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 Oct 2017 Illona
Glow
Poets
 Oct 2017 Illona
Glow
They paint the truth with colorful words
Dress it in pretty metaphors
Make it sing ryhmes
And dance in meter

Because the
Dull
Drab
Flat
Frozen truth
Isn't enough
 Oct 2017 Illona
Middy
You can't take it
You can't live with it
The pain is too much
The kids at school
They keep hurting you
Or maybe it was your father
Maybe your mother
Maybe they're both dead
Like how you will be soon
Maybe you're in love with abusers
Maybe you are simply sad
But either way
You can't take it anymore

You take a rope from the attic
You grab a gun from the cuboard
You steal a knife from the kitchen
You're at the bridge over the river
You're on a railway with a train
Wherever you are
Whatever you have
It doesn't matter now

You take a rope from the attic
The kids at school
They taunt you and laugh
They say they wish you were dead
Well their wish is coming true
You're suffocating
You're silent
You're gone

You grab a gun from the cuboard
Safety is off
You're in your room
You whisper a goodbye
To the father who hurt you
To the brother who loves you
BANG
The shot can be heard for miles
You're gone

You steal a knife from the kitchen
Your mother's prying eyes
Who breaks your heart
With hateful words
You're in your bathroom
You hold the knife to your wrist
Your lifeline is bleeding out
The blood is on the white floor
You're gone

You're on a bridge
There's a cold and fast flowing
River of tears and sorrow
Your mother is gone
Your father is gone
Time for you to go
You leave your other family
Who are grieving with you
You jump
You fall
You're gone

You're at a railway with a train
Ready to hit you with pain
It wouldn't be the driver's fault
It was the abuser
You thought loved you
But you were wrong
You are hit by the train
It stops with your broken heart
You're gone

Where is the rope burn?
It burns your parents
They weep and wail
They lost their child
They're sunk into a sea of sadness
They read the note
They beg dear god above
" why were we not enough? "

Who did you shoot?
Your brother's chest
He's staring silently
At his sibling's dead body
As he stutters and sobs
He wonders
" why was I not enough? "

Who was stabbed?
Why your sister
She doesn't know who to talk to
She doesn't know who can help
As she screams for the neighbors
As your heartbeat stops
" why was I not enough? "

Who drowned?
The family you left behind
Your uncle is silent
Your aunt is shocked
Your cousins, your grandparents
They cant believe it
" why were we not enough? "

Where is the wound?
It bleeds in your friends' hearts
No matter how many you have
Or rather had
They can't stop crying
They can't stop thinking
" why were we not enough? "

Your name is in the papers
You're on the front covers
The world is full of tears
The news reporter is upset
There's a book with your name
There's ****** roses on your grave
Marked with your name

You stop
You think
You put away the rope
You put the gun back
You replace the knife
You walk away from the bridge
You run off the railway
You hide your tears in the rain
But you think
Think, think.
Maybe you can live one more day
Or two days, three days,
Four days, five days, six days
A week or two
A month or more
A year or so
Maybe forever
You won't take away the pain by killing yourself. All you'll do is pass it on
People care, I promise they do.
If no one does, I do.
 Oct 2017 Illona
Lily
In this World
 Oct 2017 Illona
Lily
The girl in the hallway,
You always assume she's alright,
Hides her face in the pillows,
She cries herself to sleep at night;

The boy on the track team,
He just won the team race,
You assume he's obviously happy,
But he wears a fake smile on his face;

You come home to see your sister,
Slipping away to her bedroom,
Doesn't speak a word,
You assume she is tired from the day,
Only little do you know,
Her twelve-year old self downs a hand-full of pills to take the pain away;

Torment surrounds you although you are unaware,
Chaos and rage flood through the streets,
Yet no one speaks up to seek prayer;

