i know i can’t have you
that’s why i console my heart 
with my own mental scenarios
sometimes we cuddle
the bed soft and comfy 
you wrap me in your sweet embrace
and kiss me tenderly


your lips are soft

i can feel your breath

steady, warm, calm
it awakens my senses
my body
 shivers crawls
down my spine
 it felt so real 


except, sadly it wasn’t the reality 
i suffer for you are not mine
let me hope
let me wish
let me imagine you were mine

going back to
the person who
made your life
toxic is like
re-watching your favorite movie
in hope of a different
ending each time

does that kind of love exist anymore? that kind where two people and their souls become one, that kind where you don’t have eyes for anyone else, eyes that don’t wonder, where the connection and love is so strong that an eternity together isn’t enough to express the feelings you have for someone so perfect, i crave that kind of love

your eyes remind me
of a crystal clear
sea with waves
crashing every second

“why do you write
about him so much?”
my friends ask me

“because this way
I’m his forever”
i reply

the flowers that
once bloomed in
my mind because
of you are now
dead and withered