"you've gotten bigger."
you say to me
as we eat at the same tree
that we have eaten at since grade 7.

"your hair looks horrible"
you say to me
as we get ready to go
to his party.

"your acne is coming back"
you say to me
as we get ready for prom
and our dates.

and one day
i skip lunch
and you ask why
and i shrug.

and one day
i curl my hair for the first time
and you as why
and i shrug.

and one day
i wear lots of make up
and you ask why
and i shrug.

but that night
i slit my wrist
and swallowed pills
instead of dressing up.

why you might ask?
because i'm horrendous
inapplicable
disgusting.

don't you remember
the days you reminded me?
well here you go.

what the **** are we?
you tell me we're best friends
that i can tell you anything
and you can tell me.

not once have you told me you loved me
not once have you hugged me.

we don't see each other any where except school
is it cause you have no one else to walk with?
to talk with?

well i'm sorry
cause i can't sit here and tell you my deepest secrets
when you can't tell me your friends name.

i'm not going to sit here and call you my best friend
when you can feel us drifting
and i can feel us drifting.

so friends is what we are
and friends is what we'll be.

my life is no longer life
but a hologram.
nothing is real anymore,
every thing is transparent.

it's all lies, darling.
it'll be okay,
we're here for you,
i love you.
it's all lies.
everything they've taught you,
everything you know,
it's a lie.
a hologram.
a *projection.

one pill
two pills
three pills
four.

how many more
before i hit the floor?

five pills
six pills
seven pills
eight.

i think that i
can already see the gates.

nine pills
ten pills
eleven pills
twelve.

this war is ending now,
the one with myself.

thirteen pills
fourteen pills
fifteen pills
sixteen.

sorry mom
i'm a ****** up queen.

seventeen pills
eighteen pills
nineteen pills
twenty.

wait,
how many?

twenty one pills
twenty two pills
twenty three pills
twenty four

and now i am asleep
upon the floor.

less then five minutes ago you told me that you couldn't speak to anyone without being judge, but i changed that. that i am your best friend.

but we are friends
that's what i said
that's what i want
is friends

but i want more then friends
i want best friends
with you

oh why does life do this
tell you that you want one thing
and you really want the other

but now i need to choose,
which is it that i need?

the sky is fogged as is my head
hazy and blurred I cannot see what's ahead
what lies in the future and what's here in the present
tonight the moon won't be full, it will be nearly as empty as I; crescent

I've begun to think that maybe the fog is you
so long as you're in my head I will be dazed and confused it's true
I'm not sure what I'm saying I'm not sure what I'm doing
it's you it's you it's you it's you

I wish that youd look at me the way you look at her and not the way that I look at myself.