Your own family fell to infinite pieces,
When you believed your dad was just asleep;
Not knowing a part of him was sick deep inside,
Every night he went out to get high,
Seeking to escape his real life,
How would you ever know,
All you ever knew were his pretty white lies,
You always pictured him a happy man,
His hurt was exposed shortly after he died;

The world holds many secrets,
Most of which none want to know,
In a world full of lies,
How will you ever hear someone's true cries?
In a world full of lies,
Holds pounds of pain upon pain,
Holding you captive to death with nothing to gain.
In a world full of lies,
Mistrust becomes common,
Yet no ones cares to change the problem

Stuck in this with only ourselves to blame,
Revolving continuously in a world of lies,
People search for death to ease their pain,
No sprout of life comes from living this way

Look around and notice the need,
Silent screams for revival roar with plead,
Learn to extend a hand, or two;
You never know what a little kindness can do.

You could change tear drops to warm hearts,
Then watch deaths transform into new life;
The work of true love restores truth to the world,
For the world full of lies finally has no place to take hold.
Be aware of others and the way the act and live, lives are important and should not taken for granted. This writing is meant to put you in perspective of how even the people you are around every day, struggle to live and keep up with life, even if they hide the pain. Show kindness in every situation, it may be all someone has left to hold onto.
 Oct 2017 Illona
Rachel Doty
Hate. All I see is hate.
Pure, unadulterated hate.
It's everywhere now.
In the ceiling, under the rickety floorboards,
Sleeping through the cracks of a once impenetrable foundation.
There are three sides to every story, but no one wants to see the third side, the truth.  I'm right, no I'm right, well you're a demon. You're not smart enough, not pretty ebough, too pretty, the wrong ethnicity, to give a valid argument. You're not valid. Only I, the holiest of beings, can tell you how to think, what to say, and what to never say. I-
SHUT UP!!!
...
God, silence is golden.

Then there's the rest of us. The children, huddled in a dark corner where their angry parents hurl glass plates and scream. We want everything to be well. Perhaps "well again" isn't the right phrase. Home was never perfect, and it never will be. But if we could be a happy family, even through the dark times, if we could hear what one another is saying, no. If we could LISTEN to what one another is saying, that would be enough.

There are those who are done fighting, the old man in his wicker chair, waiting his whole life to be noticed. When he finally gets his medal, his children throw it into the garbage disposal. What is there left to say when no one will listen?

There are those of us on the front lines, the virtual vigilantes.
So passionate, so intense, so disconnected.

There are the Orwellian sheep. Saying what they've been told by whomever chooses to educate them. Their minds so innocent, angry, closing every day. They see not the masses of wolves spinning lies with the help of their wool.  

The house is crumbling. Those who scream too loud are breaking the glass windows. The soft spoken are struggling to clean the splintery, split floorboards. Of course, they are all too busy to notice the house is leaning far off to one side. It starts to teeter on the side of a cliff. Creak. Creak. Creak.
 Oct 2017 Illona
Silenced Voices
Loud music,
Quiet kids.
Black and blue bruises,
Swollen shut eyes.
Long sleeves,
Never ending demons.
Sad teens,
Bad feelings.
Loud voices in their head...
Nothing to be heard
Nothing to be said.
The kids keep quiet,
Hoping they will get cured.
The illness I’m describing is not something that’s easy to cure.
They tell you medication works...
But you still have those same sad thoughts...
But you still them then you’re fine,
Because you thought maybe if you said it enough, it will finally become true.
But it still hasn’t...
You’re screaming for help...
Loud as you can....
But nothing is coming out of your mouth...
This illness is called depression...
Enjoy..
 Oct 2017 Illona
Remmy
The note
 Oct 2017 Illona
Remmy
I wrote a note
No
I wrote the note
The note of notes
The final note
Well what was supposed to be the final note
I was in the tub
The last tub
With a blade
The blade
Against my wrist
The right wrist
Because the left is the second wrist
But my note
The note
Wasn't printed out
It was still on my phone
How can you write a note
The last note
And not know that it will be seen
So I wrote the note
The last note
And now I have a chance to write more notes
So what do I do with the last note
I wrote my suicide note 2 weeks ago and almost killed my self, now I'm in treatment and I don't know what to do with it
 Oct 2017 Illona
Seeker
remember
 Oct 2017 Illona
Seeker
i remember those times
of sitting in my bed
wondering when the fighting would ever stop
and trying to figure out what was just smashed
i would fill my pillows with water
and i would fill my papers with thoughts
wishing my family was calm
wishing my family was happy
i remember tearing up pages out of my journal
out of frustration
because i wrote about a fight i had with my mom
and i didn't want it to linger any longer

