hold me close and sing me a lullaby,
Put me to sleep one last time.

Hey there.
That's right,
I'm talking to you.
The one's that's staring into this screen.
I just wanted to say something to you.
Let's call its a little note of encouragement.
Okay,I'm just gonna go right into it.

Dear Reader,
If you managed to read up to this point,
I'm proud of you :)
And you should be so proud of yourself.
Because of who you are.
There's only one version of you out of the 7 billion people in this planet we call Earth.
You should be proud of who you are,
Because I am.

You are the smell in the air after a heavy downpour of rain,
The light seeping through my curtains at the crack of dawn.

You are the heavy taste of wine on a night out,
The aroma of lavender coming from one of my favourite flower shops.

You are the curves of the highlands and in the citrus taste of the sea,
The sound of waves crashing against the shore.

But then again,
I see you in the electricity of thunder,
The bitterness in coffee,
The ending of a good book,
The last note of my favourite song,

I see you in the last colours of the evening sky,
The calm before the storm.

You are every hour I'm spending watching the sun's final rays.

What made me fall for you?
Was it your eyes?
Your incredible sense of humor?
Your freckles?
Your dimples?
Your **** eyebrows?
The way your hair falls into your face when you shake your head?
The way your nose crinkles when you laugh?
The way you make me unknowingly blush without even doing anything?
Tell me.
Because I'd really like to know.

If you ever feel lonely,
Just look at the moon,
Because someone,
Somewhere,
Is looking at the exact moon as you are.

You Are Never Alone,My Friend
*And you will never be alone

When I saw you I fell in love,

And you smiled because you knew.

It's funny how one can save millions,
But millions can't save one.