i remember the biggest fight
i screamed and i cried
i remember hearing my dads stomping getting louder and louder
further up the stairs
my brother screamed no
and he came rushing behind
my door slammed open
and quickly slammed shut
my brother still rushing up the stairs
as my brother heard my dads hand hit my face
he stormed in as well
and thats when it happened
thats when my brother hit my dad
thats when my dad hit my brother
again
and it was like a scene in a movie
although i saw it in parts
and heard the whole thing
my dad is strong
and my brother was too
but not quite as strong as our father
but anger does something
and as my dads back was pushed inside the wall
the house went silent

i remember packing my bags
and calling my friends
i was more than welcome to stay with them
i had my own room
i had my own space
my own mind
my own life
and i left
but i came back shortly
fear does something

i remember sitting by my moms coffin
thinking "what now"
thinking "why her"
i remember not knowing anyone who came
but smiling and greeting them as if id known them for years
all black clothes
that didn't fit quite right
but never wanted to take off
that meant my life without my mom beside me would begin
and i was too scared to start that part of my life

i remember school
going back after she died
teachers treated me like the damsel
the weird one
the scared one
"that one"
i was an orphan with a father
and i was suddenly popular at school
death does something

i remember crying
and wishing i was dead
wishing my body stopped functioning
wishing i didn't wake up in the morning
wishing i was murdered so i didn't have to do it myself
so that my father wouldn't curse at my dead body

i remember those times
and i don't ever want to forget them
because those memories made me who i am today
and i am happy
finally
 Oct 2017 Illona
Breeze-Mist
There's a memory of a long time ago
Or was it a dream? How could I know
It's not as if I could ask you as to wether it's true
As if there were anything asking could do
But than I think of the shouting and it seems
Real enough to run from, to want to cry or scream

Was it really a laptop, or was it a plate
That was thrown against the wall, irate
Or maybe the whole thing never really happened
Maybe I misheard something, I was mistaken
Besides, it was nine years ago, I was too young
To even really realize what was going on
But even back then, I knew I was frightened
When I heard a crash before the fight ended

And some days I wonder if I would feel this way
If it was the man doing this to the woman one day
You're against abuse, and try to call out wife beaters
But you applaud a girl who whacks a guy when he cheats her
And I wonder why, if you say you care
Why you sometimes say things that make me wish I weren't there

And I wonder why you don't respect my space
Walking up to my form like you own the place
And I know you mean well, but could you stop
Sneaking up and hugging me in a way I'd rather not
I know you have good intentions, but why can't you see
That there's a reason I'm starting to get a little jumpy

But these are the things I'll never ask
Because I'm to spineless to find out at last
So here I sit, writing an interwebs litany
With a secret profile on a site you'll never see
 Oct 2017 Illona
Taya Nata
Tears
 Oct 2017 Illona
Taya Nata
please don't fall in public
don't let them see
tears are just a reminder
of the pain inside of me

I never had a friend
who saw when my tears rained down
I never had a friend,
who cared if I was around

I used to try and hold them in,
late nights where spent pondering if death was the way
it seemed I was drunk off my pain, and my tears helped numb that

it seems to me that tears are just another way of numbing myself.
Sorry this is rough, my head is all over the place

— The End —